Women who stop access should have no right to money
Right first off i would like to say i am not a money grabber. Been with my partner for 14 years.
My partner has a daughter who is now 18. I got with him when she was 4. We had her every weekend for a few years then it stopped.
The mother left it for 5 years then came to the house saying hiss daughter was on the at risk register and he could not even find out why. Yet they looked into us. Then she stopped it again for 3 years. We had moved house so the mother ask hiss daughter where my mom lived and turned up at my moms door. Lucky we was there. Anyhow he tried to build up a relelitionship with hiss daughter now 14. But she was sending texts saying she wants to run away and kill herself at the time he found it very hard as he never knew her.
She then stopped it again.
I think if the woman stops the man seeing the child they should have no right in the ex money. As she has told him she has. New dad her husband so if thats the case my partner should not have to pay. She is always getting csa on him.
I feel sorry for the dads who are forced out there childs life. Yea it takes two to make them so two should have equil right.
Lucy
151 thoughts on “Women who stop access should have no right to money”
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and you are so polite Gonk
Alice,
Think your being played..
When ‘Gonk’ uses ‘terry norris’ (same story and spelling mistakes 😉 )as a username he has agreed with you –
http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:UftH9PnwTRcJ:www.csahell.com/should-my-sister-give-her-ex-money-back-when-he-has-his-daughter-8458.html/comment-page-1+csahell+terry+norris&cd=2&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=uk
If Gonk (terry) j, sally etc are all so dissatisfied with the CSA (and Alice’s replies), why the hell don’t you join forces and channel your energy into trying to get the MP’s, who make the legislation, to give you answers to your questions and listen to your plights – no disrespect to Alice or anybody else, but think organ grinder and monkey… Alice will have as much input into legislation, staff training etc as you or I !
“chall on January 27th, 2013 10:59 pm
If Gonk (terry) j, sally etc are all so dissatisfied with the CSA (and Alice’s replies), why the hell don’t you join forces and channel your energy into trying to get the MP’s, who make the legislation, to give you answers to your questions and listen to your plights”
Is this site only for people who are ‘satisfied’ with the csa then?
This is an open forum, anyone can ask for general advice, share their opinions, or just ‘vent their spleen’ as it were. So whats it to you if people say what they think? Is this site yours, do you set the rules? I thought you had your own ‘advice’ forum, isnt it very busy, who runs it when you are on here? Perhaps you should be the one channeling your energy into that?
If you comment on here then other people have a right to dispute it, agree with it or point out where they think its lacking. If people are ‘dissatisfied’ with the answers given by ‘alice’, or you, or me then they are at liberty to say so.
Whatever goes on between Gonk and ‘alice’ is up to them, let them get on with it. ‘Alice’ isnt getting into a ‘slanging’ match and Gonk isnt a stalker, one gives a statement the other disagrees.
Am I not allowed to point out why I’m ‘dissatisfied, whats it to you? If you dont like the posts we make dont read them. I don’t expect ‘alice’ has any input into training etc but I’m fairly sure he/she could provide a little more ‘detail’ in the advice given, in fact I seem to recall that you filled in where ‘alice’ left off with my own problems on a point that I (now) feel ‘alice’ should have known.
I cant see what Sally has done wrong, she stated her view, has commented on other threads and gives an independent perspective, is it more emotive than your own viewpoint, is that a crime?
We are ‘joining forces’ as you put it, we are on here, sharing our experiences, passing on general advice we have picked up, and provideing (emotive) support for people going through a tough time with a disgusting (in our opinion ok) organisation that ‘alice’ happens to work for. I’m already in touch with my MP and so are many others on here, (the more complaints the better) I’ve been told by one politician that the csa is just an employment exercise for the civil service. (in their opinion)
If ‘alice’ doesn’t like the reaction of the people on here he/she can give more detailed advice, stop coming on here, get another job, blow the whistle on the organisation etc, I mean he/she has options. You may have read my other posts, if so you will see that I’ve pointed out that we appreciate the ‘good’ advice that ‘alice’ gives, I’ve also suggested it could be lacking, whats the big deal there? I do think its ‘odd’ that his/her day job can ruin so many lives then he/she comes on here at night to ‘help’ people who’s lives are being ruined, by her day job etc
Who is ‘terry’? Tell me what exactly do you not like? Are you feeling left out? Are you and ‘alice’ the same person? (were you both pwc’s and nrp’s) Why are you now coming on here and having a go at me (again) when I’ve done my best to avoid you? (all I’ve done is point out a bit of legislation that ‘alice’ should know) Are you and ‘alice’ friends and thats why you are defending him/her?
