Ex ducks the CSA and they don’t care
I have two girls to my ex, ages 8 and 13. Since my youngest was born (he left when I was pregnant), he has dodged his way out of the CSA for the past 8 years. He is self employed so it is difficult to get any money out of him. Once when he was actually employed, he was assessed to pay £85 a week from his salary from copy pay slips. The first payment went through no problem. The second payment I received about £10. He had got his employer to fiddle his payslip to Pay him so much through the payroll, and the rest cash in hand! He works self employed and claims benefits at the same time sometimes. I have on many occasions reported him to benefit fraud and Inland Revenue and had him investigated.
3 years ago after involving my mp and writing an official complaint to CSA, the CSA seemed to finally take notice and did what they should be doing. My case was passed to enforcement and court, and finally bailiffs, where they recovered several cash sums from him in the sums of £750, £800 at a time. I always wondered how he managed to produced these sums out of thin air after claiming for years that he was penniless! I was also paid approx £2,000 in compensation from CSA due to their error, where they “sat and did nothing” with my maintenance application for almost a year!
For a while after that he paid his assessed £50 per week, but then in September 2009 my payments stopped again. He still owed me about £1,000 in arrears at that point. It turned out he was claiming he was out of work and on benefits again. I believed him, until my brother and my dad saw him in working in the area where I live! I reported him to benefit fraud again and to the CSA. Since September 2009 I have made countless telephone calls and emails to CSA with no joy. It took them almost 6 months to even phone my ex husband to ask him why he wasn’t paying. Even when he was on benefits (for only a 6 week period), I didn’t get the £5 per week I should have received. In May 2010 I wrote a severe complaint to the CSA again, copying my MP in. I demanded a re-assessment of my case, as it had been on the same assessment for almost 10 years. I demaned questions as to why my case wasn’t being dealt with. Why he was getting away with not paying his maintenance without anyone from CSA contacting him. My MP demanded answers too.
My case is currently with Margaret Ross who is a complaints officer. She is lovely and seems to really appreciate my situation, and calls me each week with an update, even if she hasn’t got much to report. She has done a re-assessment of his income, and based on this average self employed earnings for the type of business that he has, (windows/conservatories) and my maintenance has gone up to £320 per month. Funnily enough my ex husband now is disputing that he earns this amount and I think he is going to attempt to submit some fraudulent accounts showing his earnings are less. He’s got until 9 July to submit them or they are going to base it on the calculations they’ve already done and I’m keeping my fingers crossed he doesn’t submit them before this date. If he does, there’s no doubt in my mind my maintenance will reduce, not increase. He is saying he is on less than me (and I’m a secretary). He is just a liar and an awful horrible person who begrudges paying a penny for his two daughters, who he doesn’t see or wish to see them I might add. He doesn’t even get them birthday cards or christmas presents. I’ve told the CSA and my MP in no uncertain terms if they reduce my maintenance I will appeal and fight this to the bitter end.
I know for a fact that he is running a nice car, a van, rented house, his wife doesn’t work, they have two children, they all walk around in designer clothes, have holidays twice a year. How could they afford all that? I will go through every channel possible to fight him on this, I will not give up.
Some people such as “Brokenfather” might think us mums with residence of the children are bitter and twisted and just after money. And you’d be right! Why shouldn’t we be? You may be a decent father who loves his children and supports them financially and sees them. But there are plenty of absent fathers out there who really don’t give two hoots about their kids. They are they financial responsibility too. The law says so. Why is it fair that the mums should struggle to work and pay childcare and buy their clothes and food and do everything for them, and the absent dads get away with not paying?! It is completely disgusting.
It may take a lot of effort from me to get there, but I will get there. As stressful as it is.
My advice to all mothers out there in similar situations as me is don’t give up with CSA. Involve your MP. Use the CSA complaints procedure. Once you involve your MP your case is looked at a lot more seriously than some of these young people who work in the call centres and do absolutely nothing when you phone in.
Don’t give up!
