Fathers should stop paying if mothers stop contact

August 8, 2010

My son has always paid for his 2 year old daughter. The mother of his daughter has threatened to stop contact whenever she is in a bad mood about something, but thanks to our crawling and obeying her every wim she usually sees sense.

A few months ago she carried out this threat. My son is now in a position where he has to pay csa, rent, car, and all his other bills and now on top of that solicitor and court costs to get a contact order – even though the solicitor said he has the right to see his daughter and she is in the wrong.

I feel so strongly that a simple law should be that if the mother stops contact, the father can stop payment. It would stop all these girls/women using their children as weapons to control the fathers and when the contact order is granted the mother should have to repay the costs to the father, but it seems nobody cares about the fathers problems…

Comments

36 Responses to “Fathers should stop paying if mothers stop contact”

  1. Brokenfather on August 8th, 2010 2:02 pm

    I agree, unless there are safety issues, no parent should have to apply to court to maintain a relationship with their own flesh and blood. Care of children should be equal responsibility unless the parents agree otherwise.

    Sadly the Government only cares about the money, because they keep a large proportion of what they collect, and they dont care about the broken relationships and lives of one parent that have been totally ruined by the other parents actions.

  2. Brokenfather on August 8th, 2010 2:03 pm

    It’s about time contact obstruction is acknowledged as child abuse, which is what it is ….

  3. FABMAN on August 8th, 2010 7:52 pm

    I absolutely agree. Get in touch with your MP about it. Thats what I have done and I am not stopping until something is done. Unfortunately the British are good at moaning but not at doing. Get your MP to get in contact with Iain Duncan-Smith MP (in charge of CSA). If everyone does it, maybe we can get things changed. The CSA is due to be reviewed by Government in Sept 2010. Good luck.

  4. Karen Bedford on August 9th, 2010 10:48 am

    Contact and maintenance are separate issues, children should not suffer due to the parents, my ex had contact but abused it (ie. didnt turn up, turn up late) the only reason it went to court is because he couldnt keep to the verbal agreement we had in the first place! But even the court intervention didnt change his attitude that if he had nothing else better to do, then he would see them! I wish I had the same optimisim as you Fabman re: contact MP etc, as I have done this for many years and got nowhere! Good luck, hope you all have better luck than me.

  5. Gary Spiers on August 9th, 2010 11:36 am

    I was put through the mill by my ex. and have not seen my daughter since nov 2008.
    prior to that i had a contact order in place. which is to be frank, next to useless.
    during my research i found a condition called Parent Allianation Syndrome. this condition is recognised by the courts, police, social services in the US but not over here in the UK. maybe things would be oh so different if it was. google it and have a look.

  6. Melanie Jones on August 9th, 2010 2:05 pm

    Why was the contact order useless??
    I went with my son to court last Tuesday, she didn’t turn up, they were really understanding at court and have arranged a second hearing a week on Tuesday and his ex has been told an order will be made in her absence if she is not there. We left feeling optimistic.
    I do intend to write to MPs re this. I do feel if the money was stopped if access is denied it would at least half all these court cases, I understand this does not apply in all situations but there are an awfull lot of girls/women who use their children as a means of hurting the father with a complete disregard to the effects on the children.
    I heard a story recently of a 16 year old girl who turned up on her fathers doorstep. She had been brought up believing her father hadn’t wanted contact. She met all her family and saw the effort they had made to have a relationship with her, this resulted in a major fallout with her mother and she now lives with her father. Divine justice….
    Sat there last Tuesday I felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness that so many children are caught up in a war between their parents when they are the two people who should only have their best interests at heart….

  7. Brokenfather on August 9th, 2010 3:36 pm

    I’ll try not to be to harsh here, but please try not to get your hopes up to much. A Court will hapilly issue an Order for contact, but it’s just a peice of paper. The problem lies in the Courts consistantly refusing to take any action where the mother simply refuses to comply with it. I fear that by the mother not even bothering to turn up for the initial hearing speaks volumes to me.

    Beacuse the Courts do nothing, there is nothing left that the father can do except resign themselves to the loss of their children.

    bf (over 4 years since I saw my children, and counting …..)