You are right, my overpaid and underworked MP does listen to my ‘plight’ (before going shopping etc) but so do people like Sally, Gonk and the many others I’ve ‘met’ on here who have been supportive, helpful and positive. I’ve even had advice from you, more than my MP gave me but then my MP has never been in this situation and doesn’t know the rules.
Yes ‘alice’ has also given me advice, when I think its good and its helped, I’m happy to say thank you, when I think its wrong or lacking I’ll point it out. My opinion of the organisation ‘alice’ works for is my business, I’ve heard too many stories, met a few csa staff and seen the results of their actions. I think its a disgusting organisation that should be shut down, but thats just my opinion, I’m entitled just as you are entitled to disagree with me.
Anyway we will continue to ‘join forces’, the more of us that do the stronger we get and the more information we can share the weaker the csa get.
@ chall – I now see what J. Means about you… Lol lol
I have been ‘channeling my energy’ trying to get the idiots at the CSA to listen to us…. My frustration is that what Alice provides is not advice…. It’s dictating rules and that’s about as much help as we get from communicating with CSA staff in the first place…. Contradictory, incorrect (you, yourself have taken great pride in correcting her/him on many occasions lol lol).
I have never asked or expected Alice to change legislation but she could feedback the elements he/she has admitted doesn’t work at the CSA!!!
Can I suggest you get off your high horse and decide what you are… A source of advice and guidance or a petty nit- picking individual who is so full of her own self – importance that you can’t keep your feelings to yourself….
J,
What exactly has most of what Gonk and yourself written got to do with the OP ?
Neither of you are opposed to hijacking another members queries.
Rather than continue thread hijacking, you should start your own – Giving those members who do not wish to be involved with such, the benefit of not having to be an unwitting audience – Which, being polite, is what everybody else entitled to.
chall
Quote Sally; ‘Can I suggest you get off your high horse and decide what you are… A source of advice and guidance or a petty nit- picking individual who is so full of her own self – importance that you can’t keep your feelings to yourself….’
You, obviously consider that because I choose to be ‘a source of advice and guidance’, that I’m less ‘entitled’ to voice my ‘feelings’ than the rest of you.
What an oppressive attitude – thanks…
a couple of points here
1. I have no dealings with chall outwith this site, no idea who he/she is
2. the reason I post information only is that if I ‘advise’ then I am slated for it (NRP’s making DPs which PWCs do not declare)
3. Another reason I post information is in the hope that if someone knows why a situation is as it is, and what action the CSA can/may take then they might be able to prevent a worse situation,
3. If someone wants to rant then it’s no skin off my nose, I would prefer that person did not liken me to a Nazi but if they do then I don’t lie awake at night worrying over it
4. If I am incorrect and someone wishes to correct me, or if someone can expand with further info to what I have put then great, all the better for the person who needs the information
5. I will not f**k off because someone has a problem with me, as per statements by others this is an open forum
6. Ignoring the CSA or refusing to comply with them will not make them go away – it will make the problem worse
7. I do feed back where I see problems in the agency
8. I do have not agree with every part of the legislation, I appreciate that some NRP’s will have been shafted by vindictive PWCs, likewise some PWCs have been shafted by NRPs – at the end of the day regardless of how fair or unfair one party is being the CSA cannot change the outcome of a case, it works by legislation and regardless of a case worker’s feelings they must work the case according to the legislation.
@ chall – no I don’t chall, I think that you are as entitled to voice your feelings as much as the rest of us but it’s the way you do it that is going to lose you respect from the people who appreciated your advice (as I did a few months ago).. You take things very personally and then make statements such as ….
“If Gonk (terry) j, sally etc are all so dissatisfied with the CSA (and Alice’s replies), why the hell don’t you join forces and channel your energy into trying to get the MP’s, who make the legislation, to give you answers to your questions and listen to your plights”
I thought we wera all here (posting on this website) because we were dissatisfiede with the CSA???