7 thoughts on “Ex ducks the CSA and they don’t care”
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good for you julie is all i can say! im in a similar situation myself as my sons father is a csa dodger and benefit cheat too. my case is now with a complaints case worker as ive got so fed up with their incompetence of chasing him up and his failure to support my son and 3 other children he has from a previous relationship. ive reported him to the fraud investigators 8 times in the last 12 months and their attitude is that if he is working cash in hand there isnt much they can do to stop him!!! ive been told by members of my exs family that i shouldnt grumble at the £1.25 per week i was recieving until recently for my son because “hes a good dad” and loves his children. in total all i have recieved is £37.50. funny how he has never bought nappies, clothes or food for the child who is only 17 months old! he just likes to play with him and take all the credit sadly. there are those nrp’s out there who are great parents but sadly there are those few who abuse the system and let their children down intentionally. dont give up, i know i wont. all the best to you
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why dont you go and provide for your children youl get tax credits child tax credits family allowance how can you be bad off.instead of scrounging off your ex husbands they are entitled to have a new life so instead of going on about how hard done to you all are why dont you provide for your kids aswell instead of expecting it on a plate for you i have no sympathy with any any of you .
the csa put people in financial hardship to provide for you and i doubt the money goes on the kids in some cases it will be for the pwr to have a good time on , and thats why alot of men try avoiding the csa i cant fault them .
IC????? Interesting comment! Obviously you’re a man and either shirking your maintenance obligations for your own kids yourself, or you’ve heard sob stories from some of your men friends about how they’ve got to pay maintenance to their ex-girlfriends/wives for their children????
I have a REAL problem with men like you. Your attitude is all wrong. You say I should provide for my children? Obviously I do! My ex husband isn’t doing so! How do you think I look after them clothe them, feed them, pay for their schooling etc etc? I work full time and always have done. I’m not a parent that is on benefits. Yes I get child tax credits as well, and child benefit, I don’t get working tax credit as I earn too much. I own my own house and I pay for my children and if anything spoil them and over compensate for their dad not being there and basically not giving two hoots whether they live or die. So how dare you insinuate that I am not. But please tell me why do you think that the absent dad should get away with it all scott free?!!! You MEN are big enough to create children, but unfortunately not big enough to stand up and be a MAN and accept that the law states you are legally obliged to them financially and emotionally until they are 18! Why do you think it is acceptable that the woman (or parent with care) should maintain the children financially, but that it’s completely fine for the men (or absent parent) to not have to pay anything towards their upkeep? Really I want to know? I struggle to get my head around how you men think!!!! He has a new life with his wife and two further children. That’s fine. I’ve got my life with my partner and my children, but I think it is downright disgusting and I don’t know how he sleeps at night, knowing he has two children of his own with me, that he doesn’t see and does nothing for. If the CSA put absent dads in financial hardship, then that is because the dads obviously have the means to pay but in a lot of cases (such as mine) wriggle out of it and refuse to do so for years and years and years. I am not one of those women that will just sit back and let him get away with it. Why the hell should I? It’s not fair that I should be the only one providing for my daughters. They are part of my exhusband too. His flesh and blood. He should be paying for them equally every bit as much as me. My girls get the best of everything, at birthdays, christmas, they have nice clothes, whenever i have managed to get any maintenance from my ex I’ve always taken them out shopping for things they need. But it doesn’t always have to go on clothes or shoes for the children, what about the every day cost that the absent parent doesn’t see? Such as school dinner money, bus fare, school trips, uniform, packed lunches, roof over their head, electric, heating, food at home, childcare costs, the list goes on.!!!! Not that it’s any of your business IC… but I have been out once this year with my friends, to the cinema … not all parents go out and leave their children with babysitters. I prefer to spend my weekends with my children as I work so much and don’t see them! Its men like you giving advice like that to your male friends that causes half the problem for us parents with care! You don’t know the half of it!!!!
Julie you’ve just basically admitted that you’re quite well off as you earn to much to get working tax credits and you’ve also stated that you live with your partner so you’ve got 2 wages coming in right? How do you children view your partner? Have you ever thought that maybe you should enjoy your children instead of being so bitter towards your ex and from the looks of it putting all your time into constantly phoning the CSA because you want more money? The word for that is greed if you are telling the truth that you are quite well off. Also you stated that your ex has remarried and has 2 more children. Now ask yourself this, if you had to pay 20% of your take home wage to someone would you still have the quality of life you’ve got now or would you be suffering financial hardship? I suspect it’s the second option, basically that’s what you’re asking your ex to do therefore the 2 children that lived with him that he’s got with his wife would suffer even though as you stated you don’t need the money. Doesn’t sound right when it’s the other way round does it? Also the CSA are renouned for over calculating payments.
My dealings with them are different from your situation. My sons Mother was having sex with many different men in our bed when i was at work. Our son was just over 1 when i left her, i contacted the CSA myself to get payments started the day after i left her. I had access every weekend for a couple of months before she moved house without telling me to move in with one of the men she’d been having sex with. I didn’t see my son after that and have been chasing her through the courts ever since. She’s now changed my sons name by deed poll from my surname to her new boyfriends surname. She’s also admitted in court she has always told him that her boyfriend is his Father even though she’s always demanded maintenance from me.
