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CSA Advice

Wife has affair, I have to pay for it

3 January 2011 by Paul Needham

Every time time i speak to the csa, all i get is quote “not our problem” unquote. I’ve two children, boy aged 3 and daughter aged 9. In April of 2009, i found out my partner of 11 years was having an affair. I left the family home, car, bank accounts. Basically i left everything except a few clothes, on the condition (her idea not mine) that she wouldn’t go to the csa and she would give me time to get my life sorted.

(oh by the way my ex earns over £Fifty Thousand per year) csa don’t take this into account. In august 2009 i received a letter from the csa, saying i had to pay £38 per week for my daughter. I rang them and explained that i was on job-seekers. 2 weeks later i received a letter from the csa saying that, because i was unemployed that i owned nothing, and had to pay nothing.

In april 2010 i started a new job. In june 2010, my wage clerk rang me and explained that the csa as asked for my employer to send 5 weeks worth of pay slips, which they did. Every Friday i take home £254. I’m single and live in a shared 2 bedroom flat. My rent is £80 a week, payed every Friday, my gas is £10 per week, my electric is £10 per week, my water is £10 per week, my council tax is £15 per week, and tv license is £3.25p a week.

I do not own a car so i have to use public transport to get to work, this is 2 buses which cost £8.50 stagecoach mega rider, and £9.50 for east riding coach. Also my children live in Nottingham and i live in east hull. I was traveling every 2 weeks by train to see my kids, which cost around £54 every 2 weeks. The csa now say i have to pay per week £38.50 for my daughter and £17.50 for my son per week, total £51 per week plus £50 per week for the arrears.

The csa now take from my wages 40% which is £102 per week, they say i owe over £1000 in areas. ill break this down for you, so total weekly pay is £254, my bills are as follows-

csa 40% £102
rent £80
elec £10
gas £10
c.tax £15
bus £18
tv £3.50
total £238.50

This leaves me a total of £15.50 per week for food. I cant afford to see my children anymore, iv not seen them now for over 9 weeks. I’ve spoke to the csa about 8 times now, all i hear is, not our problem, can u make a payment today to clear the arrears?

My bank account is £100 overdrawn (which the csa know) I’ve been to the citizens advise, twice, they give me a forum to fill in claiming hardmanship the first time, i filled this in and sent copys of all my bills and rent to the csa, they claim that they have not received this and explained that i wouldn’t get hardmanship anyway because I’m single and living without any children.

The second c.a.b visit, they advised me to give up work, i’ve spoken to a solicitor, who as advised me to write to my local m.p and local news papers, other than that, he said their isn’t anything that can be done. I’m not eating or sleeping, i feel my life is over, i cant live like this any more, i feel iv no choice but to end my life.

I cant see any other way out, i just don’t know what to do any more, i just dont understand how a human can be treated like this in today’s society. I doubt anyone can feed a family pet for £15 aweek nowwa days.

Oh, also another thing the csa wont take into account is that if i take time off work i dont get payed. I took time off for a funeral (one day) my week take home that week was £209, and i also took 2 days off for flu which weekly take home was £164, and also the company i work for have a summer 3 weeks shut down, in july. I only accumulated 4 days holiday pay for these 3 weeks off.

Also what know one seems to understand is if i give up my job, by given notice i cant receive any benefits for 13 weeks, i cant pay rent which in turn will make me homeless.

I really don’t know what to do and how much longer i can do this for, i really only see one way out which is just to stop all this suffering and end my life, the question i’d like answered is the initials C.S stand for child support?

How is me being either forced out of work or ending my life support my children?

Thank you for taken time to read this.

