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Why should I pay knowing the money isn’t being used for my child?
why should i as a father pay csa when i have no prove my money is being used on my child or the fact im not allowed my child witout mum being around.
could i not pay the x amount on wat my child needs instead off givin to the mum, eg school fees clothes shoes, or save money in a account, also i know her mum get hand outs that cant be proved for other people, i feel like im here to help the mum out instead off supportin my child!!! fathers should get more right cause the law supports the mothers
44 thoughts on “Why should I pay knowing the money isn’t being used for my child?”
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Doesn’t matter what pwc spends csa payments on… all csa care about is that you pay.
I agree! Hate seeing my money spent on supporting her lifestyle while she doesn’t work!
What a joke! Her take him including my payments and the benefits she receives is £2800 a month, and my kids probably see £100 of that maximum!
Is this man complaining his children are neglected ?
Men don’t seem to understand there money is not just used for clothes and school etc, but every day living, food things parents buy on an every day basis that you may not see or realise.
I know plenty of mothers that spend CSA on fags and nights out rather then the kid I think they should be made to prove the money is going on the child or do it in vouchers so it goes only on what they need so the vouchers can be used for the child all CSA is, is another weapon! Happy to get take the cash but would rather mess the father about for contact great if people use it properly not so great, If its just another woman scorned! I am a married mother but I know I would probably get more money as a single parent
No, Christina, he is complaining that he doesn’t know if the money he pays is actually spent on his children.
And Kelly, I realise a lot. Do you realise that a lot of women put their own needs above those of their own children?
Cue angel music when we talk about mothers.
This page doesnt work as an open page. Fathers and mothers experience of the CSA is completely different. I haven’t heard of a case where a mother committed suicide because of the CSA.
I know for a fact the money I paid my ex was going straight up her nose in the form of cocaine. When I did have contact she would drop him off in poor weather in shorts and flip flops knowing I’d have to go and buy him warm clothes , in addition to what I was already paying for. She claimed tax credits as single person despite being in relationship. Our son was just a cash cow!
the law is all for the mother not the kids.
@timmarshall. Please accept my friend request. I need some info I think you could help me with for a film project. Thanks.
the csa should be scrapped now, it dont work never has and never will work. it only works for the mothers coz the csa nows by telling the mothers to stop contact with fathers they help them get more money off us and so the csa can get more money for themselfs. its all for the csa and mothers, when do you know if your kid has the money spent on them? how do you know if the mothers not going on the piss with the money, wot if the new boyfriend takes over your kid and you have to pay him the money to bring your kid up. thats wot do go on and it should stop. the csa are turning your kids against you and turning the mothers away from the fathers, but yet the csa atates (its all for the kids). bullshit.
@kellylittleford. What Csa don’t see is fact that fathers with limited contact often have higher costs than mother with care. In my case I saw my son every weekend. What costs did mother have during week? I had all the expenses of trips out etc that mother didn’t have, but I was paying substantial cost in addition to this.
I have had custody for over 2 years but have received less from mother in all that time than I paid mother in a single month! Arrears are massive, but no sanctions against her, a father would not have got away with it!
Steven, Don’t be such a fool. It costs on average £160 to £200 a week to raise a child from birth to 18. That’s what the statistics in the UK tell us. So if you are paying less than £100 a week I would keep my mouth shut, because if you think that your money only goes toward supporting the parent with care and not your child, then it makes you look like a jealous bitter individual. Having said that, you should have access to your child. No taxation without representation is what the US founding fathers said. That seems a sound basic principle of human rights. Just keep your cool and build up some trust and hopefully your ex will relax and let you have unfettered access soon. Ask if you can come to parents evening at school, stuff like that. Surely she can’t refuse you?
At Marcus,
I have 2 kids and can assure you I do not spend that a week on both of them put together!
Also majority of single mums get help with this and an nrp tops this up!
And no mother/father should restrict access unless there is abuse and shouldn’t have to butter up the pwc….children are not belongings and emotional support fairs more than pound signs!
That’s why it’s called an average Jo! That means there are people that might spend double and plenty of people that might spend half. What Steven should be concerned about is that his children are well dressed, well fed and that they get the emotional support they need. I for one think a child is better off with a quality shoe from a charity shop than brand new crap from Primark every week. It’s not about how much you spend, but the quality.
Marcus, please don’t be patronising, you’re quite happy to call this man a fool on an average amount which knowing a majority of surveys is claptrap, plus the op doesn’t know if this is happening, like most nrps have no say where the money is being spent!