  8. Brokenfather on August 9th, 2010 3:39 pm

    Oh of course, most of these so called mothers still believe it is their right to collect CM from the father that they deliberately exclude, and the Government provides a free to use organisation for the purpose ………

  9. Dawn Mcfeeley on August 12th, 2010 5:01 pm

    I would dearly love my girls to see their dad but with new girlfriend in tow he cant be bothered – endless failed promises. I have stopped contact asking for a court order which he will adhere to because my eldest daughter is now having to have councilling because of the constant let downs. Should the CSA stop attempting to collect the maintenance my daughters are due so they can have the extras which I cant afford due to having to pay the normal household bills. Some parents with care dont want to stop contact but have to so that their children are protected from emotional harm. I would love to share my wonderful children with their father & give me a break. Working, looking after the children & doing all the household chores isnt easy!!!!!!

  10. Emma Louise Walton on August 17th, 2010 8:49 am

    I believe that the father of a child should pay maintenance it is only fair and right. What I don't believe in is the CSA and the way they go about their business with their bully boy tactics. They prevent second families from having any form of happiness due to lack of finances through having to paying ridiculous amounts of child maintenance. There has to be a fairer way of paying child maintenance than there is at present, a system which is consider a reasonable amount to pay, a system which considers all of the parties circumstances including other children step children included. It is also my considered opinion that women that won't allow decent fathers to have access to their children should be penalised for this by not having their cake and eating it!

  11. Big Lou on September 2nd, 2010 12:50 pm

    Why pay for something you dont have the right to do anything for.

    I cant consult on medical issues unless basically my ex is dying or in a state of mind where she cant make the decision. I cant even go and pick my kids up from school or have any say in the way there raised because she will not let me.

    3 years now since i saw my 2 children and have payed for them.

    Fairness is not a word that is used in the right context in this country.

  12. Jim Bailey on September 2nd, 2010 7:59 pm

    Paying so called Child Support is funding the destruction of your own FAMILY and empowering the STATE to do just that to others – Onward – Together-4-FAMILY – http://www.rationshed.wordpress.com – Jim

  13. Jeeves on January 6th, 2011 1:07 am

    Its a sad world indeed, yet for all the men who dearly would love to see their children, there are at least twice as many who can’t be bothered. Who are happy to take care of their children on “weekends” and “hoidays” when its all abouthaving fun, yet have no idea what it’s like to actually raise a child. It’s not about taking care of a pet every now and then! I’m sick of the promises and demands men make about their rights, but when daddy is ill, he can lie in bed all day and take a day off work…. when mummy is ill, children need do be taken to school, fed, washed etc etc etc….. My point is, the bitch and whine about how you shouldn’t have to pay CSA because of this that and the other is selfish… you’re chuldren need to eat, be fed, clothed, kept warm, etc. Not JUST taken to the park for a quick game of football on a weekend!

  14. pj on January 28th, 2011 7:40 pm

    my son and our family have not been allowed to see his son since xmas.
    he has only just started working but the day he started his ex applied to the csa without warning although he had been giving her money for nappies etc. they have demanded backpay which he cannot pay and although he asked for time to pay they basically said tough! he isnot refusing to pay just needs time.
    she has refused him access since xmas and before then she was very awkward depending on her mood.she was the onewho left and now has her own place and another boyfriend appeared within weeks of the split.he will be seeking legal advise in the near future but after reading these comments i don’t hold out muchhope.don’t forget the grandparents inall this too.what rights do we have?

  15. Jim on October 29th, 2011 8:28 pm

    The british legal system needs taking to the european courts for being totally sexist against fathers where contact with children is concerned, less than 6% of residency battles go in a fathers favour, The CSA has draconian powers that i would say infringe a fathers right to a family life with there child/children. Also the legal system is so so loath to enforce a mother to allow contact <<<<why ? its easier to make the father pay….im sorry to say that this system makes me totallly ashamed to be british,once i was proud to be british but alas with all the obvious corruption in politics and sexist laws its no longer a democracy i feel proud to say i belong too..

  16. Dario Subiela on November 22nd, 2011 2:00 pm

    The British legal system is not on the side of the male when it comes to child support. I have 2 children, 1 lives with me and the other with her mother however… the CSA was taking a 3rd of my wages for the child that lives with her mother and when I contacted them about this all they could tell me was that they would reduce the amount I would have to pay. My answer to this was to make a counter claim but apparently I don’t have a leg to stand on. All of this came about because the mother of my children recently became disabled and the government wants to claim money back one way or another from what I can tell. basically the agency should change its name to “help woman live for free agency”.

