Wife has affair, I have to pay for it
Every time time i speak to the csa, all i get is quote “not our problem” unquote. I’ve two children, boy aged 3 and daughter aged 9. In April of 2009, i found out my partner of 11 years was having an affair. I left the family home, car, bank accounts. Basically i left everything except a few clothes, on the condition (her idea not mine) that she wouldn’t go to the csa and she would give me time to get my life sorted.
(oh by the way my ex earns over £Fifty Thousand per year) csa don’t take this into account. In august 2009 i received a letter from the csa, saying i had to pay £38 per week for my daughter. I rang them and explained that i was on job-seekers. 2 weeks later i received a letter from the csa saying that, because i was unemployed that i owned nothing, and had to pay nothing.
In april 2010 i started a new job. In june 2010, my wage clerk rang me and explained that the csa as asked for my employer to send 5 weeks worth of pay slips, which they did. Every Friday i take home £254. I’m single and live in a shared 2 bedroom flat. My rent is £80 a week, payed every Friday, my gas is £10 per week, my electric is £10 per week, my water is £10 per week, my council tax is £15 per week, and tv license is £3.25p a week.
I do not own a car so i have to use public transport to get to work, this is 2 buses which cost £8.50 stagecoach mega rider, and £9.50 for east riding coach. Also my children live in Nottingham and i live in east hull. I was traveling every 2 weeks by train to see my kids, which cost around £54 every 2 weeks. The csa now say i have to pay per week £38.50 for my daughter and £17.50 for my son per week, total £51 per week plus £50 per week for the arrears.
The csa now take from my wages 40% which is £102 per week, they say i owe over £1000 in areas. ill break this down for you, so total weekly pay is £254, my bills are as follows-
csa 40% £102
rent £80
elec £10
gas £10
c.tax £15
bus £18
tv £3.50
total £238.50
This leaves me a total of £15.50 per week for food. I cant afford to see my children anymore, iv not seen them now for over 9 weeks. I’ve spoke to the csa about 8 times now, all i hear is, not our problem, can u make a payment today to clear the arrears?
My bank account is £100 overdrawn (which the csa know) I’ve been to the citizens advise, twice, they give me a forum to fill in claiming hardmanship the first time, i filled this in and sent copys of all my bills and rent to the csa, they claim that they have not received this and explained that i wouldn’t get hardmanship anyway because I’m single and living without any children.
The second c.a.b visit, they advised me to give up work, i’ve spoken to a solicitor, who as advised me to write to my local m.p and local news papers, other than that, he said their isn’t anything that can be done. I’m not eating or sleeping, i feel my life is over, i cant live like this any more, i feel iv no choice but to end my life.
I cant see any other way out, i just don’t know what to do any more, i just dont understand how a human can be treated like this in today’s society. I doubt anyone can feed a family pet for £15 aweek nowwa days.
Oh, also another thing the csa wont take into account is that if i take time off work i dont get payed. I took time off for a funeral (one day) my week take home that week was £209, and i also took 2 days off for flu which weekly take home was £164, and also the company i work for have a summer 3 weeks shut down, in july. I only accumulated 4 days holiday pay for these 3 weeks off.
Also what know one seems to understand is if i give up my job, by given notice i cant receive any benefits for 13 weeks, i cant pay rent which in turn will make me homeless.
I really don’t know what to do and how much longer i can do this for, i really only see one way out which is just to stop all this suffering and end my life, the question i’d like answered is the initials C.S stand for child support?
How is me being either forced out of work or ending my life support my children?
Thank you for taken time to read this.
228 thoughts on “Wife has affair, I have to pay for it”
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Actually, I do recall that I have on numerous occasions commented on the ex who was recieving Maintenance payments had 2 working incomes including benefits( plus maintenance payments up until August 2008!!!!!!)I am 6 months in arrears since I went into hospital with my illness and disability….. and nil assessed…. I clearly support all NRP's who are in a worse position than myself, …. feel free to continue accusations and assumptions and prepare to be battled with accordingly!!!BRING IT ON!!!!!!! I can be just as much a bitch as any bitch!!!!!! BRING IT!!
Dolphin… Now I see!!!!!
I haven't done any such thing Allan. I have merely stated that I don't think birthday cards & vouchers are adequate support, and I have said the same thing on this website.I don't believe it's right for the taxpayer in this country to provide sole support for other peoples children ~ whether they are couples. mothers or fathers. This I have also stated on numerous occasions.Many times I have seen PWCs slated for having children and not being able to pay for them themselves..from NRPs who won't/don't do it either. That is hypocritcal. Are you seriously telling me that if your ex's got jobs you would suddenly stump up some financial support? no, I don't think you would…the bottom line is that they are your kids, and they deserve more, regardless of their mother.
My kids deserve my support, My ex's do not!!!!
Lorraine, I read your convo with charmaine and copied and pasted the evidence!!!!!!!!You claim you backed me into a corner to dig myself out of… now you deny it even though the evidence is black and white… blue when I copied it!!!!!!And I've read it… now make your denial again!!!!!
