Ex defies court order for contact, I’m threatened with arrest!

August 12, 2010

Like you all, my story is similar, my ex made up lies of physical and mental abuse of my son to ensure that the courts looked at me in bad light, the judge was no use either and to make it worse my ex is a Lawyer.

She has really put me through the mill and has been successful in bringing me to my knee’s financially and mentally and yet she continues to demand CSA Payments.

I last saw my son in Nov 2008 at a private contact centre and everything went well, i was due to see him again the following week, but she said he was ill and that is the last I saw him. She has since told the court that he says that he hates me and that I am a bad man who he doesn’t want to see!

In a nutshell the Judge last August (2009) issued an order for indirect contact until she was prepared to allow full contact, the only other solution was a full 5 day trial at the cost of £15-£30k!!!

Since the order was made she has stopped contact altogether and has returned all his xmas present, birthday presents and cards along with all letters. I have pleaded with the court to enforce the order but they won’t, I am told I have to apply for a new order at £200.

I have been writing to her solicitor since May this year to find out why she has done what she has and why she has changed his name without my permission – all of a sudden her solicitor is dis-instructed.

Previously she had me and my partner warned by the police for harassment after sending 2 letters to her and her parents begging to let me see him at xmas! I am now told by the Police that if i go anywhere near her or contact her and she complains I will be the one arrested, despite it being her that is in Breach of the Court Order.

I have no objections to paying CSA, but I feel that it is one rule for her and a different rule for me…..I break the law and I end up in court, she breaks the law and nothing happens!!

I feel that if contact is denied like she has denied me, then I should as a recourse be able to withhold payment until she allows contact again and it is about time the government did the following:

  1. Make the courts act in the best interest of the Child and NOT the mother.
  2. Enforce any orders made
  3. Have course to bring the offending party back to court to explain why they have breached the order and be warned against contempt of court and the consequences
  4. Give Fathers and Mothers the same rights and not pretend to give them the same rights as they do now
  5. Allow the CSA to withhold/stop payment until contact is re-established
  6. Recognise Parental Alienation Syndrome
  7. Speed up the process from months and years to 6 weeks maximum
  8. Stopping listening to the Bull fed to them by the Mother and her Solicitor (paid for by legal aid).

If anyone has any advice/help, please let me know.

Thanks and good luck to all Parents missing their children


  • Brokenfather says:

    Hi Lee.

    The sad reality is that there is nothing at your disposal with which to fight this. Our only recourse is the courts and they consistantly refuse to support fathers in their desperate efforts to maintain a relationship with their children against the wishes of a hostile mother.

    So what do we do?

    We wait …..

    We wait until our children are old enough to decide for themselves. Then we try again and hope that they will disbelieve all the lies that they will have been told.

  • Foxy Fox says:

    asif… shes a solicitor n she claims legal aid? its always been said, "alongside the police force n barristers n MPs, they are the biggest crooks walkin… good luck to you .. n good luck to all the children who are unnecessarily missing their absent parents…

  • Nigel says:

    Heck that is a sad story.

    But what an answer. Just wait and hope that the lies of the resident parent will be overcome sometime…when no other story is likely to be allowed to balance your child’s view.

    All of us victims and all paid into a system that is clearly being designed to beat up on innocent citizens. Our fathers and forefathers fought for democracy and instead we are imprisoned in a system of hatred, political divide and conquer as the powerful use our monies and cause suffering to prop up their system and their money and their power.

    Do you really think it ought to be this way?

  • Morten Storm says:

    What a sad story. I am facing the same problem, my ex-wife broke the court order for over two months ago and I can still not see or call my children, as my ex hang up the phone each time I call. My ex usually does this to us each year either 4 or 6 months at the time, she once took my daughter to morocco for 1 year without me seeing her in 2007, I contacted home office but they said that they couldnt do anything for me. I am a Danish national and can see how advanced we are in Denmark/Scandinavia when it comes to rights and justice for fathers and their children. I started to hate UK and its sick twisted family laws.

  • Sarah says:

    There is nothing worse in the world than having someone stand between you and your children, It is not only fathers that the system alienates, My ex has turned my children against me, taking happy family memories and twisting them in their minds until they believe I am and was some kind of monster.
    Relationships are hard and when they break up there is always one party who is more injured, very few break up amicably, and in turn this leads to one parent being left at a disadvantage.
    The system should be changed, it is the only way to move forward, as you said, he uses excuses and defies court orders and yet I am the one threatened with action if I do not comply with the courts or CSA.
    As for CSA themselves, I have provided them with all the paperwork they ask for and over a year later I am still waiting for their final decision on how much I should be paying. I have always stated that I have no problem paying towards my childrens needs but it seems to me that their system is designed to put us at a disadvantage. I hope my guesswork at what I should be paying is enough and I am not left trying to pay a ridiculous debt and for lawyers to sort out my ex’s insistance that I am not worthy of seeing my kids.
    Things have to be changed but lets face it, with the mess this country is in we will be lucky if anything is changed within the next decade…

    Good luck to everyone out there, I hope things work out for those of you who like me just want a chance to be a parent to their children again.

  • Emma James says:

    She might be been an idiot but I completely disagree with this holding payment if contact doesn’t happen. Wether you are having contact or not your child still needs nappies. You can’t say make it about the child not the mother in one Sentance and the next day stop csa payments if you don’t have contact? My ex is use less wont pay doesn’t bother doesn’t ask to have him or ask how he is. Even knowing his not been very well so it’s not the case with all mothers.

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