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Where do I stand with changing my daughter’s name?
CAN ANYONE HELP?
My Daughter Biological Father has not had any contact with her since she was 1 (she is nearly 7). I have been with my partner for the past 6 years and he has raised her as his own and we also now have 2 boys as well. My daughter has her biological fathers surname but we have never used it. I would like to know where I stand when it comes to, a name change, if he showed up what could he do?. Any advice would be very appreciated, I am worried sick 🙁
19 thoughts on “Where do I stand with changing my daughter’s name?”
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http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_birth_certificates_and_changing_your_name_e/change_of_name.htm
I assume from you posting on here that the biological Father is paying through the CSA. He is good enough to pay for the child’s upkeep, but not good enough for the child to bear his name……do I really need to say what I think?
from when i looked into it, it stands as this. if the father has been out of the picture for 5 years (i think its 5 years, might want to look it up), you have to then try and contact him with all the details you have, i.e send a letter, ring ect. and have the evidence to show you have done this.
you can then legally change her name, showing the evidence that you have tried to contact him, but have heard nothing.
they should happily change her name. if he comes back into the picture he can force a change back, but my solicitor told me if this happens to me my solicitor will force my ex to pay the cost. not sure if this could happen in all cases.
my ex-husband refused to have my family name added to my daughters, even though that would mean she would be surrounded by Pascoe’s while being called ***********, and i was so scared she wouldn’t feel part of the family.
i started using the double barrelled name anyway, and when it came to school they have a “known as” name, so you show them the birth certificate, but call her Pascoe. after the right amount of time has passed for me, i will be changing it as well.
my solicitor told me i could change it before the 5 years if i wanted, all that would mean is my ex found out was a force to change it. i suppose you are kind of breaking the law! lol, but no body would do anything about it apart from making you change it back.
whereas is i waited the right time, and played by the book as it were, my solicitor will argue that my ex pays to have it changed back.
hope this helps some. x
commented on the website.
its not about just HIS name, its about this child feeling part of the family. this lady doesn’t say she will get rid of her ex’s name, just that her daughter has 2 new brothers and a step-father who has been there for a awhile. all these now have the same name, while she is left out.
i don’t think that’s fair on the child, and i applaud her for at least thinking of her child.
and seeing as she’s on here, i would imagine she’s had problems with her ex, not just “I assume from you posting on here that the biological Father is paying through the CSA.”
maybe good enough to pay for her. but she’s stated the child hasn’t had contact with father.
or father hasn’t bothered with child.
If he’s not on her birth certificate then you can automatically do this via deed poll with no need to contact him. If he is because of the law change in 2003 then you need to get legal advice on how to contact him. Look on the deed poll website, all the information is there to guide you through it. I did this with my children without any problems, you cannot change a surname on the register because it’s an historical document.
Unless you have his permission then you can’t until your daughter is 16
get some free advice from a solicitor and you may have to go to court and then they can sort it out
I am in the same boat my boy is 8 his dad not seen him since he was 1 and he has to sisters and a new dad and want him to have the same name as u cos we want to get married and he will be left out and to all of them out there but he paying csa no he is not he lives out of his girlfriends pocket
When I was 8 years old, my Mum remarried and took me off to another village and enrolled me into another school.
On the morning of going to the new school, she informed me that my surname is now different. No discussion, nothing. I was simply told, “oh, and when you get to school, you now have ******** instead of ********”. So she, in that moment, in effect, changed my surname from the father I hadn’t seen for ages, to the new ‘father’ to whom she was currently married.
While I didn’t like her methods, fundamentally, as I grew older and had to live my life with a name that had NOTHING to do with me, I simply did not want the new name. It didn’t represent who I am. I’m sure if my mother had spoken and discussed it with me properly, my 8-year-old self would have agreed to the name change, so like I say, not getting hung up on her sneaky method at all – the point is, I just didn’t want the meaningless surname as I grew older.
So eventually I just changed my name back. Not a hard thing to do, considering my name was never officially changed. As things like National Insurance etc came into effect and I was required to provide my birth certificates for thinks such as bank accounts, they all had my original name on them.
My point is, while you may feel a compelling need at this present time to either officially, or perhaps unofficially, change your child’s surname so that you all FEEL like one, united, consistent and happy family, the fact is, as your child grows and wants to find out about themselves, you run the risk of losing their respect when they find out that you’ve attempted to hide their identity. To make them live as something they are not.
You may not like that the biological father is the biological father. But, well, that’s the fact, and when your child grows up, they may feel differently about it than you do right now. Don’t force your child to live a lie.
if the biological dad is on the birth certificate he has what is known as parental responsiblity however to use this or to enforce anything he dont agree with like a change of surname he wud have to go to court to get it stopped at his cost , it dont sound like he is that bothered if not seen child since age of one , my hubby has parental respnsibility but if his ex wanted tochange there surname we wud have the right to stop it but realistictly we wud not be able to afford the court cost so yet again its an exmaple of the mother holding all the cards
That’s a lovely answer Jay,you put a lot of feeling into writing that! I could feel the emotion. I think if the father is paying, through the CSA or private arrangement though, he is doing the right thing by her &you will have to think of his feelings /rights as Peter Brown says.
this is why i never removed my ex’s name, i double barrelled it. that way, in my mind (having been through similar to you) she would always know that we all thought of her as part of both families.
its my daughter who has grown up not wanting to use my ex’s name because he and his family don’t bother with her. so in her mind she’s being raised by Pascoe’s, so that makes her a Pascoe.
always better to let a child decide, where possible. and bear in mind they may change their minds in the future, and they grow.
It not just effecting the father it’s the grandparents and the child’s future kids having the wrong name it’s just wrong, and myself as a stepfather I would never allow this as I would find this immoral and embarrassing to say the least !
Really !!
you say he is not in her life but is that through his choice or yours ?
you both bought the child into this world and you chose at the time to call her by his surname.
now you have moved on you want to slightly change it, then if you move on again will you move it again and again ?
confusing for her wouldn’t you say.
you should leave it and let her make the choice at 16 rather than try to make it for her
you will obviously do what you want and its only my opinion but reading this as a father if I ever found out it happened to me I would be distraught !!!
I was redirected here by google!
He WALKED out on us when my daughter was one, he has not seen or paid for her since. Thre only reason she had his name in the first place was he was violent! He assaulted me all through my relationship and pregnancy! He was digging his nails into my leg under the table at the registration office! Plis he threatened to beat me in front of everyone! i was 16 at the time, ans didnt know any better! I had no choice!
My current partner whom has been with me for most of her life. My partner has raised her as his own and treats her no differently to his biological boys. I believe that I have every right to give her a name to be proud of, rather than a woman beater/cheaters name. Before you all say, yes I loved him, for the first year of het life he was an okay dad. Like I said before he walked out on us!
I didn’t really want to air my past relationship on the Internet!
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