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nearly 20 years of hell with the CSA

23 November 2010 by Mandy Carter

I have been involved with the CSA since my boys were young, nearly 20 years…

I left there dad back in 1992, since then i have had CSA in my life… My ex, didnt want to be a dad, and hasnt paid anything unless you think the odd payment of £10 one month to 5p for a year for 2 growing boys, anyway, as my ex told them he was self emplyed it has been hard to get a penny from him, well, as like some, you seem to lose faith in the csa, and as i have brought my boys up myself

I had a letter last year telling me i was owed nearl 3k, so i thought ok, lets see if we can get some back once an for all.. as i married last year my husband pays regular for his daughter and well, i thought i feel that my ex should pay what he owes… and as my eldest is nearly 20, yes 20yrs old…. he will have children of his own and my ex will still be paying… after countless phone calls… and not sending me any letters to tell me what is or going to happen, a kind lad finally brought my case to a case worker, who is looking into my case… and has told me that it will go to enforcement… now i think is this the waiting game or is something final going to happen…..

68 thoughts on “nearly 20 years of hell with the CSA”

  2. brokenfather…. nearly 20yrs i said, but if you want to to know the correct amount of time well, as i said since 1992, my eldest was 18months and my other was 12 weeks old, and it was 19yrs 5months and 7 days…….. so i think it was nearly 20 years!

  3. Hi,

    The Child Support Agency was set up in April 1993, following the Child Support Act 1991 ~ so it is nearly 20 years.

    At present any arrears owed prior to July 2000, can not be enforced through the courts, but the agency can recover them by using a deduction of earnings.

    chall ~ afairercsaforall.co.uk

  4. As chall said, the CSA didnt exist until April 1993 so you couldnt have applied to them in 1992. Even if you were the very first applicant in 1993 it can only be 17 years 7 months. Nowhere near 20 years.

    How much else of your post is embelishment I wonder ….

  6. You said YOU left there Dad back in 92 poor man ? now 18 years later your going to kick his balls again ,, Another man ruined by a bitter PWC , SHAME ON YOU !

  7. 3k after nearly 20 years seems very fair!! if hes a real dad he should pay up not to you but to your children…

  8. you case mirrors mine, ive been dealing with them for 17 years !!! my children are 20 and 22 and STILL no money, my second husband paid regularly for 15 years amounting to 56,000 pounds, but as Jem said dont hold ya breath ive been promised all sorts over the years and been given loads of different case workers promising me this and that and still no results !! ill fight this till the day i die, the CSA only target the employed and the few self emplyed who refused to pay get off scot free…

  9. Leave it, your son is 20 years of age now, he has grown up and can support himself. As for his father, well it takes more than sperm to nurture a child and if you have done a brilliant job. Leave his father to it as he will have to deal with the consequence of his actions. RiCHARD she may of left him as he was no good?Or maybe not treating her well, stop calling her bitter as you have no idea what has occured .

  13. "he didn't want to be a dad" So how to trick or force him into that then ?Takes two to tango. Must have been your decision to keep the child, so you take responsibility for it. female privelidge and entitlement springs to mind.

  14. How many bitter men on here hate women? its ridiculous…and it seems to be the ones that don't want to support their kids. I joined this site as I was/ still am having probs getting anywhere with the CSA and was after advice and to find out how other people had sorted out their similar problems. Unfortunately many of the people here seem to be fanatical. Last week I read about someone from the CSA who died from carbon monoxide poisoning and some of the weirdos on here were saying it was good that he had died and he deserved it – its completely weird and extreme! Now there is a bunch of men here slating mothers who are still trying to get some support for the kids after self funding them for years while the men seemingly shirk their responsibilities. Its a shame that normal people like Jo, Jayne and Pauline who might like to just come to this site for some advice, sharing experiences and mutual support have to put up with some of the ridiculous comments people like Christopher, Richard and Michael make, amongst others.

