Women manipulate the CSA

June 2, 2010

I was with my former partner for 10 years when we met i owned my own proprty & was working in Local Government for 12 years.She also worked at the timre but when she fell pregnant and had our first child she decided to give up work to spend time at home with baby.I was fine with this and so took on extra part time work to support us.I did this for 2 years then she decided she wanted to return to work but then fell pregnant with our second child and so again she decided she didn’t want to work so again i worked 2 jobs my former partner suggested we re mortgage our home and convinced me to allow her name on the mortgage for the future sake of the children.Trusting her,being a decent human being and wanting to bring us closer as a family i agreed.During the time my former partner was weeks away from giving birth i was going through a battle with the CSA over them still expecting me to cotinue paying mantainance for my then 18year old son from a previous long term relationship.

My now former parner was disgusted and enraged by the way we were being treated by the CSA.We went to our local paper & when our 2nd child was born had our photo as a family to go with the story .The CSA stood their ground even though i got my local MP invoved & still made rediculous deductions through attachment of earnings from my salary. It was only because my previous former partner felt ashamed she contacted them @ told them she no longer wanted the money.

2 years ago my former partner made false allegations of domestic violence .She had me arrested and evicted from our family home for 4 months.Went into my place of employment and told them she has been a victim of D.V. for years i was suspended pending a disciplinary investigation then sacked.I could’nt understand why she was doing any of this and seriously wandered if she was losing her sanity until she confided in a close family friend.Boasting to her that because she was working again got the job she wanted at a local school,she could get term breaks with the children,she would be able to claim working tax credits ,some how force my hand so that i would have to sell the house so that she would be able to claim 50% of the equity from the property and as an added measure get the CSA on my case.

When she finally left me she left her benefits calculation letters which i found .These letters showed on top of her £670 salary she was being paid £1,000 in benefits and recently because i have found employment after being unemployed for 14 months the CSA have placed a deduction of earnings on my salary and over the past 2 months have deducted £900 from my salary.Whats that all about ???

Over the past 2 years i have kept in regular contact with the children through the eldest from the age of 7 we would phone each other and arrange regular access.Recently though my former partner has broken that contact i had not seen or heard from them for the past 4 months so i’ve been up to their school to see them the first time i saw my former partner with my daughter going towards the school grounds i called to my daughter and waved but my former partner dragged her along hurredly making sure she couldn’t acknowledge me,.I saw my son in the school playground so i went over to him and we managed to speak for 5 or 10 minutes.13th May was my sons birthday so i took him his birthday card to school again he was very happy to see me .(Unfortunately i couldn’t even afford to get him a present after the amount of money the CSA took from me).I asked my son why he hadn’t kept in contact and he told me his mum wouldn’t allow him to.

I asked him if he thought my daughter would talk to me,he asked if i wanted him to go get her and i said yes please so he ran off exitedly then came back after 5 minutes and said.”Mummy said no.”(My former parner is school secretary)& obviously saw me speaking to my son.

My MP is currently making arrangents for me to meet with Officers from the CSA which is due to take place at his office sometime within the next week or 2 so any useful hints or tips would be greatfully appreciated.Thanks.


  • brokenfather says:

    I empathise with you my friend, I have been trough very similar.

    I am still at a complete loss to understand why women do this, and I have been involved in contact obstructions for 7 years!!!

    Some women will comply with a court contact order, some will not. You can easily represent yourself and there are many web based message boards where help and assistace can be found. Also formal organisation like Families Need Fathers. If it doesnt work at least you will know you tried and will have the paperwork to show your children when they are older.

    The whole system sucks and favours the parent abducting the children …….

  • Karen Bedford says:

    Im sorry to hear your problems but then once I read the title saying ‘women’ I decided not to read further!

    It is not just WOMEN but also MEN TOO!

    My ex has manipulated the CSA & the Inland Revenue by lying about his earnings (committing fraud by not paying correct tax) whilst his children suffered financially, as he could pay but wouldnt pay the amount he could/should have paid.

    I do not generalise about men as I know there are men who want to support their children and there are woman who play the system like my ex has.

    Please therefore, do not generalise women as I dont generalise men.


  • brer fox says:

    Sorry, have to disagree with “favours the parent abducting the children …….” when we went are separate ways my son came to live with me and my daughter went to live with her, in 12 years i have given over £20000 and have received £150. we have the same job and same income………… ) i think because i have paid I’m seen as a easy target….

  • Brian says:

    Sadly, this story is almost exactly like mine. My ex went to great time and expense to try and ruin my life (she bragged about it in emails to her friends – I came across them as she was stupidly still using my email server).

    Ultimately, in order to try and ruin my life, all she did was ruin my son’s as he’s gone from being a confident, cheeky wee chappy to a being a sad and isolated wee boy. The few times that I see him, most of it is spent on damage limitation and I am very distraught at how he’s developing. My ex seems to revel in all of this. And of course it all my fault in her eyes but she’s doing nothing to ease the situation.

    My ex is an evil, spiteful and manipulative woman. Even her dad warned me about her when we were splitting up. Some of the things that she’s done to me beggar belief and, as a journalist of many years standing with a horrendous divorce under my belt, I wrote a semi-academic book about divorce from a male perspective which I’m currently trying to get published.

    Manipulative women (and to a lesser extend, men) exploit the CSA’s one-sidedness to their benefit, not helped by the fact that the CSA is almost exclusively staffed by women. From my own experience, I’m treated like a criminal and most of my salary is deducted and sent to the CSA simply because my ex told them I was earning more than I actually am. Not once did the CSA ask for my side of the story, instead, servicing papers on my office payroll dept. to hand over my salary. My ex is not exactly starving – she’s very wealthy (plus she got the house and contents plus other assets).

    It’s pointless trying to deal with the CSA on a reasonable level and that is why I’ve employed NACSA to take on my case. The CSA are afraid of NACSA as they’re a tenacious outfit and, thus far, they’re proved that the CSA have, quite often, acted outwith the boundaries of the law and, for the most part, been downright evasive and immoral.

    FYI – I left her due to her erratic and violent behaviour.

    The CSA sucks and should be put on trial for their actions. As should our respective ex’s!

  • Lisa says:

    If im honest its a shit situation and she has the upper hand being the mum, tgough the CSA do there best to make an unworkable situation.worse, best thing for.you to do is like your doing, go down the legal route to see your kids ajd maybe see.if your ex will allow direct payment to her, CSA are reknowned for creating arrears that dont exist, they line the pockets of the treasury and turn the PWC against the NRP, good luck with it all,

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