Wife has affair, I have to pay for it
Every time time i speak to the csa, all i get is quote “not our problem” unquote. I’ve two children, boy aged 3 and daughter aged 9. In April of 2009, i found out my partner of 11 years was having an affair. I left the family home, car, bank accounts. Basically i left everything except a few clothes, on the condition (her idea not mine) that she wouldn’t go to the csa and she would give me time to get my life sorted.
(oh by the way my ex earns over £Fifty Thousand per year) csa don’t take this into account. In august 2009 i received a letter from the csa, saying i had to pay £38 per week for my daughter. I rang them and explained that i was on job-seekers. 2 weeks later i received a letter from the csa saying that, because i was unemployed that i owned nothing, and had to pay nothing.
In april 2010 i started a new job. In june 2010, my wage clerk rang me and explained that the csa as asked for my employer to send 5 weeks worth of pay slips, which they did. Every Friday i take home £254. I’m single and live in a shared 2 bedroom flat. My rent is £80 a week, payed every Friday, my gas is £10 per week, my electric is £10 per week, my water is £10 per week, my council tax is £15 per week, and tv license is £3.25p a week.
I do not own a car so i have to use public transport to get to work, this is 2 buses which cost £8.50 stagecoach mega rider, and £9.50 for east riding coach. Also my children live in Nottingham and i live in east hull. I was traveling every 2 weeks by train to see my kids, which cost around £54 every 2 weeks. The csa now say i have to pay per week £38.50 for my daughter and £17.50 for my son per week, total £51 per week plus £50 per week for the arrears.
The csa now take from my wages 40% which is £102 per week, they say i owe over £1000 in areas. ill break this down for you, so total weekly pay is £254, my bills are as follows-
csa 40% £102
rent £80
elec £10
gas £10
c.tax £15
bus £18
tv £3.50
total £238.50
This leaves me a total of £15.50 per week for food. I cant afford to see my children anymore, iv not seen them now for over 9 weeks. I’ve spoke to the csa about 8 times now, all i hear is, not our problem, can u make a payment today to clear the arrears?
My bank account is £100 overdrawn (which the csa know) I’ve been to the citizens advise, twice, they give me a forum to fill in claiming hardmanship the first time, i filled this in and sent copys of all my bills and rent to the csa, they claim that they have not received this and explained that i wouldn’t get hardmanship anyway because I’m single and living without any children.
The second c.a.b visit, they advised me to give up work, i’ve spoken to a solicitor, who as advised me to write to my local m.p and local news papers, other than that, he said their isn’t anything that can be done. I’m not eating or sleeping, i feel my life is over, i cant live like this any more, i feel iv no choice but to end my life.
I cant see any other way out, i just don’t know what to do any more, i just dont understand how a human can be treated like this in today’s society. I doubt anyone can feed a family pet for £15 aweek nowwa days.
Oh, also another thing the csa wont take into account is that if i take time off work i dont get payed. I took time off for a funeral (one day) my week take home that week was £209, and i also took 2 days off for flu which weekly take home was £164, and also the company i work for have a summer 3 weeks shut down, in july. I only accumulated 4 days holiday pay for these 3 weeks off.
Also what know one seems to understand is if i give up my job, by given notice i cant receive any benefits for 13 weeks, i cant pay rent which in turn will make me homeless.
I really don’t know what to do and how much longer i can do this for, i really only see one way out which is just to stop all this suffering and end my life, the question i’d like answered is the initials C.S stand for child support?
How is me being either forced out of work or ending my life support my children?
Thank you for taken time to read this.
228 thoughts on “Wife has affair, I have to pay for it”
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Before this guy takes his own life, he needs to re-think
his position and take out others instead of taking his own life
first. That’s the problem. Nobody gives a sh*t if you “off
yourself”. They DO take notice when you take out these government
pukes who’re dealing you dirty.
Hi Paul,
Did you have shared care for your child whilst you claimed JSA?
When (dates) were the arrears accrued?
What is the total arrears amount?
When are they due to be cleared by?
Did you provide wage slips that showed the CSA that you had received less income?
