Should my child be forced to see her father?

September 26, 2010

I am a 19 year old single mother. I was in a volient realtionship and became pregnant, i was bullied and physicaly abbused through the realtionship, and my daugther ended up getting throwen across a room when 2 months old.

I walked away from the realtionship but my daugthers father went to court seeking contact. He was granted it for an hour every saturday in a contact center. i was worried from the start as i was trying to stop the contact until my daugther was old enough to speak before she went to contact.

Anyway 17 weeks has went by and my daugther will not go near him, everytime she is sent down the hall she is screaming and crying, and it keeps going back to court and the jugde has only recently stopped the contact while social services investigate him because he was beating up his younger brother. But i feel like no one is listening to me i am trying to get help to protect my daughter from her father as he is very volient and has done numerous things that has caused a lot of pain to me.

The courts are going to have a hearing and he could have contact on his own terms and he is working and doesnt pay any money towards my daugther and i have had to pay over 100 pounds for transport to get my daugther up and down the contact center and he doesnt even offer 5 pounds a week.

Comments

15 Responses to “Should my child be forced to see her father?”

  1. Brokenfather on September 26th, 2010 2:00 pm

    Are CAFCASS involved, have they observed the interaction between father and daughter?

  2. Paula Halsey on September 27th, 2010 9:41 am

    No dont agree to contact i lost custody of my daughter through contact. The law in this country is awful, my ex was thought to be a good person having served 10 years in prison for ABH and perjury. dont be bullied by the courts, i was in a similar situation to you and the courts made me disclose my location so he could still attack me. Dont bothet with the CSa they are not the most confidential service out.l

  3. Michael Hallett on September 27th, 2010 3:23 pm
  4. Shaban Afzal on September 27th, 2010 4:19 pm

    Paula is riught contacting the CSA will make things work, those guys are vultures who will eat anybody. Unfortunately you can't legally stop contact, allow him to see the child but monitor the situation. You need to learn to gain trust. I've been through shit myself but luckily some training i received from the citizens advice bureau as an advisor helped beat the law and i got shared residency, but my ex wife doesn't even deserve contact, she was locking my daughter up in the bathroom and taking pics then sending me them on my mobile, every bastard judge and bitch woman judge turned a blind eye, even cafcass and social services and i took them all to the cleaners. Shamed them good and proper. My daughter is stable now but still prefers to be with me and spends on average 16-20 days per month with me.Dont stop contact, dont contact csa, see a lawyer, go to the bureau, your local mp's are helpful, thats what they are there for so use them.

  5. Allan Morrell on September 29th, 2010 2:06 pm

    Has any1 got the date for the protest on the Midlands CSA offices?

  6. Nigel Beckwith on September 30th, 2010 6:12 pm

    Hi Shaban, I would like to chat with you sometime if that is ok?

  7. Shaban Afzal on October 1st, 2010 11:39 am

    Thats ok Nigel, but your not CSA staff are you?

  8. sharmaine on October 15th, 2010 12:18 pm

    no the only person to observe the contact was a court welfare officer an d she was very cheeky and made me go and sit in a room with him and my daugther was very stress through th e whole contact

  9. sharmaine on October 20th, 2010 9:48 am

    hey i am not able to read the comment its not displayed on the page

  10. Christina Brown on February 9th, 2011 9:50 pm

    There is a court order in place for my 2 children to see their father once a week, and my son had been coming home with marks on him, and my daughter has started to refuse to go to contact. Social services and the police were involved but now social services have said that this a domestic dispute, and no longer need to be involved. My daughter feels she is only going to protect her younger brother in case anything happens. Their father has signed a safety policy agreement, eventhough he says the events did not occur, but why sign the agreement if he was innocent. Social services have spoken to the children and they have stated that their father has done these things. My query is that can I force my daughter to go, causing her definate stress, when she has made it quite clear that she does not want to go? x

  11. jane blackburn on May 30th, 2011 11:51 am

    ive been going in and out of court for 3 years to stop my x partner aving access to my daughter and each time the judge and cafcass have let him access to see her hes very violent and abusive and he as threatened to shot me stab me and threatened to throw my daughter against all four walls when she was just 2 weeks old yet they have done checks and alsorts and now shes four and can speak her mind and informs me that she does not want to see him that he hurt her she knows hes her dad and if hes name is mentioned then she screams and kicks out at others in my house hold i was in court a few weeks ago and asked in court for the cafcass officer to call to ask my 4 year old daugher if she wants to see him and got told there was need for this and he got contact for 4 times a year for one hour and that we are suppose to force her to do sumthing she dunt want to well i think the courts and cafcass services are totally crap

  12. stacey on January 18th, 2012 12:32 pm

    im amother of a nearly eight yr old boy my son doesnt want to have contact with his father but cafcass is forcing him to they said he was to young to know what he wants. i have split from his dad as he was mentally and pysically abusing me but because i didnt report this to the police they wont listen i dont believe it is in the best interest for him to have contact with our child as he shouts and swears at him and my son really doesnt want to go i really need to know what i can do as contact is due to start soon and the courts and cafcass wont listen.they wont talk to my son on what he wants

  13. paul on April 5th, 2013 11:21 pm

    I’m on the other side of this problem I’m only seeing my two girls every other sat and speak to them every Wednesday for about ten minutes, Have contacted the CSA to arrange payments they calculated what i had to pay and contacted the mother with their offer which she turned down she has since told me she dose not want my money and they are taken care of.

    So instead i have set up a bank account and am paying money into that weekly for my children.

    I have not yet been to court but have done mediation which was a waste of time as she agreed terms and then after a few weeks turned round and told me she would not force them to see me. While bad mouthing me in front of them.

    The saying no where to turn springs to mind as apart from court i am running out of ideas 🙁

  14. stacey charles on November 27th, 2014 10:03 am

    Ive got same problem. School noticed behavioural changes though inc soiling pants. L

    l

  15. Charlotte Kulekci on October 2nd, 2018 6:49 pm

    Please I really need some help I wa’s in a very violent relationship and me and my daughter was subject to physical and emotional abuse for many years.I did contact social services, The police and we didn’t get any help .I had to run away in the end to a women’s refuge and we haven’t seen him for 4 years now up until about 3 months ago I get a letter from his solicitor he wants access. I’m so against it as she is so damaged through what he did to her.We have been to see caffcass and he wishes and feeling were she doesnt want to see him .The judge said today kids dont like doing lots of things but u have to make them .I was so shocked she come out with that .Anyway they want to put him on a perpetrator course .My question to any one that can help me .What cam I do to stop this from happening. My little girl is terrified to see him again .Why is the judge not listening to her wishes and feelings? I can’t sleep I’m so worried for my little girl .

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