Why should parental responsibility stop at 19?
My ex cheated and we arranged the payments between ourselves. Stupidly I trusted what the figure was that he came up with, despite his mistress having no kids. So, he had years of paying nowhere near what he should have, going on foreign holidays 3 times a year, buying cars, etc. Meanwhile, I was struggling, and he was not remotely concerned.
When he cheated on her and married the new woman he went to the csa, all with a plan, since she had two children. This meant the maintenance going down by only £12 after the 20% was discounted. Now the maintenance is stopping for my oldest at 19 who is planning to go into full-time further education. He has told my youngest child this, which she is now stressing about.
I am a single working parent, and find it difficult. Surely it is the decent thing to do to help your children out after 19, after all, I am providing a roof over her head, food, clothing, etc. My ex does not give them anything over and above the maintenance and has let them down consistently. I am appalled by the people that think the moral responsibility for children stops when they are 19. They are your flesh and blood and they will need help along the way to adulthood, why should this only be one parents responsibility? Being a parent does not end at 19, it is a lifelong job. That is what I intend to do, so why should the absent parent then revoke all responsibility for them?
29 thoughts on “Why should parental responsibility stop at 19?”
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I read a lot of bitterness in this story, what you are really saying is that your ex should be punished and punished and punished for daring to leave you, and the child (Adult) is the best weapon you can think of.
This is CHILD support agency not for adults support agency after you ween him of the breast he can get a job and if his father wants to can give his kids money direct rather than a greedy loser like you !!!!!!
Another skank on this page
SuzyFoxy,
The CSA age limit for a qualifying child changed from 19 to 20 years on 10/12/12, if they continued to meet the criteria.
The link below will take you to an overview for the CSA
https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/overview
Why is it always about money when you split up? My parents taught me if I wanted something I save. They didn’t have a lot of money so what I did get it was because I needed it not wanted it. I bring my children up the same way. I don’t use my x against them if they want money of him they will ask themselves. What right have I got to take his money? I earn my own !! Children should not be used against each other they are human too. They have feelings. Bickering and slating each other only makes things worse. You had children together raise them equally and stop using them as bait. Rant over.
Don’t worry Im sure your wish will come true. No doubt the CSA will change the goal posts in the future and make NRP’s pay child maintenance until the “child” is 30, 40 or even 50 years old.
In Denmark the upper age limit is 24 and in some states of USA it’s 23.
Something to look forward to!
Give the man a break and. Move on let him live his life in piece he has had 18 years of you grabbing every penny now. Let him. Enjoy his self for once you cow
wilf
We stay in the uk and 20 years old is more than enough the Csa left me no money for years struggled to give my kids holidays and treats as the Csa raped my wages of 20 % when my kids grew up and reached 18 I looked forward to giving my kids some of the 20 % but my ex committed benifit fraud and the Csa turned a blind eye and I am still getting screwed over , what the spitefull ex wife’s don’t realise is the more you take of the NRP the less inheretance there children will eventually get !!!
Should of had kids to a Dane ha ha
Parental responsibility has to legally end at a certain point, obviously but i agree that parental care does go on. Let it be his choice if he decides not to. You’ve not lost much if he was cheating on you in the first place, he’s done you a favour by leaving, that’s my opinion on cheaters, male or female….. as for money, yes, it can be very tight when you are a lone parent but it can be tight even as a couple at times…. think about and concentrate on YOUR parenting, you cannot change someone or make them fulfil YOUR expectations, that is pointless and only leads to disappointments. If he chooses not to support your child whilst s/he is studying, stay neutral, it is for your child to make his/her own opinion over the matter. Best wishes
Tim Fullwood liked this on Facebook.
In the eyes of the law you are deemed an adult at 18 in this country, therefore elegible to receive state benefits and education tuition support – why on earth is the age of ‘child support’ now 20 years old, doesn’t make sense, the law of what is categorised as an adult needs to change or the child support laws needs to not let grown men and women receive monies for being a dependant which they are not – IMO its FRAUD!
No doubt they will just change the wording from ‘child support’ to ‘dependant support’ and a grown man of 20 years old is not a child, stupid stupid government. Want their cake and eat it, but you cant have it both ways, make your mind up
Tim Fullwood liked this on Facebook.
At age 18…….being an adult means…
Want a ciggie – you can legally buy them
Fancy getting lashed – you can go buy a case of bud
want to watch porn, no problem you can legally bash away!
commit a crime – you will pay and be tried as an ADULT
you can make a baby of your own (actually this is old hat, you could have been legally sh*gging away quite legally for 2 years)
The Queen and Mr Cameron will even send you out to the front line to serve your country and possibly be killed – because your an adult and supposedly this would mean you can make a sound and informed decision to do so .but oh……. wait, hold on a cotton picking minute – Mr Camerons double standards also mean the very same pair of eyes that would let you do this also conveniently see you as a child WHEN IT COMES TO SQUEEZING extortionate MONEY out of people Explain that one Mr.C? alas your still a child, even if you also may be a chain smoking, porn addicted dirty criminal and serial sh*gger, the woes hey, love it.
