Son’s ex runs off with neighbour, hardly ever see my granddaughter

October 28, 2010

My son was living with what we all thought was a wonderful girl. But after 13 years she went off with a married man, he was married with 2 kids and the worst thing was he lived across the road to them and we thought he was our friend. We were all devestated by this and we all had to accept it, my son is paying his csa and is happy to do so but at the end of the day, this guy is living with his daughter and my son can only see his daughter when his ex says!

I think this is so unfair because she is the one who went off with his so called neighbour.

Now im not stupid, it could of been the other way round, and i know things like this happen every day, but i can bet if my son had went off with someone,the out come would be the same, the mother, no matter what! gets custody. So my advice to anyone splitting up is “Dont let them take the kids”, if they want to leave their partner, show them the door and keep your kids in the home they’ve been living cos not a court in the land will take them away if youve been a good parent.

My ex daughter in law was wonderful for 12 year, and never in a million years would i want her never to see our emily again, but she done the wrong, not my son so why should he suffer????? and by the way my son is the best son anyone could ask for.


  • Brokenfather says:

    There are many reasons why these mothers do this.

    They hate the father.
    They want more CM.
    They dont want the inconvenience.
    They are vile, cruel and sadistic.
    They want their new parther to be the dad (very common).
    The father reminds them of a previous life.

    I could go on ……

    Sadly far to many mothers believe that one father is easily replaced by another. I believe this concept stems from the father having no rights until the child is born, and even then precious little, but this probably isnt the place to go into it.

  • Sarah-Jayne Pattimore says:

    Can your son not arrange to have a contact order put in place with a court, or mediation to arrange suitable visitation rights?

  • Peter Anderson says:

    So what is he, and you, doing about getting contact? What are the arrangements for Christmas? He needs to take urgent steps to get the contact/overnite stays made regular including holidays. His best bet, and you can go as well, is to get down to a local FNF Families Need Fathers meeting and start taking the necessary steps to getting proper contact arrangements agreed. Thru the courts if necessary.

  • Sarah-Jayne Pattimore says:

    Found this which might be useful as well:So, what should a grandparent do if they fear they might lose contact?If possible, approach the child’s mother or father and explain that no matter what the problems are between the parents, you as a grandparent do not intend to take sides but only wish to maintain contact with your grandchild. However, it is frequently the case that the relationship between your daughter or son-in- law or even with your own children have broken down to such an extent that this is not practical. In those circumstances a referral to mediation is an option whereby an independent mediator will try and help you reach an agreement with the parents. Both parties must agree to mediation and it may therefore not be suitable. Court proceedings:If none of the above are practical or possible you may make an application to the court. Unlike parents, a grandparent does not have an automatic right to apply for a contact order and will have to apply for leave to make that application. In order to be successful the grandparent must show that they have a meaningful and important connection with the child. Once you have been granted leave then your application for contact will be considered. Frequently this will involve the appointment of a Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS) officer to look at any welfare issues that need to be considered and to prepare a report to aid the court in coming to a decision. If the report is favourable it is often very strongly persuasive to the parent with care but if they still will not agree then there will be a full hearing with both sides giving evidence and the court making a decision on the basis of what they feel to be in the child’s best interests. You will need to convince the court that your relationship with the grandchild significantly benefits their lives.

  • says:

    Well that's where it falls down Sarah – when CAFCASS gets involved. Anyone here have anything good to say about CAFCASS?

  • Charmaine Leworthy says:

    Absolutely nothing!! They're a bunch if sanctimonious idiots and, like the CSA, usually cause more disruption rather than help resolve. They are not qualified to make the statements they do regarding a childs emotional wellbeing and usually have very little empathy with both parents.

  • Sandra Pogue says:

    Crapcass are crap !

  • Paula Halsey says:

    Dont get me started on Cafcass, after all they felt my daughters needs would be best met by her father with a custodial sentence of 10years behind him for GBH and perjury not to mention his threats to use an axe on a witness to his violence. My crime was being a working mum got criticised for supporting my children.

  • Charmaine Leworthy says:

    My ex had positive drug tests for cocaine and admitted to drinking so much alcohol on a weekend the Cafcass officer asked how he was still alive, then wrote in his report that it was unclear as to wether he had a problem with drink and drugs!!! They also told me that there were people in far worse situations and I should be understanding of his addictions. The mind boggles!!!

  • Sarah-Jayne Pattimore says:

    Paula and Charmaine – I am speechless! I dont have have experience with Cafcass, just found the article online. Funnily enough, one of my friends has just given me a update on her current custody battle and has mentioned Cafcass are involved and have ludicrus statements about her in their report!

  • Paula Halsey says:

    Knowing what I know now I'd move to another country and change my identity rather then suffer being separated from my own child again.

  • Charmaine Leworthy says:

    Sarah Jayne they are shocking!! These people are employed to act on behalf of the children and their best interests, they saw my daughter once and said about two sentences to her, how can they possibly make a statement to the court about her future based on that kind of contact?? They are judgmental and there is absolutely no consistency within their procedures, it's luck of the draw depending on the personal moral standing of the officer assigned to your case. These people advise the courts with regards to life changing but they do not have a clue, they need sorting out as much as the CSA

  • Allan Morrell says:

    Cafcass are as bad as the CSA…. niether really care about the childs needs as clearly evident in comments made by those that have had dealings with them…..Cafcass also encourage NRP and child separations and helps the PWC in collusion with CSA to obtain additional CSA payments by reduction of shared care arrangements…. And therefore the reason that many PWC's prefer not to work else those that do are inclined to the desire of achievements in reference to greed begets greed!!!!I do not pay CSA payments and have arrears calculated although illegally, incompetently and inaccurately by CSA…..In fact my child is well financially supported by myself without provision of any child support monies!!!!!!!!!

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