Stay strong!!
chall ~ afairercsaforall.co.uk
Yep that's how the system is set up! You get to pay for her courtship and the kids get a new dad. And we guys get the privilege of paying for it. And no visitation too
The hatred and spite i read in some of these stories shocks me to no end, so the man needs help to get back on his feet and what does the mother do after some contention i am sure, reports him to the CSA, now that is disgusting. If she has the money already then should she not support her ex so he can be the best dead he can be! Surely that is the whole point of it all? Disgusted and sometimes i cannot read these as this world is such a joke.
Put in for custody of the kids. Plant heroin in her bag, anything. Get the kids. Then claim 40%of her salary see how that foul **** likes it. Don't hold your breath getting any help from the CSA though you're not a woman. They really make me sick and I'm just getting angrier and angrier.
Well I would not even read that Charmaine the most nasty person I have ever met in here. And hubby knows her too. Not a nice person…We have been paying for a child that is not ours for 16 years. Found out a few years back not his child. We are in court again this Jan..The last time we where in court was to drop the payments and show husbands ex up for what she is..The judge said MOST PWC ARE JUST GOLD DIGGERS. And get a kick out of putting the new family on the streets..She what he says this time….
See what I mean? Dont rise to it….As I said we are paying for a child that is not hubbys….Go to your MP
Wow! petty squabbles, and I thought I were the only 1 havin em on here…lolwhat with SJP, Annika, Lisa…. ya know the ones lol…Anyway, bout greedy PWC's who want the NRP to fund PWC retail therapy, clearly the evidence is here and usually the PWC is the one with a more than reasonable income expecting NRP with very low income to support her retail therapy, and lets face it, the PWC doesnt need the money.The CSA is there to support the greedy PWC not the child. it uses children to gain public support and the ppl need to know that the CSA was created to oppress the NRP and the child and support the Greedy selfish PWC lifestyle with application of poor admin with the inclusion of attempted theft and Fraudulence!!!!It is greed that motivates PWC to apply to CSA which should be renamed accurately as Reproduction Tax Collection Agency!!!
I approve of the drugs planting idea!!! and the gaining of custody!! Go for it!!!!!
allan,not every pwc wants money off nrp to fund retail therapy.god i wish.dont tar everyone with same brush,just cos of your feelings regarding your ex.
Alan what you should say. Is alot of PWC wants money off NRP to help keep them. I am a PWC and I have never claimed for my two I had to my ex. They lived with me. So it is and was my job to keep them. My children had all they needed..And that was all down to me..We have my husband ex that is taken us to the cleaners for money and more money.CSA are on our backs DEO Order on husband. But this month we after a long fight in courts ect. It will be sorted all out…
Hi Paul. Just wanted to add my support. Stay strong, find someone to talk to so that you can get the anger/frustration/despair out of your system. Try to focus on your relationship with your children and do whatever it takes to maintain it – even if it is by letter text etc until things even out. The system stinks but one day you will be free of it – it took me 16 years to get free but now I am able to enjoy an ordinary relationship with my grown up kids. Good luck.
The same has happened to me plus the ex left me and our son, and im the 1 paying lots to her cos she has my other son
Helen and Dolphin… note my comment was as follows…bout greedy PWC's who want the NRP to fund PWC retail therapy, I clearly mentioned the greedy PWC's, I did not mention ALL PWC's….My feelings regarding any ex is irrelevant and merely regards the evidence of greedy selfish arrogant PWC's..I would advise caution to attempt entering argument with myself because it does not benefit your case or your child… Entering argument with myself will result in verbal conflict were I will make all attempt to make an example of your argument for all to see if you are the greedy selfish arrogant PWC or not, as I have done previously with Lisa, Annika and SJP…. I would advise caution against making such attempts of causing myself to respond to your comments were I will provide evidence of pettiness and bitterness of PWC's to satisfy their need of greed at the cost of NRP and child to line PWC purses with NRP's finance and the prevention of allowing NRP to directly fund by purchase of childs needs and preventing NRP of contact and direct provision as NRP intends for the sake of the child rather than the sake of the PWC!!!!There is enough evidence that PWC's use CSA as a weapon against NRP in veangence rather than supplement of provision for child!! that is a fact!!!!This is about evidence, not about feelings, Clearly the PWC tends to use their feelings as motivation to financially and emotionally destroy NRP's while not realising that the person they are hurting the most is the Child!!!! that is a fact!!!!!