Nrps should also have maintenance payments reduced if they have to pay extortionate fees to try and gain access to their children if a pwc is denying them this just because they can… quality isn’t about clothes but time emotionally spent which is something most nrps don’t get back in missing out on a child’s childhood!
@marcus
The patronising twat!!! You as usual talk complete crap. I suggest you keep your mouth shut fool and instead open your eyes and wipe the brown stuff from them and read the authors message..we all know the CSA don’t give a toss about the kids and even less about the Nrp. Stevens point is why the hell does a Nrp not have the right to know how or even if is money is actually spent on his kid/s
We also know that many pwc’s use the money to line their own and sometimes partners pockets.
It does NOT cost £160-£200 a week to bring up a child,particularly if you don’t have that kind of money? One makes do with what they have and gets by on far less per week. Some of these people can’t afford to live anymore after the CSA have screwed them …fool!!!
Gonk
I know your type Gonk. The ex and new partner buy a new car. It’s your money that’s paying for it. The ex an her new family have been on a nice holiday. It’s your money that’s paying for it. It couldn’t possibly be used on your kids even if it all goes into the same pot? You are a jealous bitter small minded person. You cannot stand it when people move on and get a new life. Your are foul mouthed and you wonder why people don’t want you in their lives. And now you want to stifle debate because you can’t raise your contribution to the required intellectual level so you start calling names in frustration. Thank god we live in a democracy or you would be putting on your brown shirt and riding boots next.
Anyone else get the impression that Marcus Lasance either works for CSA, or is someone helping his partner defraud their child’s real dad?
Anyone else get the impression that Marcus Lasance either works for CSA, or is someone helping his partner extort money from their child’s real dad?
But nrps are not allowed to move on are they marcus? That’s the problem!
It’s aright andy We got your valuable insight the first time. If you think the CSA is paying me for some of the awful stuff I posted about them on CSAhell you are even more deluded than this Gonk person. As for my step children’s real Dad I can possibly illuminate you on that subject. He was screwing a waitress of the restaurant he managed. Packed his bags leaving his wife and two children to live with this floozy and a note with the address were his wife could sign on for benefits. Left her with a mortgage and two maxed out credit cards in joined names. Proceeded to pester her to cash in a life insurance policy, even though she had just recovered from breast cancer, because he wanted half to pay of his other debts.
So I arrive on the scene and pay of the debts he left her with. Buy a bigger house because I had two kids of my own who stayed with me every weekend ( two nights a week plus holidays). Pay of the negative equity in their property. While I pay my ex each month by standing order as privately agreed ( well above the average we discussed in this thread) this NRP never pays a penny, but expects us to bring his kids to his mums house 40 miles away so he could see them there. We did this every other week for years! Each time the CSA assessed him he changed jobs after a DEO was set up. Then he calls a meeting. Says he want’s to go like university so he can get a good job like he thinks I have. Promises to pull his weight when he graduates. This means two and a half years NIL assessment. Graduates from a good business school as planned, then decides to have ‘a gap year’ to add insult to injury. CSA close file because NRP ’emigrated’ to New Zealand ( CSA help line: ” He even showed us a copy of his flight ticket!” Sneaks back into the UK a year later and starts work without telling anyone. Boasts about his success on http://www.LinkedIn.com. New assessment and 12,000 in arrears. Now who is the fraud Andy? I say don’t get angry, get even!!
@ Marcus and it sounds like you have grudged every penny of it….. I’ll bet you never stop reminding the woman you are with what YOU have done for HER and HER kids….
what a horrible, horrible man you are….
100% bang on sally,
We finally see whats eating at mr marcus csa worker.
You sound as though you didnt want to take on someone elses children marcus, has it eaten away at you all these years? I bet you know how much you have spent on sweets or ice creams for them over the years?
Do they know what you think of them? Does your wife know how much of a burden her children have been to you all these years?
I hope they are older and moved on away from you, because you could damage them emmotionally.
You are a sick man marcus
csa is there push fathers into a 6 by 2 coffin
So here we go again. I present a story of an NRP who doesn’t quite fit the picture of the poor CSA maltreated and cuckolded fool that passes for a father on this web site and the usual crowd of cross dressing cheerleaders feel the urge to attack the messenger just so they don’t have to confront the fact that not all PWCs are greedy slags and some NRPs actually deserve to be hounded by the CSA. Woody and Sally, I look forward seeing you on that proposed CSA reality TV series so I can laugh at you with the rest of the nation. Where did I say I did not love those two step children as much as my own? And who do you think will be walking my step daughter up the isle when she get married in a few months? Not tha sad excuse of a deadbeat father I pictured for you.
Good one marcus, you are such fun!