  17. faye on December 8th, 2011 1:06 pm

    I dont think a father should have to make payments all this crap about lone parent poverty is not true, i my self was a single parent until i met my now husband. i never relied on m daughters father to pay his way cos for one he was on benefits so would of only got £20 a month and really what is the point of contacting csa for that i mean you have to be desprate!! anyway yeah i was a single parent working full time and recieving child benefit and both working tax and child tax so how any lone parent can class that as poverty they need there head testing! i feel sorry for these men who try them damn hardest to see there children and get no where but still have the money taken off them my husband is going through all this now and its disgusting how women can treat there ex partners them and this is coming from a woman

  18. Gene Sisley on December 9th, 2011 9:22 am

    I agree entirely with the above,having been in the very same position.My ex new how to play the system,and,while I strugglked to pay maintenance for my daughter,who was constantly dressed in ill fitting rags while her mother was dressed to the nines,she had computers,new furniture,and plenty of parties.Im not against the mother being able to enjoy herself,but,when your child is always in need of new clothes,nappies etc and is being neglected,it made my blood boil.
    I stopped paying maintenance when I was stopped seeing my daughter,because I said I wouldnt kit my daughter out for her new school year.Wrong of me refusing to by the uniforms etc? My answer was I paid maintenance.I didnt pay the csa for the 6 months it took me through the legal process.I have to say that was wrong!!
    All that happened was that the csa continued paying her,and,built up a big arrears for me!!
    You cannot beat a government agency!!!

  19. dynamo on December 9th, 2011 9:10 pm

    Oh my goodness reading this all makes me feel sick with worry. I split with my ex around two years ago. For the first year I saw my son and step son every other weekend and one mid week night. We had an agreement where I paid her money and she signed a receipt.

    Just after a year she met some guy online and he moved in within a month. Shortly after this she demanded more money and started refusing to sign a receipt. I offered to pay in exchange for a receipt and I also offered to create a standing order direct from my account and she refused both as she told me she thought she could get more from the CSA.

    Then she stopped me seeing my step son which was now 10 months ago. I initially sought the advice of a solicitor but he just told me to forget it as the boy was not biologically mine and I had never adopted him. I explained that I thought it was mental abuse on his part as I was still allowed access with my biological son. I spent five years raising that boy and for those five years he called me Dad. She stopped my access overnight.

    10 months on I have just received a “text message” (as she refuses to communicate with me verbally on any issue) stating that she is stopping my mid week visits due to the fact that it makes my son tired for nursery the next day. This is just a ridiculous excuse and I forsee that’s it’s a mid point step to cutting my contact altogether.

    The past two years of my life have been hell. What stinks here is she was the person who cheated and lied to me but she got to walk away with the kids, the house and everything where I had to start again. The CSA take nothing about the man’s financial commitments into account and she left me thousands of pounds in debt. When I questioned this to the CSA I got one word … “Legislation”

    I now find out that she can actually just determine to stop my contact altogether and there is nothing I can do? I have seen a solicitor a couple of times and had some hope that I could get a contact order which would determine when I could see my son but it seems even that isn’t worth the paper it’s written on!

    I thought that with children born since 2007 Father’s were supposed to have Joint Parental Responsibility. What exactly does this mean because it does not seem to count for a anything and men have not even got the statutory right to see their Children here in the UK. Is this a 3rd world country?

    Something seriously needs to be done about this. I feel sick now!

  20. natalie on January 24th, 2012 2:09 pm

    Its terrible that mothers can say No and nothing can be done, myself and my husband are just starting the process of a contact order after allegations were made against us both (complete lies) and contact stopped but have had a constant battle for contact over 5 yrs depending on what mood she is in. I agree that access and csa payments are different but why should we pay not to see my husbands son when its no fault of our own and we are desperate to see him, I think if mothers decide that dad can not see there child for what ever reason unless they are at risk then they should fourfit the csa payments. The csa are a nightmare she makes one phone call to tell them change in circumstances and they inforce it straight away yet we phone them about change in circumstances and we have to prove everthing. It is so wrong fathers should have the same rights as mothers i can not understand why the goverment dont do something. I am sure if the prime ministers wife tried to pull this stunt she wouldnt get very far. it makes me so cross

