The CSA has ruined my son’s relationship with his father

March 15, 2012

When my ex (Paul) and I split up we came to an agreement on child support. (£200 pcm)and a monthly sum to pay off money he owed me (approx £6000) Everything was fine. Paul saw his son every week and paid up every month.

Then Paul heard about the CSA and how if he went self employed he wouldn’t have to pay a penny. Since then I haven’t recieved a penny of the debt he owes me, I have only recieved one CSA payment in 12 years, and Paul refuses to see his son anymore except on the rare occasions (3 times) when the CSA has contacted him.

The weekly amount changed every year from nil to £27 per week, to nil to £5 per week to nil…and only when I spent a fortune and a lot of time and stress on the phone to them every week. However, I never recieved these payments except on that one occasion. On another occasion when I was awarded nil amount, Paul had just bought a large 2 bed house, a pedigree dog, a family car and a new works van. I pointed out that he must be running 2 different account books in order to show an income that could obtain a mortgage and an income to the Tax man that showed he couldn’t afford to pay me even £5 per week. But the CSA said that wasn’t their problem.

The CSA refuses to look into what he should be paying, and only now are they looking into getting some of the debt back after 12 years of struggling on my own. Not that I’ve heard anything since my last phonecall…again! I have gone through cancer without help with my son and the bitterness overwhelms me at times. I can’t even leave the CSA now because it would wipe out the money he owes.

There is nowhere to turn. The CSA is the only avenue open to us now and it doesn’t do the job it promised to do. Before the CSA, we could go to court. But now our hands are tied. Before the CSA Paul would see his son regularly, but once he knew of the scams he could pull within the CSA’s system, he refused to show his face.

Thanks to the CSA and a deadbeat father, my son has had to grow up without ever knowing a father’s love and friendship. I wish I could sue them. Any other company would be held accountable.


  • Carol says:

    The CSA are a law unto themselves and their system shamefully does not work and only fails people, regarless of whether you are the NRP or PWC. All the Government are doing with this agency are keeping the jobless figures down!

    Re the debt your ex is due you was there anything formally in writing that you can maybe sue him for that?

  • John says:

    Aside from thousands of pounds paid in divorce. I have thousands in Child support. Total to date Divorce + CSA =£ 117,000. It is totally disproprtionate to be double-whammied by this shambolic system.

    I agree with Carol.

    A controlling mother and a shambolic system ruined my contact with my children!

  • Karen says:

    Thanks Carole, I’m still on their case, but my priority is trying to get contact going between the father and son. John, I’m sorry to hear your story. It seems the genuine decent fathers get hammered, and the deatbeats get away with it. Not all us mothers are money grabbing. I’d be happy with just something, however small, to give to my son from his dad. Hope it gets sorted out for you all.

  • karen bedford says:

    I actually get fed up with hearing about two things, how we put down the mother thinking the CSA helps the mother and I get fed up with hearing how the CSA ruins the support a child needs.

    Im a mother who the system called the CSA helped the father, who was self employed – but I also know that mothers use the system against the fathers too.

    So now cleared that up lets get it right. in this case the NRP has clearly played the system that the CSA has let the loopholes / abuse allowed without consequence.

    You need to complaint, put everything in writing, whether phone call, date, time, person spoke to, complain about the CSA not doing their job to collect payments from the NRP – send recorded delivery, Go to your MP about this, contact ICE (Independent Case Examiner) ask for Appeal on Lifestyle inconsistency – tribunal – but they want evidence, find out whatever info (provide) to them, ask for the Criminal Compliance Unit to be involved – see my You tube vids of the hoops Ive had to go through to get the money owed to my children, do this 1. before your case is closed otherwise you wont be able to get anything, 2. before they do bring in the charging – which they will – because that is their excuse then that no one wants to use the CSA – but that is a smokescreen because people wont pay to use the CSA, because they either cant afford it or wont pay for a system that is full of loopholes, mistakes and red tape to stop you getting the money you should, as they dont want to help people who have ‘difficult’ cases i.e. a NRP who WONT support their child. In America they get put in prison but hear it is an empty threat. Good Luck. please join the facebook groups child support agencies failings and others for free advice and support as there are many of us suffering whether it be PWC or NRP paying for their children – but overpaying because they are supporting the NRP who dont pay.

  • james douglas says:

    Sorry to hear about your cancer. Your health should more important than wasting your time and effort in dealing with these issues, life is to precious, dont waste it.

    Maybe you could contact the CSA and bring an end to this misery, then his father may start to see and support him in the way he did before.

    i hope everything works out for you and brings some peace and calm into your life, which you deserve at this difficult time!

  • Karen says:

    Hi James, thanks for your kind comments. I did offer the father the deal that if I gave up asking for money he would see his son again. All to know avail. Trust me, most of my time and effort over the last 12 years has not been about getting support for a child that 2 people should support, but getting well whilst trying to bring up a young child on my own; and trying to get this deadbeat father to have regular contact with the second child he has brought into this world and then abandoned. There is another woman who has a gorgeous daughter Paul won’t have anything to do with either. He won’t even let my son and his half sister meet each other!! I have even offered to pay for Paul to see his son. So please….I know there are some women that put the money first (and that as it should be in a fair world, try telling your child you can’t even afford the food they like!) but I would give up any money for ever if it gave my son a father. The problem is, the only fathers that are on here, are the ones that love their children. And that’s the sad fact in all this. Male or female, anyone on this site is here cos they love their kids to pieces and cannot comprehend those that don’t. The CSA is supposed to take all the angst out of breakups for the sake of their kids. But what really seems to happen, is the CSA makes it worse….much much worse.
    Good luck to you too hon x

  • Law says:

    Do your son and yourself a favor, make a promise to yourself to let go and live a constructive life for your son. If you can mange that, I bet you’ll start to see opportunities open for you. I know it may be hard to believe, but what do you have to lose?

    Your bitterness is not helping your health. Your ex stands the chance of being the only surviving parent if you keep this up. That would be the tragedy.

    As a total stranger, I plead with you to read the signs life is showing you.

    Good luck!

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