Not paying a penny to the CSA until I see my children

November 24, 2010

I split with my wife 5 years ago and met someone else. My ex-wife has refused point blank to let me see my children. No telephone calls, no cards, no nothing, without any reason! I have a son 12 and a daughter 6. I was made redundant in March 2009 and have struggled to find a job. My new partner is brilliant and has backed me 100%.

Since I was made redundant, I have had a monthly call from the CSA looking for maintenance. Until my ex-wife lets me see my children, she won’t get a single penny out of me and will continue the way I am, with very little or no permanent employment.

I’m not allowed to see my children and even if she was getting over £300 per month, like she was previously I was still “not allowed” to see HER children, as she put it. Forget your maintenance love, you won’t see a single penny from me.

We are currently living on my partner’s wage and we intend to stay that way.


  • brokenfather says:

    I empathise with you John. I am in the same situation, as are thousands of other decent loving fathers. The court system, which we have to pay to use unlike the CSA, fails to protect us and our children from these vile horible mothers.

    it’s almost 5 years since I last saw my children too. I dont know where they live or what they look like yet I am still expected to pay child maintenance.

    The whole system is corrupt and one sided.

  • Jon Ethan Bryne says:

    dont blame you i was paying csa and then the ex stopped it and i dont see the kids cant even give them xmas presents as she chucks them in the bin

  • Vikki JackDaniels Lomas says:

    with u all the way! Stick to your guns!

  • Jo Price says:

    That is disgusting!! I let my son see his father wheather he pays or not he is currently out of work and is on benefits I do not expect money from him just as long as he comes to see his son regular

  • Jim Rigley says:

    It doesnt work that way, you'll still pay £5 off your dole.You need to take her to court for access, unless the kids litterly wont come to see you she has to let you see them. I went through the same, took 4 years but the relationship with my daughter was worth every second and every penny.The fact the CSA are now being C*nts to me is beside the point, thats an issue that will get resolved one way or the other.Get your kids and be part of their lives, f*ck your ex.

  • Phil Marsh says:

    Happens all the time, but at least you know where they are unlike me, my ex took off with her lover and i'v never found her, all i'm told by the police/csa is they are fine and happy. All i can do is buy birthday and xmas presents every year, wrap them in the hope that one day they will find me and i can prove they were never out of my thoughts, even tho its now been 8 years.I truely hope you get to see them soon, good luck

  • Martin Dell says:

    well said dude title say it very clearfor goverment wankers to read

  • Phil Lee says:

    good for you – i'd take her to court with no hesitation – they are not her children but owned by the state… yep that's right OWNED by HM Government and because of that the Gov gave children the RIGHT to see their parents (note parentS) so fill yer boots and get her in court – the kids have a right to see their dad unless the courts decide otherwise. by the way.. the money doesn't come into the decsion making, that's a separate issue completely. Good luck – do it.

  • Rachel Annie Sharp says:

    Yeah i let my son see his dad with/without maintenence, im currently expecting twins and their dad ran off as soon as we found out so i have no intensions of ever letting him see the children, but i have no intensions on claimin maintenence off him either!!!

  • Lorraine Moore says:

    If your money is good enough, then you should be good enough for her to 'let' you see your children.It's a disgrace. Stick to your guns, take her to court!!!

  • Craig Brierley says:

    Totally agree with you I went through the exact same thing with my ex still am in a way. She expected me to pay but not see my son. I refused. The CSA hounded me hugely. I ended up with having to pay a huge bill to them that they say they will take regardless of whether I can afford it or not. They really do not care. I said that I am using the money for my childs benefit the money nis [paying a solicitor, their lovely attitude is tough luck if you dont see you child.I detest the CSA and the sooner they are closed down the better. They are trained on day 1 how to be the biggest ar#ehole they can be.

  • Peter Anderson says:

    So why haven't you done anything about seeing your own children? Mine did exactly the same to me, but she wasn't going to stop me being a father to my sons. In the end, I took two of them away from and simply said "You can't see these two until I can see the other two. How can you just sit back and not fight her tooth and nail to see your kids? I'm ashamed. How can you abandon your own kids like this?

  • Shaban Afzal says:

    peter is right, do you know there is such thing as family courts….why dont you fill out a c100 form, its so simple and costs only £60, is £60 pound worth more than your children? You don't need a lawyer to do that and you certainly don't need a barrister. Yuo can speak to the judge yourself, believe me judges have more respect for you that way.

  • Peter Anderson says:

    Get on with it Former Champ and do us all a great big favour!!!But seriously, just keep trying to see your kids. I always remember a comment a friend's son made when I asked why he and his sister didn't come to see their father now they could both drive. His comment "Well, he didn't bother to come and see us when we needed him, so why should we bother to see him now". Dad, didn't even get an invite to his daughter's wedding! Don't let that happen to you! Make sure that you keep trying to see them, and, more difficult, make sure that your children know that you are trying to see them. Going to Court doesn't count as the children probably won't know about it!

  • emma says:

    easier said than done, getting your children back through court. The family courts cannot enforce contact, its not like a criminal court.
    My husband hasn’t seen his children in nearly 3 years. he took them home one saturday, went back to collect them the next week and they were gone. He recieved a solicitors letter saying that she no longer wanted them to stay over with him and thats been it since. He has phoned her but she’s changed her number, written to her but she’s ignored the letters, her solicitor refuses to have any dealings with him. We are still paying the solicitors fees from the last time she did this. We cannot afford to go back to court, to be trailed though social services like criminals. Every word she said was believed, everything he said was questioned or ignored. His eldest daughter asked him not to go back to court as she was bullied in school the last time, so we left it thinking they’d eventually stand up to her but a couple of months ago we saw them at their school and were snubbed by both of them. We then recieved a letter stating that his girls have requested that we are not to go near the school again. Nothing happens to these women, as its seen to be too detrimental to the child, so they can carry on telling lies and getting away with it. We send them birthday cards and christmas cards every year with a contact phone number but have never heard a thing. As a woman, I am ashamed of her behaviour.

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