As for me having an oppressive attitude…. lol, i’d have to agree, since dealing with the CSA I do feel ‘burdened, troubled, browbeaten, demoralised’… as do 99% of the people posting on this website but it’s only you who chooses to be impartial one minute (when giving advice) and then getting personal (when someone says something you don’t like/agree with)… it would seem that you too, are oppressed… lol lol
@ Alice – I believe you are trying to provide help and assistance to people and I also believe you know the rules and regulations that support the CSA, however, because of the lack of capability, interest of the staff, people are being put in terrible, heartbreaking situations!!! I am not blaming you for that but no matter how much you tell an person that the CSA will/will not do something… the fact is that the CSA are incompetent and and do what they like and as a result the innocent PWC and NRP’s are the ones left to foot the bill (financiall) and the childs ‘welfare’ is bottom of the list…..
One point I will disagree strongly with you on is “the CSA cannot change the outcome of a case” – yes it can, if the CSA trained their staff not to lie and to treat people with respect… NRP’s would not be ‘non-compliant’ constantly!!! CSA staff always take the quick and easy option….
Can you believe that Alice and the csa see my honeymoon and wedding as my choice.nothing to do with the ex.
What a perfect set up the csa and PWC.what chance has NRP parent ever going to have with a fair trial.
It’s now completely clear to me after your last comments to me Alice that he has no chance in hell
I am sorry for the choice of words last night but your comments made me sooooo damm angry and just reinforces what I have said all along…the csa is not fair at all
Chall
Congratulations,I’m sure you feel very very proud of yourself in finding my name and revealing it on here…good little boy/girl….id love to give 5 gold stars and a pat on the head.
@ gonk – you are only human Gonk and after dealing with the CSA for months/years… most of us would understand why you are upset!!
You are spot on about your comment to chall, he/she has proven that he/she is petty and childish… it’s him/her who should be apologising ….. but she won’t.. you are entitled to your privacy, like chall (who has chosen an alias for personal as well as ‘advice’ posts) and the rest of us…. personally, i’d throw him/her a bone, give him/her something to get his/her teeth into…. 🙂
Sally on January 28th, 2013 10:33 am
Once again Sally…thank you for summing up chall in a way I could not
He/ she indeed offers their so called advice one minute and runs down people in the next breath…and he/she now stoops as low as telling tales to teacher in revealing my name…how sad he/ she is.
I hope dearly that he/she loses respect on here, I’m sure alot of people see a side to him/her when they read some of his/her playground abuse.
I don’t beat about the bush,I say it as it is….you chall remind me of that film dr Jekyll and mr Hyde .
I will have to watch my p’s and q’s now and zip it with my views as now the child chall has told teacher about me.
Yes indeed chall
Do You think it’s good,cool,fair,feel proud do you in in abusing my privacy.
Tell me….tell us all chall….what’s your real name? Why do you hide behind an alias?
You think despite the verbal battering I been giving you and vica versa that it gives you the right to abuse my privacy ? I would NEVER reveal someone’s identity on an open forum cause I have some moral values….unlike you.
You had no right to abuse my privacy like this and it just goes to show how nasty you can be when reading comments and desperate to get back at the author of those comments even when they were about someone else.you got sooo rattled didn’t you…you wanted to show how low and pathetic you can stoop…well done.
Quote Sally; @ chall – no I don’t chall, I think that you are as entitled to voice your feelings as much as the rest of us but it’s the way you do it that is going to lose you respect from the people who appreciated your advice…
It actually works both ways Sally!
”Can I suggest you get off your high horse and decide what you are… A source of advice and guidance or a petty nit- picking individual who is so full of her own self – importance that you can’t keep your feelings to yourself….” – Doesn’t read like you feel I should do both…
If somebody chooses to make posts under their ‘real’ name on the Internet – perhaps they should be a little more careful with their own ‘privacy’, eh Sally?
chall
Gonk,
You chose to make posts under the other username on CSAhell.com and repeat the same story and fancy admitting it is your name?!
If YOU have privacy issues then YOU should be more careful and take responsibility for YOUR own actions!!
Why do you hide behind an alias chall
Tell all….tell teacher or you will go to the headmaster
Chall
Just because I made a mistake on one post by using my real name still does not give you the right to abuse my privacy and reveal/ bring that mistake to everyone’s attention…now what’s your real name?
You can email me in private with it if you like..I promise I won’t reveal it on an open forum 😉
Why do you hide behind an alias chall
I’m sure all the folks on here you bad mouth with your sarcy comments because they don’t agree with you,would love to know why you hide behind an alias?
What dark secrets might be revealed if they knew who you really were.
Why do you hide behind an alias Chall ? Why
Gonk, ‘one post’ indeed – you made a large number a posts, over quite a few months.
Your story is very different compared to others and I seem to also remember, you were just as rude and nasty to other fellow posters.
