Why won’t our dad support us?

June 10, 2015

My mom has full custody of me (17) and my 11 year old sister, about 5 years ago we stopped seeing him altogether.

He payed csa, but last year my mom got a random phone call saying that my dad had gone self employed in 2009 and they have overpaid him and now she owed him a 4,000 debt. They gave her no choice to appeal and this was the first we’d heard of any of it.

Over the passed year we thought we had came close to resolving this but a phone call today from the csa has said that we have to pay it again. My dad has a new wife and family and they are wealthy, where as we struggle just to get the basics as it is and now we are expected to pay him, when me and my sister dont see him and he didnt tell us that he was going self employed and the csa gave us no notice.

What are we supposed to do, im worried that we’ll loose everything.

Comments

39 Responses to “Why won’t our dad support us?”

  1. Sarah Louise White on June 10th, 2015 8:24 am

    Because a lot of selfish fathers think children come for free 🙂 walk around naked live on grass verges and eat nothing 😀

  2. Louise Parsons on June 10th, 2015 9:14 am

    I think the biggest question is why is this your battle to fight? Why are you being involved in the family finances?

  3. Sarah Watson on June 10th, 2015 9:28 am

    id be more worried that the children are not seeing their dad than what his personal finances r like.

  4. Gareth Dempsey on June 10th, 2015 9:39 am

    ^Absolute tosh, really helpful posting your bile on here Sarah….
    @the OP, have you tried to speak to your dad directly, if you know he’s wealthy I’m guessing you still see him.
    Was it his decision to stop seeing you or yours?

  5. Ben Wiskin on June 10th, 2015 9:44 am

    And Sarah, a lot of mothers believe children are possessions to be used as a weapon for financial gain over a man. Disregarding the welfare and emotional stability of the children for money.

  6. Jill Betterton on June 10th, 2015 9:56 am

    for gods sake why do men have such a problem financially supporting their children!!!! Do you think it costs nothing to put a roof over their heads, food in their mouths and clothes on their backs let alone all the other costs!!! Why should women financially raise the children???

  7. Siobhain Scanlon on June 10th, 2015 10:03 am

    Not all men have a problem supporting their children…..what about women who just take the money and use their children as a weapon against the fathers and don’t even let their children see their dad’s….there are 2 sides to every story.

  8. Gareth Dempsey on June 10th, 2015 10:09 am

    It really grinds my gears that on a group where people are supposed to get help they are instead subjected to people’s own bigoted views and spiteful bile which helps nobody but themselves unload their poisonous bitter rants.
    @Jill you sound like you need counselling to get over yourself.

  9. Ben Wiskin on June 10th, 2015 10:10 am

    Not all men do, its people like you who generalise all father’s into the “dead beat” category that means its impossible for decent father’s who pay their way to get any legal access to their children. Not all father’s refuse or dislike paying and not all mothers are money grabbing, selfish game players.
    You think someone who moans about paying CSA does not like to support their children when in truth most are just sick of being told they’ll pay 15% of their after tax wages which is a fair amount only to have 45% of their pre tax wages stolen every month without an explanation. I lost my house because CSA took thousands that I did not owe.

  10. Jill Betterton on June 10th, 2015 10:15 am

    Ben I have been in both situations, I have been the partner of a man who had to pay out CSA leaving us struggling and now I am a single mum with 3 children whos father works for a famous actor cash in hand to avoid paying CSA. There are always two sides, I believe CSA should be assessed better so fathers are not left struggling to make ends meet, to which I completely sympathise with fathers in this situation and then there are fathers who have money but hide it to avoid paying a penny because they dont want to and these are the men who should be made to pay.

  11. Ben Wiskin on June 10th, 2015 10:17 am

    If you have seen it from both sides and claim to sympathise maybe you should reconsider your wording before categorising all men in a bad light.

  12. Jill Betterton on June 10th, 2015 10:30 am

    If you read it properly I am referring to men who REFUSE to pay! Your comments constantly abuse women calling us greedy bitches etc yet we are the once who are constant in a childs life providing financial security all the time.

  13. Ben Wiskin on June 10th, 2015 10:39 am

    You said
    “For gods sake why do men have such a problem financially supporting women”
    You are referring to men not men who refuse to pay.
    I haven’t abused women once, in fact I have said not all mothers are money grabbing, I have remained balanced but even your last comment claim that all women are constant in a child’s life when this simply isn’t true. SOME women are constant, not all. Some men are, not all.

