She betrayed my trust and now she’s using the system to get back at me

December 18, 2013


I’ve recently split from my girlfriend who suffers mental health issues.

Before the relationship began I made it perfectly clear that I didn’t want a child and flat out refused any desire and or acknowledgement of any potential respsibility. We mutually agreed on this and she said that she would keep the child and not bother me if it did happen.

Any way, 7 months down the line I find out she was flirting with another guy on the internet, sending pictures and so on. This happened once before but I gave it benefit of the doubt. I have evidence of both chats and copies of the pictures sent.

I ended the relationship and she came out saying she may be pregnant with my child.

Now I told her before and then that I’ve given up my parental rights and responsibilities as I have no desire nor capability for looking after a child.

She failed to take contraception properly (wasn’t on time and would skip a day here and there, made a big issue when I’d ask about it) and condoms presented issues as I believe she may of reacted to them so we stopped using after a while.

She betrayed my trust and is now trying to abuse the legal system to get back at me.

I’m not sure what to do but I do know she cannot afford anything her self, has never worked, flunked school and is relying on ESA.

She also has:

• Potential BiPolar
• Depression
• Anger management issues
• Violent episodes
• Incapable of processing rational thought • Incapable of understanding others • She’s assaulted her mother before and sister • Pushed me and threatened to hit me before

There is so much more but this is summed up for ease of reading.

I’ve not responded to any messages she has sent me either and attempted to cut all ties.

I need a bit if advice, thank you.


  • Ian says:

    We planned, we spoke and we agreed. Then she just went wild on me, betrayed my trust and because I don’t want to be with her for what she done, I had this sprung on me.

    Honestly this is not something I’d do but I don’t want to be with some one so horrible!!

    Seriously she’s so manipulative and spiteful. I’m worried for my future here.

    It’s impossible to describe her mental state as it’s as if she is not one but many people in one. Sudden turns, different characters.

    Then she just denies being unfaithful despite me catching her red handed.

    I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong, I couldn’t of made it clearer that I didn’t want children. She’s just abusing her position as a woman and I need some help desperately.

  • Ian says:

    Also without disclosing my age, I believe I am too young for a vasectomy but it did seriously cross my mind.

    I am not an irrational young man nor do I jump to the occasion. I think things through and I plan.

    She’s betrayed my trust and our agreement and now I’m at risk but also a potential child is at risk because she is far from a suitable parent!!

    Without saying too much, she’s assaulted family members and threatened me so I think I’ve got at least a leg to stand on here.

  • Ian says:

    @Peter Brown

    Thank you! I was thinking about a lawyer, I just have too see if she’s lying about it first.

    With her mental state anything goes. There’s no patterns only that everything is a possibility.

  • terry scott says:

    Lawyers are not worth the money. The CSA is unfair in many aspects and it needs direct action taken against it.

    We all need to make proactive, collective protest in person. FEB 1ST 2014 10 Downing st and the DWP head office.

    Are you in?

  • Ian says:

    Thank you Christina, didn’t realise catchy it is. Still, I’m pretty concerned about this and I’m trying to plan ahead incase anything happens because of this silly girl. I sure do pick em!

    On the flip side, this whole ordeal has given me a deep lesson in trust.

  • Ian says:

    It would seem no body bothers reading the original post!!

    Please don’t reply with generic replies that automatically assume I’m a scum bag. I am not.

    If I could explain it in crystal clear detail I would but to sum it up I was lied too and cheated on.

    Further more this isn’t about being a man or a mouse this is about moral standing and doing the thing that’s right!

    In this instance it’s defending my human rights and my life. In any other circumstance id accept parental responsibility of this potential unborn but after the sheer deceit, lies and abuse I’m not going to do it!!

    I refuse to support a doll dosser such as her self. She does nothing for any body else aside from her self.

    She’s abusive, manipulative and she’s mentally unstable.

    I knew off the mental implications at the start but she covered them up oh so well so it didn’t seem as bad as it really was!

    It is a mistake, a human error on my part but there’s no excuse to lie and go against an agreement of such importance like this.

  • Colin says:


    I have read & understood your post & sympathise with your predicament, however, there is the wellbeing a child to consider. If you are indeed the father, however unintentionally, and the Mother is as bad as you say who is going to care for this child? You are in a difficult position and there is no easy way out. The CSA will not care that you didn’t plan this child, if you are the biological Father you will pay maintenance and none of your financial outgoings will matter. As far as your case for deception goes you will have to take legal action which is both timeous & costly without guarantee of success. Your ex will probably get legal aid & you will get none. I realise that what I have Saud may sound bleak but its important that you face the reality of your situation regardless if how you you came to be there.

  • Ian says:

    Hello Collin and Sarah,

    I’ve read your comments and understand too. I see what you mean, yes it does take two too tango and yes most guys may try and get ah advantage.

    When I first met her she was fine for the first two months. Then things started getting sour, she was acting distant, abusive, just all round vulgar. I have it benefit of the doubt and she explained about her mental condition.

    This just got worse over time and I just stuck my neck out for her.

    I’m only young, very young. Still innocent at heart and I’ve not even had my first job yet. Just little bits here and there to find college courses.

    I am neither capable of looking after any child whether it be material or physical being. I’d sooner topple my self as I’m so ashamed and dishonoured because of all this.

    I know there is a child to consider but I can’t do anything other than put him up for adoption if the chance arises.

    I don’t want a child, I won’t love the child, I don’t even care about it as far as I’m concerned. I am not ready.

    I’ve been tricked into this unholy mess and yes I know it takes two too tango but that should also mean I have some sort of leverage here, surely?

    We both made an agreement too which she bailed out on, she cheated on me too which I have evidence for (may prove useful in a court of law) and she’s just pure evil. This entire motion isn’t cause she loves the child inside her, it’s cause she wants to get a one up and that isn’t fair in the slightest!

    If I’m forced to give up my own life because of a selfish girl then I’d rather alope or be rid of my self as there’s no way I could live with this on my shoulders.

    But yes, I’ve recognised the bleak reality, seen it long ago, it’s the only reason why I made that agreement with her.

    I must have some human right or law to not have too go through with this.

    Even if I go through court and relinquish my parental rights and responsibilities.

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