You definitely are the author of your own destiny.
I shall not reply further – needless to say the OP has been hijacked enough.
Chall
Wasn’t counting numbers but hey and rude ? Like yourself you mean.and probably giving them the same respect they give me as you do
And still avoiding the question…why do you hide behind an alias?
@ chall – aha ha ha you have made my day….
chall on January 28th, 2013 11:34 am
Quote Sally; @ chall – no I don’t chall, I think that you are as entitled to voice your feelings as much as the rest of us but it’s the way you do it that is going to lose you respect from the people who appreciated your advice…
It actually works both ways Sally!
”Can I suggest you get off your high horse and decide what you are… A source of advice and guidance or a petty nit- picking individual who is so full of her own self – importance that you can’t keep your feelings to yourself….” – Doesn’t read like you feel I should do both…
If somebody chooses to make posts under their ‘real’ name on the Internet – perhaps they should be a little more careful with their own ‘privacy’, eh Sally?
chall
I feel you are entitled to do both… you are human but you portray and image of ‘here to help people’ but as soon as someone says something you don’t like you resort to childish tactics!!! Gonk has a right to remain anonymous and you should NOT have posted his name like that!!!! My name is not Sally… but I have never slagged anyone off for chosing to remain anonymous!!!
You are indeed Chall/afairersystemforall (NRPP, PWC lol lol lol)….. a wolf in sheeps clothing…. you too are the author of your own destiny… and it’s here for all to see….. you don’t have the strength of your own conviction…. lol lol lol
I totally appreciate that dealing with the CSA can be frustrating, especially when you are in financial difficulties due to situations like paying for something your ex wanted – ie Gonks expensive wedding and honeymoon, I am not in anyway saying that it is morally right for a person to encourage another person to take on a huge debt for something they want and then refuse to take any responsibility for paying something towards that debt – as with anything in life there will be givers and there will be takers. Unfortunately Gonk made the choice to try to please a person whom he believed would be his partner for the rest of his life, he gave her what she wanted and is now left paying for it. But even tho I can empathise with the situation from a CSA point that debt cannot be off-set against the CM payable for his child(ren).
Equally I can empathise with an NRP who is prevented from seeing their child(ren) or access being restricted to day time visits only so that no shared care allowance is applied to the CM. Sadly there are PWCs who will also lie about overnight stays so that they get the full CM with no shared care reduction – in these cases both parties will be asked to provide their best available evidence, from the CSA’s point they have to take the information provided we can’t prove where a child is staying, we get information from 2 people and, without meaning to sound blunt we have no idea who is telling the truth – we don;t know our clients, someone can come on the phone and be perfectly reasonable, the story can appear totally plausible and then you phone the other client and they give you a completely different story, again they sound perfectly reasonable and their story seems perfectly plausible. Shared care decisions can be very difficult and whatever decision the CSA makes someone is not going to be happy – I can assure you that I have hacked off as many PWC as NRPs with shared care decisions.
If I sound blunt or robotic in stating actions the agency can/will take or state what the legislation means in respect of an aspect of a case then I do not do this to cause offence – I feel it is better to state what can/will/won’t be considered rather than give a person false hope that something that the decision will be changed because someone does not think it’s fair. Legislation does not work like that. I do not consider it constructive to encourage a person to refuse to pay arrears they have paid direct to the PWC but cannot prove it, more helpful is to state what proof is required so that if they decide to give the PWC another £50 in cash next week they know what the agency require as proof and perhaps prevent the same situation arising again.
Many times on here people come out with angry words and that is understandable, I’ve cursed the gas company many times about the price rises over the last few years, I’ve ranted to friends and family when Ia shop has refused me a refund on something cos I’ve not kept the receipt so can’t prove that the faulty boots are 3 weeks old – I tend not to call all the staff in tesco Nazis or tell them to f@@k off.
Of course I recognise that some staff may be rude to a client, and I do not consider it acceptable. Neither do I consider it acceptable for a client to be rude to a member of staff, most of the time this happens when the client is not getting the answer or decision that they want and are not prepared to accept the reason why the case worker cannot change it.
Sometimes the agency do have to inform the clients that they themselves need to do something – issues like reporting a fraud CHB claim, it’s not our job, and more importantly we are not the ones who can phone a school and obtain confirmation that a child is no longer attending, but the NRP can. Asking a PWC to provide evidence that an NRP has a 2nd job, I can’t go wandering about Leeds trying to spot an NPR working the door at various nighclubs, I don’t know what he looks like but the PWC does, I can’t check out his FB page or speak to his friends.