  15. Maybe he did not want to be a dad after they seperated, do you even have an education Micheal, why was he tricked, duh unprotected sex means a possibilty of fatherhood, are all men stuoid to think otherwise or what? This CSA SHELL IS FULL OF BITTER MEN NOT ALL. Poor you, victims of your own grandeur and sad state of mind. Get a life. Since you believe Micheal that the guy was tricked, maybe you and all the men who were so called tricked need to go back to school and get some sex education. Stupidity at it`s finest. Classic

  16. All of a sudden he was forced, what now your an abuse victim Micheal, looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool lllllllllllllllllllllmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooooooooo

  19. So 'maxine' came on here to find some more creative ways to screw the father of her children. hmmmm figures.

  20. Christopher, for every 'blood sucking wench' there is a deadbeat sperm donor who does not face up to his financial responsibilities. Not all of us who are left raising children alone are doing it through choice and not all of us are out to shaft their ex which is why I personally choose not to entertain the CSA.To Michael, yes it does take 2 to tango, most men are quite capable of saying no, so not sure your 'trick or force' comment would hold that much weight, also why is it you only seem to highlight the fact that women get pregnant to screw over men, what about the women that put their faith in a relationship and agree to have children with a person that is supposed to love them, then they walk out for what ever reason and leave them to raise a child alone, clearly not a womans decision then so, is that covered by 'female priviledge and entitlement' too? It all works both ways doesn't it?Back to topic, I think after 20 years I would move on. Is it making you happy to chase for money you could be waiting for, for another 5, 10 , 15 years, based on the well documented inabilities of the CSA? What is it costing you financially and in terms of stress and misery to pursue this? Your ex is the one that has to live with his conscience and if in 20 years it has not bothered him that he has not paid for his children, i don't think he is going to develop one now? Be happy, you most likely have one thing he may never have… the love and respect of your children and that is ultimately the best reward you can have as a parent x

  21. self funding; ! you had them, you got em, you pay. simple. entitled to support ? errr NO. what type of fool invests in something with no returns ?? and you gotta be a total masochist to invest in something that is encouraged to ridicule and disrespect you anyway. ***** off.

  22. Well said Michae!!!l it's funny how women just don't see how the male is discriminated against what ever the circumstances ,, your Bang right

  23. Yes, I agree, Men are discriminated against on a regular basis, but, seriously, 'you had them, you got em, you pay'. If your ex actively encourages your child to disrespect you then shame on her, surely, rather than a 'bollocks to you' attitude, would it not be better take the moral high ground and pay anyway? Be the better person maybe?

  24. Agreed. Too many men and too many women make for an amusing arguement ;0) Well said Michael and Richard !!!

  25. Well…. this looks like a request for one of my posts eh!!!!Here I am my wonderful fans!!!!!! I have noticed many comments here where it appears the PWC chooses once again to slate the NRP…I however respond in the same ways I present myself on earlier posts… PWC's have to learn to realise that it is not all about money!!! well clearly the opposite thought (by many if not all) that enters the mind of the arrogant selfish greedy PWC's who choose to inform their children that the NRP is not paying up to the PWC, yet happily the child wears evidence of the NRP making provision from their own pockets while the PWC spends CSA payments on on their own "RETAIL THERAPY"!!!!! Oooops! Child maintenance is for the" child"… it is not called PWC maintenance!!!!!Why should the NRP maintain the PWC's Retail Therapy?????The NRP only needs to support the child and in many cases make a better job of it than the PWC!!!!I have known PWC's who will finally choose to stop contraception after living together for over a year or two and of cause the guy has been tricked by manipulation of the future NRP….!!In some cases the relationship fails as it takes two to work a relationship as much as create a child!!! and clearly the PWC has no intentions to work things out!! They split…. WC gets bitter because NRP has had no choice but to remove themselve from continued proggressive conflict….reconciliations never work to plan….. NRP moves on in life… NRP enters new relationship… bitter twisted PWC stops contact, creates stories of abuse emotional or physical and tells friends all the same untrue allegations against NRP… false witness set for family law courts in PWC's ambition to prevent contact between NRP and child…MORE TAX FREE MONEY from NRP….. the downward spiral where PWC contacts CSA…. no shared care!!! more money!!!!Important part of this post is.. what the NRP does for the child is more valuable than PWC's need for money to finance RETAIL THERAPY!!!!Something all women are known to commit themselves to whenever they have access to money!!!!!!!!!

  28. Maxine… I'm proud enought o have made several comments in reference to the issue of that CSA worker!!!! Jamie Smith a while ago.. a CSA employee might we add also….This is where I request CSAhell.com to produce the evidence where Jamie Smith comments that he would like to see fathers jump of tall buildings and his incitement of fathers to commit suicide…Clearly the biggest haters of men are the CSA but you PWC's for your twisted narrow desire to screw the NRP financially demand CSA to bang the NRP for whatever they have got untill reduced to nothing with no home, no job and no pride and with so much low self esteem…. Commits suicide!!!the PWC is prepared to get their desire of wishing NRP dead and drives the NRP to it because of selfish arrogant GREED!!!!!

