Should I contact CSA or the army for money from my ex?

September 17, 2012

I have a 17 month old baby at the begging i suffered from post natal depression i also have suffered depression in the past and still do i am now on anti-depressants while i have been struggling he done nothing to help and left his daughter for a week whilst i was still poorly.

My daughter has barely seen her dad in her first year of life he started paying for her when she was 3 months old and gave me money when he could be bothered which wasn’t often. He barely pays her attention and when does see her he winds her up. Since her first birthday he hasn’t really seen her and has already said a dozen times he doesn’t want to be a dad and how I should find her a better dad. I have tried many times to talk to him and get him to see his daughter but he is too busy drinking and getting tattoos and having fun ( and blaming me for him not being in her life ) but he does work to he is in the army.

Unfortunately my daughter now has no dad because he doesn’t want to grow up! She has recently lost her nan and now lost her dad who was more a sperm donor then anything. the last time he paid was the 30th of April I have struggled ever since. He has been playing games with me and he is a manipulator and he is good at making people believe every word he says. He has a plan and i think i know what it is and if I’m right he will try and turn my daughter against me and I won’t let that happen.

I would like to change her last name to mine and don’t know whether or not to go to CSA or straight to the army as I hear many stories of dads refusing to pay on CSA and I may have a better chance if I go to army what do you think is my best option?


  • chall says:


    If your child’s father refuses to contribute, you could make an application for CS via the CSA.

    Once the CSA have assessed your ex’s liability, if he still refuses to contribute the CSA can apply a DER (deduction from earnings request) via his employer.

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

  • Steven says:

    Instead of relying on just CSA what else do you receive? Do you work? Are you on benefits?

    If you’re relying solely on CSA then you need to make an effort to find another income. Sitting on your backside all day watching Jeremy Kyle would give anyone depression.

  • jade says:

    i will have you know that i wont be relying on csa it just helps me especially as my little one will be going to nursery soon. i paid for everything and my family have helped put when needed and that wasnt me asking them for money they would insist on helping, and for the last 18 months my money has gone on my daughter whilst he spends his on tattoos alcohol and cigarettes and go knows what else. i have income support and child benefit but it goes quick! and i have had a job that was semi perminent i also have applied non stop for dozens of jobs and have been turned down many times as it snt easy getting a job these days but may actually have a job fingers crossed but it isnt easy finding a baby sitter its really hard. and who are you to make the assumption that i sit on my backside all day watching jeremy kyle and assuming that i would rely on csa when you know nothing about me or my situation.

  • Beth says:

    Hi i’m in the same situation, my daughter’s father is in the army based in germany, he’s just been on tour in afghan since october 2013 (the last time he saw his daughter) , the last time i heard from him was december 2013, he had 2 weeks leave about a month ago and never bothered coming to see his daughter or even get in touch to see how she is, he doesn’t exactly pay his way even though it was agreed. He’s seen his daughter about 7/8 times since she was born, i’ve never once said he isn’t allowed to see her and i’ve even offered to go to his home-town with her just so he can spend time with her and that got threw back in my face aswell. I’ve spoken to a CSA advisor and they said rather than getting them invovled a ‘family agreement’ would be advisable, however, i can’t get in touch with him or any of his family so i have no idea what to do!

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