Access issues are not something I can make a decision about, I don’t have the training to do so – I can speak to an NRP and listen to what he is saying about the PWC and think ‘hell she sounds like a right bitch and is being totally unreasonable’ and then she tells me all about how he used to beat her up and lock the kid in the cupboard under the stairs cos they cried when Mummy was screaming at Daddy to stop … back to 2 people who tell 2 differing stories, voices on the phone – access issues are best left to the courts and people who have the opportunity to meet with those concerned face to face and get a first hand knowledge of the whole situation.
Quote Sally; My name is not Sally… but I have never slagged anyone off for chosing to remain anonymous!!!
The only comment I can recall making about people hiding behind username is below – is this what you refer to, if not please supply a link.
Quote chall on December 20th, 2012 2:24 pm ‘It’s such a shame that some NRP’s find it appropriate to hide behind a username and have a go at a fellow site user…’
https://www.csahell.com/my-son-has-skin-problems-so-the-csa-should-keep-paying-for-him-12049.html/comment-page-2
“chall on January 28th, 2013 1:37 pm – The only comment I can recall making about people hiding behind username is below – is this what you refer to, if not please supply a link.”
Ok
“chall on January 4th, 2009 1:42 am
– Nice one sherri – your IP has come up in my email inbox along with the post made by SB.. You really shouldn’t use your own name on your email address if your going to go round slating the opposition!!!”
Well well well
Alice…..you offer no help whatsoever BUT I take my hat off in reading at last that you can at least relate to my anger and frustration, even whilst offering little help, I get some small comfort from your words and no sarcasm that chall is well known for.
I still think the csa is monstrously one sided and it appears to service its clients needs first and foremost ….ie…the PWC
Gonk
@ Alice – I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to write your response… this whole thread has got a bit personal and nasty but you have taken the time to see above it and explain your position.
I know I sound like a broken record at times but I truly believe things could be so much better if the CSA was managed better… and staff used their initiatives and/or were better equipped to deal with situations because although they are there to collect money for the children, emotions are involved… and that makes everything so much harder to deal with…
Take care
@ chall – the FACT that you posted Gonks real name is as childish and nasty…. it’s serves absolutely no purpose other than to try to target him!!! likewise for the comment j. has posted about someone called ‘sherri’…. why on earth would you think either were acceptable in your role as ‘advisor’?? YOU are really not a nice person at all….
As I said previously…. you don’t have the strength of your convictions and as Gonk said… YOU abused HIS privacy….
@ Gonk, I am sorry that I am not able to offer any help to you, unfortunately the situation with regards to the debt you are left with following the wedding/honeymoon etc is outwith anything that the CSA can do. I can assure you that if you your issue was something that I was able to offer advice or information on that would assist you then I would do. I am human I do see the injustice of a person getting the wedding of their dreams etc and leaving the other person to struggle with the debt, I hear stories like this every day at work and it angers me that people can be so spiteful towards another. It doesn’t change the outcome of the case tho and I know that it leads to anger and frustration.
@ Sally, I can assure you that where possible the staff will use their initiative and will look for the best outcome for everyone, somethings are outwith our control tho and that comes down to the fact that we are bound by legislation and we have to work within int’s confines. As stated above to Gonk we do empathise with an NRPs situation and we will take certain things into consideration when negotiating debt re-payments, if say an NRP states that DEO @ 40% will mean they can’t put petrol into the car to get to work, and we can reduce it to 25% and keep that NRP in work then we will do so – but if the debt is £10k and the NRP has paid nothing for 2 years because they ignored all letters, came off benefit and worked 18 months without telling us about their CoCs then we are not going to accept the standard offer of an extra tenner a week so they can still afford to go out on the lash every Friday, not forgetting the fact that they’ve booked to for a long weekend in Prague for Steve’s stag at the end of the month and if they cancel now they will lose their £75 deposit.
Sally,
The FACT is I never claimed it was Gonks real name. When I posted the link, I said he also ‘uses’ the other name – Are you sure it is his real name?
LOL, talk about only needing half a story – j is becoming quite an expert at it, and all revolving around the same ‘anti CSA group’ – amazing…
https://www.csahell.com/how-to-avoid-the-csa-180.html
Sally
Thank you so much for your support on this thread along with j and all you other guys.
