Why are we paying for partner’s ex to enjoy herself?

October 27, 2012

My partner split from his ex 5yrs ago due to her meeting someone else who a few mths later she married, he gave her £13,800 and agreed to pay her £150pm for the 2 children they had together.

He has paid this for over 5yrs we now have a 2yr old daughter together, she has now split from her husband due to an affair with another man and 10 wks ago moved and refuses to tell my partner where his children are so he stopped paying her and told her we will pay her once she allows him to see his boys she has said that she moved because of her safety which is rubbish due to us knowing where she works we now believe she did this as she was aware if my partner don’t have the children she gets more money.

The beginning of October we had a letter from CSA saying we have to pay her £72 pw (£360pm) My partners income is £30,500 PA I can not work due to on going illness we can not afford this amount with out goings we have we now rent due to having to sell property due to debt on the loan he took out to pay her off 5yrs ago.

RENT £930pm
Council Tax £240pm
Food £300pm
Electric gas and water £170pm
Phone £40PM

PLUS THE £150 THAT he did pay her up until 10wks ago.

As you can see we dont live a high life style and she is on the same amount roughly as him, there is no way she going to spend any of her own money on the children with this amount being paid to her and Child benefit.

If My partner pays her this amount we will have no choice but to split up as we will not be able to afford to live which then would cost our government £2000 pm as I am unable to work, Why should we have to split up why should our daughter have to grow up without her daddy living with us?

She has done all of this to cause prob and upset due to her jealousy and because she is greedy We have rang CSA every time we have received a letter and expalined that he had paid her a huge amount of money but this don’t matter we have explained that we wont be able to afford to live but again this don’t matter it seems to be the CSA are all for the mother and do not care about the human rights of our daughter we have together.

If his ex is that hard up for money how come she just bought a house? enjoys weekends away? evenings out?

My partner also asked for a DNA test as his ex is well known for her promiscuity in our local area they said they sent the offer of that out in Sept yet the 1st we heard of it was October so they have said its to late and he is no longer entitled to take 1 and the fact that he had a private arrangement with her means he has accepted children are his yet when he points out this private arrangement is where he paid her £13.800 it don’t matter unless its to her and there benefits.

We have no choice now I have not been able to sleep with worry and can’t eat we are going to have to split up which means not only has she taken my partners 1st set of kids away but now with help with the CSA she has now distroyed his 2nd family please help we don’t know what else to do.

Thank you
Lisa Stokes.


  • Jo says:

    Go and see your mp for advice

  • Alice says:

    The problem started when your ex decided to stop paying for his children – he is not absolved from his moral duty to those children just because he does not currently seeing them. I don;t understand why you say that now that your partner is being asked to pay through the agency this means you will have to split up – his rent etc is going to remain the same.

    The agency have considered the rights of your child too, there is an allowance for your child taken off your partner’s income before the maintenance calculation is done.

  • lisa-faye says:

    Ok I get what your saying but he has never stopped paying for his children until she moved and refuses to tell him where they now live, we will have to split up due to the amounts they now are taking we can not afford to pay our rent or every day living. he has already paid her a huge amount in 1 lump payment of £13.800 plus £150 pm for the past 5yrs they are now taking £360pm which is over 100% increase on what he was paying the reason she has moved and stopped contact is coz she knows she is entitled to more money if he does not have her children, our rent has gone up due to he had to sell family home due to debt he got in to by paying her huge amount 5yrs ago so now we have no choice but to rent. she carries on going from 1 man to another and has abused children on many occassions yet kids to scared to speak up seems to me that every1 in favour of the mother no matter what a bad mother that person is. the allowence for my child is £18 pw but allowence for his other children is £36pw each how that fair? there is also some doubt to the eldest child’s parentage yet they will take money until he raises £400 to have DNA he also has to pay for the mother to have DNA why? we know she’s the mother don’t make sense. I understand there are bad fathers but he’s not 1 of them but there also bad money grabbing mothers. she’s won on every account she screws about gets a huge amount of money stops partner seeing his kids gets lots of money she has no need to better herself or work more hours £140 mth child benefit £360pm maintenance plus her own wages maybe being a honest woman is the wrong way to go in life be a bitch and walk off with a bulging purse and a smile on my face.

  • Bonnie says:

    The MP wont do anything about this situation, what is so unjust?. I hate the CSA am not defending it but 360 a month for two kids isnt bad, and your partner is on 30k a year? My ex had to pay £550 a month plus arrears totalling nearly £750 a month for ONE child. He was only earning 450 with overtime per week.This is under csa1 ruling prior to 2003 so its 30% for one child. £150 per month isn’t a lot to pay for two kids so thank yourself lucky. Its frustrating when the ex is a bitch but the csa dont care about anything but targets. Your partner will be paying less as you dont work so imagine your working, under csa1 rules and they use YOUR wages too. No wonder we split up! The PWC rakes it in now , benefits left right and centre and a cut of the new partners wage whether its like i said above or through WTC or CTC on csa2.

  • Joanna says:

    Your partner did the stupidest thing he could of done. He is punishing the kids not the mother.

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