Self employed ex plays CSA like a fiddle

May 2, 2010

My ex-husband gave up his job to start his own business and now pays £20/month CSA for our 2 children aged 10 and 9.

Just before I had to give up on CSA truibunal hearing as was on anti-depressants and in a real bad way, I was sent copies of his bank statements in preparation for said hearing by CSA showing he pays hundreds of pounds into his fiance’s bank account each month.

I have now written to CSA tribunal to see if case can be re-instated as am no longer taking medication and am terrified again at the prospect of possible hearing no-one seems to give advice and my ex-husband seems very switched on and of course doesnt have the day to day pressures of bringing up 2 children on non existent income!

ANY advice most welcome!


  • Miles says:

    1. Why involved the CSA? Try talking to him; maybe he would be willing to pay a reasonable amount. The judgements made by the CSA are too high and unfair. This is why absent fathers often fight them. Both parents are responsible for their children, but he is not responsible for maintaining you.
    2. Does he have easy access to the children? He should not have to grovel and seek your permission to see them. They are not babies, so make them aware of what is going on. May sounds like involving the children in your problems, but they need to know if their father is not supporting them.
    3. Do you work yourself? I know it’s not easy to find work, but it can be done. There is also help available for the cost of childcare. Show him you don’t need him or his money. Then let him back in (I don’t mean take him back!) – equal and fair access to both your children with equal financial responsibility.

  • deadbeatdad says:

    You should be done for breach of data protection, and who ever sent you copies of his bank accounts, which we can asume is the CSA.

    At least you are getting some money towards the children, which we must point out are not your children, they are the property of the Government or were you not aware of that fact?

  • podgyone says:

    It’s hardly surprising, because the CSA gives no incentive to be in employment because of the unrealistic amounts they calculate that us Non Resident Parents should be paying, Although I would never not provide financially for my son I will not let the CSA be the financial ruin of me and put the three children in my care into extreme poverty, the only way to do this is to either claim benefits and not work or to be self employed. I work for £60 per week extra than I would on benefits and the CSA want to take £58 of this, thats before I pay petrol to get me to work!!!!

    If my ex was not so bitter and denied me access to my son and if she was approachable, I would try and work things out with her, as she is in full time employment she would only get from me £5.00 per week if I was out of work and to be honest I am being forced out of work, whereas if I am in employment, I would not have a problem paying her direct a realistic amount.

    I am currently paying via standing order £30 per week via the CSA and this is not keeping my ex happy or the CSA off my back.

  • Karen Bedford says:

    How did they send you copies of bank statements, as they dont, due to data protection act?

  • Karen Bedford says:

    Children are no the property of a government, you talk absolute crap, no wonder deadbeatdads is considered a joke!

  • Karen Bedford says:

    Miles, you completely miss the point.

    Children are created by two people and BOTH people should support them children in the way they can.

    Get Real

  • podgyone says:

    Karen, what happens then when the resident parent denies the non-resident parent any access to the children, changes the child’s name by deed poll, doesnt want you to be recognised as the other parent but wants the money and for your life to be made hell by the CSA.

  • chall says:

    There’s good and bad on either side of the fence, whether PWC or NRP. Not all are the same…

    The CS system needs a good shake up, to be made fairer for all those cases it fails – But unless parents are prepared to stand up, be non biased and unite together with those that have also been failed, nothing will ever change.

    – click on my user name and join us in the forum at afairercsaforall – Its all FOC and there to be used by parents wanting a better future for CS.

  • podgyone says:

    I know that they’re all not the same, I am the NRP and my partner is a PWC whos ex partner has avoided paying any maintenance for his child for the last five years, my partner does not refuse contact with their child as we believe it is in the child’s best interests to have contact with her dad, but it is annoying when I’m paying for my son, and am refused contact by my ex and am hounded constantly for increases in my payments by the CSA that my partner’s ex is paying nothing.

  • chall says:


    Many subsequent families find themselves in the same position – mine included!

  • kay says:

    we i fell in love with my ex (taxi driver) and we arranged a wedding and i got pregnant , 5 months later i discovered he had 5 other children …i left him but allowed him to register his child and see him whenever he required , he often didnt even turn up for his son and eventually stopped all contact . i work part time and have a very good job so do not need his money . i am also doing a university masters degree , have been diagnosed as dyslexic but i’m no fool ! i have developed a number of properties and i’m proud of what ive achieved for my years ,however i did recieve a message from one of the, ‘other girls’ who were not as strong and he has destroyed her life. she was 16 and he was 35. yes she made a mistake , anyway as he is self employed somehow he has managed to pay no child maintenance for any of his children . his other 4 children are dragged up on benefits and …i feel there must be something peole can do to stop these type of people especially when the new government are introducing so many cuts !