Good luck walking someone elses daughter up the isle, its even starting to sound like you have been trying to alienate your step children from their real dad, by bad mouthing him and pointing out all his poor qualities.
How would you feel having someone do that with your children? Or are you perfect?
I think if your step children could read what you are like, and how much of a burden they have been to you, i’m not so sure you would be walking any of them up the isle.
Also their mother would probably have not allowed you into their lives.
@Marcus
you are full of big words idiot…hey dickhead..im not bitter and twisted and begrudge my ex moving on..I really don’t give a toss about her…BUT I DO DAMM WELL BEGRUDGE ME NOT HAVING ANY SAY IN HOW OR WHOM MY MONEY IS SPENT ON…Do you not think I have a point/reason to be angry Marcus??
your response to Andy’s comment nearly had me in tears…tragic lol…and see you still manage to add in a few sarcastic remarks whilst telling your sad “woe is me bringing this poor woman back from the brink and saving her from going over the edge” what a hero. As Sally and Andy said, the nrp isn’t allowed to move on is he Marcus.
You ARE Really the bitter one who MOST definitely has his own axe to grind with your partners ex, you sad muppet.
And seems I have a lot of posters whom are on my side on this one Marcus…..so where you going wrong in this debate you small minded prick…And no I don’t mix my words..people like you piss me off no end with your blinked views and narrow minded ball shit.
Gonk
@Marcus
Marcus Lasance on December 17th, 2013 6:01 pm
So here we go again. I present a story of an NRP who doesn’t quite fit the picture of the poor CSA maltreated and cuckolded fool that passes for a father on this web site and the usual crowd of cross dressing cheerleaders feel the urge to attack the messenger just so they don’t have to confront the fact that not all PWCs are greedy slags and some NRPs actually deserve to be hounded by the CSA. Woody and Sally, I look forward seeing you on that proposed CSA reality TV series so I can laugh at you with the rest of the nation. Where did I say I did not love those two step children as much as my own? And who do you think will be walking my step daughter up the isle when she get married in a few months? Not tha sad excuse of a deadbeat father I pictured for you.
You really are a complete wanker…cant handle the comments…get out of the fire if you cant take the heat? you can dish it out but sure as hell cant take it. Bring it on. You fuel my raging fire.
Gonk
Andrew Jones…you are so in my gang on this…you mirror my thoughts exactly….unlike this idiot Marcus.
Gonk
@ Marcus you may not fall into the category of “NRP who doesn’t quite fit the picture of the poor CSA maltreated and cuckolded fool”…. You are the one who “maltreats” with your stupid, ignorant comments….
The NRPs who defend themselves against your pathetic, self absorbed outbursts are genuine, caring fathers who want the best for their CHILDREN…. You on the other hand talk only of YOU, YOU, YOU and what YOU have done for your partner and HER children…. Sorry ‘step’ children…. I’ll bet you constantly remind them that they are not you real children…. As I said before…
You are a horrible man and far worse than any of the real absent fathers who avoid paying for their children…. You give to your partner and her kids to be a martyr not because you actually care about them…. That is quite obvious by your communications on here….
That’s what you do for your children Woody? Buy them sweets and ice creams, while the state gets to put a roof over their head, feeds and clothes them? Sure they will love you for that in years to come. I don’t have to turn my step children against their biological father. He is pretty good at that himself. He promised them he would support them through university by paying their room rent. Like Steven, who asked the original question, he could then finally rest assured his money would only benefit his children and not prop up his ex’s life style and, god forbid, mine! Guess who defaulted after three months of trying to pull his weight for the first time in 20 years? Guess who got the call to stop them being evicted? Well good luck to all of you part time Dads. Words are cheap. Insults are easy. Now let’s hound some more PWC’s coming to this forum and call them slags, greedy bitches and much worse egged on by transgender she-males like Sally, Jo and Lisa.. Hope you will all be very happy together. Just about have had enough of you sick low lives. I might as well watch the Jeremy Kyle show.
@ Marcus…..think yourself lucky that the mother of your children didn’t take you to the csa!
I’m with sally, you really do come across as a horrible man who does sound bitter at his situation yet I get the sense you have pleasure out of having one up on your wife’s ex and you’re very arrogant with it.
You also have a go at people who disagree with your comments….joy of democracy on an open forum which shows that a majority of nrps have had nothing but anguish with their ex’s and the csa, you’re just lucky your ex doesn’t fit that catergory and don’t you just rub that fact in, well done you! Some nrps didn’t choose to be part time parents and some pwcs actively make themselves single parents by denying access for no other reason but to spite their ex….article in the daily mail yesterday will sum up what a majority of dads go through to see their kids and a judge admitted that no court will ever have a pwc for contempt!