Chall indeed you are an idiot,you do not respect me or many others on here and therfore I don’t respect you idiot.how on earth you managed to be a moderator on ” afairsystemforall” is beyond me.
Alice I have to admirer your professionalism even after my name calling and as I said your reply was of little help but of huge comfort.thank you.
Chall you need a wake up call and could learn something yourself from Alice…..respect for others…what you did in revealing my name was childish playground antics.
Sally,
The FACT is I never claimed it was Gonks real name. When I posted the link, I said he also ‘uses’ the other name – Are you sure it is his real name?
Chall
You really are a case ain’t you….you knew exactly what you were doing when posting that name ….you knew damm well it would implicate me….you referred to a name….a name that you damm well know can be looked up at the csa and see if it exist .
You are an asshole !!!!!
Chall I’m hoping I can find a way into that site where you are a moderator and tell every one there how you abused my privacy,even if you are now back peddling and implying you did not …in responding to Sally
You supplied the ammunition and loaded it into the gun with your posting
@ Gonk – any time! I can see your point and know how frustrating this whole thing is…
@ chall – you are splitting hairs now!!! Please read YOUR comments below and tell me which (if any) provide unbiased guidance/assistance??? NONE… every single response has a snide, petty, pathetic comment…. why? because that is what YOU are…. the point I am making is that if someone chooses to remain anonymous that is up to them and just because they say something you don’t like, YOU shouldn’t feel it’s your right to try to demean that person by posting personal suff about their ‘possible’ identity!!!! IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS and it’s a childish thing to do!! especially for someone who is apparently here to ‘help’ people!!!
chall on January 27th, 2013 10:57 pm
Alice,
Think your being played..
When ‘Gonk’ uses ‘terry norris’ (same story and spelling mistakes )as a username he has agreed with you –
http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:UftH9PnwTRcJ:www.csahell.com/should-my-sister-give-her-ex-money-back-when-he-has-his-daughter-8458.html/comment-page-1+csahell+terry+norris&cd=2&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=uk
chall on January 27th, 2013 10:59 pm
If Gonk (terry) j, sally etc are all so dissatisfied with the CSA (and Alice’s replies), why the hell don’t you join forces and channel your energy into trying to get the MP’s, who make the legislation, to give you answers to your questions and listen to your plights – no disrespect to Alice or anybody else, but think organ grinder and monkey… Alice will have as much input into legislation, staff training etc as you or I !
chall on January 28th, 2013 9:03 am
J,
What exactly has most of what Gonk and yourself written got to do with the OP ?
Neither of you are opposed to hijacking another members queries.
Rather than continue thread hijacking, you should start your own – Giving those members who do not wish to be involved with such, the benefit of not having to be an unwitting audience – Which, being polite, is what everybody else entitled to.
chall
■ chall on January 28th, 2013 9:24 am
Quote Sally; ‘Can I suggest you get off your high horse and decide what you are… A source of advice and guidance or a petty nit- picking individual who is so full of her own self – importance that you can’t keep your feelings to yourself….’
You, obviously consider that because I choose to be ‘a source of advice and guidance’, that I’m less ‘entitled’ to voice my ‘feelings’ than the rest of you.
What an oppressive attitude – thanks…
chall on January 28th, 2013 11:34 am
Quote Sally; @ chall – no I don’t chall, I think that you are as entitled to voice your feelings as much as the rest of us but it’s the way you do it that is going to lose you respect from the people who appreciated your advice…
It actually works both ways Sally!
”Can I suggest you get off your high horse and decide what you are… A source of advice and guidance or a petty nit- picking individual who is so full of her own self – importance that you can’t keep your feelings to yourself….” – Doesn’t read like you feel I should do both…
If somebody chooses to make posts under their ‘real’ name on the Internet – perhaps they should be a little more careful with their own ‘privacy’, eh Sally?
chall
chall on January 28th, 2013 1:37 pm
Quote Sally; My name is not Sally… but I have never slagged anyone off for chosing to remain anonymous!!!
The only comment I can recall making about people hiding behind username is below – is this what you refer to, if not please supply a link.
Quote chall on December 20th, 2012 2:24 pm ‘It’s such a shame that some NRP’s find it appropriate to hide behind a username and have a go at a fellow site user…’
https://www.csahell.com/my-son-has-skin-problems-so-the-csa-should-keep-paying-for-him-12049.html/comment-page-2
chall on January 28th, 2013 2:13 pm
Sally,
The FACT is I never claimed it was Gonks real name. When I posted the link, I said he also ‘uses’ the other name – Are you sure it is his real name?