  • Ali says:

    I fell in love with my partner and when we first met he told me his ex was carrying his child, threw her pregnancy he contacted her many of times asking to be at the kids birth,scans,and anything else that was along the way, with her never contacting him and letting him know how HIS kid was ,and when he made further contact by email she contacted her lawyer ,also slandering him on the web ,anyways as we all know all kids should have both parents in there lifes ,but as far as the girl is concerned the CSA money is the only thing thats intresting her ,even dening him access ,So yeah as A female my self A lot of females get in contact threw the csa just out of Spite not realising if the were civil things my end up easier

  • Glen says:

    I think women are a joke with kids they think they make all the rules. My partner now is saying she wants to break up with me for 2 reasons a) I work too much b) I didn’t hoover the stairs because my back is in agony.

    She said she doesnt care about my back …wtf…..and I work too much (from home btw) to earn money for the family while she goes out acting like a little kid with her friends every day. She is extremely immature I am 26 and I focus on life not pratt about all day…but i get grief!

    Anyway she says she wants £70 per week maintenance, she can go sing for it! CSA can kiss my ass. I am self employed and I have tax and expenses to pay and plus its been settled through court that I see my daughter every wednesday and have her every other weekend, so £70 a week out of my hard earned money is a joke when she has her rent paid, council tax paid and gets benefit money every week. Just about everything my daughter has my work has paid for! So how she can say i dont provide is a joke…where is someone on benefits providing?

  • Wendy Woo says:

    I’ve just re-assed payments for my daughter after a few years – my current partner is self employed & yearly we adjust maintenance for his Son correctly so felt we should be doing the same. Discovered my ex went self employed a couple of years ago, and although he’s been paying £180 a month suddenly it’s £5 a WEEK – my Mum received this from my absent father in 1977!!!! Seriously, £265 school trip coming up, shoes £30 every 3 months (and thats just school), food £10 a week balanced school dinner + a dinner at home, clothes they do grow LOTS- how can he be earning under £100 a week – in last year holiday in Australia, Greece and lets not forget Hong Kong x3 yearly???!!!! How could he have been after paying CSA living on £220 week – his wife works in Admin (please no offense but not ‘high’ earning bracket?) And they have a mortgage???!!!CSA said income info from inland revenue and I BET money has been filtered to his wife incase this happened (CSA contact). From what I gather this is not allowable by CSA. They were helpful on phone and after explaining gave me a Tax Evasion Hotline no – 0800 788887 the only problem is I hate confrontation and put up with too much so am going to wait and see if he he adjusts payment next month & if he does drop it to £5 i’ll ring it. My true anger over this is we have done right by my partners Son – to us CSA estimations do REALLY hurt – we have paid from £360 a month to over £500 and suffered (as tax returns are a year behind) paying higher amounts leaving us skint but we KNOW we are doing what is fair. We also have a great relationship with my partners ex and new partner – they have even been over for dinner – but of course we’ve had hoohaas in the past when payments going down!!! For an absent father who holidays (always WITHOUT) his daughter and even told her all about his fab time in disneyland – she’s now 9, I feel bitter and hurt. How can I possible pick up the phone and discuss it? (we NEVER holiday unless we can take ALL kids ie stepson!!!!) Comments really welcome – I feel unique in experiencing both sides personally as to paying out and coming in!!!!!!!!!!!

  • angrymom says:

    hi wendy woo. i am in the same situ as u. my ex has just been reassessed by csa and payment has now gone from £20 a month to £38 a month for 3 children. he is self employed and has his own buiseness and just bought another business. his new earnings apparently is £116 per week??? a bit of fiddling going on i think as i know he is looking at moving to a bigger house, he wants to take the kids on vacation, bought the boys new motorbikes and has a very very expensive hobby of racing cars…. my husband pays £440 a month to pay for his 3 kids and we have no probs in paying it as kids are expensive and both parents are responsible for financially supporting their kids.
    i refuse to accept csa as the amount is an insult to my kids. it will pay for 1 school meal per child per week. that to me is not supporting your kids.
    some people may say ooohhh your all in it for the money,, but how dare a parent flaunt their monies and then rip their kids off. if he cannot support the kids day to day living like i do then i know he cannot support them on his access days so for my kids sake have stopped then going. personally if thats the way he wants to play this then he should have his rights took away. and if he wants them he can earn them back. i am proud to say i am there for my kids at home and at school unlike their deadbead dad

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