I stump financial support for my eldest as I have shared care, I am financially unable to make such provisions for the children I dont see!!!!Birthdays and Xmas I send vouchers for their gifts, I am unwilling to fund my ex's in retail therapy!!!!!! and therefore vouchers are within my budget in order for my children to know I think of them!!!!!This is not about the ex, the PWC or whatever title they deserve… this is about the children….However! you are not my ex, therefore, such issues are not your concern even if I do provide explanation accordingly… BRING IT!!
Do you still deny these copied and pasted comments you left on Charmaines wall in your convo together???????Lorraine Moore Oh I know!!!I backed Allan into a corner really..lol. Double standards..hate it!!! Dolphin should just be ignored. You can't argue with a fool ;-)18 hours agoLorraine MooreHa ha! well, let's just see what odious remarks you get from Dolphin. Allan, yet again, is trying to dig himself out of a pit… ;-)9 hours agoAnd please feel free to describe how I attempt to dig myself out of a pit!!!!
My double standard exist in what manner?????
Lorraine… if my arithmatic is correct.. I do believe.. 1+1+2=4…. not 5 or 6!!!!!!
PWC with several children to several NRPs is a rich PWC!!!!!Either they got fed up with the ex or the ex left of their own accord… or demanded to leave…either the PWCV was incapable of maintaining the relationship or both NRP and PWC's had differences that prevented them staying together, It is not wise to stay in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of the children….. either the NRP or PWC has to go elsewhere!!!That is either parties recommended decision and is not for me to judge, My judgements are with my PWC's… I know my ex's their attitudes and behaviours… you dont!!!!!! So continue to feel free to critisize me, but be warned…. you know how I am likely to respond… if you need to bring it… feel free to continue!!!!!
My childrens mothers deserve nothing from me… only my children deserve my support, what part of this do you find a problem with?????
I am not denying it, what makes you think I am? what I haven't done is back myself into a corner because everything I have said on Charmaine's wall I have said on here too. Nowt to hide, you see…Of course the issues are my concern. Mine &… my husbands, as we are currently paying tax through the nose.As I have said many a time, if you feel ok not financially supporting your children then fair do's. Just don't keep banging on about PWCs on benefits..THOSE are the double standards I am on about.
My children need to know I remember them even though I cannot financially afford to make financial provision to their PWC…. and that is because of a law that states because I have shared care of one of my children that I pay nothing!!!!…. but as soon as I enter employment… I guarantee the CSA will do their very best to destroy my children and myself emotionally and financially!!!!!!Evidently Lorraine would be one of the first to support this action by the CSA!!!!!!
Double standards of benefits… Hmmm! I'm disabled and ill… with working history, taxes paid history, oh so I am not entitled to reclaim my taxes paid during employment history then because I am unfit for the work I am accustomed to through my employment history ……but my ex who is too lazy to do the housework when I was working all available hours could sit on her backside and refrain from any type of work… That's me having double standards is it?????????
Nope..because I don't agree with the CSA taking money from NRPs who willingly help support their children. Never have done.The CSA should be there to make sure people who won't support their children..do!
she chose not to work, I chose to work any available hour….. untill I became ill and disabled!!!!
I do believe you have backed yaself into a corner due to the issues I present accordingly!!!!
I aint banging on about PWC's on benefits…only those PWC's who use child maintenance to maintain their retail therapy habits…. instead of using the monies to support the children..!!!! BRING IT!!!
May I also quote an nbox comment as copied and pasted that I recieved a few mintes ago… as follows an extraction….check the next post from myself!!!
Lorraine….extract from an inboxed message!!!!!However much you choose to wind people up, which you do for entertainment and is amusing to read, you support your children so that makes you one of the good guys in my book, a very frustratingly annoying good guy at times, but a good guy all the same.
Lorraine.. BRING IT!!!!!!
You still havent explained how you cornered me or how I am digging myself out of a pit, please clarify!!!!
The ex I currently refer to is the ex I was living woth while paying maintenance for my eldest child who I now have shared care of!!!!meanwhile my ex still lives on benefits and complains that I do not provide her with financial support!!!!
However! as nil assessed, I am not obliged to financially provide to her!!!!
Finale… Haroof Haroof HarooF!!!!!!
you not on your own m8 keep your chin up .
perhaps us NRP should apply for jobs with the csa, then crash the whole friggin systems! Total wipeout! serve them right.
My ex wife has stopped me from seeing my 3 boys for almost 10 years now, changed their surnames , moved, changed phone numbers etc. She saw me go through with the snip ( to protect her investment I was later told ) before giving me news she was seeing someone else. I’ve been to hell and back with the csa !! They do not care in the slightest about ou only the money they can extort from you. I’ve been laughed at on the phone, told I should have worm a condom !!, and of course the obligatory not our concern/problem.
They are a law unto themselves and one day will upset the person who I’m sure will do a lot more than write a letter.
All I can say is keep the faith and keep fighting.