No access to my children so why should I pay?

December 30, 2010

When i first split with my partner all was good. I am paying £257 every month through the csa, she has now moved to somewhere else and changed her phone number so i am unable to see my children. Even the csa dont have a contact address or number for her so why do i have to carry on paying?

She says the kids are better off without me but it seems not without my money. Surely the system needs to be looked at? If partners leave and say they can do it on their own then why should we have to carry on supporting them?

It’s a choice they made, but the csa dont take any of this into consideration – they just want to screw us.

Comments

  • Chris Osborne says:

    A new year beckons and we should use it as a starting point to fight for justice. A bit of civil disobediance , lobby your MPs a march here and there. It works, so lets do it.

  • Luke Millman says:

    Same with me. The CSA seem to aide and abet this, which I believe is a criminal offence. I have now had to instruct a solicitor who will have the expense of tracing her although the CSA know fully where my child is.The CSA has a serious flaw which allow parents to disappear (which I have been told is illegal) and still obtain money under their protection of staying anonymous.I have even read that they advise parents to ration visitation rights to keep it under 52 days a year so they can claim more money. The not resident parent has absolutely no decision in this madness.

  • Rachel Annie Sharp says:

    u cn go thru court to get access to ur children, my ex partner has just left me with a 3yo an twins on the way so i dont want him knowin where i live an frm this i know that the csa will have her adress just nt allowed to disclose it

  • Naomi Barnes says:

    If the CSA don't have contact details how are they paying her?, more than likely they are with holding her location.

  • Lorraine Moore says:

    A bit difficult to go through court to get contact with your children if there is no address though Rachel..data protection and all that.Although I am sure if he was to do a flit and not be able to be traced for his money he could be found like a shot 🙁

  • Jem Pogue says:

    How long does it take you all to learn ??????????????The child abuse agency has NEVER nor will it EVER be about supporting children !!!!!!!!!!The children are merely an excuse to put every nrp they can into poverty and steal as much money as possible to justify there over inflated salaries, bonuses and ego's !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!These employees are nothing short of brainwashed feminist child abusing robots !!!!!!!!!!!!!HOWEVER it's nearly 2011 and 2011 is the year WE ARE going to reclaim our children's lives by destroying this abhorrent child abusing, father murdering mess………………..WATCH THIS SPACE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Mark Yak Attack Howard says:

    WELL SAID JEM !!! ;0)

  • Lorraine Moore says:

    Yeah…we know, we know!Not sure about the feminist bit, but never mind 😉

  • Lee Hughes says:

    Yes Jem, we need to reclaim this country for US! It's our lives that we allow a minority to dictate to us and I have truly had enough…no more!!!

  • Michelle Gibbard says:

    csa do hold addresses they just are not allowed to divulge it or any personal information,i have been told a few times they dont know where he lives but i have also been told on amny occasions they write to him and also sent a court order to him,noone can disappear from the system with children

  • Lee Hughes says:

    Satyagraha Ahimsa

  • Lee Hughes says:

    Anyone who willingly consents to be abused by the state acting in their name deserves their just desserts. The time to say enough is enough is here…I will NOT let the state trample over my God given rights!

  • Bish Shaha says:

    the poster poses a very good ethical question.. its time the courts put this into consideration .. and hand few more custodial sentences to pwc's.

  • Peter Anderson says:

    If you are not seeing your children, what are you doing about it? Get your application into Court and the Court can/will demand that her address is released (to the Court) in order for her to receive papers and be required to attend Court. The longer you leave the more you are showing that you do not want to see your children. Also, what other steps have you taken to locate her? Friends, family etc. If you want to take steps to have contact with your children then do something about it. And step one is reposting your request on Separated Dads, or get in touch with one of the other men's help organisations.

  • hg says:

    firstly you need to track her down, those kids need you in their life regardless what her feelings are. If you were never married apply for parental responsibility and a joint residency order to prevent her taking the children abroad and grant you access.
    If you are on good terms then ask her to get in touch with the CSA and say you have come to a private agreement- they should cancel the payments then.
    If this fails get in touch with your MP.

  • Jay Gage says:

    Same here m8, bin paying my ex bitch thro the CSA and i'm kept away from her house which is 10mins away. Bin told she provides for them, works 2 jobs and earns more than me BUT still wants my money. I can drop dead and stay out of their lives. Not fair!

  • brokenfather says:

    The CSA really do not give a stuff whether or not you are denied a relationship with your flesh and blood by the mother. They are simply there to demand and take by force money from you and give it to her.

    They fail to see that the CSA system rewards mothers for obstructing contact as it increases the CM you have to pay.

    The whole system stinks …….