  21. Lizzie on February 15th, 2012 7:52 am

    My partner left me a year ago, all was going well we had an agreement for paying for our daughter, sometimes he would let her down say he was working, but was out with his mates. His mother often looked after her when he did have her. Eventually after an arguement (which after reading comments here always makes the mother sound bad, there are two sides to a story). The weekend my daughter’s dad had her and we both had argued he stopped making payment which left me with no money for that month and yet again I had to go to my parents. I work and pay all the bills. People say the money should not be an issue and that fathers should see their children anyway. Well when is the father going to put a roof over a childs head, pay the bills, they often won’t take responsibility, this is still a mans world and people are still blaming the woman. When you both bring a child into this world both parents are responsible. It is easier for a man to walk out. So mums don’t always stop access for the fun of it, a father can’t just walk away and pay for the roof over their childs head when they feel like it. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. And they talk about access but it is only when it suits the man. People talk about bringing up a second family, well if a man goes on and has a second family fine, but he is still responsible for all his children.

  22. Rebecca on February 15th, 2012 10:04 pm

    i was reading an article yesterday about mothers who go to prison for some reason or other and in only 9% of cases did the fathers look after the children. In fact around 17000 were brought up in care instead. So sorry, you can preach all you want about fathers rights and not paying, its responsibility that the majority don’t want!
    Some men ARE victims but looking at the bigger picture, the amount of men that dont care seem to far outway the ones that do. Which makes it very difficult for the good fathers out there. Its only those that I care about.

    My ex works full time, drives nice cars and gives me £104 a month, so…. would you say that is a rediculous amount of money?? I certainly wouldn’t. but then again maybe BOYS don’t really understand the cost of raising a child? Oh sorry some posts on here I’ve noticed the father has run to his mother for help. Says it all really, typical!

  23. Melanie Jones on February 16th, 2012 7:10 pm

    Rebecca..
    1 Re the article you were reading…Mothers going to prison tells you what sort of people you are reading about, intelligent people would surely conclude that the 9% figure is probably because the fathers were also in prison or not fit parents for some other reason. Can’t see many nice respectable guys being with a women who end up in prison, and I would assume the nice respectable guys make up the 9%. Saying that fathers don’t want responsibility based on an article like that is ridiculous. In my experience I have not met a father who does not want to take responsibility for his children, clearly you mix with a different class of people.
    I also take exception to the ‘fathers running to their mothers for help, typical’ comment. My son did not run to me for help, he is my son and whether t he is 25 or 45 years old I will always be there to OFFER my help. Also I wanted to help with this as I was stopped from seeing my granddaughter and she was stopped from seeing her grandparents, great grandparents, aunties, uncle and great aunties and uncles, she loved spending time with our family so I was also helping for her too.
    As for the ‘BOYS not understanding about the cost of raising a child’ comment, in our situation my son paid the CSA, he also paid for furniture for her bedroom, clothes and other things she needed, I also bought nappies and milk to help her out and I looked after my Grandaughter a day a week saving her childcare costs, we did our share I can assure you!!!!The mother was very grateful for all this help and the problem only arose when my son met a girl, she took exception to this and started to use stopping contact as a threat, dictating to him all sorts of things she had no right to. Anyway we took her to court and the judge agreed that she had not acted in the best interest of her daughter and that there was absolutely no reason to stop contact. ( incidentally her mother and sister were a great help to us, they were just as upset that the child had been separated from half her family, they said that the mother was depressed and that that they couldn’t talk sense to her) A contact order was put in place and my son has since been able to have a wonderful relationship with his daughter.
    My point was that my son on top of all the expenses he had was forced to pay for solicitors and court in order to see his daughter. I am 100% certain that if she knew the money would stop if she stopped contact for no valid reason , then she would not have taken that course of action and our family and my granddaughter would have been spared the trauma. I also think that when it is seen in court that there was no valid reason, then the costs should be reimbursed by the mother.
    Children should not be used as weapons in any circumstances

  24. Letty on February 21st, 2012 11:45 pm

    Lizzie, it seems like many women you are quite ignorant of the inherent sexism of the Uk legal system.
    Men are actively discriminated against when it comes to contact with their children. And even if a man spends thousands of pounds getting a court order many women just ignore it….. the order may cost you thousands but is worth nothing!,

    My husband went to court 5 times… each time he was given court ordered access, and each time he would see his son once and then she just ignored it… & they never so much as gave his ex a slap on the wrist. He spent literally thousands of pounds.

