My sister and her ex have manipulated their children

Im in a bit of a situation, and so I am really hoping you can help me. It is a very long story but i will try to keep it short as I can.

Basically my sister and her husband split up in april this year, they have 2 girls now aged 15 and 12 but they were both a year younger at the time.

The children have been neglected and manipulated all of their lives by the parents, during the split my sister started using the children as ammunition against the husband things got beyond a joke to the point of abusive and on May 19th this year after a desperate plea for help from my eldest niece I stepped in with my mum to remove the children from my sister.

They were supposed to go to my mums and stay with her that was the plan but the girls expressed their wishes to stay with me instead. I agreed as they were in a very distressed state and just wanted whatever was best for them.

I have 3 children of my own aged 4,15 and 17, my husband and I are not well off by any means I am a work at home mum selling products that I hand make. I don’t make any profit it was really a hobby that I expanded to feel that I was still useful and providing after my youngest was born. My husband stepped onto the self employment route this year leaving his full time job at the nhs nursing to become a full time musician/vocalist. This was all fine when it was just the 5 of us we were comfortable and managing nicely.

The girls dad uses them as trophy children he doesnt want to live with them etc.. but likes to show them off at family do’s and play dad of the year – instead of getting himself a flat nearby so the girls can live or even occasionally stay with him he has bought himself a canal boat (not even big enough to have the girls overnight) and shacked up with his new girlfriend.

The mum (my sister) has been abusive physically, verbally and emotionally to the girls with 2 suicide attempts under her belt both times blaming the girls and telling them it was their fault,insisting the girls were took to the hospital after her overdose to see what they had done to her! one time the dad took the girls back to her against their will when I was out for the day (as all he wants is an easy life and while the girls are with me he has to make an effort!) this resulted in my sister pulling a knife out in front of the girls and threatening to kill them all!! My daughter called the police and both my sister and her husband lied to the police saying the girls had made it all up!

I involved social services as I mistakenly thought that they would be concerned for the childrens wellbeing but all it is to them is red tape and they are just constantly trying to get the girls back to their mothers even though it is obvious to everybody that she is mentally unstable and dangerous!

My sister has now issued a harrassment order against her husband then continued to text him and consequently was arrested 2 weeks ago for harrassing him and wasting police time and now she is currently on bail.

My mother and I tried to contact her yesterday to offer help with the police situation but she threatened us with harrassment.

Anyway long story getting shorter

I rang the CSA way back in June to be told that I couldnt claim maintenance through them yet as I wasnt getting Child Benefit (my sister had denied the children were with me and continued claiming benefits for them so I had a long wait while she was investigated) but was told that the husband was to ring them (CSA)to tell them the children were in fact living with me and they would stop the payments out of his wages to my sister and then he could set up a private agreement with me until I was awarded CB then I could claim officially through the CSA if I wanted to.

I told this to the husband and he said he would get in touch with them.

During the next few months I asked him several times what was going on and he told me that the CSA said I had to cite against him so I rang CSA telling them what he had said and they said there was no records of him phoning but again said I couldnt do anything until I had Child Benefit and he had to ring etc…

So while I have been struggling to keep the girls and feed two extra mouths,clothe them, give them pocket money,toiletries etc… (the mother has changed the locks on the house, the girls came to me in their school uniform and nothing else – I have had to provide them with EVERYTHING they didnt even have clean pants!) the father has been paying £266 maintenance a month since may to…my sister!

I eventually at the end of August was awarded child tax credits for the girls and in October was awarded child benefit – so I could now claim in my own right.

I rang CSA again and still no records of him ever ringing and CSA said I was to claim against both parents.

When I said that he had knowingly continued paying my sister for the children even though they were with me the lady I was speaking to said that should not have happened and that he should have informed them and set up an agreement with me.

And he and my sister would be investigated as I was claiming the girls were with me yet she was claiming maintenaince.

My mum mentioned to the husband that I had been in touch with CSA and they were investigating and lo and behold i got a text from him the next day saying he had been in touch with CSA and they would set up a standing order and he asked for my bank details and name on the account and he would get a payment to me on 26thOct

surprise surprise 26thoct has come and gone and I got another text from him saying CSA had messed up and id get a payment on 26nov instead.

I rang CSA again and what a surprise STILL no record at all of any contact from the husband to them! They are still investigating them, I was also severely told that under no circumstances would they have asked him to get my bank details from me and that they in fact had my bank details as I had given them when I put the claim in! I told them he was still paying my sister and I had not had a penny and could I claim the money back?

Apparently I cant claim the money back from my sister through the CSA myself but they can in exceptional circumstances such as this claim it back and pay it back to the husband and then he should pay it to me (I can guarantee this will not happen!).

The CSA claim is apparantly being looked into by a case worker as my sister refuses to give up the money being paid to her and is denying the children are with me not her – I have rang several times and been told the case worker will ring me but I have had no contact whatsoever from her. Everytime I ring nothing has been done about the case and I have to go through the whole thing again from the beginning telling the whole story again then being promised that the case worker will be in touch with me.

I have since discovered through researching online through government websites and asking advice from people with benefits knowledge that CSA do not need me to be in receipt of child benefit to open a claim for me – Child benefit is needed for couples who share 50/50 care of the child to determine who is the parent with care – not for non parents such as my case so I should have had a case opened for me in june when I first rang.

I have not had a penny for the girls upkeep and I have had them for 6 months now, Even on their birthdays I provided the cake and sandwiches when the husband and his parents graced us with their presence for a whole half an hour!!

Keeping 2 extra children is not cheap! As well as day to day food,toiletries,school dinners,school trips,uniform,clothes,monthly supplies,pocket money etc…they both also have extra curricular activities that I pay for (dancing,singing,rowing,netball,archery.)

I have spent my own childrens savings that I had been putting by for several years and have just spent the last of my christmas savings for this year.

During the summer holidays I had to shut up my shop as 5 kids 24/7, housework,entertaining them, taking them to meet friends, activities etc for 6 weeks… I just couldnt keep up with orders so obviously that set us back financially as well I am still trying to get my business back up to where it was before but even now i am struggling keeping up with orders as there is always something to do with the children (appointments,clubs etc…)

My question I suppose after all this rambling is can you help me with my position maintenance wise with the CSA?

Do I actually have any rights to claim anything back from the parents as I have had the children all the time he has been paying my sister?

I did see on the CSA website that both parents are obliged to inform the CSA of changes one of the main ones obviously being the children moving out! and that it is an offence to knowingly with hold information

They have been officially living at my house and are known by social services and tax credits etc so surely I should have some right to have had the money for the girls?

by my reckoning she has had approx £1500 or just over – Now I have spent well over £6000 in savings alone not to mention what comes out of the bank each week and I know I will never get that back but the back pay that has been paid to my sister would at least cover some of the expenses

I would be so very grateful if you can offer me any help and advice with this situation as I just dont know what to do.