Partner’s ex could ruin our lives with CSA
My partner and I have just been through an horrendous court case over the custody of his two children. We wanted shared residence and she contested, despite the fact we had them pretty much 50/50. After she lied in court and basically made our family look like pedophiles and child neglecters, we decided to give her full residence on the understanding the contact stayed the same, 50/50. But we ended up coming out of court with less days and on top of that she has now made a claim with the CSA, who have treated my partner as though he is some kind of deserter. He was the one who took her to court in the first place to stop her from cutting contact as and when she felt like it.
He tried to explain to the CSA that we had the children almost half of the time and that we already have a third child in the house, but this didn’t matter at all. They are now demanding he pay all off his arrears in one payment or they will come and seize our belongings.
If they do this then we will have no money to pay any bills and the kids certainly will not be able to eat or bathe when they are in our care. What makes us really angry is that she has no regard for the welfare of her children when they are with us or she would not do this. And to add salt into the wound, she has just returned from Prague, where she has been for a boob job. (She really needs our hard earned cash doesn’t she!!!).
My partner and I will now be left with no money each month once she has received her monthly payments and our bills won’t get paid. She receives all of the financial help. i;e child benefit and tax credits and we are left with nothing and nowhere to turn for help.
Father’s really do get the terrible end of the stick in these cases, take it from me. And that is coming from a mother of one, who DOES NOT stiff my ex husband for any maintenance. I feel so strongly that if he has his child on a regular basis why should I make him pay me when I have our son, surely, that’s my responsibility as a mother!!!
7 thoughts on “Partner’s ex could ruin our lives with CSA”
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I completely agree with you. CSA give no consideration whatever to 2nd families. The parent with care gets their wage if they work, tax credits, child benefit etc and none of their income whatsoever taken into account. The absent parent gets their net salary with a % taken off for maintenance but if the absent parent has another family their tax credits can also be taken into account in a maintenance calculation. It is absolutely disgusting that a Government Agency can treat families in this way especially at a time when this Government are saying they will make families work – they have almost torn mine apart. It is unfortunate that the CSA only look at your net salary and do not take into account living expenses.
Here here, its mothers (and some fathers) like your partners ex who abuse the system because they allow it and genuine cases of hardship forgotten about. Csa do not give a toss for 2nd families, a pwc can move on with their lives, an nrp cannot. Needs to change. My advice complain to the csa with added proof of expenses etc and go and see your mp asap, show them what a joke this agency is!
Hi, I am not he same Jay as the posting at 744am.!
FACT the CSA CANNOT take arrears off all in one go they have to go through a process, their current rules are that they can recover “debts” over a two year repayment plan, I know I have gone through it but was lucky not to pay in the end as the idiots made a mistake and I had in fact over paid I had to go through the process of getting my ex to repay me my overpayments took 18 months of arguing with the CSA Morons.
I too have shared residency 50/50 or 182.5 days of the year and funnily enough she earns the same money as me but because I dont get child benefit for two of my three children I have to pay her maintenance for the priviledge of looking after them every other week.
Get your MP involved, get him or her to write to the chief exec to complain also get a data protection form served to find out as much information as possible as to how the CSA work out what you owe etc.
Don’t back down and NEVER deal with them on the phone they are an absolutely useless bunch of morons.
Thanks everyone for your comments.
it makes me so angry that they can do this, and my partner and I will certainly be looking to get advice from an MP. This agency needs closing down as far as I am concerned and mothers out there who are more interested in ‘doing their ex over’ by using children as weapons, should, in my opinion, loss their custody rights altogether. How is it still in this day and age that fathers are not treated or given the same respect as mothers. My partner is a wonderful father and adores his children, yet because he has such a sick, twisted partner, is losing valuable time with his children, and money, which could have been spent on them, rather than lining his ex’s pocket who will no doubt use it for her own vanity and not on her children. Her recent ‘boob’ job is clear evidence of this!
Never deal with them over the phone, as Jay says, UNLESS you record your phone calls! No need to tell them either, it’s your legal right.
Lauren,
Has your OH made any child support payments since the CSA became involved?
Did you inform the CSA of the shared care being provided to enable such to be taken into in the calculation?
Does the 3rd child in your household belong to your and your OH OR your OH and his ex AND were the agency inform prior to the court hearing of the relevant other?
chall ~ afairercsaforall
I can completely relate to this…. I am in the same situation right now and have decided to cancel our wedding because I am not sure what the ex/CSA will do next.
The mother of the children is nothing more than a devious greedy cow who is absolutely adamant that I should help pay for her childrens upbringing!!! What I have read here just confirms that the CSA are absolutely useless and are completely out of control.
My partners ex has lied to the CSA, her own children, falsly accused my ex of being violent to her and the kids (told the kids that they were to young to remember when it happened – lies!) and even tried lied to his family (who are absolutely shocked by her behaviour and greed). They were together for 10 years and in that time she never once complained to his parents about him, the kids adored him… he left her (3 years before I came along!) and she didn’t like it!
The worst thing about all of this is that my partner has lost the relationship he once had with his kids all because the mother has said and done some awful things to get more money (only since I came along, I might add)!! There is nothing she wouldn’t do to get more money from us, she even contact MY previous employer and work colleagues to see if she could find anything bad about me but all she found out was that I was very well paid and that’s when she decided I was going to be the meal ticket!!!!
She has reduced the hours my partner has the kids overnight, she has told the school not to contact him in emergencies, she has told all her friends and family that he is not paying her (he has never missed a payment in over 3 years, even paid the higher amount when she lied to the CSA)… she has told the kids he has lost of money he doesn’t want to spend on them, she has sent demanding e-mails telling my partner that he can afford to give HER more money because he now has “additional income” (ME)…..
In these situations, I feel that social services should be involved…. my partner was so upset by the whole situation/harassment that he ended up taking anti-depressants!!! I refuse to get married while the CSA are in it’s current state because i may end up losing everything I have worked for because of my partners lying, greedy, sponging ex!!!