The CSA messed my payments up for 2 years so i had arrears which they placed an attachment of earnings for to which they were taking 40% of my take home wage which left me with £11.62 per week to feed myself after bills had been paid. I’ve not got an issue paying for my child because it’s not his fault his Mother is a sicko but the CSA need to leave me with enough money if only for 2 basic standard of living which they don’t. I have my own bed sit where i live on my own so am responsible for all bills. To be it seems the CSA work on extremes they either take peanuts or nothing at all or a massive amount that will put the Father in extreme hardship as in my case. They need to find middle ground then Fathers wouldn’t be grudge paying it and Mothers would think that the amount they are getting is an insult.
You should be ashamed of yourself though Julie, you know your ex has got other kids plus you’ve got 2 wages coming in and really don’t need any maintenance. Your greed is what gives pwc’s bad names. You and my ex would get on really well cause you sound like 2 peas in a pod
I’m a grandmother who doesn’t see my grandaughter – thanks to a lazy and greedy woman who has taken money from my son from day one, but who will not allow him access to his child, apart from the occassional hour or two in her local park (2 hours from where he lives!) Time for these bitter and greedy women to get off their back sides. You chose to bring a child into this world, time for you to look after it. You young women all see to think “have a baby, got a meal ticket for life”. Most Dads are desparate to have equal care of their children, and end up emotial wrecks….
Shame on you greedy mothers.
Margaret – I feel sorry for your son if that’s the case. But I am not a lazy and bitter and greedy woman! I work full time and always have done. (You should have read all my comments above and you would have realised that). I have also NEVER stopped my ex having contact with his daughters. In fact quite the opposite, I have contacted him as has my daughter on many occasions for him to see them. Recently we have come to an amicable arrangement and things are a lot better between us all. He is now seeing our daughters regularly, and we have come to an agreement regarding the maintenance too.
I disagree with your comment also that “we choose to bring a child into this world, time for us to look after it”!! What about the father of the child? It takes two people to make a baby. Not one. It also takes two people to be financially responsible for it. Yes I work, but anyone who owns their own home with 2 children will know there isn’t much left at the end of each month. Why shouldn’t the dad be financially responsible for their child every bit as much of the mother? There is absolutely no reason whatsoever. Whether he is seeing the child or not, child contact and child maintenance are two different matters altogether. Any solicitor will tell you that.
Mark – I didn’t admit I was quite well off. I said I worked full time and obviously receive child benefit and child tax credit. You don’t know any of my circumstances. And also wrongly assumed I live with my boyfriend. I don’t. I’m a single mum still, and my children are aged 8 and 13. My income goes on my house and living expenses and clothes for my children. I rarely get to buy anything for myself, and if I do its from ebay! I’m far from well off. Even if I were well off, why should I be the only parent paying for the financial upkeep of my two children? When he is working has his own business and earns probably twice as much as me?!
Put it this way – how do you think it looked to my two daughters, that their dad has four daughters, but only cared if two of them lived or died and have food on the table? I don’t understand how any father can treat his own children differently. Also if he couldn’t afford the two children he had with me, then he really shouldn’t have gone creating more children should he? It might sound harsh but at the end of the day, my children were here first. Why should they suffer?
As I said above to Margaret, fingers crossed we have reached an amicable solution now that we are all happy with, I have told him as long as he’s a good dad and there for the girls, I wouldn’t be so bothered about the money, if he helps towards school uniform new clothes and shoes etc occasionally. It’s difficult when you’ve got to buy everything out of one wage all of the time.
So no, I’m not ashamed of myself at all and I’m definitely not greedy. You know nothing about me. It was my ex that was having sex with other women while we were married, and left me for one of those women when I was four months pregnant with my youngest daughter. You have no idea how much that hurt me, how difficult that was to get through, having a baby alone knowing the dad was with another woman while I was carrying his baby!
In relation to your situation I do sympathise, and I do acknowledge that there are lots of absent parents that desperately want to see their children and the mothers/fathers stop them. And I do agree a lot of women use children as a means of income, to get council houses, benefits, maintenance etc, but I am definitely not one of those women. It is wrong. But you shouldn’t class all pwc that are seeking maintenance as greedy bitter women either.
A couple of things that you said regarding the change of name. do you have parental responsibility for your son? If so she couldn’t legally change your son’s name without your consent. You can apply to the court to change his name back? Just a thought.
Also if there is any question over whether you are actually the biological father, have you asked csa for dna test?