Why should I pay for children I do not know?

July 28, 2012

I have probably the usual tale to tell on the CSA and their dealings of my case so I wont go into it you’ve all heard it before and experienced it your selves.

So my point in writing is this.I have not seen or heard from my children in over 8 years, they were very small when my ex and I had a complete nightmare of a separation,she became involved with someone else within a month of separating and quickly established him as my children’s guardian.

I was quickly pushed out of their lives and although spent thousands of pounds on solicitors fees thru the court order access system she broke every order before i got to see them.

The CSA write to me constantly about these two young people I don’t know and who don’t know me. They quickly had their surnames changed to that of their new father. My ex and her partner have a very comfortable lifestyle whilst I am expected to pay for these two strangers, this all may sound callous and irresponsible of my duties but my responsibility in every other shape and form has been removed from me.

Why should I because i am some ones birth parent be hounded and badgered with threats and stress for the entire 16 to 18 years of these children s lives to pay for two people who have no knowledge of me and are perfect strangers to me.

If I was to die suddenly they would never know or may be even care.


  • chall says:


    Unless the children were adopted (at which point a parents financial responsibility ends) financial responsibility remains with their parents.

    When the agency initially became involved, was your ex unemployed and was this before or after 03/30/03?

    Are you paying the CSA and do you have arrears?

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

  • Carol says:

    I have to agree with you. My ex and I always had a good relationship, ups and downs as any relationship does, but now we have split due to the financial pressures of the CSA again for a child who does not want to know my ex. Basically my ex was paying 40% of his salary (minimum wage) and it was affecting us badly financially that we couldn’t provide for our 2 kids and pay all bills that needed paying.

    In no way am I saying should nrp’s walk away and evade their responsibilities but most of the time pwc leave with the kids and don’t want the nrp involved but still want their money.

  • C Hall says:

    I think it ok for the NRP to have to pay maintenance. But i think the PWC should be made to prove that the money being paid is supporting the child/ren not the PWC nightlife. It happens all to often that the money goes on the PWC and not what it is meant for

  • Sally says:

    There is no doubt in my mind that NRPs should pay for their children, but I feel the amount they are expected to pay is unreasonable and unfair!! The CSA don’t care about facts, circumstances or the truth…. they just care about meeting their stats!!!

    I completely agree with C Hall that PWC should be made to prove what is spent on the kids… in my personal experience, the PWC spends most of it on herself. My partners ex is only interested in the money….

  • Tim says:

    Thanks, every one for your support, I have never denied the fact that some money should be paid to wards the up keep of children. One, my comments were meant as a question of should money be paid to two strangers, no chance of probably ever seeing these children again. I also believe that as with most forced payments they should be calculated with the (ability to pay) method not a blanket %. The Csa is a failed organisation supported totally by the British Tax payer.It fails on many levels but the main being it costs more to run than the revenue they receive. I also believe the amount asked for from NRP’s they have knowledge of covers the the NRP’s they have no knowledge of. I know of men that are going self employed in order to avoid paying so much or any at all. If the CSA had half a brain like most debt collecting agencies they would settle on what some one could afford rather than insisting that NRP pay a set amount which they will have to chase and chase to get any payment in fact more likely none.
    When is the Nation going to be told about the failures of the CSA and how much it costs in that failing. Government after government hides the CSA like an embarrassing relative locked in the attic.

  • Sally says:

    The bare fact Tim is that as their biological father (unless they have been adopted by someone else) you must pay child maintenance. This amount is dictated by the CSA based on an appauling formula bias towards the PWC.

    Personally (and I know it will sound harsh to some) I don’t think you should pay if the PWC does not allow you to be involved with the upbringing of those children…. I find it absolutely disgusting that mothers like that are allowed to take away NRPs rights to be involved in their child(ren) life and still demand money!!!

    You are not more than a sperm donor…. and sperm donors are not expected to pay child maintenance!!

  • jay says:

    Well said sally, my husband never sees his 2 children, we did have custody ot them 3 yrs ago, but the ex made our lives very difficult, whilst she lived it up with her boyfriend who was and is still living in my husbands home, with his children.
    She made life very difficult for me and at the time i was working weekends and a student as well incluuding the care of my own young daughter, due to the financial burdens this greedy woman imposed upon us my poor husband worked his backside into the ground to provide a roof for his children and i was left whilst juggling my own responsibbilities, predominantly the care of his 2 children. Whilst the ex blatently ignored what was going on until i literally flipped under pressure, due to exams, work and her ever increasing demands on my time.
    Needless to say we don’t have the kids now and because of her impossible needs, she makes life very difficult for my husband to see his kids, they are older.
    However it was her way or no other way and life just isn’t like that, so now my husband is paying a fortune out every moth to this arrogant selfish woman, who is still milking it and needless to say still lives in the ex marital home with her partner of 10 yrs, at one point my husband was actually paying the mortgage and chils maintenance while she had him living under the same roof !!! No i don’t think he should pay at all. he gave her home, car and many other things in final divorce settlement all for his kids, she’s just profited from it.

  • Lyn says:

    Tim, I totally agree with you and would advise you to get on with your life and dont even bother with the CSA.

    Both my partner and I went through hell 2 years ago. The CSA forced him to sell his house to pay the arrears he owed for his 3 children aged 14, 17 and 21. He never sees his children as they dont want any contact.

    Now we live a lovely peaceful life with no ‘brown envelopes’ dropping through the door and all the nightmare is behind us. He doenst know his children and they dont know him and thats the way we leave it.

    Its sad but their nasty Mother turned them against him . He saw his Son last year who laughed at him to his face saying great you LOST YOUR HOUSE.

    Sorry dont need horrible people like this in your life.

    Tim move on and forget them

  • liz says:

    Disgusting dead beat you never leave your children you as a human beng are there to provide and love them unconditonally women who encourage men not to see and speak to there children daily are the lowest of the low.I find it outrageous anybody would say such a stupid comment.You produce them you pay!!!!!!!!!!!

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