The Misery of Child Maintenance
When finding my then partner with a man not known to me, September 1998 an incident took place in which I assaulted the stranger. I was later arrested charged and found guilty of assault occasioning actual bodily harm, I received a noncustodial sentence and was ordered to pay compensation, court costs and was placed on probation for 2 years, this matter lead to me losing my job and the home I shared with my partner, my former partner remaining in our home (with a then very small mortgage and only a few years repayments due) whilst I returned at the age of 31 to live with my parents.
Despite providing maintenance payments to my former partner she pursued a claim through the CSA as she was dissatisfied with the amount I provided, £200 per month. At this time I was already financially broke, the compensation I had to provide to the victim of the assault £750 was paid by my parents as I had no savings or income all money I had earned and saved having been spent on the home I shared and on the household bills.
Having struggled to find a job with a blemished CRB I was subject to a deduction of earnings order with a take home pay of £520 a month, with travel cost of around £100 a month I realistically had £420 with which to exist. I had at this time (2002) with the kindness of my pensioner parents gained a property with monthly mortgage payments of £230 per month, this was cheaper than renting however having paid my council tax and all other bills I was living off bread and water whilst my former partner was having our mortgage free property redecorated, flat screen TV’s purchased, 4 in total, bedrooms x2, kitchen x1 and living room x1, whilst I could not even afford a TV licence. Being so strapped for cash I became reliant upon credit cards. I am now 2011 on the verge of having my home repossessed having now run up credit card depts. of just over 20K, I have at the moment no job (that’s another long and depressing story). I received last month a letter from the CSA demanding arrears payments of £900. I don’t know where to turn, my ex-partner just keeps saying as she has always done ‘I’ll see you in the gutter’ yet I don’t know what I have done, I always thought I was a decent bloke. I have previously been on anti depressants, I’ve been to my local MP Lindsey Hoyle (what a waste of time he was), and I’ve considered suicide many times. I want to provide for my daughter, I want to work, I want a modest life, I have very, very little, no mod cons, and no frills. I feel physically sick. I do pray that I will ride out the storm. My daughter is 14years 3 months, I’m counting down the days, wishing my life away until I can be free from the CSA. This is only a very brief over view of my story, it is in fact a lot sadder, a lot more painful than what it might seem from what I have written.
The CSA are just driving me over the edge.
10 thoughts on “The Misery of Child Maintenance”
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you are not alone…..
Chin up Stephen, as Karl says you are certainly not alone, maybe you should try to contact others in the same situation as yourself as this I believe will help you cope with what is a very sad and depressing situation.
I wish someone would write and produce a TV play about this side of a relationship breakdown.
It’s always the man who is portrayed as in the wrong, yet as we can see on this wonderful forum,this is not the case.
Decent men, working hard to provide for their families,find their wife is adulterous and every thing they have worked for for 15,20 years or more falls apart.
Not uncommon but under reported in the media.
Be lucky Stephen!
Im a firm believer in what goes around comes around, just needs a little help from time to time. this web site is depressingly similar to all of us decent men!
This is exactly why this ‘bureaucratic shambles’ should be shut down, in favour of negotiation, mediation and means testing! To give the NRP equal rights.
Corrupt Politicians should hang their heads in shame for the brutal and continual punishment of decent, honest people who are involved in the mess of family law!
PS. If any Poltician OR Councillor knocks on my door. I WILL be calling the Police regarding harasssment!
Thank you for all your positive comments and support I do very much appreciate them. I have over the weekend come to a very sad decision, I am going to sell my house, its heart breaking, it’s only a modest 2 up 2 down in which I have lived for the last 9 years. I simply can no longer afford, my ex-partner however remains in our very comfortable home, mortgage free, with 4 flat screen TV’s, foreign holidays, nice car, active social life etc. I will probably return at the age of 44 to my parents, they did say they won’t see me on the streets however I would rather have my own privacy and allow them theirs. Thanks once again for listening.
I feel your pain stephen. I have recently recieved a call from the CSA stateing that my Ex put in an application 3 months ago. So like any genuine father I submitted my pay slips and relevant details within a few days. The CSA managed to respond with the assessment within a week. Now, because it has taken them three months to assess me and payment won’t start until my next pay day, which will be this time next month, that paypacket will be about £1000 short, yet I have two children living under my own roof to provide for.
And on top of that my ex is living the life of luxury with her partner, who works, child benefit payments and tax credits for 4 kids (2 are his). They have take aways every week, all the life luxuries and I have to squeeze 1 months pay into 2 months (and pay for my daughters transport costs to college)
The system needs a major reform. So geedy bitches like our ex’s can’t destroy our lives
Stephen, your story as you know is not the only one. As you can see from the responses you got.
My ex partner was the most wonderul man I have ever met and these animals destroyed him and our relationship over his greedy ex wife.
His house was taken to pay this so called debt and no Solicitor, Lawyer would help him. Even after paying the debt a week later they started another claim!!!!
Due to the stress and strain it put on our relationship we split up and he left the UK to start a new life without the CSA hounding him. They took everything he possessed. His ex wife didnt care about the relationship he had with the kids all she wanted was money and like what your ex said to you she said the exact same to him a few years back. I WILL SEE YOU IN THE GUTTER.
Believe me he is in no GUTTER, at least he has peace in his life but unfortunately I am not there with him.
Stay strong as there will be better days.
its not always the case, i feel sorry for the people who want to pay.. its the men that dont that make all men seem bad! 2 years later £3000 in arrears and only £160 paid to me the mps have got involved but yet after 7 weeks its going to take another “2 weeks” the CSA are a joke!!!
i feel sorry for you having to go through that tho!!
My fella has has15 years of hell with his ex wife, and although she left him for another man, and has had numerous men since including being re-married she just wont leave him alone.
They had a house together which he paid for as she had never worked. He also took on her other 2 children that she had with someone else. I know she tried to chase him for money as well but he gave up his job and was lucky enough to get regular work on the side until the two he had with her had grown up and got jobs. Unfortunately my fella wasn’t so lucky. His chilld was only a year old when he came back from work one day to find them gone along with ever stick of furniture in the house, and had to sleep on the flooring in the livingroom. To add insult to injury he found out that she moved into a council house just up the road from him with another man and that the furniture he had paid for has furnished their house.
She called him out the blue one day and told him that if he wanted to see his child he would have to pay. He made regular payments to her but as time went on she wanted more and more money and if he didn’t give her it she would threaten him with the csa.