228 thoughts on “Wife has affair, I have to pay for it”

  3. well said Tim, we can live and fight…. fight the CSA and the greedy selfish arrogant PWC who is intent on revenge, our revenge is with the CSA and niether PWC or NRP (and ultimately the Children) will benefit from PWC's with bitterness against NRP's opinions where the NRP wants to financially and emotionally support his/her child without financially funding the PWC's retail therapy and paying CSA officials their bonuses!!!!!This is clearly the problem SJP has with my opinions and so have many other PWC's as evident on this forum, feel free to access my CSAhell.com links to see the true revelations of PWC bitterness, arrogance and greed for financial support which the PWC and the CSA is unable to guarantee to financially support the Child but evidently guaranteed to the PWC's needs, meanwhile NRP's are forced into thinking in the same direction of the original poster..Women like SJP, Lisa, Annika and several others who have and have not revealed themselves but just sit reading and dissing NRP's Posts have no ability to understand or sympathise with those that are suffering financially and emotionally, this is because they think only about themselves and abuse the rights of their children for the satisfaction of their own desires to willfully avenge the NRP for leaving whether by PWC's demand or by NRP's own personal choice!!!I still to this day have not had chance to argue with a Male PWC about my opinions as a Male NRP!!! I could be the best bitch out da pair of us… and lets face it, I can bitch like any bitch….. That is summat these very PWC's who argue with me do not like about me!!!!!!So they attempt Superbitch mode to be on top and still they fall, grasping desperately in vain to win!!!!! I however when at school used to enjoy watching the bitchings go on by all the females with and about each other!!!! The Male counterparts extracting the urine with a bit of bitching, that's how I learnt to bitch a bitch!!!!!! That's what my ex's dont like about me, coz every bitching directed towards me was countered with a bitching from myself, Ultimately my ex's chose violence rather than understanding, compassion and respect, everything they demanded, to gain respect, one must earn it!!!!Anyway! I went on a tangent there guys!!!!! PWC's would only understand their own financial and emotional sufferings and expect us to sympathise!!!! I cannot sympathise with those who are unreasonable to meet a compromise… There are PWC's manipulative enough to influence others that they are being reasonable but then when everyone else isnt in the picture, she becomes unreasonable and includes the CSA!!! and then whinges when she has not been entitled to a certain expected or demanded rate of payment by CSA assessments!!!!!!!Well guys, lets await the PWC's rantings about this opinion!!!!!! We the NRP will stay alive!! we will continue to fight the CSA and the veangence of PWC against NRP, bitch to bitch if needs be…….NRP's have the right to live comfortably, peacefully and to raise our children with shared responsibility with compromise!!!!!

  4. ur wrong allan,some pwc do understand nd sympathise with some nrps problems,be it financially or with getting access 2 there children.

  5. Helen, maybe the inclusion of the word some was needed… but I clearly refer to the Selfish Arrogant Greedy PWC being the very type that I describe, all my posts will direct you to who my comments are focused on!!!!!

  6. The inclusion of the word 'some' is needed on most posts here nowadays.I am getting fed up with it, to be honest. Things are bad enough without the decent PWCs feeling alienated.

  7. BTW, I know a male PWC personally..who has never received any maintenance from his ex wife who walked out on him & their children years ago.The children are now in their late teens. They have ample contact with their mother, who runs 3 businesses. The CSA tell him that she cannot afford maintenance. He struggles with ill heath & a job..she gets away with paying nothing.Despite the contact issue I think she should rot in hell!

  8. I must add that this is more to do with the fact that she is self employed and can hide her money..NOT because she is a woman!

  9. It'sall about the money in all cases at the end of the day, Man or woman, NRP PWC…. however,those intent on providing will!!!!

  13. Exactly right Allan.I have always said, and this was the directive in the beginning..if an NRP is paying what they can AND emotionally supporting their child/ren then the CSA shouldn't be involved. Leave it for the deadbeats..the REAL deadbeats!

  14. Unfortunately, there are NRP's who are unable to provide financial support to the child but there are PWC's intent on making NRP's suffer for it!!!

  15. Why would they be unable to provide financial support to the child though, Allan? if you have a child, you support them financially..surely? I'm not talking mega money, btw..and of course in a shared care situation I wouldn't expect any money to change hands at all!

  16. well I have shared care of one child I have another who is down the Southwest and I am unable to locate and two to the East…there are 3 children I am unable to financially provide for but manage birthdays and Xmas with a card and voucher on each occasion, I am on benefits…. so there is a pretty big financial dilemma for me…

  17. Of course it's a dilemma..which is why when some people shout 'get a job and support your children' to some PWCs, it makes me wince..

