Partner pays his ex for on child, but she pays us nothing for the other

June 18, 2012

I have a story for you which is really unfair to the father in this case.

My husband has children from a previous marriage. He paid his ex £50,000 within the divorce settlement to pay for maintenance upfront so she could keep her business. This was 7yrs ago. This was all stated in the agreement but as it read ‘it is not my intention to go to the csa’ she has contacted the csa & opened a case against him.

It started that she contacted them in the March but csa didnt send him a letter or anything until the August. So even though he sent his payslips but also a letter appealling against it we had to wait until the appeal had taken place in November. This was still all back dated to March!!

In the November one of his daughters came to live with us so it came to us trying to claim CSA for the one living with us. His ex claimed she has no money (living on her own in a 6bed house, driving a Audi Q7 & running her own business).

We didnt know that she had made the company ltd so she went self employed. Apparently she only earned £1000 a month (but i do wonder how she paid her bills as she was living a life that was a custom to her income). It worked out that we ended up paying slightly less at this point when it was one living with each parent. Our payments didnt get back dated from the date she moved in with us but it was only allowed to commence from the day we received child benefit. So all this time his ex was getting the child benefit & normal csa payments & not saying a word.

My step-daughter lived with us for over a year. After a year my hubbys ex said “we have one each so lets call it quits” which is very not like her at all. We said no we shall keep it going as it keeps it fair. A couple of months later my step-daughter moved back to her mums then it all turned very nasty. The reason she wanted to call it quits was because she was buying another business.

We apparently still owe her over £1000 backpay plus we overpaid her by £55 & she wants it back. Just because she is self employed sha managed to to hardly pay us anything but get herself another business. We got her reassesed but she just denied that she was earning anymore. It now works out that the maintenance that comes in for my two children goes straight out to her so my children go without. Is this really fair that my ex pays his money every month but my husband paid his upfront, has to pay more & more then my kids go without. His kids are wearing all designer clothes, ipads each, u name it they have but my kids we cant afford after school lessons apart from the free ones.

I then have to explain when my ex pays me £400 per month why they cant have anything – someone please tell me what i should say to them!!

We have just had a letter saying my hubby will be taken to court if the arrears isn’t paid. We pay her more than the monthly amount but not as much as the total monthly arrears amount so we are already paying it off but slightly slower.

We are constantly arguing as my kids r suffering & surely this is unfair when the parent with the care is far more well off than the parent without.

Please help


  • chall says:


    Did the court also arrange child support payments 7 years ago?

    The effective date for a case to commence is usually when the agency first make contact with the NRP and NOT when the PWC contacts them.

    The calculation for CS is based on your OH income (& possibly WTC & CTC if your household receives such). If there are relevant other children in the household a reduction should be applied, prior to the child support for the qualifying children being calculated.

    Are you paying the PWC direct or via the CSA. If the CSA have calculated a monthly payment figure, that is the amount that should be paid.

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

  • hillymic says:

    No the court didnot arrange child support 7 years ago as I said it was paid up front & calculated to be £50,000 which was paid to her in the divorce.

    I know the effective date is not when the PWC contacts them but the CSA is adament they are taking it from this date so the backpay is hurrendous.
    I know the CS is based on your OH income & reductions have been made for my children living with us.

    The payment is being paid straight to the CSA. The figure for CS is £240 but including the back pay its £460 which we cant afford so we have been paying around £400 a month.

    My main argument is :- it’s really unfair that he has paid her £50,000 upfront within the divorce for maintenance & because of the wording in the court papers she can then go to the CSA for more. Like i said she is living in a 6bed house with all designer things including car but we cant barely afford to live. When we tried for CS from her she showed that she only gets paid £1000 month which we know isnt true.

    I know from my own CSA dealings that they are all for the women. I had someone from CSA ring me to ‘let me know’ that my ex is querying how many times my youngest daughter stays at his house & i must mark it down on my calendar. While this was nice of them it does yet again prove they are there for the mothers & not the fathers.

    Going back to my hubbys ex her CS was always in her favour & they have been nothing but rude & obnoxious to my husband even when he called to say he couldnt afford to pay.

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