Ex wife changed my child’s surname without my consent

March 25, 2010

Hi there,

I’ve been paying CSA fairly spiradically over the past few years as I’ve changed jobs a lot, been self employed, etc.

Now I have a full term permanent job and the CSA have miraculously come up with arrears of £6k out of nowhere. I only found this out last week, have seen no evidence to support this and a DEO order has been served for £900pcm. I’m pretty sure what they’ve done is take my new salary (which is a lot more than I have earned previously) and assumed that my previous earnings were the same.

Can they get away with this? My current salary is £36k but at the times I wasn’t paying (mainly because they couldn’t work out the amounts) was as low as £16k.

What can I do to sort this out?

Also, My ex-wife has changed my son’s last name without my consent. Is this not illegal?


  • Michael says:

    Hi Mike

    As I understand it your ex-wife cannot change the surname of your children if you are named on the birth certificate unless she has your permission. Even if she remarried, her new partner could not adopt the children to give them his surname unless you agreed to it.

    However, I do believe there is a loophole where she could claim that you are absent and non contactable – meaning that as she can’t get hold of you to ask, the court could grant her a name change.

    Of course, this doesn’t necessarily mean that she can’t get hold of you – she just has to say that she can’t. Never underestimate the capabilities of a spiteful woman.

  • Pete says:

    hi, can anyone help me.
    The CSA have just put my payments up from £38 to £60 a week and all that changed is my wages went up by £30 a week how can they do this? I’ve also found out that they take into account the child tax credit that me and my wife claim for my step daughter and our disabled son. How can they take money off these children and give it to my others when my disabled son needs it a lot more than they do?

    and how do i find out if my ex’s new partner has adopted my children without my permission?

  • mark says:

    my ex wife remarried two years ago and also changed my daughters name her new husband without my knowledge or permission – i am in the birth certificate and i reside at the same address meaning i am contactable – when my wofe and i split i had custidy and our child lived wit me.

    seeing as the CSA always manage to find me to deduct money from my earnings there is no reason for her to claim im non conctactable – this would also explain why i havnt been able to track my daughter down as her name has changed.

    can she change her name without my permission?
    can she still claim csa support if she remarries and our childs name has also changed into the new family name?

    my daughter is sixteen now and attending colledge.



  • Michael says:

    Hi Mark

    I believe you are still liable for CSA payments even if your child’s name has been changed. However, if your child is adopted legally by your ex wife’s new partner, then your liability ends.

    As for the name change, no she should not be allowed to change the name without the permission of the other parent named on the birth certificate, however it does seem to happen, a lot.

  • twitforbrains says:

    A mother can change the surname of her child(ren) in SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES as laid down by the specific rules set by UK Deed Poll….

    …whereby a mother does not have to ask permission from ‘an absent parent whose whereabouts IS known’, being that:

    “The mother has fled the family home to escape violence or abuse from the father and is at risk or fearful of being located. The mother is fearful of contacting the father because of past violence and abuse towards her or her children.”

    So if you were never violent towards your ex-wife, then she is in the wrong. I used the above clause to change my son’s surname after my split with his biological father, as he was violent abusive and aggressive throughout our entire relationship, and I think he is a sociopath.

    My ex was very remorseful afer our split, when he realised I wouldn’t take him back, and sent me grovelling emails saying how sorry he was…. NOW he disputes it all and says I fabricated the whole thing!! What a knobjockey. So now I face court because I changed my son’s name. I am about to phone Jeremy Kyle to do a lie-detector test and exonerate myself!!


  • simon says:

    my ex wife has changed my daughters name to her new marriage name without my consent i was neither violent or abusive to neither of them and have only just found my daughter on facebook after years of looking and still paying csa can she do this and who do i speak to about this

  • matt says:

    I have not seen or heard from my ex girlfriend for over 10 years, I pay my csa even when I was unemployed, she has got married changed him name,and I was never put on the birth certificate.

    if he has another name do I still pay csa.


  • settled mum says:

    My childs father left me when i was 7 months pregnant after him wanting a child. He pays maintainance but i’m not sure if he is paying enough. He has his own business and secret accounts abroad. Would csa look into all his finances or just the ones he declares?

  • michael says:

    i had a child with an ex, she would not let me be on his birth certificate, and she left it blank. and he was given her last name i had to go thro court to get PR. she has now got married, and wants to change my childs name to his. i see my son every other weekend as in the court order.

    can she change my sons last name even if i dont want it changed but whats worrying me more can he adopt my son and put his own name on the birth certificate as im not on it. or can i stop this? my sons only 4 years old.

    help please

  • mark says:

    my ex wants to change my 3boys surname to her new married name but i dont want this to happen i see my boys about once a fortnight for the weekend and pay for them so can she do this i think it is only the middle son who wants to they are 8,12,18,please can u let me know many thanks mark

  • Ste says:

    Why on earth would anyone want to change their child’s name for the sake of a new partner? It is petty, selfish and down right spiteful to the child as well as the other parent!

