Paid my ex even when I had no job, then she contacted CSA because she wanted more

August 17, 2012

I’m an NRP of 2 girls, different mothers. I was married to the mother of the eldest – and from the day we broke up I paid “at least” the amount I was supposed to. I then formed a new relationship, which involved me moving a distance away. I carried on making payments for my daughter, did all the travelling to collect her for weekend and holiday visits, didn’t vary the amount paid to allow for petrol etc – and took on my new partner’s son (another story there as she was receiving nothing from his father as the CSA lost her claim 3 times, each time resulting in “we can only start making him pay from the date of the new claim even though it was us who lost the old one) We then had a daughter together – and still I continued payments at the amount agreed in court as part of the divorce, despite the fact that I had been told I could go to CSA and get them reduced to allow for changed circumstances.

A few years later I was made redundant – and for 6 months continued to pay the court agreed rate of maintenance – bascially spending all of my redundancy money on maintenance – and still travelling for access visits (borrowing from family to meet the costs). At this point I could not afford maintenance, so advised the ex-wife of this (and yes – I WAS looking hard for a new job) In the middle of this, I split with the new partner, so now had two girls of my own who I was obliged to provide for, plus the “step-son” who I felt obligted towards. After a while, the ex-wife decided she needed money from me, so rather than speak to me the next thing i knew was contact from the CSA – who then advised her i didn’t have to pay given the circumstances (so they actually got something right there). In time, I got a new job, knew things would have to be sorted, so contacted the CSA and advised them – I have a job, but need you to account for me being the NRP of two girls, not one (meaning the ex-wife is entitled to a smaller percentage of my wage).

Not being inclined to rush to make payments to my ex-wife after her contacting the CSA rather than talking to me, I let things drag – although I was and am making payments to the ex-partner, through a private arrangement, for the youngest. Some months down the line, the next i know is a deduction from my wages – entirely going to the ex-wife. I called to query – the youngest was NOT being allowed for in their calculations (so the ex-wife is receiving 15% rather than the 10% she is entitled to) – and was advised that even though I had advised them of the second child, etc, etc, and that they had not dealt with it – they could not back-date the calculations!!! So despite the CSA f-ing things up, my ex-wife (who, during all this, has decided to block contact with my eldest daughter – which I cannot afford to fight – and has twisted her mind against me too) – that ex-wife gets 5% more of my wages than she should!!!

For information, I see the youngest regularly, am a decent dad, get on with her mother in terms of our payment and access hope you guys will see I’m not a bad dad, I’m just being screwed around with. So, just starting things moving – but I am NOT going to let them get away with refusing to calculate properly…just hope I can do it all myself because I can’t afford a solicitor and don’t qualify for legal aid :-/


  • Sally says:

    It’s stories like this that make me so frustrated with the CSA and the whole system!!!!

    You have done the best you could by your children but they system allows the PWC to manipulate the situation, firstly by expecting more money and secondly by using the child as a pawn by not letting you contact her (the older daughter) as a way of punishing you!!!! It is rediculous!!!

    There is a lot about the CSA that really annoys me but the one thing that completely baffles me is that they system makes absolutely no allowances for living expenses of the NRP….

    I sincerely don’t know how you manage, my partner (who has two kids to a greedy ex) struggles to pay his bills and pay maintenance… he gives his kids everything that he can afford but it’s never enough (its more than CSA calculations). She stops him from seeing the kids when it suits her and makes excuses that ‘they are busy’ but the kids want to see him…. usually because she has asked him for extra money and he has refused… when the kids do come round she has them tell him that they are skint and can’t afford anything (she has the home my partner left, works part time and claims working tax credit, child tax credit, child benefit and £300 from my partner)…. she has more income than my partner does but the CSA don’t care about that….its 100% bias towards the PWC.

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