Dolphin, good luck with your case!!!
I evidently consider myself the only one allowed petty squabbles on here….lol
Thank you Allan. And I agree with you….PWC who has again ran to the csa is a evil vindictive cow…As alot of PWC are..And as for the squabbles…She is one bad bitch PWC..Who thinks we should be paying 38% of hubbys wage and we have a child with a brain tumour…I was just wanting to point out..I am a PWC and never claimed a penny. My husband is NRP who is being hammerd by a PWC selfish ungreatful cow she is…I don't want and never wanted a penny off my ex who I have two children with….
Hubbys has one kid…one we are being made to pay for is not his child…CSA are taken 38% of my husband wage..She gets 1,700 + our csa money…
Helen, you said it all in your comment as follows, plain and evident of your desire for NRP to fund your retail therapy!!! the following comment made by Helen!!!not every pwc wants money off nrp to fund retail therapy.god i wishGOD I WISH!!!!…. is the evident comment that you make in order to attempt satisfaction of greed for NRP to fund Retail therapy!!!!!My comment to GOD I WISH…. that PWC's learnt to consider the childs needs before their own selfish needs and in order for PWC to achieve such, they use the CSA to financially and emotionally Destroy NRP's.I wish PWC's chose to put feelings aside and do what is right for the child and find a reasonable compromise instead of inviting other parties to be involved….. be an adult… stop being childish!!!! And do what is right by the child rather than by what you feel is owed to you just because of your bitterness and contempt for your ex!!!!!!
CSA flagerantly disregards the human rights of NRP, child and PWC…CSA is a corrupted criminal agency supported by government while flagrently disregarding the welfare and living expenses the NRP has to maintain in order to make provisions for the child and still these monies are not guaranteed to fund the child but the PWC!!!PWC's d not guarantee the monies are spent on the child either but PWC's are prepared to 8use and abuse the system to cause the child to be disrespectful to NRP as most PWC's using CSA in revenge will inform the child that the NRP is not willing to provide although these PWC's are in reciept of child maintenance which in due cause prevents NRP being able to afford presents for B/days and Xmas…. Just more ammunition for PWC to poison the childs mind!!!!If only PWC's could learn to compromise and allow shared care and never the need for CSA who was actually set up to chase Absent Fathers, Note CSA do not mention the need to chase absent mothers either…. the final conflict is merely that the CSA have not chased Absent parents but those who are sitting ducks who already provide for their child…..PWC's call on the CSA to make NRP's pay twice after they have had an agreement… mostly though when NRP rebuilds life with new partner, PWC includes the vile criminal CSA and stated they'v never had an agreement or payments as agreed!!!! then NRP pays twice, clear evidence of PWC greed!!!!!!!!!!!
(There is enough evidence that PWC's use CSA as a weapon against NRP in veangence rather than supplement of provision for child!! that is a fact!!!!) Oh hell yes I know this one very well, it is absolutley disgraceful how the CSA allow this to happen. Maybe to make more money they need to go after PWC who do this
Charmaine, I understand the original poster stated he had to leave, no mention of divorce…. just t5he CSA causing him to go into unemployment so that he can live….. the situation is that the original poster appears to be another number contemplating the ending of his life…I suggest charmaine that you apply a thought of concern rather than looking to see what judgements you may be able to make… this chap is at his lowest and doesnt want you delving into his history which he willingly provides in request for help and emotional support… he wants understanding and compassion… things the selfish PWC is unable to comprehend unless its for or about herself!!!!!!!As for original poster:I suggest a conflict at work to cause a sacking would help to remove the problem of giving up work and inability to claim for mentioned period….. even ask the employer if possible to arrange a sacking or redundancy with explanation of problems with CSA and how it affects your ability to claim without being sacked or made redundant… if tears come, allow them, not all employers are heartless!!!!Seek the inner person…. the understaning side of the employer and see if an arrangement can be applied or consider asking ex to be reasonable!!! besides that … focus on self employment and dont inform the ex, try online working…… and provide financially direct by purchase of childs needs, there is a way out of this misery, you just have to find a way that suits best for yourself and your child….. if u can manage to get round there, you could place a dealing kit somewhere that your ex will not find it….. small digital scales… any form of drugs in any quantity…. condition the scales as used by applying powder of drugs into crevices… use rubber gloves as u do this, condition a stanley blade in the same manner mainly on the sharp bit, bag it and let it disappear in the back of under the sink, report to Police you know were she keeps it and state she does deliveries to her customers!!!! In the police will come with sniffers!!!!!!! but report it anonimously!!!!!!!
