CSA Refuse to listen to me

My hubby was seeing a girl when he was 19 for a few weeks. He used condoms and was told by her she was also on pill. He caught her with someone else and finished it. She announced she was pregnant, and that it was his – he asked how – she said it must have been an accident.

He’s a good man and wanted to do the right thing so he moved into her mum’s pokey flat and started to get used to the idea of being a dad although it terrified him. They didn’t get along at all. Neither she nor her mother had ever worked and my hubby’s wages were being swallowed up by the two hags sitting at home all day smoking and drinking. 8 weeks later when he asked why she hadn’t been to see midwife yet she admitted she hadn’t been pregnant initially but was now and had to wait til she was 6 weeks along for an appointment!

Not only that, since she had her pregnancy confirmed he was no longer allowed near her. She told him she’d never liked him and only ‘chose’ him to father her child because he was the only one of his mates with a job and who would pay the CSA! She also said she only wanted a baby to get a council flat! (I really didn’t believe these people existed…!) She smoked weed every day throughout her pregnancy (WTF!) despite him pleeing with her not to. She wouldn’t let him go to either scan and didn’t tell him until after that she’d given birth! From then on he was paying CSA through his wages, £22 a week.

When he asked her about it she said it was the norm (he’s very gullible my hubby!) Anyway, she got her flat when the boy was 6 months old and they all moved in. He’s since found out she was claiming all sorts of benefits and never told the council he was living there. He finally left when the child was 18 months old. He had him twice a week and although still paying the CSA DEO he also gave her between £50-£100 per week cash. This is where I come in. We met four months after they’d split up. I lived about 80 miles away and he came up when he didn’t have his lad.

Initially it was great, we introduced his boy to my 2 girls and we took him on weekends away etc. Then gradually she’d demand more and more money from him, pleading poverty and not having clothes for the boy. So we’d take him shopping which it seemed to get her more mad! I know his mum told her I lived in a big house and drove a flash car which was a huge exaggeration. I’d worked blooming hard for my lifestyle but I was far from well off! I was also alot older than my hubby so I was more settled in my life and career than him.

Then he was laid off (he’s a carpenter) and he moved up to be nearer to me and explained he couldn’t always give her as much cash as he now had rent to pay etc. Obviously the DEO stopped. He wrote to the CSA giving his new address and explaining he had gone self-employed in a bid to find work. His ex was furious and began disappearing for weeks at a time, refusing to answer her phone, knowing full well my hubby would be searching for his lad day and night. Anything to stop him being with me and my girls. She’d make him put cash through the letterbox before she’d open the door to him. If he had none she just wouldn’t open it, ignoring her little boy crying for his dad on the other side. (Bitch doesn’t deserve a child).

It all came to a head on the lad’s birthday in 2007. We were supposed to take him out for the day and he couldn’t get her on the phone. I said I wasn’t gonna drag my girls down there if she wasn’t there and we agreed he should go down and spend the day with him alone. She wasn’t there. In fact, he hasn’t seen his boy since. He came home nearly in tears (which was a shock in itself to see my 21 stone 6’3″ man on the verge of tears!) and said he couldn’t carry on like this. She’d left a message with his mum making him choose between his son and his life with me. Some people would berate him for choosing us but I think for him he just couldn’t cope with the emotional turmoil she put him through. He also said it wasn’t fair on his lad to be caught up in the middle. His mum was still allowed to see her grandson as long as she gave her our money each week.

Heard nothing from CSA for 18 months until..your guessed it..a liability order threat drops on our mat! (We hadn’t changed the address again since he’d moved in with me as we’d heard nothing so they went back to his mum who told them where we lived!) They were demanding £3570 or they were going to have him arrested! He rang them and they said they knew he had no assets and was still self-employed so they had no choice but to put him in prison! They also ordered him to pay her £46 per week as his employer (thought he was self/employed!) had told them he was earning £420 per week! (Who the hell earns that sort of money?) It was an employment agency and we think they said monthly and the CSA took it as weekly. They also ignored the fact he only worked for them briefly and they assumed it was ongoing. In the following numerous letters we wrote to them asking for a breakdown of what had been paid to her and how they had come to this figure they just ignored us.

Every time they asked us for documents, we supplied them. Every time they asked us to fill out forms, we returned them immediately.

They ignored every one. We have since got married and had a little girl ourselves and unfortunately because of the way the building trade has gone my hubby hasn’t worked for months. I work 3 jobs and he takes care of the girls. We are just managing to scrape by. In Jan 09 they told us to pay her £26 per week. It was hard but we did it because we thought we had to. She refused anything but cash stating she had no bank account! She has since told them she’s never had a penny!

AArgh!

We have had to send copies of all documents again to them as they have mislaid them! I demanded a re-assessment cos I could not afford to pay this woman £26 a week. We got a letter this week to say we should have been paying £5 instead (no apology). OMG! So we have been paying her £21 a week too much! How the hell are we supposed to get over £700 back from her?!

I know for a fact she hasn’t got it because she refuses to work despite him being at school all day now. Are we allowed to stop payments to her until it catches up? Anyway, my hubby has been issued with a court date in December for this outstanding liability amount which, by the way, does not go to her but into the CSA’s pot! My hubby had to sign a declaration saying he was self-employed but not earning because they refused to accept his financial situation because he hadn’t signed on. But if he did sign on we would lose our tax credits and then we would be up the proverbial river. Yesterday we got another letter saying because he was now earning £124 per week we had to pay her £9 instead!

Where on earth do they get their info from and do they not read the file before sending this shit out?

To be honest, not only is it putting a strain on us financially but our relationship is at an all time low. When we should be happy that we have a lovely family and we are all healthy we have this huge black cloud hanging over us that follows us around and I can’t help but be a little angry at him for bringing this to my door (childish I know but I think I’m venting at the only person I can). Women like that should be held responsible for their stupid actions. She wanted a child and she’s got one. It should be no-ones responsibilty but hers.

Do these ignorant slags not care how many lives they affect? I hope her shitty council flat was worth it! There are laws in America against forcing men to become parents without their consent. It’s about time these idiotic women made their beds and lied in them. If she’d have wanted an abortion and he didn’t she would win. Where’s the fairness in that?