What options do I have to keep my abusive ex at bay?

March 26, 2014

I’m due to give birth next week and am desperate to move on with my life away from my possessive, violent ex.

He is currently being treat for depression and drinks too much. His divorce has finally completed last month and he has a relationship with his 12year old son. He has him 1night through the week and every other wkend and coaches him at rugby.

To the outside world he is plausable and a good dad but i have witnessed myself only this jan him throw his son roughly into bed and scream abusive foul language at him. This is partly why i left him.

Throughout my pregnancy i tried to remain amicable, hoping he would be decent and sensible for the baby, no luck. Now i truly feel it in her best interests to be raised in a stable, loving environment by myself.

I have reams of drunken abusive texts which i did show a solicitor last month. Was advised not to put his name down when i reg the birth. We live 1half hours apart and part of me is hoping he will leave us alone but im concerned he will demand access, court, dna in order to get PR or file for a contact order.

I’m willing to sacrifice the csa money if it means he stays away am i correct in thinking that to obtain csa he needs to have PR? If he does fight for PR and access am i entitled to reclaim her money from birth?

He is so unpredictable and self absorbed and this is my first child, the stress and upset he causes is too much and i dont want my baby to suffer.

I’m well aware that people say children have the right to see their fathers but every circumstance is different and i think the mother has to be able to decide. He changed as soon as he found out i was expecting.

I’m unsure of whether to mention to social services about his volatile temper. I was informed in cases where there is domestic violence the father is kept away and also the mother is awarded legal aid. My only worry is he will play the perfect dad routine with his son and it will be my word against his.

If he behaves in a respectable way i will prob allow him to see the baby with my parents present providing he contributes even 100 quid a month to her care. if he wants to play doting daddy he can chip in!

The only thing hes given me whilst ive been pregnant is a load of abuse and a punch in the face! if i offer him limited access and try and make own financial arrangements in this way and he refuses what options do i have to keep him at bay?

Comments

  • Mick says:

    Contact and money are two different things.

    You need to decide wether he’s a threat to your son’s safety first, and decide if you want him to see your son.

    Secondly, I think not putting his name on his date of birth is a blatant attempt to deny him his rights, and if your solicitor has advised it then they aren’t worth a toss. What happens in the future if for some reason your daughter never meets her father and (god forbid) you die. In later life she decides to track her father down, but no name on the certificate?? a) she’ll query your integrity – example being she may think she was the result of a one night stand and b) it will make tracking her father down much more difficult.

    If he is the father and you know he’s the father then put his name on the certificate.

    “if he wants to play doting daddy he can chip in!’ is the real issue here, children aren’t pay as you go phones and who knows the father may just want to have contact with his daughter, stop putting obstacles in his way before the child is even born.

    If you think he’s a legitimate threat to your son’s safety then go through the correct channels and let him prove he’s not a threat instead of you trying to prove he is.

  • Lisa says:

    Wow money is obviously more important than her child, I see were only hearing one side of the story and that is “how to get money” while claiming to have an abusive ex, you knew what he was like with his own child yet you still trapped him into having another baby with you!!!! Get a grip and realise a child needs both parents not just money you selfish excuse for a person

  • Gonk says:

    @ Gloria garofalo
    You seem pretty sure and calculating on how you would deal with him….bet your one of those who would still expect money from such a low life? Wander what that makes you ?
    Gonk

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