    To add insult to injury, even though my husband has never done anything wrong, didn’t cheat, didn’t leave her, always turned up for contact visits, paid his CSA, never neglected his son, etc etc… SHE was GIVEN legal aid to go to court and fight AGAINST his right to see his son… WHAT IS THAT ABOUT.???.

    Worse still after the last court order was granted the CAFCAS officer advised her (in earshot too) that the only way to stop my husband trying to get access and taking her to court was to get the boy to say he didn’t want to see his dad!

    *(She seemed she quite happy to keep my husband broke an in court when she had legal aid paying, but once they had withdrawn her Legal Aid she seemed awfully keen for the court cases to stop)..

    With a violent step dad and sufficient pressure they managed it … Although the boy had his step dad’s heavy hand on his shoulder urging him to “go on, tell him you don’t want to see him”…The boy just stared at his feet at and whispered the words as instructed by the step dad… The step dad then held up his phone and announced.. “and we’ve got that recorded and we’ll see you in court”…

    I would like to state at this time that NO ONE that ever saw my husband and his son together would believe that the boy didn’t want to see his dad for one minute… they were like 2 peas in a pod and the love between them totally unmistakeable….they laughed and giggled and cuddled and played.. and he often cried when it was time to go..

    it has been 3 years now since we have seen him and my husband nearly died of the grief… he was a walking ghost for 2 years after deciding to stop fighting anymore..

    She has made every effort to extract as much money as she can, and squash all
    contact betwwen my husband and his son from the day she left him,

    Yet all the support and legal aid has gone to her… She has shown no regard for her sons’ best interests and the law is totally on her side in EVERY ASPECT of the financial and custodial issue..

    Also my husbands ex wife had been sectioned more than once, but CAFCAS said that her medical records should be suppressed as they would be prejudicial!!!! (I don’t imagine he would have been granted to same suppression if his medical records had him looking a little mentally unstable)

    In what universe is it not a perverse and sexist system that supports things like this occurring?

  25. Paula Allen on March 9th, 2012 11:39 am

    This comment is to the first comment made.

    Typical that the mother of the childs father is getting involved.

    You are just as bad as the other two adults. All this does is take it out on the child. Tut. Mother-in-laws eh!

  26. Melanie Jones on March 14th, 2012 9:32 pm

    Paula, You are right it is typical that the mother would get involved, I will always get involved if my granddaughter is prevented from seeing her father and family, I view my responsibility as a parent and Grandparent as a lifelong one and will always be on hand when my children are in difficulty. As it happens due to that involvement all is well now. Typical bitter twisted young mothers I would say…..

  27. joncollins on March 20th, 2012 12:09 am

    Hello Paula hahahahah insanity is my way but even a nutjob like me can see a dirty scumbag when she presents herself. Rub the poor mother’s nose in it why don’t you but you wouldn’t be saying same if you and I were sitting together trust me on that. I’m a father who went through hell first time through the courts with ex breaking every contact order. I won in court time and again but the contact orders were broken a hundred times and it took £300,000 all my money to finally get justice. Now six years on my son is 16 settled at school and plays pro academy soccer and my ex has recently admitted that he would have been a terrible handful and out of control if I had not been about. “Lucky you” I said.
    Second time out my recent ex, the nastiest of gold diggers with no heart, tried it again with our three year old. Oh this time it was very different cause I knew I didn’t have the money this time to hire expensive lawyers and go through the court route on no not at all. I got my access though. Let’s just say that the contact denial shit by some miracle stopped very quickly and guess what the young child is happy and so is the dad. I don’t believe in life after death and judgement day but if there is you contact deniers will pay an everlasting price. When the law offers no protection to the just and pays homage to the evil doers that is when the law must be broken because it is not the law so do not respect it.

  28. Lesley on April 20th, 2012 4:11 pm

    There are so many children who have lost their fathers because they have been killed in war or have died in accidents or by natural causes, so why would a mother deliberately deprive their child of a father just out of spite?

