No reasonable agreement for our child’s maintenance

I was born in Colombia but I do hold a British Nationality. My marriage lasted 7.5 years, ended in June 2008.

After we splitted up I went back to Colombia with our daughter with my ex husband’s full knowledgement. I was in need of some moral support as I do not have any relatives in the UK.

My ex-husband took us to the Airport and agreed to it.

I said to him before I left that If I got a job in Colombia I will stay longer than planned (more than 3 months),he then laughed at me and said:

You will never get a job in that 3rd world country and I will see you crawling back here in the UK begging me to take you back.

I arrived in Colombia got fairly soon a job and I told him about my circumstances.

As we had planned before for 2 years to move to Colombia for good I already new what school she was suppose to go to etc.

I stayed in Colombia for 1 year and a half. I was being a single mother as I was doing everything.

He never contributed with any money to support her as he claims that the air flight ticket to go and see her was enough. After those months of supporting everything by myself (as in Colombia there isn’t such things as free education or health),I realised that even thought I was fine covering everything I was not able to put money aside, to have any savings for her future and more than anything I found unfair for our child to be paying the consequences of our separation by having her father so far away.

So I decided to give up a very good job, my family and friends and come back to the UK and start from ZERO on my Own!(as I mentions before, I do not have any relatives in the UK).

I informed him about all these. Then he proposed me to bring our daughter to the UK in September 2009 rather than December 2009 or January 2010, that way she could enrol school here- which made sense to me at the time.

and as for me to go back to work in Colombia until December that year, flight back in January with some savings and start a new life.
He promised me that even though we were not together anymore, he was NOT going to take our daughter away from me – from her Mum and that he will be there for her.

So I did and trusted him.

Next thing I know I received an e-mail from his Solicitor to my mail box at work in Colombia telling me that he was fighting for our daughter’s full custody.

I did not understand as we have come to an agreement.
I have given up everything to offer our child the best of both worlds. He knew I was coming to start all over by myself (which is not easy) and still he went to the solicitor.

I got a hearing right just before Christmas.

I then contacted the Cambridge Court but they never acknowledge my calls or e-mails as I was proposing to postpone the hearing as my flight was due in the first week of January 2010.

Sadly the hearing went ahead here in the UK while I was powerless in Colombia and between Christmas and New Year I got an e-mail from his solicitors telling me that he has won a full custody 🙁 I still cannot believe that the Court took everything he said on board. It was his word against mine. His reasons were that I wanted our daughter back in Colombia (when he knew about our agreement and that I have already resigned my job) and that he was concerned about her future if she was to go there.

I got back to the UK to have a man bullying me when and how I should see our child.

He gave me a set of rules and threats.
I had not job.

Found somewhere to live close by to her to be able to cooperate with her needs. He didn’t allowed me to pick her up from school everyday even though I was out of work. he threaten me by calling the Police.

It has been awful and always will be being away from her as we had never been apart from each other.

Then for 6 months I looked for a job in the town where she is and nothing came through. In the mean time my ex-husband told me that I was allow to have her every other weekend and so I did but as being on benefits I got desperate and I decided to start looking for a job in London (which is 1 hour commute) as in St Ives ( Cambridgeshire) were not jobs at all.

Relocated in London in August 2009 and was on benefits until November 2009 where I finally got a job for 7 months.

So all together since I arrived in the UK Jan to Nov/09 I was 11 months without a job!

Once in LONDON even though I was still on benefits up until November. I carried on seeing our daughter every other weekend, paying for both journeys by train. A return journey fare on Friday and then another return train fare for Sunday. (Av of £15 return) Once I started my new job back then I am still doing all the trips to Cambridge or Huntingdon and back to London.

I give to my ex-husband £100 cash plus whatever our daughter needs when she is with me over the weekend i.e. shoes, school cardigans.
School trips fares, dance classes etc we pay half and half for those.

The latest I have heard from my ex- husband is that he wishes to report me to the CSA as he is now demanding instead of £150 or more.

Even though when I have been on benefits, I have been spending money on train fares and buying our daughter whatever she needs knowing that as when I have been on Jod Seekers Allowance I shouldnt been traveling like I have been or in any obligation of giving any maintenance.

I have now found a new job which is only temporary (lasting 2 months), started on the 19th of Dec for 3 days then it Christmas break and started full on now the 3rd of January.

I have already transfered the £100 to my ex-husband even though I get paid weekly and just started he demanded the money straight away…knowing that I have been on benefits just recently , was Christmas and needed at least my first full month salaries worth but no…I had to do it as I feel bullied by him.

I have asked him in the past to talk about this but he does not want to.

He is demanding more money.

and he doesnt want to agree to share the train fares and commute time this consumes….

I have attended apart from having our child every toher weekend all the school parents’s meetings and performances….whilst on benefits.

I feel he is been very unfair.

How could you help me or advice?
Many thanks,
Bullied/ worried mother