  30. Melanie… you clearly comment that men say NO to you?????Hmmmmmmmmm! alarm bells spring to mind lol!!!!!!

  31. didnt realise this was a place to verbally bash eachother, thought it was a place to support one another. i dont agree with the comments that jamie smith made nor do i agree with some ppl on the subject of the csa worker found dead. i do not as a pwc, hate the father of my child. all i want is our child to grow up with BOTH PARENTS working together in raising him and supporting him emotionally, financially etc. not all nrp's are deadbeats. not all pwc's are greedy and financially demanding. there may be those parents out there that use their children as weapons to bash the other parent with but there really is no need. in the end, THE CHILDREN will work it out for themselves. i dont need to slam my ex for his wrong doings every day for the next 20 years +. he knows where he has screwed up but the question becomes "How can he go about making the changes necessary?". he still has no idea how. to be acknowledged as mummy or daddy is not a right, but a true honour. these children deserve so much more than parents fighting. honour them.

  32. Oh someone thinks he is a comedian…. hmmmm but what is funny is all a matter of opinion I guess so carry on entertaining your audience of 1! What I CLEARLY said was men know how to say no, no is one of the first words a 'child' learns is it not?…. meaning doesn't change! Not all women have the morals of a sewer rat so why do you happily tar us all with the same brush?

  33. I am happy to tarr all greedy arrogant selfish PWC's with the same brush!!!!Audience of 1… oddly I recieve responses to my posts so ur part of the audience… whether u like my comedy or not is not important to me, but those who appreciate my dry comedy are clearly entertained by those who choose to take themselves way too seriously while I present my opinions and questions….lol!!!!!If that's your highest level of attempt of insult, then you may need lessons on how to insult people effectively… feel free to ask me for lessons!!!!!…..lol

  37. why is it your child has learnt the word NO!!!!?????????Is that your child learning a denied right to learn in play… no matter what or did you not make the home child friendly so you didnt have to keep saying NO repeatedly for your child to learn the word NO!!!

  38. Ive been with the CSA since 1998 and feels like more than the 12 years its been!

    All I would say is go onto the facebook groups Child Support Agencies failings and see others in similar situations (its for parents i.e. not just mothers) who dont support their children regardless of their sex!

    I know there are parents (both sexes) who support their children and they are the ones who are penalised for the ones who dont.

    Also there are other facebooks groups, you dont have to pay anything its about what others have done, what they have achieved, etc. and there is support too to show no one is on their own (which is a shame in some ways) hope it helps.

  39. At first glance of the post i think he should pay 3k because he could pay it direct to his boy's and explain exactly why he has been missing from their lives for so long, i personally would never stay away from my children by choice.In my experience the PWC stops contact for there own reasons and not for the interests of the children, i would really like to know if this PWC has encouraged contact or just disappeared.

  40. thank you Karen, it has been ongoing for so long, due to my son being 21 next year and im still owed money it has been a drag, there dad is self employed which is why he has been dodged for so long, and it went from old rules to new rules… blah blah… i wish it would be just over, i feel for fathers everywhere and mothers to, and every case is different, but with my case im very bitter in him, not the call center people at the csa.. but alittle hep in some way would be nice…. my husband now… pays for his child every month on the dot… i get nothin, and bringing 2 boys up, and still living at home, what he owes is nothing to what i have give my boys, emotionally and financally… i do have 2 other children, which i dont get anything for either,,,, i have do it all myself, i work and have always worked….. so i do think i need something back, when it will get sorted i dont know, i have joined the groups that you have mentioed, and thank you for your comment… very kind an helpfull…

  41. Sarah Jayne pattimore, I do believe that micheal never actually said that he was not willing to make provisions for his child… he comments clearly of his experiences of his PWC teaching his child to disrespect him like so many selfish arrogant greedy PWC's tend to do….I just laugh of the disrespect from my PWC with sarcasm in several responses so that my PWC shows my child what a disrespectful bitch she is… It's my child who thinks his mother over reacts!!!! I think so too….. ut my son is old enough to make his own assessments of his mothers reactions, lack of understanding, disrespect, malicious words etc….. she chooses to reveal her arrogance and selfish greed… I dont have to say anything to my son about her… he tells me…lol

  42. If I would have known that I would have been the victim of such a shambolic system before this retrospective legislation has been introduced, I would have seriously thought about having my children in the first instance!