  14. Sarah Louise White on June 10th, 2015 10:45 am

    But if this was a post with father not getting money from the working mother ud all be on his back calling the mother vile disgrace of a mother for not paying this page seems to be all about fathers!!! Like only fathers get targeted

  15. Paul Williamson on June 10th, 2015 10:58 am

    Jill i havent seen my 3 children for over 11 year and i have tryed my hardest to have them in my life aswell. but with the ex not allowing me to have a life with them but she still wonted csa off me its all wrong. so why should we still pay csa if your not allowed to see them.

  16. Gareth Dempsey on June 10th, 2015 12:03 pm

    Wow, more delusional misandristic rambling from Sarah, who’d have guessed that was going to happen!

    @ the OP I apologise that your original question has been hijacked by those with a point to prove.
    If you PM me I’ll do what I can to help.

  17. Victoria Key on June 10th, 2015 2:36 pm

    Your comments must be really helping this young child…. Just what she needed well done…She doesn’t want your personal circumstances just helpful advice!

  18. Andrew T. Llewellyn on June 10th, 2015 3:27 pm

    Such a sexist statement!

  19. Jill Betterton on June 10th, 2015 3:33 pm

    Paul I agree if a women has no reason to stop you seeing the children (ie you are not a danger to her or the children) yet she still stops you then you shouldn’t have to pay CSA I completely agree with you on that one, but I am very surprised you don’t have access as all courts award access to estranged fathers even if they are alcoholics or drug users, so why are you denied access by the courts?

  20. Jill Betterton on June 10th, 2015 3:35 pm

    I completely agree with you Siobhain! If a mother is refusing access for no legal reason then I don’t bieve she should get CSA. But the courts are all for estranged men to have access with their children even if they are alcoholics or drug users, so why is your husband/partner denied access by the courts?

  21. Ben Wiskin on June 10th, 2015 3:37 pm

    Jill if you truly believe the courts are all for estranged father’s and help shit dads see their kids regardless then you are either deluded or lying.

  22. Jill Betterton on June 10th, 2015 3:39 pm

    Who said the mother is worried about his personal finances? Why should two adults create and child and not financially and emotionally raise them? I agree if a mother stops an estranged father from seeing his children for no reason whatsoever then she should loose her right to help with financially raising them. But there is no court on this land that will stop a father from seeing his children so these fathers that are denied access I ask the question why as courts give access to DOnestic violent fathers, alcoholics, drug users etc the only time a father is denied access is if they are a risk to their children to which if they are and they are denied contact with their children then that is their doing and they should be made to pay? Do you have a problem with any thing I have said?

  23. Ben Wiskin on June 10th, 2015 3:40 pm

    Jill, the courts apply a visiting order, the mothers ignore it so the we have to pay to go back to court and get a new order. The mother ignores that one and so we have to pay to go back to court again and again. That’s how it works, the mothers are never prosecuted for breaking court orders.

  24. Jill Betterton on June 10th, 2015 3:44 pm

    Your right this sight is completely set up for vindictive fathers to skate all women. In the court of law fathers get complete rights to access to their children even if the are domestically violent, drug addicts, alcoholics etc the only reason a father would be denied rights to see his child was if he was deemed by the courts to be a danger to children. So why are a lot of these men on this site not getting contact I ask? So I believe it takes two adults to make a child so both should be responsible to pay for that child, the only time I believe a father should not pay is if the mother is being vindictive and not losing access and the father hasn’t bothered going to court where he would be given access so then I ask why hasn’t the father bothered going to court? Otherwise there is no excuse in the world why a father should contribute financially towards their child.

  25. Siobhain Scanlon on June 10th, 2015 3:49 pm

    He ain’t been denied access the ex has moved and no idea where they now live changed contact numbers and wont reply to emails but she is more then happy to clear his account every month…..

  26. Sarah Louise White on June 10th, 2015 3:52 pm

    Well as far as Im aware the court will grant any mother or father contact in respect of each party if they didn’t post any immediate danger to there kids… Why are people celebrating when thinking they have escaped CSA? Why do they all think the mothers are all alcoholic potheads that spend it all on there self’s when they don’t see these kids how do they no? These kids are placed with the mothers or fathers for the best interests of the child I’m sure and not left with alcoholic potheads as many describe .. I pay CSA for my son who resides with his father thru mutuel agreement I also run my own business and don’t hide my earnings to make my own blood child miss out my ex husband pays 500 a month for his son thru CSA doesn’t hide or denied that right as he knows kids ain’t free nor cheep.. He doesn’t see his son either due to DV thru the courts but he’s never been bitter enuf to suffer a child ..

