Stopped from seeing children because unhappy with CSA payments

December 5, 2011

My Partner left his first wife seven years ago after finding out she had been having a long term affair. For the first two months he gave her £100 a week for the 3 children. However, he could not keep this up and pay for himself to live etc so he reduced the payments to £60 a week.

This annoyed her and she stopped him from seeing his kids altogether. Despite this he kept handing her the money for his kids. 3 years ago his second wife left him and he was left with nothing, he had no job and was reduced to living in his parents caravan where he became suicidal. It was at this point his first wife (whose partners mother works for the CSA and advised them to say this) rang the CSA claiming he had NEVER paid anything for his children.

Now he has a job the CSA are taking £493 a month out of his wages, £313 of which are arrears. we don’t even have enough money to pay for petrol for him to get to work and we have been reduced to moving in with my dad. Recently he got back in contact with his youngest daughter but the CSA have made it so that he can’t afford to take her out, give her money or buy her christmas presents, all the while his ex wife is laughing at us. How is this fair?

There are some women who would love nothing more for their children to have a relationship with their fathers and for them to be paying their way, whereas this spiteful cow cares for nothing but herself!!!!! We are stuck now and fear we are going to have to go into more debt in order to survive.


14 Responses to “Stopped from seeing children because unhappy with CSA payments”

  1. ste on December 5th, 2011 10:36 am

    That is horrendous. I have been split up from my ex for 5 years now, I pay £420 per month (20% of net pay) for 2 children. When I first split up with her i gave her £100 per week, then I was out of work and gave her what I could. She contacted the CSA. I got a new job and my bill is as stated. They told me I had arrears of £1800! which I paid off for a year or so until my ex agreed to forget them. In the meantime I went for a new mortgage to start afresh with my new partner. However the mortgage adviser informed me that I couldn’t have a mortgage as I was 6 months in arrears on my own property!! This property I had thought I had signed over to my ex when we split, however I have now realised that what i signed was for a loan on the mortgage, to the tune of £14K!!! Where this money is now I dont know. I then had to go to court for a reposestion order. My ex cried her eyes out. I had previously gone mad at the fact that she had lied about this and gone 6 months in arrears. The court gave us a suspended possession order, which means that she is paying the bare minimum until the arrears are cleared. This doesn’t do anything to help me. I cant get a mortgage, she has my house and has home rights on it. I cant even get credit for a MacDonalds, and have £32K off my new partners folks for a deposit!!

    I know this doesn’t help your situation. But I just thought I would post, it may make you feel slightly better as you’re not the only one to be shafted.

    What am I going to do now? Well this was all in the last couple of years. My divorce came through in October, much to the joy of my new partner. The arrears should be cleared by summer 2012. I am going to try and sell the house, but I feel there will be little chance of that as my wife and kids are in there, failing that, god knows, I really don’t know. I am sure if the roles were reversed and I had done all this to her, I would be serving time at HM pleasure. My kids are 11 and 6 so I have still got a good few years of CSA. Me and my new partner are trying to start a family, she may be pregnant as we speak, 2 weeks late!!

    The reason I came on here was to see if anybody could inform me as to whether you CSA payments go down if you have children to your new partner. I heard that if you have to kids you CSA payments stop completely, I can’t see that if I am honest and wouldn’t stop [aying for my kids anyhow. Can anyone enlighten me??

    I was a self employed bricklayer and moved in to teaching 2 years ago. They take the CSA straight from my account. I have been SO tempted to go back on the trowel and work cash in hand so that she gets nothing, cutting off my nose to spite my face I know, as she would lose the house but it would be me with the black mark against my name and never be able to get a mortgage again, but my god, I have been close after what she has done to me.

  2. Michael - staff on December 6th, 2011 8:30 am

    Hi Ste, if you have children to your new partner your CSA payments will be reduced, but they won’t stop completely. Equally they would be reduced if you had sufficient overnight access to your two children.

  3. janet on December 6th, 2011 9:57 am

    Well I’ve read several post on here and I cannot understand why men feel done out of you chose to have the children I feel for your ex as obviously she couldn’t cope financially paying the morguage? Debt is a scary thing at least she is now paying the arrears off good on here? Haha u think having another child would give the csa right to stop claiming the maintenance! It will be reduced but only a percentage I doubt he wants over night access!

  4. kate on December 6th, 2011 10:57 am

    Again I feel sorry for the ex and the children why should they lose out on the CSA money for them, this is a tpyical selfish men not what to pay for what is his but still prob wants the enjoyment of them when it suits him. Why do men think they should not pay and help bring on thier own children , most of the time to CSA money isnt even to cover anything at all anyway so i think they have got of lightly. So they should quit moaning and just pay for there own children.