small dealer bags would be usefull else surely she has kitchen foil in the kitchen….. explain she wraps in foil to deliver and she does it in various deals and explain how long you suspectof her illegal activities…. Hmmmmm! she has plenty of money, she drives nice car….. Hmmmmm! wouldnt your suspicions be raised after the sniffer dogs find the drugs???????
Charmaine, I suggest you apply the skill of aiming if you keep missing me so much…lol
mate buy a gun go down there and take as many of there vile life sucking scum bags with you as you can berofe the police show up
Can we not start sung our employers for breach of contract? We really need to stop just trying to deal with the consequences of the state's action, we need to look at ways to attack the roots of this system. The state know it's actions cause harm and yet it continues with its actions. Why do we continue to put up with these laws written in our name?
or how about breach of the data protection act 1998?
Allan, you have not once ever made me look like a greedy, selfish arrogant PWC. You make yourself look like a prize twat most the time tho!Was it you that had the terminal illness? God I hope so…!
never in my post did i say my ex owed me anything.nor did i say i was bitter nd held him with contempt.i certainly dont.i have provided for the children myself by workin.since looking at the posts written,there is so much hate on here.nd yes it very much is the children that are sufferin.they r the ones who get forgotton about.which is heartbreakin.
Sarah your comment regarding terminal illness is SICK. people like you should be stood against a wall and SHOT!!!!!!
Helen, the hate mostly comes from NRP (mostly men on this site) or NRPP who seem to think the children their partner had before hooking up with them dont deserve to be looked after. The hate should be directed at the CSA/Government for a fairer system to be put in, but all you will mostly find here are plebs like Dolphin and Allan who just attack anyone with a different opinion to themselves.
Sarah that is not nice….
Neither are you Dolphin.
Sarah, how about you take off them blinkers your wearing and actually look at real life. Yes there are some bitter NRP's on here and tbh they have very good reason to be. I being one of them. I was paying via private arrangement with my ex. Until she decided that she wanted to go out more and go through fella's like her life depended on sleeping with anyone who'd look at her. Because she's too LAZY to get off her arse she decided that she'd go to CSA and tell them that she never had a penny from us. I provided the CSA with evidence that we'd been paying her every month via standing order yet the life suckin CSA refused to accept the PROOF because the ex told them it was all lie's. How can a person use theeir children as a means to con money with the help of the government?
Sarah-Jayne, you make my point stand out so well….You make yourself look like a prize twat most the time tho! the following exrtraction from SJP's comment!!!!!Was it you that had the terminal illness? God I hope so…!A clear example of PWC hate to NRP's…… Do you not find the phrase Kettle and pot familiar?????? Oddly enough that I commented before xmas on hoping you and your new born are doing well!!!!!Also SJP, oddly enough that I have shared care and provide for my child by direct financial purchase of his requirements…Attack????? because of a different opinion???? Is that not the actions you just took by your direction of comments?????? Mmmmmmm! now who's the prize??????Are you finding it difficult to see past ya nose …. eh SJP??????? who's soooo full of hatred??? oh I see this coming from a PWC who feels that her ex should support financially the PWC's transportation cost to get to work…. that's your responsibility to finance not NRP's…. NRP finances CHILD maintenance, Not PWC maintenance!!!!!
Not hate towards NRP Allan – the comment was directed at you. Not all the NRP of thre world!
Helen, Please describe clearly how I have forgotten about my children!!!
SJP regarding your first line in the comment I rebuked…. I do believe that you yourself have managed to prove you are a selfish arrogant greedy PWC, You dont need me to do that for you as you do it quite well under ya own steam, TYVM!!!!!!