  • I agree Ste, it’s taking the one thing the father has left and removing it. You’d be surprised though, it happens a lot.

  • Carla says:

    I want to do this cos my son ain’t in contact with his father my partner has been there since my son was 3 months old we now have a 2 week old together my 1st son has my name never had his dads so when I get married I would like to change my son’s name so he doesn’t feel left out and be nice for the brother’s to have the same name. If my ex played a part in my son’s life then I would change it to his dads but he doesn’t so I don’t think I’m wrong in what I want to do

  • kerry smith says:

    i split with my 2 childrens father after he repeatedly cheated on me and stole from me n the kids i was 6 months pregnant with my second when we split hes never paid a penny for either of them since we split and was mostly unemployed when we were toether so has basically never paid i got in touch with csa to make a claim and they worked out that he was earning £200 a week and would pay me £37 flat pay a week then bk pay he has only paid for 2 month n they were low but this month i got £8.60 which is a pound per child per week i rang csa and they said theres nothing they cn do except pay me the £8 is this true as i know but cant prove he is earning alot more than this???

  • mark says:

    my ex makes life imposible for me to see my young daughter, i pay csa, and love my girl, but the mum is just pure evil..my question is if i emigrate to cyprus, i understand i dont have to pay csa, but as long as i tell her where i am, and address, does it mean she cant change my daughters surname?

  • Mathew says:

    I have my daughter to stay every two weeks and pay a hell of alot in CSA and i have now just found out that my daughter has taken my ex partners new husbands surname.Surely this is illegal?Does anyone know where i stand? have always supported my daughter in every way so am very annoyed by this.If anyone could offer advice it would be appreciated.

  • mick says:

    i have not been aloud to see my two kids for 12month now for no reson at all, i am on both birth cirts and in process of going to court but i now here she has changed there names,there schools and had them baptised is this legal

  • adam says:

    hi i have not seen my son in the last 2 years and my ex has changed my son name and also got a restraining order on me i dont know how she has done this as i dont see why you need a restraining order if your an absent father like she says. Also with the name change which i have been told by my slicotor no matter what happens even if you dont see your child but you pay CSA she will still need your consent. if she has lied to the court that i dont pay csa and never been around so she could get this order will i be able to get a order to get it changed back and what would happen to her for lieing.

  • Chris Blake says:

    Hi I have given permission for my ex wife to have my daughters surname to be changed from mine to her new husbands so she doesn’t feel left out, but do I still have rights.

  • Carol says:

    I’ve split from my ex partner about four yearsago. I have two children with him i changed both their surnames to my married name now. I looked into it first if your children are born before may 2006 you don’t need the fathers consent. Children don’t see him anymore he picked his new partner over them had a baby with her and they both on child abuse charges now. So i think in special cases after 2006 you still should b able to change their names without consent.

  • Stephen Alderson says:

    hi my partner whom i was not married to, left our home taking my son with her, i pay csa and i am the named father on our sons birth certificate can she change my sons name by adding her own name before mine and then publish this in the Liverpool Echo does she have the right to do this please let me no

  • David says:

    I just found out that my wife has changed my son last name with out my consent. And also csa has for the last 15 years taken from my employment checks half because csa does not and has not gone by what I make. It’s always been 500 a month and I got behind when I was not employed. Can she and csa do that and what can I do?

  • Mimi says:

    so many people on here just worried about dad what about what about what the child wants how about maybe just maybe the child wants to be same as there mum and dad and other siblings but the dad is to selfish and worried about himself to think about his child probably never use there last name in any situation but just want to make life hard somethink to complain about

  • Mike says:

    Really Mimi?
    People who are spiteful enough to read through comments that are years old for the sole purpose of slagging people off need to look in the mirror.
    For some men, who have their children stolen from them and have their families torn apart, that name might be the only link their child has to realise something isn’t right.
    I’m the original one who posted this.
    I’m now happily married and I have a step son. He has his father’s name and has regular contact with him. Because that’s how it should be.
    Grow up, get a life and learn to respect people.

  • Purple says:

    My 3 sons want to have the same surname but my youngests dad has said no. Its not me he’s hurting I really don’t care, they are the same kids no matter what they are named, but the boys are gutted and hate the questions they get because of it at school

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