Some days we cannot even afford food

March 28, 2013

I have practically bought up my daughter single handedly for the past seven years. A year ago I made a claim to the CSA and her father was ordered to pay a monthly amount, a year later this stopped and the CSA say he is no longer eligible to pay as he has no income; he packed in a good job and went into full time education. My daughter is 15.

I have both my children; my son is 19, living with me and I am trying to manage on my income, the stress is causing me health problems. I long to find a job that does not pay me as much therefore less responsibilities but how can I do this? His wrecklessness has meant me struggling financially and I see no way out.

He still lives in his house, drives his car, spends money on clothes for him, expensive aftershave, can go out with his mates etc. Some weeks I can barely feed me and the kids. How can this be right?


  • chall says:


    Under new rules being introduced, NRP’s who are students will no longer qualify automatically for the nil rate of assessment.

    Is your ex single and does he have any other income?

    Have you checked whether you are to apply for any benefits? The link below will take you to the ‘entitled to’ calculator.

  • carol says:

    I wonder how OP you KNOW what your ex spends his money on, how you KNOW he wears expensive aftershave….I mean, you saw him run into a store recently and buy it, and had hard evidence of the til receipt, and you also saw him buying clothes that were expensive because you were there looking at the checkout display…or….could it really be that he had these items BEFORE he went into being a student.

    He is not wreckless, just that what happens when the CSA get involved…you cannot eat and heat, or get enough food in, and health suffers, and you cannot afford to get into work, even on higher earnings because after everything deducted, and THEN the CSA come for their lions share, there really is little point. When you go back into work yourself you will see this, as have I.


  • Tina says:

    Whoa! I am absolutely appalled by the slating I have been receiving on following my printing my story. First, I decided to tell my story to see if there were also other parents out there (male and female) who are going through the same as me, to offer each other support and advice. I did not expect to be berated. First we only share some of the stories we tell, I am not prepared to go in the ins and outs of my divorce, contact etc but I can say that I am having to handle emotional as well as physical trauma brought on by my ex’s attitudes towards his children. How do I know what he spends his money on? He tells his children and gloats about what he has! I do work full time holding down a career, I have also previously held down two further jobs to make ends meet AND YES my daughter and I did a paper round, have you? And a good parent would not expect to let their child walk the streets in the dark delivering papers on their own. We also have delivered Bettaware and Avon to raise money. I would like to say that my daughter is academic and works extremely hard at school and would go on to university if I CAN AFFORD IT! I had to go to the CSA because my ex is totally unreasonable and trying to negotiate with him direct was too difficult. I feel the CSA have let my family down. So before you all go criticising my reasons think again. There are some parents out there who refuse to accept responsibility for their children, at the end of the day it took two people to make a child, two people have parental responsibiliities and two people should pay. They cannot just move on to another life forgetting the one they already have. I AM THE BETTER PERSON, but you cannot live on your morals alone, I have a duty of care for my children and so does any parent.

  • Lisa says:

    Having a duty of care to your children doesnt include involving the CSA, unfortunatly as you can probably see from this forum that men who have been hounded by the CSA have had contact to there children stopped by the mum who holds all the cards, its about power, Unfortunatly for you, your probably never going to get any money out of him, it would have been better to ask what he could afford instead of assuming and sorted an agreement out between you, having the CSA in anybodies lives is nasty evil and unwanted crap, you might say you are the better person, a mum who wants the best for her child/ren has constant contact with her father and work things that way, the way people on this forum see it that the ex whose jealous runs to csa,

  • Sally says:

    Hi Tina… Is there any way you or your daughter could ask the Dad for help??

    My partner left his job to become a student because of his greedy ex, having to deal with the CSA errors and the false arrears!! we are much better off as a result (not just financially, but emotionally, as dealing with the CSA was a nightmare)… The kids get more and we have more money… My partner and I would do anything to help the kids but their mother was spending the money on herself!

    My partner currently pays £5 per week child maintenance and we have been advised that this ‘may’ rise to £10 per week later this year when the new rules come into play…

    If the kids need something we would happily provide for them so maybe your ex would do the same??

  • Sally says:

    Sorry… Ignore my post…. It seems you have tried everything…

  • Lisa says:

    @ Sally,

    Lol Lol Lol

  • Anon says:

    I dont see why ur getting slated when all ur looking for is the person who fathered ur child to show responsibility and pay for his child.
    At the end of the day ur entitled to it if ur forking out for a child 24/7, u might be on benefits or working whatever – but that money can only go so far after uve paid for bills for the roof uve put over ur childs head!!
    Im currently a full time student, work part time plus have my child. i find it hard to cope purely due to the fact i barely see my child as hes in nursery, His father doesnt pay because “he wont pay as he cant afford to live” yet he only sees him 1 day a week for a couple of hours! The first thing my college asked me – if i paid csa, because they would help me towards costs to this. So csa should be looking into this!

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