  27. Jill Betterton on June 10th, 2015 3:54 pm

    This person is a teenager, 17! They are not stupid and they are entitled to have a say as they are being financially deprived! My son is 13 and he has asked questions saying why doesn’t our daddy give us money then we could afford to my our school uniforms and I could go to the clubs I want to go to etc etc. kids talk at school you know, they talk about estranged fathers and when other kids say well my daddy sends my mummy money every month so we can afford clothes and school trips the other kids then wonder why their daddy doesn’t and feel it’s their fault and that maybe their daddy doesn’t care about them, these are kids that HAVE contact with their dads as well! There rely is no excuse in this world for a father not to contribute financially! If they don’t want to give the money to the mother making the excuse up that she is spending the money in herself then but the children, food, clothes, school trips, toys etc once a month simple!

  28. Jill Betterton on June 10th, 2015 3:56 pm

    That is really strange Ben as I work with mothers who find completely the opposite, courts are all for men having access if they are safe to do so and courts come down extremely severely on women if they break that contact without any valid reason. Maybe you need to get tougher with your approach to court and keep pushing.

  29. Louise Parsons on June 10th, 2015 4:00 pm

    I’m not sure why you’re so angry with me Jill. But psychologically children (and 17 is still a child!) do not need this kind of pressure. He shouldn’t know dad doesn’t pay. Kids couldn’t have those conversations if they were not privy to this kind of info in the first place. This should be dealt with by the adults end of!

  30. Ben Wiskin on June 10th, 2015 4:02 pm

    Sorry Jill I do not believe you at all. Father’s for justice only exist for the reasons I explained earlier.

  31. Sarah Watson on June 10th, 2015 4:03 pm

    there is obviously a reason y the children r not seeing their dad as much as im sure there is a reason as to y the father isnt paying. what i am saying is children dont just need financial support they also need emotional support from both parents. most amicable parents will sort out payments without the need for the csa, as i have with my children, i dont want my exes wages just to know that if my sons needed a new pair of shoes that their dad will help me provide. we pay for my step son via the csa as his mother only worried about money and stopped us having access to him out of spite despite getting regular payments. i am not on here to judge anyone or be judged myself for making a comment, the csa is all about the money not the children and i think that is wrong. i agree that both parents should pay but there is usually more to the story either way.

  32. Jill Betterton on June 10th, 2015 4:23 pm

    what are your partners reasons for stopping child contact with you?

  33. Ben Wiskin on June 10th, 2015 4:42 pm

    Because I left her and didn’t want to be with her, because she’s angry and bitter, because she can. There are no genuine reasons just immature, controlling selfishness.

  34. Rohan H. on June 12th, 2015 1:09 am

    At 17, you shouldn’t be a parasite living off your father. What to do ? find a job and help out your father financially, just like he did it for you for all those years.

  35. jo on June 17th, 2015 7:56 am

    Why should nrps have to go to court in the first place? that’s what angers me, if you say 2 adults should be responsible then that includes the resident parent not withholding access just because they can at the end of the day, they hold the ace cards to begin with. How many resident parents, usually mother’s have been made contempt of court and how many times should the nrp have to keep going back to court to get his voice heard? It’s not fair, children are not property.

    Also, I do not discuss maintenance or financial issues with my children, my son 13 and he’s never ever asked why daddy doesn’t pay, that’s adult stuff and in my opinion causes a wedge. My children have no contact with their dad, his choice nor does he provide for them not even a birthday or Christmas card but that’s for him to live with. We’re doing okay and I’d sooner he be in their lives providing emotionally if I had the choice.

  36. Lisa on August 28th, 2015 6:09 pm

    Maybe your mother should stop.burdening you with her problems and let you be kids! If the csa have said your mum has been overpaid that’s her problem not yours! What sort of decent mother puts all this on her kids shoulders

  37. Cazza on December 20th, 2015 12:50 am

    Some fathers pretend it’s the mothers fault…. And some fathers hide behind the new girlfriend/family and can’t actually own up to their own faults, like not providing for the children…

    Unfortunately my children have no relationship with their fathers side of the family…. No fault of theirs or mine…. But as the saying goes… Actions always speak louder than words…. You can have more than one dad but you will only ever have one mum x

  38. MrWhitey on December 22nd, 2015 1:50 am

    @Cazza…

    “You can have more than one dad but you will only ever have one mum…”

    lol…what a fcking muppet you are…

  39. Cazza on December 26th, 2015 10:18 pm

    @MrWhitey

    Well for you to call me a muppet for stating what most mothers will say, you must be one of those fathers who reproduce with more than one woman and your only willing to be there for the ones your currently living with…. Word of advice…. Get the snip done!! It’s not fair on the children!!

Got something to say?