How much should I be paying my ex?

December 18, 2017

I am writing as a father, i am 22 and im a student in uni training to be a teacher and my ex girlfriend wants £100 a month from i earn from student loans 7,032 per year. The baby hasnt stayed with me as of yet, i only met him for the forst time this week after 3 months due to the conflict what went on. I dont work, i just study and study on placement in schools which is unpaid also. Now i was wondering what i should be giving her per month? If you could help please. Iknow she claims benefits but dont know what they are.

CSA never paid me a penny but ex told daughter he paid hundreds

December 11, 2017

I have asked the CSA for a long time regarding my concerns over the lack of amounts that my daughter’s father was asked to pay.
Taking in to account his financial status.
They claimed that it was so very difficult to work out apparently because he had made it that way.

Well l did end up with about £3 but as my case is archive actually.l am not to clear whether it was weekly or monthly.

I was also never offered the so called bounus of about £10000 at the time.

Although there paper work claimed that would be the case not so.

My daughter is now a mother herself now.
I did try to get to the truth but found myself in a bit of a maze to be honest.

I once spoke to a solicitors about possibly 4/5 years ago .

The reason this has been so difficult is when my children were very young I collapsed while out shopping with them and I suffered a brain hemorrhage .

And the rest is pure hell, as you can imagine.

I still find it very difficult to attend to the many wrongs and no rights that l have experienced because of this,in every aspect of my life since that fateful summer day.
That is why I truly believe I have to ask you to help me with this matter

And I only just found your site last evening.

My daughter was not in contact while she was young but did contact her father when she was older and he was happy to tell her that he apparently paid many hundreds of pounds in mantanice payments,which obviously became as a huge surprise to me.

I would be very grateful if you could help me to get this matter sorted out.

I feel it important to me because we suffered very much because of my long term disability, l didn’t have any financial stability.

And I feel very hurt and deeply shocked if this is the case were apon her father has paid those large amounts were has the money gone to ect ect.

I am unable to continue as l find this typing thing very difficult and takes me an absolute age.
I hope you don’t mind l shall sign of now.
I do hope that gives you some clarify on my situation .

I still can’t believe that I found this site when I need it the most.
Thank goodness.

Look forward to hearing from you soon.
There’s some more to tell you soon

My friend has an alleged son and the mother is demanding money with no access to child

November 29, 2017

My friend has an alleged son that the mother has not allowed him to see but now after 6 years she is saying she wants to take him to the CSA. He would love to be a father to his alleged child and would be willing to pay his share towards him but doesn’t that mean he should also have some rights of access to the child? If he has to pay for a paternity test does he also have to pay to take her to court to get access or with a paternity test and CSA involvement would he automatically be allowed regular access? He would love to have an input in his alleged sons life unfortunately after seeing him 2 or 3 times as an infant he has not been allowed access. Not because he’s done anything wrong it’s because she has someone else and feels she’s much better off with my friend out of her life. The fact that she has now decided to get the CSA involved suggest that something has happened and she is now in need of extra money.

I made overpayments for a year and CSA won’t refund me!

November 15, 2017

I’ve recently contacted the csa explaining that my son was working and no longer in full time education and I was still paying csa after two weeks they contacted me and said that he was not eligible for maintenance from August 2016 but I’d paid up to August 2017 when I asked for a refund for the over payment they have refused saying that the decision was made by the director because the third party has been paid. Any help please?

Anyone have any advice on dealing with the CSA?

November 13, 2017

Hi all, im new to this site and also have recently been contacted by the csa and the case worker assigned was aggressive and very unhelpful. From reading the posts i can see why now. They have calculated what i need to pay by contacting the inland revenue for my p60 details, which from what i can see that the amount they are using does not exclude any pension contributions i have made. Does anyone have any advice they can offer when dealing with the csa.

Are CSA at fault for arrears as they didn’t increase payments?

October 29, 2017

I have been paying £317 per month since 2002 via deduction of earnings and have recently been transferred to the cma from csa. Received a letter from csa stating I owe the £5600. Rang them to ask where this figure came from and they stated that a reassessment had been carried out in 2012. I never received any paperwork to inform me of this. Are they at fault as no paperwork received and also they did not increase the deduction of earnings. They state that I have to pay it off over 2 years. Could someone please advise where I stand?

What can I do now my ex won’t help pay for our daughter?

September 21, 2017

Me and my husband are now divorced and he is not giving me any money to help with my daughter up bring I pay for all her clothes ,food ,collage things and run round after her with no help from my ex husband picks up a least 800 a month and is not giving my daughter anything is there any way of getting him to pay her she is 17 but will be 18 in November but is in full time education

What should I do after one night stand says I’m the father?

September 20, 2017

I aim to keep this short as I’m so fed up of talking about it.

