Have my son during school holidays but still pay CSA

July 27, 2010

Starting back in 1997 my other half gave birth to my now (13 year old) son . Things couldn’t be better.

Then a year on we decided to get married, well she asked me although i turned her down the first 2 times cause i didnt want to break sonething that wasnt broken. My hunch was correct, less than a year on she divorced me, waking up one morning saying she didnt want this anymore, just outta the blue.

That was the start of the solicitors letter and police to kick me out.. over nothing may i add.. there was no violence or mental abuse. It was all just cause she didnt want it anymore, it was hell.

Anyway, a few years later after an all time low locked away feeling sorry for myself, wondering if i had done wrong, I picked myself up and thought i would do something with my life instead of wondering what i had done. All was fine, i started a new job self employed and she was getting what she was asking for money wise. What ever she wanted i got.. thats been the case for the past 12 years.

Now she fell out with me since getting with a new partner. Wishing i was dead cause it will make her life easier. In fact, the words were “i wish you would die of cancer a slow painfull death”, nice lol .. anyways of october 2009 my business started to suffer. Due to laws of smoking in pubs, and the credit crunch, landlords started so suffer – in turn my work was suffering. Because of it i went weeks without work.. but i owed and still owe thousands now.

I’m lucky if i get one a week, or a fortnight, so surfice to say im suffereing bigtime .. and had to claim jsa in october for a few weeks, untill worked picked up again. In turn shes not happy cause shes not getting any money.. , so shes phoned the csa to redeem more money from me. I recieved a letter from then saying i owed 6.50 which is fair enough as i was on a low income . . whick i started to pay. Then i receve a letter saying i owed hundreds of pounds, like it was pulled out of a hat from somewhere.

Then a few weeks later i receved a call from a man working my case who wasnt interested in what i earnt or was earning .. or the situation. . infact he was downright rude and spoke to me like i was 3. Didnt want to know nothing.. all he said was  i will have to phone the ex see if its ok – Like it was all one sided all for the woman and to hell the mans life!

I did try and get my bit in, then the man thretened me by putting a report in my file. At what point i put the phone down, now few weeks later i have an enforcement for just 160 pounds, from where i do not know. It’s starting to worry me as thats 3-4 weeks money which i cant afford.

Oh i forgot to mention i earn £60 a party when ever i get one. Low price cause of garanteed work!. Just enough to keep me living!. . but they dont care bout that. What am i to do? I have for 13 years always had my son from friday from school till late sunday, every week , and any holiday he spends with me.. soon we have the 6 weeks holiday.. and while i shall be paying CSA to her. I will have him for the 6 weeks and have to keep him on as little as i have.

Anyways i now have court proceddings cause of money i just dont have and dont know where to turn cause they arnt sympathetic at all.


  • Brokenfather says:

    Are you claiming the discount on CM that you are entitled to for time in your care?

  • Starburst says:

    I am so sorry to hear the upset you have been through but I am a mother of two on the other end of the scale.

    My ex used to pay maintenance then started to mess me about (we had a private agreement). He said he thought he was paying too much (£200 per month so £25 per week for each child – loads eh !) and so wanted to go through the CSA to arrange it. This I had no problem with but it seemed amazing that all this started when he met and moved in with his current partner who he now has a 8 year old daughter with, so I waited to hear from the CSA. They told him to put £50 a week away and once the case was sorted he would have the money to hand to pay the lump sum – this he agreed to do and then didnt.

    It ended up with him having arrears in excess of £1500 and he then pleaded poverty saying he couldnt afford it and could he pay it back in installments. Again I had no problem with this, I just wanted him to take responsibility for his two children. This arrangement never ran smooth with him paying less each month and culminated in him lying to the CSA saying the children lived with him and once that didnt work he decided to end the claim on the day I lost my father (nice eh !!!! ).

    Now since the early part of last year he has stopped paying for our eldest child saying he is no longer responsible as the age of 19 has been reached although this child is in full time education and has tried every way to get out of paying, even to the point of accusing me of mind games etc etc even though he is the one calling our children and asking them 20 questions trying to find a way out of paying for his children which has upset them greatly. All this from a man who has just bought a brand new larger house and a car and who is griping about paying £216 a month for his children.

    I totally agree that your case is not being dealt with in the correct way and you should ask for another case officer but should also apply for reduced payments due to your earnings. This is simple and you j ust provide them with your recent payslips as proof but I needed to write to you to show that it isnt a case of it all goes the mothers way – there are men out there who think that just because their wife has divorced them they can take it out on the children or try and forget about them completely because they now have a new partner and child/children.

    Please dont be dishearterned and do as I suggested – with the right case worker things will be alot easier and any court will see that your CSA Case Worker has screwed up once they see your payslips and can over rule the CSA’s decision.

    I have met and married a wonderful guy now and hope that in time you will meet someone who is worthy of your trust and love but please try and keep your chin up – things will get straightened out one way or another.



  • FriedGinger says:

    This is nice reply from Star, almost avoided your question completely.

    This depends on the kind of arrangement you are on with her. If you’re currently in contact with the CSA, I’d send them all the evidence I have of my earnings and payments to her. They did the same with me, pulling numbers from anywhere and none of it made sense. They also took a considerable amount more from my earnings that they were supposed to have done, around 30%.

    Use the CSA calculator and work out what you’re supposed to be paying. If you had a family arrangement, you could in fact say that he is with you, so the child support payment will stay with him for the duration of the holidays. But officially through CSA, this isn’t the way it works.

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