God these scumbags know how to take the p–s.
Now, from 19 to 20, next year 20 to 21 and so on and so on, until the NRP is flogging themselves to death until they are 67 yrs old, with little to look forward to, because their best days are behind them, and yet the 25 yr old adult that they will probably still be paying the PWC for (even though they are not living at home), will be living it up I their sex, drugs and rock n roll lifestyles, in college.
Politicians using educational establishments as dumping grounds for adults that they cannot find jobs for, and use the NRP as a bursary to keep them their.
Thanks Everyone !!
best bit of reading for ages. Thanks All
Since the CSA have been involved (less than 12 months) my ex has stopped access twice and i have been forced to pay a lot more money leaving me broke.
People like you and my ex seem to be of the same mould, LEAVE US ALONE with our kids.
Ex stops them coming and the CSA support that decision and make you pay more. what year are we in? seems like 1581 not 2013
Ex is in £300,000 house 3 holidays per year, new car etc etc.
sorry but people like you will eventually get their comupance for using the kids as wepons.
Yes piss takers and no it’s not a child anymore at the age of 20 …so WTF should they still be able to rob from us…simple…..”hey we are the CSA…we do whatever we won’t,if we say the age is now 20….it’s 20, if we later say its 24….tens it’s 24″ hell…why not just increase it to fucking retirement age.
Wilf
I am beginning to have my doughts about you as well…with your patronising remarks sometimes, so what if the the upper age limit is 24 in Denmark and 23 in some parts of the US. what’s the point of your statement? Are we meant to feel grateful that we are only screwed until the adults lol reach 20 ?
Gonk
Karen
Your posting is bloody awesome,funny as well….and soooooo FUCKING TRUE!!!!!!!
Gonk
Fred
100% agree with you.maybe you could take Challs advise he gave a poster on here today…lol…apply for a variation.In this guys case,he sees his kids and does 280mile round trip to pick them up each month,and he’s bled £400 PCM by these leeches.
In his case the ex only has to lie about them coming to him and the CSA will support it in order to keep the payments as they are….bang goes his variation….it’s a fucking scam and chall knows that guy will be pissing in the wind.
But I hope his advise bares fruit and I can take it all back chall?
Will be replying to that post next and ask the author of it,to keep us posted about where Challs advise got them.
Gonk
Just that Lisa said in previous thread how much fairer the Danish system was.
Just examples of swings and roundabouts.
No doubt all systems have their advantages and did advantages.
I’ve got no doubts about you.
@ Wilf,
If were all honest here this system will never work, not for dads anyway, lazy bitch mums who refuse to work yes they are going to be fine, they can money thrown at them from all angles, maybe if so many people refused to use the system (yes I know im thinking a bit silly here) then the CSA would realise things had to change, payments till 17 and then teach your kids to stand on there own 2 feet,
Karen75. I really like your comments, but the government can and are having it both ways. I know there is a lot of anger with Cameron and Duncan Smith regarding the CSA, but it was Blair, (whose expense claims mysteriously got shreded, during the expenses scandal) and Brown who gave the CSA the extra powers to target the decent NRP’s who were already paying high amounts of child maintenance every month.
Until recently I strongly believed all NRP’s should pay maintenance.However after reading some of the stories on here, I say good luck to them if they can avoid and fob off the CSA. If the CSA were fair and treated NRP’s with dignity and respect, then fair do’s. However why would a NRP want to be in their vile, corrupt, intimidating, threatening system and have his life and new family’s life ruined.
Once in the CSA system your trapped. They make up phantom arrears, lie, remove paper work from your file and threaten you with baliffs/liability order as well
stitching you up with a DEO, taking 40% of your net pay.
Each and every member of CSA staff should hold their head in shame !
By the way, I still haven’t received the letter from the CSA advising me that child maintenance is payable until the “child” reaches 20 years. Good job I read this forum.
Just think of the thousands of decent hard working NRP’s out there who don’t read this forum and have no idea the latest devious thing the CSA have done.
They’re too busy stitching NRP’s up with made up arrears etc.
Tim Fullwood liked this on Facebook.
unfortunately not all relationships are so amicable..
its him who will loose out in the end as the child wont want anything to do with him
Ahhh yes I suppose you are right Brett, just another way the system is flawed hey? It just adds to the frustration that they make flexible rules for themselves to benefit from, yet the rest of us are put in either the black non compliant camp, or the white compliant camp with no emotions/ circumstances taken into account inbetween, or even common sense for that matter is sadly lacking! They even choose what camp you go in wether you pay or not, theres just no hope and the age of a QC just keeps getting better, you honestly have to laugh or you would crack up.
Gonk, glad i raised you a smile – I am really just trying to find a little brightness in the dim gloom to make it easier to cope with!
I think the ultimate brightness would be being a passenger on a train when a 6ft bearded ‘child’ with size 11 feet argues his case with the ticket inspector as to why he thinks hes eligible to be in receipt of a half price child ticket, err… ‘Well Dave said i was a kid, take it up with number 10 mate’ hahaha omg its serious innit!
Karen75. Now your last comment to Gonk did make me smile. That is a classic line.