  5. Mick on December 6th, 2011 3:16 pm

    @ Janet and Kate. I think both of you 2 ladies are missing the point. The NRPs that do pay and are willing to pay for their kids cant understand why an agency like the CSA will take from a NRPs earnings amounts that do not leave them enough to live on themselves in some cases.Forcing a NRP onto the dole because his/her job doesnt pay enough to keep a roof over their own head surely cant be right. It doesnt dio any favours to either the NRP or the NRPs kids does it! Do i take then Janet that its only the men who choose to have kids then? Never the women? Seeing as they are the ones that will carry them for 9 months before they are born. Pull the other one eh! It never ceases to amaze me when people who are not getting the shit of the stick can be so free with other peoples money, would be a different story if it was your pocket it was coming from wouldnt it! And it was you that is being barely anything left to subside on. And just to set the record straight, yes i am a NRP who did pay my way for my child until she came of age, via the CSA after my ex got too greedy when i was paying her directly. She demanded more and ended up with less. I suppose thats my fault as well isnt it for wanting to do the right thing by my child in the 1st place! If as kate suggests the CSA isnt to cover anything at all then, what does it cover then? The PWC social life or habits then? If it isnt for the child as she suggests, then why should any NRP pay anything at all then according to her mindset? I aknowledge that the CSA do try to do the right thing by the kids, which was whaqt they were ste up to do. Sadly they do an atrociously bad job of doing it.

  6. nell on December 6th, 2011 10:52 pm

    @ste.wasnt it up 2 you to check what you was sighning for?.you should have clarified that is was signing the house over.what she,s done to me.fgs just cos you cant get another mortgage,not the end of the least the arrears are being paid.what wud happen to your kids when nd if you force your ex to sell the home.their home.i feel really sorry 4 these children.from your post its all bout “me me me.”

  7. janet on December 7th, 2011 9:45 pm

    I agree that it takes 2 to make a child MICK it also takes two to support a child I think your missing the point I was a single parent for years hun and I couldn’t keep my head above water it was the csa payments I received that helped me I worked also then I met my partner who has a child from his previous relationship and guess what WE PAY and do not moan as it is for the benifit of the child

  8. Mark Pearman on December 12th, 2011 9:44 pm

    It seems to me that most people are judging each other on this site,rather than getting to the main point about the CSA . My ex partner and I split up some years ago , due to the fact she couldn’t keep her legs closed . I made the hardest decision in my life and left her and my two kids .
    I don’t see the kids because we used to argue all the time and it was not fair on them . I have tried on numerous times to make payments to the kids,but due to the lack of response by the CSA , I am now in arrears and I am being hounded by them to clear the debt which they themselves incurred .
    I have been told that if I want to see the kids I would have to pay nearly £4.000 to take my ex to court to see them , then if she didn’t turn up it would be another £4.000 to get her into court again .
    My ex told the CSA that she never received any payment from me before I contacted the CSA which is another lie .
    So , this is what they do.. I pay £145.00 per month for one of my children , at the time of writing this my daughter is now 18 . The CSA are only giving £50.00 a month for my son . The rest of the money is going into their pockets to pay off the debt that they themselves incurred . Even when you are honest and want to pay for your kids,you get penalised .
    My ex has since raised her money grabbing head and now wants more money from me , so yet again I have to send all of my earnings , out goings and payments to the CSA , when they already have this information . I just keep going round and round in circles . I just wonder if she gets a kick out of doing this to me ?

  9. janet on December 13th, 2011 11:00 am

    How did the csa incur the debt??? They have obviously checked with inland revenue to ensure your paying correct amount the assesment then will tell them how much to when your daughter reaches 19 your son will get 20 percent

  10. Mick on December 14th, 2011 1:50 am

    @ Janet. No l didnt miss the point at all.Yes i agree, it does take 2 to make a child. Not just the man. I applaud the fact that you wanted to better yourself and went out and worked to help support your children financially as well as the NRP of your kids. What sticks up my nose is my lazy ex has most likely NEVER contribited 1p of EARNED income gained through employment toward the upkeep of our daughter EVER! Yet she had the right to deny me access to OUR child and generally play god with our child while sat at home on her lazy ass watching Jeremy Kyle after the school run each day. So much for equal rights eh! It wasnt me that moaned about what i was paying. It was my ex. She got ill advised by her mates that she could nail me for more via trhe CSA. Turns out i was giving her £80 a month too much! Go figure eh! If she had kept her mouth shut and continued to deal directly with me rather than try to use the CSA as a tool to blackmail me, everyone would have been a winner, including our daughter.