LOL, talk about only needing half a story – j is becoming quite an expert at it, and all revolving around the same ‘anti CSA group’ – amazing…
https://www.csahell.com/how-to-avoid-the-csa-180.html
Gonk, you are so full of passion for the cause, I salute you. I dont think anybody sets out to be nasty, but rise above it and don’t let the buggers get you down! Its such an emotional subject, its bound to create deep feelings.
I think people like Alice serve a good purpose on the site for factual information from what ive seen, but maybe because she deals with this in a professional capacity on a daily basis, can only assume she has become desensitised or for want of a better word ‘normalised’ to the horrifying extent of the NRP suffering that the CSA inflict on them and their second families. Its an ugly thing, money, even uglier fighting about it, but someone has got to take this organisation to task, its the most corrupt and mismanaged department I have ever known, and wish I had never had to come into contact with them at all, unfortunately second families have no choice, we are at their mercy, and thats exactly how we feel – vulnerable and manipulated.
oh hark @ you Gonk – Im not a clairvoyant and neither do I think your actually daft enough to use your real name, but I suppose it’s a good enough excuse for you to have another sparring session with some body and call them names. *yawn*
J is correct
And this thread is becoming well and truly hijacked..emotions can take over and suddenly the comments have nothing to do with the original post.
I’m winding up my end now but lastly to chall…I will get membership in your site and I will cut and paste your comments from this thread including your attempt to abuse my privacy.
small point here – the Alice that Gonk replied to in the post accessed via the link was not me … I only started visiting this site around about November 2012.
to clear up the issue of why the CSA cannot report CHB fraud claims
CSA will communicate with CHB office to confirm that CHB is in payment for a child named on a csa case. CHB office will provide the relevant information – ie yes chib is in payment for this child and the name and address to whom chb is payable, or no chb is no longer in payment for this child, the date chb payments ended and to whom chb was payable to. If CHB has been extended (after the child’s 16th birthday) CHB office will not release info the CSA on what grounds it was extended, which school/college the child is reported to be attending, what course a child is taking at college (if approriate) etc
If CHB is in payment and the NRP is reporting that the child has left school and not gone on to college or the child iis studying an advanced course. The CHB office will require evidence in order to verify the NRP’s statement – this may be in the form of a letter from the school or college confirming that the child is no longer attending, or if the child is at college the studying an HND (advanced education)- or is at college but only for 6 hours a week (part-time). The CSA have no legal right to contact the school/college and ask for this information, the NPR as the child’s parent can.
I wrote the organial post. I didnt say every case is the same. But in the case the mother has made it clear she dont want the father in her kids life. And she now has a new dad. I am saying that if the mother or father just pick that the nrp cant have the child for no reason other then playing games then they should have no money end off.
Actually just to clarify, an nrp cannot gain info from a college etc if the child is attending a course due to the childs data protection…we’ve been there and got the tshirt. When it comes to situations like this the nrp is out on a limb.
I agree 100% with you Lucy…the moher decides that the fathers use has expired but she still wants and expects his money. Call me old fashioned but in my case..when another man goes out of his way to destroy a marriage because he wants your wife then so beit..let him take her and take on your kids…they should be his responsibility as one of my then partners kid was mine without any any whatsoever ffrom her dad.I am not saying a childs real father should not spend out and treat his daughter when he sees her but the main supporter should be the guy thats assumed roll as the head of the family.Alot of nrp’s like me are just topper uppers for the ex’s new family.Lets be clear about this and im not meaning those mothers on thier own and depending on financial help from their ex,but this should be a private arrangement between the 2 parents and has nothing to do with anyone else.
Jo – does the same apply to school? on reflection I can understand that a college may not give information due to DPA. I would expect (and I say expect as I do not know the workings of the CHB fraud team) that if a case was referred and college was supposedly being attended then the PWC would be asked to provide evidence to support her declaration that the child was still in full-time, non-advanced education and as such would need the QC to obtain this from the college.
I can see that asking a PWC to provide this evidence to the CSA would be useful to those cases where it is questioned, certainly something for me to feed back and also for others to feed back via their MPs in the hope that this could be an amendment to the legislation
“Alice on January 28th, 2013 4:11 pm
small point here – the Alice that Gonk replied to in the post accessed via the link was not me … I only started visiting this site around about November 2012.”
Isn’t that about when ‘alice’ who works for the csa started using this site?
Just asking.