I had a drunken one night stand, woke up naked in a randoms bed. Later thought about the situation and realised I had been stupid I instantly found her on facebook and told her that I couldn’t remember using protection and offered to pick her up to take the morning after pill and she said no it’s fine I’ll sort it… 12 weeks later (now in a relationship with someone I can see my self being with for a long time) I find out off a mate she’s pregnant and talk to her saying wtf why haven’t you even messaged me, her reply was something along the lines of I didn’t even consider you as a contender.. keeping my cool I get her number and call her finding out she had 2 other one night stands that same weekend (making me feel even more disgusting seeing as it was the first time for me to have one) and they have both been pestering her to abort it, me trying to be mature over the mater was like ok next steps.. she said she wasn’t happy with us taking a DNA test untill it was born, I recently find out I’m the fartger.

No I’m not happy about the situation and am going to pay support but my real problem is I don’t want anything to do with this kid and she hasn’t stopped harrasing me and messaging my friends and family. Most of my family are in my side but she’s been pulling my mum’s strings all she can think about is this kid growing up without a dad but this girl has a new boyfriend now how would it be fair on the kid for me to go in and out of its life all the time I don’t want that I don’t have time and it’s not fair on the kid! I feel that it’s better for him not knowing me rather than knowing me as the dad who never wanted him.. it’s ruining my relationship with my girlfriend and it’s tearing me apart it’s so hard!

Yes I take full responsibility for not wearing protection but in my case it looks like she was out to get pregnant from the start, I feel robbed of my sperm. Money can always be made and yeah I’ll be broke for 18 years but why should I have to have anything to do with something IV been trapped into.. ahhhh see it just goes on and I want it to go away, any advise appreciated

CSA questions as income increases and we buy property

September 12, 2017


My husband has an open case with the CSA from his ex, who has spent the last 7 years hiding his son from us and using every single tactic she can think of. We managed to take her to court and get orders for contact but she just waits and few months and moves house without telling us. Every time we report her, she lies about why she moved. Its a nightmare. She has moved and hidden him (she’s single and in casual relationships so she just ups sticks and moves randomly) 4 times now. Sometimes we spend months tracing her. We traced her recently having lost her again – we started action and we were finally getting somewhere when she made false allegations that we had attempted to drown our son. All this time, she happily takes hundreds of pounds a month and gloats that she spends it on nights out and at one point, she was dating some bloke and she kept laughing at us and saying they were using the money to get married and go on holiday.

So, we have some worries. We work extremely hard and I have spent the last 7 years studying to be a doctor, my husband started a company and it has been going for 4 years this year. The problem is, the more we earn, the more she wants. Even when we pay every month, she asks for recalculations and more and more money.

My husband is due a payrise and we daren’t give him one because they’ll take a load more money. We are preparing to buy a house and we are now bricking it incase she can try to take it or want half of it because his son is still under 18 year old.

In hindsight, do you think that we should hold off buying a house until he is 18 years old? Similarly, should we keep my husband’s salary lower until he is 18 too? Or is there a way around this? What if i just buy the house in my name? What if we move abroad and buy in Aus or Canada?

We wouldnt mind paying CSA but she wont let us see him and whenever we have found him, he looks terrible and she looks a million dollars with a brand new car. She is very clearly spending our money on herself whilst he is in tesco trackies and £5 trainers. We ask the CSA for proof that she spends it on our son and they say we are not entitled to that. We made a complaint to social services after she made the false allegations against us and explained that this whole thing is tactics and we are worried that our money isnt looking after him and he has virtually nothing but they refused to look into it. They also refused to take any action against her even when our son and her admitted that we never tried to drown him and she made it up.

We just feel stuck. We are young with two children ourselves. Our kids are 7 and 9 years old. Weve been married 8 years. I earn around £70k and my husband earns around £25k. I’m also worried that she will be able to get hold of my earnings under the new proposed law on partners wages for CSA. We dont have any CSA arrears.

Does anyone have any advice for us at all?

(slightly off topic, but are there any decent orgs or activist groups that look at how we can reform the CSA to stop the bullying? My dad was taken to the cleaners and lost his house over the CSA because my mum lied to them – i had evidence she had lied because i was 14 but they wouldnt listen to me because i was a child. My Dad’s best friend had his savings account cleared of £21k one day when i was about 16 (2006) – the CSA terrifies me. I am also entitled to CSA from an ex but i dont claim it because i dont want it. What can we do to reform?)

Mothers enrol kids to college to get more money… is this not fraud?

August 29, 2017

It’s really some information as I have now come across this quite often. My ex wife has taken me to the CSA which I have no issues with. Except, this is my issue, apparently, my son goes to college, or should I say, applied and got into further education, only he does not go and this also happened to my daughter so that my ex could carry on receiving money for him for longer. I have spoken to a friend who works in a college and she has also explained that what alot of mothers have now cottoned onto, is applying their child into college so that they can still receive money, even though the child does not go. It seems its a common scam where no one looks into this and costing the system millions a year due to empty places where a legitimate child could be learning. So my question is, why is this not looked into as it is fraud due to governments money paying for a child in college that never actually goes. This must be horrendously expensive. Is this worth bringing up to an MP, or do you look into this yourselves?

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