  29. sally on April 23rd, 2012 7:18 pm

    my partner is going to court to get a contact order but his ex has made it clear she is not going to turn up! her excuse, she cant afford it??? we are paying a solicitor and she can represent herself so know cost involved on her part, she is just making life difficult. she does let us see the child when it suits her, but if she is in a mood or we do something she gets jealous by then the contact stops! My partner just wants an order in place so she can stop dictating when he gets to see his child! Does anyone know what will happen if she fails to show up at court??? we are struggling to pay the court costs as it is and really don’t want more expense your feedback would be much appreciated. My partner and I love spending time with his daughter and she loves seeing us, she also ets to see her grandparents and cousins etc when she is with us so it affects everyone when are stopped from seeing her. We really want something in place so the ex cant play any more games.

  30. Cathy on July 17th, 2012 9:10 am

    My ex was a violent bully, but not towards the children, so the court granted that he had to have contact. He used this contact time to use the kids as weapons…bad mouthing me constantly, always threatening that if I don’t do what he says, that he won’t see the kids etc, which didn’t bother me but devastated the kids. He recently violently assaulted his new partner whilst the kids were there….I have now stopped access and going through court at the moment. Believe me, I wish the children had a loving doting father rather than a man who sees them purely as a means to control the ex he used to beat. This isn’t the kids fault. They can’t be subjected to that, yet they still deserve to be provided for. If all a man needs to do to get out of his responsibility of co-providing for his off spring is stop turning up then no more csa, a lot of men would do this. A man who has made every effort to see his kids and provide for them shouldn’t be punished, but a man who doesn’t deserve involvement with his kids….such as violent behaviour or constantly letting down, not turning up etc, should.

  31. Daddy1 on September 24th, 2012 8:20 pm

    In the Western world, this business of child support is a money making tool for some greedy bastards in government to benefit from. They don’t care at all about your child, they simply use the excuse of ‘for the benefit of the child’ to steal your money, destroy your life, steal your children so they can be controlled and dependent on the state if they are lucky enough to survive the conditions the system has created for them. This is the single most evil system that exists today, and it will destroying the very moral fabric of Western society. It is the root cause of most depression, nervous system diseases that arise from lonliness and loss of loved ones through hoplessness. This system is so EVIL that the fucking creaters of it have made sure you have NOWHERE to turn for help. This so called ‘help’ is only on paper, in reality you have all seen what the courts are like.

    The goal of your broken child theft system (and I say yours, because it always will be yours, FUNDED by you, until you decide to ALL stand up against it and stop paying a dime into it), is to force as many fathers and mothers into this system to extort money from them, by using their emotional distress and fueling it by empowering the custodial parent to generate hatred, to steal your children by isolating the non-custodial parent. The parents who are paying into the system consistently are seen as ‘good’ because they keep the bastards’ pockets fat with money. The moment you can not afford due to any reason, you are labeled a ‘deadbeat.’ By paying into this broken evil system, you are funding it keep you enslaved, and you are empowering them to screw other parents every day. The best thing you can do as a non-custodial parent is to realize immediately what this system is all about and NOT PAY a single dime into it. This is the best example you can set for your child, they will see this when they grow up. They will realize that their father/mother were forced to put a stone on thir heart to stand up against a system bent on destroying their family.

    If the custodial parents really truely care for their child, they will directly ask you for what you can afford, and allow you to see your child with mutual respect as a father/mother. Anything short of that is unacceptable. There is NO need for a 3rd party system to reduce you to the status of a ‘visitor’ when you are a parent, and steal everything you own and worked hard for, including your children.

    This is exactly what they do, and those stupid custodial creedy parents think they are doing the right thing, even when they see the non custodial parent dying in front of them, becuase the system has awarded them and filled them with hatred.
    They want to destroy you so badly that they will take away your drivers license, steal your littel survival money from your bank account, steal your assets, steal your passport to keep you in the country, all becuase you can not afford to pay the daylight robber amounts imposed, and to keep you in the country so you are eventually thrown in JAIL!
    All this is happening in frot of everyone’s eyes, you don’t have to be a genius to see that this system is EVIL and rotten to the core.

    All I can say is rise up, rise up, and stand up against this evil system. If you all stop funding this system with payments, they will be forced to make fixes. Few people fighting here and there does nothing, this is too big and evil a system, corrupt to the core to do anything with few people. You need a massive awakening of people. Just stop paying! Don’t let anyone talk you into thinking otherwise, don’t get all emotional that you are doing it for your kids, stay strong, and take action, becuase you are paying now and all is good for you, but God forbit something happens to you tomorrow and you have no job, you will be in the same deadbeat label, just like that. There is NOTHING about this system that is beneficial to your children, nothing at all.