  • Chris Osborne says:

    I would willingly go to Jail to highlight these issues. The CSA can't intimidate me anymore, I've reached my limit with them. I'm being destroyed financially to (as they say) provide essential support to my daughter. My daughter is 23. She lived with me from 13 – 18 and her mother falsely claimed benefit for her. Therefore I have to pay it all her benefit back. Let 'em bring it on I've had enough.

  • Luke Millman says:

    What really annoy's me with my CSA case worker is that English is not their first language and I rarely get the forms and information I request in the post for my solicitor. When I demand to speak to somebody else they say I have to excuse them as their English is very broken. Very comforting knowing they are deciding my financial matters when they cannot even understand me.

  • Rachel Annie Sharp says:

    where theirs a national insurance number theirs an address

  • Darren Garner says:

    how old is your child? there is a thing called parental care which means you have a say in the upbringing of your child. eg school housing ect. and how can you do that if you dont know where they are. so you have a right to know where they are. i think this applies to children born after 2002?

  • Luke Millman says:

    Good point Darren but none of the above is a CSA matter. The Parent could spend it all on drugs and be convicted of if it. Not a CSA matter up to the people with conscience.

  • Lorraine Moore says:

    That Parental Responsibility issue never applied to maintenance..it never mattered if you didn't have it when it came to financial matters..only contact.I'm glad it's changed.

  • James Byard says:

    I agree with many / if not all of the posts here.
    I would like to say that I was paying my ex partner £100 per week sometimes / alot of the time more so my daughter could do dancing and competitions etc and when I got made redundant I couldn’t do it anymore. Did my ex partner understand……NO.
    She damanded money and still does to this day, but I simply havn’t got it.
    She tried going through the CSA but they said I’d have to pay £5 per week but only £2.50 went to my ex partner.
    I told the csa I was having my daughter regular (which I was) and I spend money on her when I have her rather than give it to her mother who has a partner who works, she also works and can afford to go on holidays etc, when I cant afford electric some weeks, because of this poxy government!
    And yet I get txt’s saying im usless I care about my other child (who lives with me) more than my daughter. It is so pathetic. She also slags me off to my daughter and everyone else. I never say a bad thing towards her mother when I have my daughter its just imoral!
    but if I went to get full time custody the courts would laugh and kick me out of court. why??? BECAUSE IM A MAN. It stinks, as I would never demand money from her nor would I stop her seeing my daughter if I had her full time. ITS A JOKE. We / dads must stand up for our rights. SORRY FOR THE LONG POST I GOT CARRIED AWAY LOL.

  • John says:

    I just want to know when this will all stop. has anyone found some information about changes. it cant work like this forever mothers get treated like royalty. dads left for the dogs.

    Totaly un fair even the CSA staff aggree its not working. everytime they say we dont make the rules.

  • David says:

    I have a child of a year old and am paying stupid money through the csa. She denies me access to my daughter and has cut of all forms of contact even facebook. I have sent numerous letters emails etc and still ignores them. the system sucks and all i want is to be able to see my daughter. I have seen her twice in 13 months last time was 7 months ago. Everytime she says i can see her she always with out fail changes her mind a day or 2 before. Where can I get the best advice from I can’t afford to take her to court as I work full time and the costs are stupid money.

  • john says:

    I fathered a daughter after a one night stand where the mother said she was on the pill( stupid of me i know). Didnt know anything about it till a couple of years down the line when i got hit with the csa. I visited the child and yes i could instantly tell she was mine, that was the first and last time i saw her. Been paying ever since but mother will not allow access but will gladly take money yet all blokes i know who are pwcs never ask for money they could get always saying stuff like ” couldnt do that to her” sound familiar? My point is i had no say in the matter. Later heard she was looking to fall pregnant so she could get council flat. dont know if true but would not be at all surprised. Whole thing has left me bitter and dealing with csa is nothing short of an ordeal.

  • Izzy says:

    I have been reading some of this comments with interest…. I have been with my currant partner for 3 months and he has an 18 month old child, for the past month he has been denied access, he pays the mother of his child £85 a month (although she doesnt need it as her parents earn jointly £160,000). He has now seeked legal advice and the first letter has been sent, does anyone know that if it is brought to court rather than an private agreement (which is highly unlikely) are there ways that he can see his child in the meantime while waiting for the court order. Any help or suggestions of where to find some good infomation would be much appretiated.

  • Simon says:

    Hi Izzy, sadly not. I’ve paid maintenance from day one, initially more than the CSA stated then let them take the money instead. Didnt get access, then did, then didnt but was allowed phone calls, now I have no contact details for her at all. Put the process into courts hands now but I’m entitled to nothing at all regards contact. I dont understand how a parent who is supposed to care for their children can get away with this blatent abuse! I can noyl hope that is how the court sees it too…

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