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Ex took my son away, then set CSA on me

March 18, 2010

I feel so alone as everyone always assumes this happens to fathers. I am a mother. My ex did not return one of my 2 sons after a half term holiday. He in fact sent me a text to inform me. That was 4 years ago. I am in arrears of approx £7000.00. It took the CSA over a year to come up with that amount. It did stand at 16k at one point.

I feel bullied, abused, unsure of the actual law. I have to pay my ex £300 a year to pay of the debt. My son is now 19 so no further claims can be made against me. My ex husband is a controlling bully. I feel the CSA have just continued the abuse and bullying.

I once got the data held against me and it implied that I hung up the phone, Like one of your fathers letters to the CSA I never did this. Am I respoinsible for the poor reception in my workplace and vodafone! The stress has been enourmous, I don’t know how I have kept going but going I have.

My other son lives with me he is 18. I counter claimed but he has his own company and has wriggled and squirmed out of any payment to me. Even now when I am in this period of acceptance I still don’t know what will happen next. I live in fear of those brown envelopes or the phone calls. The worse thing is I don;t suppose my son knows I support him. My ex will not let me pay him directly.

I am a good hard working mother, I have had my heart ripped out by an ex mentally abusive partner he has engaged a goverment body to assist in further abuse. Perhaps these people do not realise that not see your child is one of the hardest things in the world.

Then to have them come after you as a so called ‘absent’ parent is I the final straw.

Written by Ros Lander · Filed Under CSA Advice, CSA Complaints 

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Comments

  • Sad Mum says:
    March 18, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Hi

    my heart goes out to you it really does, I’m also a mum this has happen too, and it is a very lonely place to be, i empathise whole heartedly with any guys in this situation, but as a mum it brings in other issues and stigma too.
    I don’t tell people about my situation as they would still believe my son lives with me as we still spend alot of time together and I run around after him alot.

    I have a good job, that requires alot of integrity. why did this happen ?
    I’m a good mum don’t drink don’t do drugs, my kids are my life, I’ve brought my 3 kids up for the past eleven years with no government hand outs and not a penny from my ex-husband putting both my daughters through college.

    My ex- husband was happy with this arrangement while he was single and building a buisness up till he met a women that already had a child and had another with her and decided he wanted my son then aged 13 to go and live with him. Easy to manipulate at that age.

    They play the system so well, child benefits, tax credits and she even claims child maintanace for one child from two different fathers and is so smug about it.
    Then my £250 a month on top of that, whats fair in that,

    The child support agency was suppost to be set up to stop child poverty, not to let abusive greedy people use children to get even with an ex.

  • chall says:
    March 18, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    Hi Ros,

    Join us in the forum – we have other members in the same position as yourself.

  • Sad Mum says:
    March 27, 2010 at 10:02 am

    Hi Ros

    As above join us on afairercsaforall, x

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