  18. Unfortunately I am unable to obtain the work I am accustomed to, I have never qualified for the purpose of office work as my employment experience has always been manual and extremely physical. My medical condition prevents my ability to enter into the work I am accustomed to, and so my intentions are lined in self employment by use of my hobby skills… Unfortunately, financial situation prevents my ability to set up!! That is the Financial Dilemma I have, the ability to provide financialy to the standards I would like to!!It is at this time hard to get a job and the CSA are forcing NRP's into a position where they would be better off on benefits… However! there are PWC's who are adequately in a healthy position and quite capable of working but prefer to be on benefits with the added bonus of NRP's financial provisions while the working NRP cannot afford the holidays that the PWC is affording due to NRP's financial provision..So because NRP has separated from PWC and PWC wishes to avenge being left with the child then requests CSA to take as much money as the PWC can be allowed yet in some cases does not feel they have recieved adequate payment due to the NRP's income…Unfortuntely!! Many PWC's are unwilling to compromise for the sake of the child and in many cases, the PWC is intent on satisfying their own desires rather than satisfying the needs of the child!!!

  19. I understand that Allan.I also understand that it is the same for the PWC regarding being financially better off on benefits. It's the way the welfare state has become, I'm afraid. I for one don't blame anyone in that position because you have to do what you have to do to get the most out of life financially!I really don't understand why it is easier for a PWC to work than it is for you, seriously..not disrespecting you at all 🙂

  20. I just don't want to encourage a system which is skewered towards one side from the outset. As I have read earlier in one of your posts Lorraine, the CSA should ONLY be for the truly deadbeats who neither want to provide financial or other support to their offspring! ALL PWC's on benefits should be working or actively seeking work of some kind, non of this bollocks about childcare etc… PWC's chose to make a child as much as an NRP!!!Under the current ways the state gets involved in your affairs, they should treat PWC's in the same way as NRP's….. like S***!!!Anyway, rant over…good morning.

  21. Well Said Allan hammered the nail on the head (It is at this time hard to get a job and the CSA are forcing NRP's into a position where they would be better off on benefits… )(However! there are PWC's who are adequately in a healthy position and quite capable of working but prefer to be on benefits with the added bonus of NRP's financial provisions while the working NRP cannot afford the holidays that the PWC is affording due to NRP's financial provision..)

  22. Also the NRP find it hard to find a job, or another job, as for firms don't like the hassle the CSA cause.The CSA bully and Harass my husbands work every few months. As the greddy PWC is not happy with what she gets. They keep renewing our order. Her 1,700 + our CSA is not enough money for her and one child to live on…Greedy vindictive PWC…

  23. I have to graft my bollocks off to get that sort of money and she gets that on benefits – fuck it I am going on benefits!!!!

  24. You have to remember. The PWC only get all benifits thrown at them. Even if they are working they get child tax..And family allowance.

  27. I know I am actually a nice blerk contrary to whay some people think of me on here (o;

  28. Lorraine,I never said it was easier for a PWC to get work, my issue is my ex who's CSA case is still open, has 2 working family incomes with extra state benefits…. and would expect my payment of arrears as soon as I enter any employment, I would also be financially worse off!!!I aint demanding PWC's get a job, I demand being reasonable for the sake of the child!!!

  29. Yep one of my ex's has sat on benefits for years – why bother going to work when she gets everything paid for in benefits topped up by the money from the CSA and a partner bone idle bitch – the government need to target these type of parasites – well hell she had a great job and was very capable but why bother when she can do well of the teat of the state and screw me into the ground too

  30. I agree with you Allan. I didn't say it was you telling PWCs to get a job, but I see it on here all the time from people who haven't even bothered to find out whether the PWC is actually working or not.I gave up work 6 years ago because the CSA took my earnings into the assessment my husband has. They didn't care about my childcare costs at all, and when I questioned my husbands ex wifes new husbands earnings they informed me that it wasn't in their formula to ask! I am still slightly worse off by not working, but now I refuse to out of principle. I will go back to work next year when CSA is no longer payable!Yes, it stinks. The system is flawed. It should be much more profitable to work, but it isn't..so why blame the PWC for not going to work when there are men doing the same thing?

