Refused access to my daughter, but ex still wants my money

August 10, 2011

My ex found my family on facebook last year, she said i was the father of her daughter (who then was 6 years old) yes, she left it that long to say anything because she thought i died in Afghanistan (load of bollox, i left the Army before being deployed there, also she knew where my family lived so she could have told them).

Anyway, i wanted proof the child was mine and we went hallf on a DNA test (it was not a legally binding one), it came back i was the father so i started paying her money and traveled to scotland from essex as often as i could to see my daughter, On and off she changed her mind about contact and got CSA involved then stopped them, then involved them again.

Well she now doesnt want me to have anything to do with my daughter (but does expect money lol) she claims she isnt mine, and that the website we got the DNA test from was bought into disrepute (i cant remember who they were either) and said she was seeing someone else at the same time as me. I have informed the CSA of this and they say as far as they are concerned i have acknowledged the child was mine as i agreed to pay them previously, my ex has moved address and changed her number, i have no idea where she is and we have no mutual friends where i can find out, i also informed CSA of this and they said its my responsibility to do another DNA test at my cost etc, they clearly dont listen as i cant get hold of the mother to sort this and i explained if they are there for the child then surely they need to prove im the father.

I have changed my bank details (so they no longer have a record) and i have refused to pay anything until they can prove im the father and im liable. Im riddled in debt thanks to previous partners and putting others first. Now im concerned about me and my current partner (who has been a rock throughout all of this), i have also mentioned to them im with a debt management company so after paying my bills and cost of living etc i cant afford what they expect, i have offered to make lesser payments but they wont accept.

When my ex stopped the CSA and asked me to buy my daughter clothes, toys, books etc i happily agreed as that way, i had control of what ‘my money’ was getting spent on, Now the CSA are back involved they do not see this as me making maintenance payments and claim i still owe what i have already paid.

Im fuming as they dont give a shit about me or my circumstances, and especially at the fact that she may not even be my daughter anyway.

WTF do i do?

The mother has sat on her arse or had her legs wide open, ever since i knew her (over 7 years) claiming benefits in excess of £1000 per month, this doesnt include her rent and council tax being paid. She had nice flat screen tv’s, laptops, desktop pc, games consoles, millions of blu-ray films, so clearly she is getting too much of our taxes already. Her other ex (father of her 2 sons) is getting exactly the same treatment.

I have an appointment with the CAB on friday but not holding my breath after reading other posts on this site, i cant afford a solicitor so will need to see if i can get legal aid etc. But surely i cant be made to pay anything until they can prove the child is mine, they said if i dont make this months payment and arrears on the 11th August they will arrest my wages.


  • rach says:

    Hi antony

    unfortunately the csa will put a deo on your wages and take what they want, they dont care that you need to live they are disgusting. YOU need to get down to your local magistrates court and ask for a declaration of parentage form, fill it out and send it back to court (think it costs in region of £100 depends on your court though, the magistrates court wil then send a summons to your ex through the csa (it doesnt matter that you dont know where she lives the court wil demand that the csa pass any court orders on to her) they will then most likely order her to take a dna test if she refuses or it comes back negative they will issue you with a declaration of non parentage which means the csa wil have to drop the case. unfortunately the csa wil stil keep taking money from you until the court has made its ruling (any maintenance will be refunded back to you if you are not the father. good luck hun

  • Anthony says:

    Had another argument with the CSA today, They still are not interested in anything i say. On my next day off i shall pop down to the courts to apply for the Decleration of Parentage forms.

    Completely de-motivated, struggling to make-ends-meat, cant afford to make re-payments but forced too as they will simply take the lot in one hit via deduction of earnings. Im getting more and more in debt each time i make payments as i cant pay other bills. Im half tempted to play the system at its own game and become a dole dosser but that goes against what i believe in.

    Im gonna have to find a second job to help pay the bills but then they will want more money. Makes me so angry when the CSA turn round and say ‘you owe us’ not ‘you owe your child’

    This puts me off having kids for life, and the kid may not even be mine lol.

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