With regards to school an nrp has to have parental responsibility and write to the school wanting reports etc and even have to pay a fee for the privilege, even then a pwc can refuse any info to be given out. When we had evidence of chb fraud on our case it was us that had to provide evidence to the csa, college couldn’t give us info but with use of facebook found that the qc was doing a paid apprenticeship and not living at home. Luckily we could provide evidence from the electoral register by searching on192.com, this was all the child benefit would look at and took it from there. In our case child benefit ceased immediately. It took alot of running around on our part, because no offence to you Alice, csa didn’t want to know. Luckily we also had a brill mp who helped us from start to finish. I find that there is too much of this claiming cb fraudulent ly because no one is looking into it.
its sad but true and is one of many reasons why people like me rant on here…because the csa do not investigate fraudulent claims that could and in your case Jo have produced results…well done.
I know Alice has to work within the criteria laid down by her bosses but it still sucks because you proved it don’t help the nrp
Sorry Alice but this is another classic case of the csa failing the nrp. I reflect on your comments earlier that comforted me despite not helping me and realize now your hands are tied but hope you see how the system is flawed.
gonk
Thank you gonk….it took alot for anyone to listen, but with our perdistence and 18 months of heartache we finally got a positive result. I too am a parent with care and couldn’t do what some of these vindictive pwcs do, it sickens me, I would love nothing more for my children’s dad to take responsibility and I don’t mean financially and hearing what decent nrps have to go through is just shocking and more shocking that a government ties the good with the bad. Something needs to change, and cases do need looking into on their own merit, not one size fits all. Good luck you guys and indeed gals who are stuck in this flawed system
* persistence was meant to say
Jo
I am made up for you…and sincerely am happy that you had a result…me…well I am paying by force into this unjust system and now hold my breath at the fall out I might encounter from the csa since a certain individual abused my privacy on this site and revealed my real name…this individual is a moderator for a site that is supposed to help fight the csa in its injustice towards the people whos lifes it wrecks.
gonk
“gonk on January 28th, 2013 –
I am paying by force into this unjust system and now hold my breath at the fall out I might encounter from the csa since a certain individual abused my privacy on this site and revealed my real name…”
Hi Gonk, I’ve been trying to post a response about that on this thread but am having problems. Don’t know if its a problem my end or with the site itself and don’t know how to contact the site moderators to enquire. Ho hum.
We all know who you mean, they might even be called ‘Tracey’ though I’m not sure about that.
Anyway good luck and keep posting your views and opinions, especially if ‘alice’ is not giving the full info on various matters.
Jo,
Trying to prove a child has left education is a nightmare that may NRP’s face.
Did the school expect you to pay for reports etc?
The link below gives general principles for schools to follow, and there is no mention of expecting a parent to pay.
http://www.education.gov.uk/schools/pupilsupport/parents/a0014568/parental-responsibility
@ chall
I’m a pwc and the school where my children attend have never asked for the nrps details….yes you get given a form but its ultimately down to the pwc what is put on it and its never questioned.
Also some authorities can/do charge an admin fee if an nrp does request information or to have separate reports sent….if the pwc hasn’t blocked it. As it clearly states, schools do not want to come involved in conflict so do side with the resident parent. My husband has had this issue, not just with the school but drs too when trying to find out about his son ‘supposed’ conditions and when the the dr was going to send us reports the pwc blocked it…because she tried to make his illness worse than what it really was, I could go on and on and in our case its borderline sick.
Like I said im a pwc and could never do what some pwcs do to get back at the other parent or use an organisation for sheer vindictiveness because they can….just a shame that genuine cases don’t get looked at because of the backlogs caused by people that can sort out their own affairs if they wanted too.
@ gonk…im sure with use of a name they wouldn’t be able to trace you…csa couldn’t correlate that there was children in our household when we were going through the hassle. ..3 times I had to inform them of my child benefit number because they said I was lying…and even had my own case ongoing with them too! But you shouldn’t have been put in that situation…sorry chall it was wrong of you because I do not trawl through old posts to find someones name to use against them…whether comments are wrong or not, people have a right to vent.
@ Alice, im sure there are decent guys that work for the csa…maybe you were the one that sympathised on our case but was tied by legislation but we have also come across some right ones who were obnoxious and rude and frankly spoke to us like s**t from their shoe…ive had to remind some that my husband like the pwc is the client too. Sometimes just being nice goes along way, what customer service is all about especially when clients are soon to be charged for using the service.