I can only comment on my own experiences, my ex a true deadbeat yet csa doesn’t bother with him so I just get on with it, my husband on the other hand went through every hoop for his children to have access denied, even her going against court orders, that’s fine as she was getting legal aid so no worry to her and then children poisoned against him and its bloody heartbreaking to watch….yet pwc still wanted his money, with csa messing up his case from day one….and it was her who cheated and kicked my husband out of a home he paid for and moved her lover in within a matter of days and made him the children’s new daddy but still happy to take my husband for everything even to this day when children are now 24 and 26 because she feels she’s been short changed, this story echoes most nrps on this forum and I can relate to what they are going through. I never struggled as a single mum and wasn’t hard done by and I worked my ass off but do I hate my ex, no sorry I don’t, I pity him because he’s missing out on his children who my husband is now raising as his own without having any angst about it.
And I can assure you I’m all woman and have never called a pwc any names because I was in that situation also….but it’s ok for you to slate me because I see both sides and in some cases do feel for the nrp but praise a pwc who sees past the bitterness and hate deadbeat fathers who do a runner…..sums up what type of person you are if someone disagrees with you….and Jeremy Kyle, really? I do have standards please!
The csa help no one in every situation@
Marcus, male marcus, female marcus, csa worker, whatever you are.
Why don’t you start to be a positive energy on this forum? How about helping the members here? Both nrps and pwc? Try to leave your bias and descriminations at the door and be a decent human being?
I bet under all that bitter exterier you could be a nice person, it may take time and alot of hard work on your part, but stranger things have happened, also after all it is xmas. Maybe even for your wifes children?
Also on a different subject, you keep mentioning cross dressing cuckolds? I had to look up what a cuckold was, but i must admit it seems an interesting fetish and interest you have there.
I’m not sure my wife would be up for it, how did you talk yours into cuckolding you?
Also any good cuckolding groups yoy can hook me up with?
All the best marcus,
Woody
But Marcus is presenting himself as a cuckolded fool, poor guy who unwittingly took on role as parent to his non genetic children….its not just a fetish Woody but see where you’re going with it and not something my husband would agree too nor me I’m afraid lol!
Today I give up! I’ve had enough..in fact I WANT TO KILL MYSELF – COMMIT the ultimate sin.
I’m ashamed of even thinking it but today the CSA sent me a letter for arrears JUST BECAUSE the mother decided not to continue or accept what we had already privately agreed on via NASCA.
Now the CSA are telling me I will PAY! and more than before they were so rude! nasty and have even decided to delay my paper work for 12-16 weeks. Then told me “TOUGH! we represent the many and I quote “upaid mothers” and have told me to expect arrears of excess of £2300.
Reading what is truly the ultimate outcome for us all is that NO ONE CAN GET AWAY OR GET HELP FROM THE CSA. WE ARE DOOMED!!! There is too much talk and no one is interested, MPs don’t give a shit, the public are under the impression that the CHILD SUPPORT AGENCY is helping children!! WHO IS LISTENING !!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM SORRY LORD FOR ALL MY SINS AND TROUBLES BUT LIFE IS NOT WORTH THE PAIN OF THIS. PLEASEE HELP ME
Please may spread the word and please let’s try setup a REAL COLLECTIVE RESPONSE to this mess.
A protest March for fairness! on FEB 1ST 2014 @ 10 DOWNING ST and DWP Head office.
Who’s in?
Please don’t give up Terry….and the csa saying they represent unpaid mother’s is just a smoke screen as they certainly have never helped me one iota nor many others who have an ex who goes off radar….plus in your case your ex isn’t an unpaid mother nor your case should be tied with others because of incompetence, why should you be a scapegoat?
I really do not know how to advise, if you were getting help with NASCA can they aid you further?
Please do not give up, easy said I know as I’ve seen first hand what csa with help of a vindictive pwc can do to a decent man but you mustn’t let them win and fight the arrears, do as you have told others….yes it’s a shit process but it won’t be forever…you have my support.
Also Terry, please see your doctor, s/he can also be a voice with the csa to back off especially if your feeling so desperate, I don’t want to see anymore suicides or talk of it caused by the lack of empathy from civil servants who fail basic human compassion.
JESUS! OMG what a desperate situation has been created and all in the name child support. Terry help fight these bastards!
Please may spread the word and please let’s try setup a REAL COLLECTIVE RESPONSE to this mess.
A protest March for fairness! on FEB 1ST 2014 @ 10 DOWNING ST and DWP Head office.
Who’s in?