  11. lemonade on December 15th, 2011 3:14 pm

    i receive CSA payments, i for one never wanted anything from that man, my son and i could do fine without him [and have done since my son was born]. years ago i had a spell of unemployment when i was studying i was advised i would get no government help without contacting the CSA, now, this man and i haven’t spoken i years, we went through court, till finally he showed his true colours and will never have access to my son again. i pay the money i receive from the CSA into a separate account for my son, i work, and every penny i earn goes on the normal bills and my son. i feel for these men, who do pay and cant afford to live, i do not have a fantastic wage, but i earn enough to live, and to pay for the football clubs my eight year old enjoys. My gripe, which i suppose is hypocritical, is when i was unemployed 6 years ago, he was paying the CSA and i never received any money, also he apparently has his money taken from his income, but if thats the case why does it change monthy? (if he is on a fixed income?) some months nada, some months £100, £120, £190, then stop as he has over payed? last year he had a £3k backpayment to make, so when my sons payments stopped in january, i rang up to find out why, he had overpayed, so it seems to me, that its just a badly run organization.

    I could tell the CSA to stop making the payments, but i wont, and that is out of a few things i suppose, but this man has never contributed to my son, apart from to be rude if he passes him, i think after taking me/my family and my son through court, i feel its a small price for him to make, ok you can look at it like im being spiteful, but i really want nothing from my abusive ex partner, i just feel for the damage he has done he should pay, my son should get this money when he is old enough, and know that its was CSA payments not voluntary payments.

    But basically my point was i dont understand how payments can go up and down, so often, were not talking years of a difference one month to another, ( its safe to say its not a payment you could rely on). why is there such huge fees? why is it irregular, and is it never paid on the same date every month? whatever that arse pays he has or i have to pay the Csa a fee to collect that money, why exactly? i wouldnt complain about having to pay a fee if the money was regular and the money was the same amount, but £100 a month, if i was to use that its would barely cover school dinner money. After school care, food, football, clothes, shoes, cubs. that amount would never touch any of these things. i of course understand £100 is a lot of money, but another reason i pay it into my sons account is that i could not rely on it, and if we have been getting by for the last 8 years without using it, the next 8 he can pay and i wont use it.

    its a shame you both seem like normal caring fathers, im sure my message irritates yous both, please its not meant to, i understand lots of mothers need that money to survive, i could use it, and it would make our lives better, but i dont feel thats a road im willing to go down, dance with the devil and all that. i hope your situation is resolved, i just felt yous might want a receivers opinion.

  12. derek miller on January 5th, 2012 10:26 am

    the CSA’s system is very badly set-up up and manipulated by some devious PWC’s. i currently pay out around £75 a week from £295 and after fuel,bill and food have virtually nothing left. because my children where born before 2003 and i was never married i have no PR. my ex is using the boys as weapons and i currently have no feasible access. if i was to do regular OT at work the CSA would want this which i believe to be unfair(lawful, but that’s not to stay its fair). my ex ended the relationship so if i begin to earn more why should she benefit from this. lets not forget she get tax credit,child benefit, my csa contribution , probably free legal assistance, what do i get, a big fat nothing!!!!!. she even still lives in a jointly owned home a even refuses to talk about buying me out. so i can see why a lot NRP’s are unhappy. and when PWC bang on that paying for child ha nothing to do with access, this is unfair as the NRP’s seem to get a bad deal. we will take your money but you dont get to see your children.!!!!

  13. Peach on July 16th, 2014 2:33 pm

    I am independent enough to pay for my own daughter. Me and my partner both have full time jobs and i want nothing from my ex. He doesnt see her (his new wifes terms) and i want nothing from him. As far as we are concerned, he doesnt exist.
    I dont understand some of these women, you are also responsible to pay for your own kids. They are yours also, not just his. You get extra money from benefits FOR YOUR CHILD and csa FOR YOUR CHILD. Stop spending the money on you and there is plenty to bring up your kids with. He shouldnt have to pay for your house and bills, he has his own to pay. If the father is paying through the csa, he is already paying more than enough for the upkeep of the kids as it is meant to be half and half with you, who gets child benefit and tax credits to top it. Most good dads are paying more than 50%, so stop being so greedy. If you cant look after your kids on all the benefits you get, then maybe you should consider the father as the parent of care? Would love to see your opinion sat on the other side!
    One fiercely independent mum

  14. jo on July 16th, 2014 3:13 pm

    At peach….I love what you have said and agree totally! I’m a mum to two children and I get nothing from their dad and guess what, I manage perfectly okay. I’d sooner have their dad being in their lives than his money but he doesn’t want it so it’s his loss and my husbands gain.

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