  31. Paul, my heart goes out to you. You have been treated terribly. I’m not sure and perhaps somebody can help you out but I’m pretty sure there are benefits you can claim.

    Is there a member of family you can move in with for a while to support you (both financially and emotionally)?

    Was your ex-partner your wife? Can you make a claim against the family home as her spouse, commonlaw or otherwise? I’m pretty sure that on £50k per year she can afford to pay you out of the home.

    Can you perhaps get yourself on the council’s housing list?

    Please don’t despair, there are things you can do and routes you don’t seem to have explored yet

    Is there any point in appealing to your ex?

  32. I think it is outragous when the CSA take the partner of the NRP's into account what has it got to do with the parnter? and the PWC has a husband or a partner and their income is not accounted for – where is the fairness in that? it should just be between the PWC and the NRP no other party.

  34. They have absolutley no right to do this surley they are in breach of the human rights act – it vexes me so much I really want to take a hammer to them all

  35. I would prefer to take up an AI L96 50cal or a Barrett M107 50cal to the rooftops overlooking all CSA offices, and keep popping of random shots at specific targets, each being a direct hit on each headshot resulting in a Kaputed headless CSA employee!!!!!!That is my desire….. I would love to be the ghost they never expected!!!!But unfortunately, at current, all sniping shots have to be verbal, however the result is the same, mashed up heads of CSA employees…. Umming and arrring like senseless headless chickens spouting randoms and entering them into their PC's….Talking of headless chickens….. SJP hasnt clucked for the past 24 hrs lol

  36. I would like to be at close quarters to see the fear in their eyes – just like ghost rider – look into my eyes!!!!!

  37. Then smash them – put them on a life support bring them back around and beat them like a ginger haired stepson again and again and there is one piece of shit who I have my axe to grind with and that is that obnoxious little rat Mark King at Plymouth!!!!

  38. Well as I refer to using 50 cal rounds I would also expect to use the best optics on my rifle, lol…. I wanna see the obliteration as there eyes gaze onto a screen that hasnt populated just yet….. and there ears do not hear it coming, but if I had to be far away enough, I would like to see if they have probably seen the flash from the muzzle…lolthe best shot would have to be on the phone to them and say, nite nite… Cshhhhphweeeeee! pop!! splat……………….. Drop!!!!!

  39. I wouldnt be bothered about the fear bit…. thered be plenty as soon as the first one lost its head all over the CSA office desks and other employees…. they'd all try to hide, then its like a rabbit shoot fest, 1st head pops up gets it tween the eyes….lol

  40. I tell you what the IRA and Al Quida are missing out on some great PR here – if these muslim extremists want to be martyrs the CSA are the offices are the best place to take out – I would worship them then (O:

  41. Original Poster, hope we'v been of help and hope we have raised ya spirits a bit higher with the entertainment value…. laughter is good medicine…. and you're not alone in this struggle to support your children without government interference and twisted bitter selfish arrogant greedy PWC!!!!!LIVE 2 FIGHT ON……… FOR THE SAKE OF OUR CHILDREN!!!!!!!

  43. Thats right mate be strong there is help out here start giving them shit back – leave your job and go on benefits they will get a measly fiver a week (O;

  44. BTW look up employment law you will see that your employer may have to pay you back every penny if you did not give consent for them to pay the CSA via a DEO

  49. Making deductionsEnsure that any deductions you make from a worker's pay are allowed under the law and are in their contract. Otherwise they may claim for breach of contract and/or unlawful deductions from wages.Deductions are unlawful unless:*they are legally authorised, eg PAYE income tax and National Insurance contributions*they are allowed by the worker's contract – workers must have a copy of the relevant contractual term or a written explanation before you make the deduction*workers have agreed in writing before you deduct pay for other reasons, eg as loan repayments or pension contributionsThese conditions do not always have to be met, eg if you make deductions to refund an overpayment of wages, or the employee is on strike. They also do not have to be met if the deduction is to satisfy a court order, eg to recover debts. However, the worker must have agreed in advance, in writing.

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