Jody, I am not commenting about NRP bitterness towards their ex partners – but why so many personal attacks against each other on a page which is supposed to be to offer help and support? Allan attacking PWC on many many occasions calling them greedy, selfishl, terrorists…. Maybe if Allan put as much energy into a more balanced realtionship with his ex partners (i understand there is more then one) as he does into his hatred of some PWC who use this page he would be a much nicer man. And Dolphins comments to some people on here – and about children are plain disgusting.
So what you are saying is that this is tit for tat eh?Here's a phrase for you…. GROW UP!!!!!! What kind of a person would wish terminal illness on another human being? Oh yes that right the kind of person who would use their own children against their father. When will these PWC's wake up and realise that shit happens in life so pick yourself up, dust yourself down, hold your head high and get on with bringing up your children WITH the NRP involved, INSTEAD of tryin to systematically destroying the NRP's life because the PWC is bitter.
Brilliant Jody – cause you have fuck all idea of my circumstances so until you do, best not tell me to pick myself up, dust myself down and get on with it! But I do have a very high held head! Thanks for the advice PMSL!
SJP, you clearly provide evidence of your hatred towards myself because you disapprove of my comments against selfish arrogant greedy PWC's… Again you appear to place hatred towards NRP's who have an opinion against selfish greedy arrogant PWC's…If the comment did not describe you, why is it you are offended????My comments could only offend if they are speaking the truth, evidently, my comments truthfully describe yaself and that is why my comments are clearly and apparently offensive as they describe PWC's like yaself???????I am happy that SJP has proven my point so evidently by her representations towards myself… ROFLMFAOOL!!!!!!
Well said Allan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SJP, I dont really care about your circumstances either. You have made it blatantly obvious that you are a bitter PWC.
allan i never said ud forgotton ur children.it wos a general comment.,all this arguin nd resentment between parents,does affect children.i think wot sarah has said is a fair point.its no good bein angry with pwc,s.its the csa that has caused all the resentment.
My balanced relationships are not with my PWC's but with my children, My PWC's are of no importance to me, just my children…. as for bitter PWC's,yes I have a few!!!!!That is why they are my ex's as so the situation should be!!!!So lets hear from the wise critic aka SJP…… how she is not the greedy selfish arrogant PWC who is so easily offended by my comments that describe the actions of PWC who practice in such malice towards NRP and ultimately the Children involved!!!!
I disagrre with you comment Helen.It IS the CSA yes. BUT, the CSA act on the instruction of PWC.
Now get it right Sarah the only children I have called are my husbands ex child if you can call him that evil 18 year old shit..The 16 year old is not his..So get it right before having a go at me…Allan said it…You are a selfish greedy cow. That feathers her bank for your needs and not your poor childs need. Mothers like you are not fit to have a child…He/she should be took off you…Cheeky cow…
Jody, I am not bitter in the slightest. I receive a agreed weekly amount via the CSA (my ex went to them, not me!) and he is happy to pay the 15% of his earnings they say. He pays weekly without fail and its a large amount as he has a high salary. He is aware of the standard of living our daughter could have had we stayed together so with both our salaries we ensure she can maintain not only that standard of living, but is also well provided for in the coming years with her first car, uni fees etc – she is now 12. Sadly her father does not want a relationship with her. So you can see, I have nothing to be bitter about. My ex is a decent man who understands it takes more then some clothes on our daughters back to bring her up and I have the up most respect for him for that! And luckily for my daughter she has the most amazing stepfather so does not even miss the bond she should have with her natural father.
Hold on… You say your ex is a decent man yet he doesn't want a relationship with his daughter?!?!?!?!?!?! How does that make him a decent man??????????????????????????????If your in the situation you say then why are you here bumping your gums?
SJP, describes herself head up high, she had 2 bend over to shove her head that far up her backside prior to entering her head above the clouds, SJP, we have no concerns as to your situation, that is your problem if you are unable to grow up and provide for your child without intending to destroy your NRP financially and emotionally…SJP, you need to get a hold of your emotions and start applying logic prior to your negative emotional outbursts…. I can appreciate and understand why your ex has had to become an ex, you display the perfect example of being a selfish arrogant greedy PWC, I dont have to do that for you, you happilly divulge your emotional distress against NRP's who wish to support their child rather than support PWC retail therapy and transportation costs to your place of employment!!!!!