    Two of children were born before 1992, and for ANY politician or government to introduce retrospective legislation that has persecuted and criminalised me is a scandal.

    It is for me to provide finances for my children. Not a Politician, not a bonus seeking executive or a grade 2 clerk. ME!

    My Human rights with regard to a private family life have been breached, by the UK government persecuting me, harassing me and victimising me. Like I said, I would not have consented to producing any further children had I known retrospective legislation would interefere with my private family. I would have used contraception or had a vasectomy or been celibate, if I would have known that retrospective legislation would be introduced!

    What next? Will the government ransack my late parents estate for back dated tax payments or any monies that they should have paid when they were alive, because the law has been changed since they passed away?

    Can politicians please provide me with a crystal ball,so that I can look into the future and see the mistakes that I may make, given that there may law changes that would affect me?

    It is a disgrace!

  43. I unfortunately have had to stay away from 2 of my children due to my wish not to put my children in a position where they would be watching conflict… that is with my recent ex….I have shared care with my eldest child and I financially provide for my eldest child from my own finances… that child being with my 2nd ex-wife!!!!I am awaiting for the time my 2 youngest find out for themselves what an arrogant selfish greedy malicious argumentative lazy bitch their mother is!!!!

  44. Does anyone else know what kind of woman who recieves or expects to recieve payment for results of a sexual act is????????

  45. Laura… if PWC's wish to abuse NRP's on here then surely the NRP has a right to defend themselves from such abuse!!!!or does laura feel that the woman is entitled to abuse a man for having an opinion?????????

  46. I am one of the people here who is happy to say absolute Joy!!! in respect to the death of that CSA employee… 1 down… many more to go!!!!!!

  47. Melanie Jane Newman: Yes you trying to be reasonable acknowledged. 🙂 You may wish to look what I reacted badly to (may list it again) You say;; the love and respect of your children and that is ultimately the best reward you can have as a parent.Exactly, but when up against extreme PA it's a lost cause.

  48. Is being rude and obnoxious on here your only pass time? I taught my children what the word no means because they need to learn it at an early age for their safety and if you read my post i said ONE of the first words not THE first. Not all PWC's are by your definition 'greedy, selfish and arrogant' Listening to you, you have clearly had a bad experience with your ex and subsequently cannot see anything past that! It is completely acceptable to have an opinion, but you have no flexibility in your thinking at all and you cross the line between passionate about your belief and downright rude! You feel how you do and that is your right but I have 3 kids with 2 fathers neither of whom live with me. I am disabled, I hate the CSA, they are the biggest waste of space around 'in my opinion' and will not accept my payment via them so i accept what the fathers are happy to give me FOR OUR CHILDREN. I firmly believe that what i am given for the children be used FOR THE CHILDREN, which is why it is all paid into a separate account to be used only for them! I am not a bitter, selfish shopaholic and I am sure there are many PWC's that also think like me. I allow unlimited access to both fathers to their children pretty much whenever they want. My kids want for nothing, and i do everything in my power to let them do all the activities they should be able to, like football at £100 a season and swimming at £400 a year as i don't believe they should go without just because i am raising them on my own. My childrens fathers are invited to everything, school, birthdays everything and i actively encourage them to be a part of their lives as that is important and this is all possible because we chose to be amicable and they do not behave like complete ARSEHOLES! I would not ask you for lessons on anything because i think the way you talk to people is inexcusable really so I thank you but I will pass on your offer!

  50. would it not be better take the moral high ground and pay anyway? Be the better person maybe?I am definately the better person by far. Pointless taking a moral stance with a theif and liar who wouldn't comprehend it anyway. However I am sending them a clear moral message 'don't tolerate or submit to emotional blackmail, lieing and theiving does not pay, coercion and deciept should alwyas be challenged''I have other elder children whom I have rescued and bailed out on numerous occasions. and had many offers rejected cuz they'd rather fuck up themselves cuz they raised to be independant and self reliant. They NEVER ask for anything out of a sense of entitlement.

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