    The more emotion you show, the tighter their noose gets round your neck. If you die working to pay child support, and you WILL, most probably becuase of cardial arrest becuase you are over exerting your mind and body, with so much emotional stress and pain from not being able to see your child, not knowing how they are, if they have eaten anything, if they are safe with the bastard your ex brought in the house, etc … make no mistake about it, this system is designed to kill you! plain and simple, and that too in the worst way possible, by alienating you as a parent, and stealing your child and your life.

  32. dawn black on November 2nd, 2012 2:21 pm

    I believe in the CSA. For many years this country has had a stigma attached to single parents, how many of us resident parents have had to rely on the system, to financially support our children of the next generation. No one battered any eyelid when these brave resident parents did it all by themselves. Now all I hear is that non resident parents, that left their family home, left their children, with no money, probably no home and for the resident parent to provide everything when their lives were destroyed by the break up,,pick up the pieces and have the courage to move on. You want CSA stopped which provides your own children the financial support for their future, you want them to live in poverty even more. It takes two adults to have a child but only one should do all the work. This country is struggling enough, so why should the tax payer support the children, it should be the responsibility of both parents, despite what is going on, without this your children may not have food, let alone, all the electrical gadgets. Without CSA my children would be homeless but that seems to be ok by the non resident parent, as long as there hole in their pocket is not effected. If you cant financial contribute to your children, then you should of considered the consequences before having them. A child is for life, not just for christmas

  33. Sally on November 2nd, 2012 3:54 pm

    @ Dawn… I believe that there should be a system to ensure childrens welfare is being looked after… the CSA does not provide this service… it does not care about the welfare of children, it cares about meeting financial targets.

    Not all NRP’s leave their partners and not all NRP’s want to avoid their financial responsibility to support their kids!!! What most NRP’s complain about is that the CSA assessment criteria is unfair and bias towards the PWC, which it is.

    This country is struggling for lots of reasons but when you aske the question “why should the tax payer suport the children?” do you mean Child Maintenance should be paid INSTEAD of or AS WELL AS the WTC (working tax credits), CTC (child tax credits), CB (child benefits) that is currently paid by the tax payers (to PWC who work part time).

    I personally don’t think the CSA serves the purpose it was intended for and if you read the stories on this forum you will see that a lot of PWC struggle to get ANY money from the CSA as the CSA don’t focus their attention on the real absent fathers (who, I assume you are referring to) but instead target decent NRP’s who are trying to provide for their kids but are victimised and harrassed for more money (via fabricated arrears)!!

  34. Jim Beam on July 11th, 2013 4:30 pm

    Another issue which isn’t addressed he is the whole benefit system and ‘opportunities’ it provides for mothers. My ex and I have been together 12 years, had ups and downs but never separated in the past. We now have an 18 month old son and it has been the hardest 18 months

  35. Jim Beam on July 11th, 2013 4:46 pm

    Of our/my life. Anyway, parenting is tough and parents will not always agree on matters. Problem is that once there is a baby/child thrown in to the mix mothers gain a level of security that wasn’t there before. Stay with me here!… My ex has a number of single mother friends living off the state and apparently enjoying life. My partner/ex is now planning to leave, she wants to seperate, sell the house etc and she has been ‘advised’ to claim housing benefits etc. We haven’t even sold the house yet but she’s applied for benefits, and signed a contract on a rental property that, apparantly, will be paid by the government!…. So my point is, young mothers are in some respect provided more options in life with a child than with out! I on the other hand have to work to pay rent, food etc and also support a mother and child whilst they get a bit of an easy ride. Yeah I’m bitter cause I didn’t want to be a single father, let alone one so soon. Showing resentment only fuels the fire so the father is pretty screwed irrelevent of what they want. I can’t reason with my partner and she’s of the opinion shell be better off (financially and emotionally) without me. Would she be so quick to seperate and not work things out if the governments safety nt was t in place or easy to work /abuse?

  36. Matthew Friend on March 7th, 2016 8:54 pm

    So my step son was pushed around by his father and social services stopped overnight access. Went to court and the court set supervised access which he hasn’t bothered to turn up. So your saying that if a father wants to get out of paying CSA is to beat his children and lose the right to access. Yeah great advice. Beat a child and save money

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