Why should I have mediation with me ex?

March 1, 2011

My son is 4 years old, his dad and I parted when I was pregnant after a 7 year relationship due to violence on his part directed at me. He decided when our son was one he wanted no contact (as I refused to get back with him). I involved the CSA from the beginning, he has refused to pay throughout our son’s life. He offers not financial, emotional or practical support.

Why should I enter into mediation with this man? Why should I pay £100 for a CSA who cannot help me achieve a good standard of living for my son? My ex partner is now in vast arrears, he was due in court regarding the arrears this week and failed to attend. I was told today by the CSA “not to hold my breath to ever seeing any money from him.” That’s incredibly helpful. I am proud I’m doing it alone.

I work, I am at uni and I will give my son the best quality of life BUT I do not think my ex should have been able to walk away from his responsibilities so easily, he has since fathered two other children. Wow he learned a lot from this, that he can get women pregnant and walk away without a care in the world. This is our great society, this is the morals of thousands of people today it is acceptable to walk away from our responsibilities.

IT IS SHAMEFUL.

Comments

  • CookieMonster says:

    Well done to you for supporting your son on your own you should be very proud, bringing up a child is hard work but very rewarding, if you take anything away from your experience make sure its all the positives your son brings to you. You would not have to go through mediation or pay the £100 fee for the CSA to work on your case as you have suffered violence at the hands of this “man”.

    Keep up the good work and hopefully when the CSA is not overstretched and is able to do the work they were intended for (searching down the parent’s who won’t pay) you will begin to recieve regular payments to help with your son’s upbringing.

  • Karen Bedford says:

    Rebecca well done too but yes it is wrong that the father can walk away from his responsibilities. He should be held responsible also for the child’s wellbeing even if he doesnt want to be in the child’s life, he should financially support that child too. Please join the facebook groups child support agencies failings and others too as there is support and advice on there which might help. Good luck and well done.

  • Karen Bedford says:

    Cookiemonster is that true about not having to pay the fee if you have suffered violence? Does it mean they have to be convicted first as you know most cases wont go that far due to the Police or the victim not wanting it persued.

    The CSA will ALWAYS be overstretched and Rebecca is entitled to help for her child whether they overstretched or not, not is not an excuse. Its statements like this as is unhelpful to people who need financial support to support their child/ren.

  • John says:

    Mediation with the ex? I don’t want to be in a radius of 10 miles from her, never mind in the same room or building!

    All that the mediator needs is a car and a mobile phone. A house visit and a bit of negotiation without a need for face to face, that would cause acrimony!

    It would cost far less and be more efficient, than the ‘broken’ system that we have now, that costs us a taxpayers millions to run!

  • CookieMonster says:

    @Karen, yes as far as I know victims of domestic violence will not need to go through mediation or pay a fee to the CSA according to the new proposals. I don’t know how they will work it though and I hope it doesn’t result in false claims of violence as this will ultimately make genuine victims less likely to come forward for risk of not being believed and supported.

    I agree Rebecca is entitled to help and it is wrong that her child’s father has walked away without taking any financial responsibility, I apologise if you feel my statement was unhelpful but was just trying to make the point that the system is changing and hopefully for the better, I know once you are in these situations it feels like there is no way out I just wanted Rebecca to know that changes are eminant.

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