She gets a cash incentive for not letting us see our son

March 27, 2014

Hi, my husband has a 9yr old son with his ex. She has never had him, but stops him for seeing us since we had our son.

She decided to go to the CSA even though we were giving her money. This was 2008. In 2012 she gave up his son completely to MY husbands mum.

We fought for over a year and they’ve now backdated the closure to 2012. They had £888 in arrears, we argued and now it’s £500.

We had shared care of him for a year in 2010, which we told them, they’re denying it and are still saying he owes £500. We’ve appealed and are waiting for an answer.

What I can’t understand is…. My husbands mum has taken care of his son for 241 days a year (fri-mon, and all the holidays). We challenged the csa about this, and they said “doesn’t matter as long as you haven’t got him.” She won’t let us have him because she gets a cash insentive for us not to have him, and palms him off to my husbands mum whenever she wants!

How is this fair? And is there anything we can do about it?

We’ve wrote to the MP, however the last time we did (2009) they just said we can’t comment on individual cases, because each case is different, they have a one size fits all policy. But she had him for 4 days a week, he was at school 8:30-3:20 and she put him to bed at 6pm.

My husband’s mum pays for everything and the money should have gone to her!!


  • jo says:

    If your husbands mum has him more than the pwc then she needs to start claiming the child benefit….this is what csa go by to determine the pwc….then his mum can claim csa in her own right again the nrps, that being your husband and the mother. If his ex is unreasonable I can see it getting messy where you might need to seek legal advice.

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