My money is not spent on my child

February 25, 2012

I was paying money to my Childs mum in cash for a year or so and she would normally tell people I don’t give her nothing for my daughter, so I decided to go to the CSA and have them take care of everything so I could prove that I was paying for my child as I had a feeling I would have to go to court to get access to see my child in the future which did happen in the end.

So I have been paying her via the CSA for around 2 years now and she was getting £300 a month until I was made redundant and then the payments went down to £200 a month when I got a new job.

My child used to be dressed nice but since she has had another child with her new husband my child now looks like she is dressed in the same old cloths, shoe’s that didn’t fit her, jeans that were to big, jackets that where to small, me and my partner are forever buying and sending back cloths. I ask her what is she spending my Money on and she just tells me where to go, the new child has everything, always looks tidy in the best of the best, I know the Husband is not earning very much so my £200 a month go far in there house.

I offered to buy my child cloths every month and give her the difference in cheque or straight into her account but she said not.

A friend told me that my Childs mum has been ordering cloths from Littlewoods which she can pay off over months, so I had a look on the website and every outfit my daughter was wearing was on this site, so she is getting £200 a month and paying of £30 a month to a catalogue for my Childs cloths.

Her husband is a drinker and they are always buying crates of Fosters to drink in the house and they both smoke. Never go away on Holiday, but always have the Money to go out for nights out when I have my daughter.

How can I make sure she is spending MY money for MY child on her?

CSA just said they don’t get involved in that, but I think it’s so unfair.

I have a court order to see my daughter however when it’s the holidays I cannot have her, i’m am going to mediation this week as going to court to get the order cost me over £4000


  • says:

    There are plenty of contributors to this site who spend money on Court Orders to find the PWC obstructing access to the child, come visiting day.Unless you go for full custody, if that is a possiblility.
    There is nothing you can do about how the maintenance is spent.
    You need to keep up to date with CSA payments.Sending extra cash to the PWC does not sound like a wise move.The only thing to do would be to buy clothes when (if) the child stays with you.
    CSA don’t do ‘fair’, are not interested in your personal plight,but they will crucify you if they think you owe them money.

  • bob says:

    Goto and post in the legal eagle section before parting with that much money on a court order XxX

  • chall says:


    Quote; “A friend told me ……”

    Obviously I don’t know you, your ex or your friend etc, but it’s not always a good idea to take a third parties word or hear say as gospel…

    Child maintenance is regular financial support that helps towards a child’s everyday living costs. It is to cover the infrastructure of the child at their main residence (clothes, food, heating etc) just as the reduction for shared care received by the NRP is to do the same when in their care.

    Does the “£200 a month” (which equates to £46pw over 52 weeks) you pay include any shared care reduction?

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

  • Thomas Hannah says:

    I have over the years paid over £8000 direct to my children,many times under the instruction of what the mother said was required for the children,The CSA say this is not maintenance only gifts,They also say the mother can spend the maintenance on what she wants,ie,Drink Drugs Smoking for herself,There is no LAW to say she has to spend on the children.All men have to be prepared to go to prison on this issue,Untill then,We might then get some one with common sense ,To stop men being abused in this country.These people are destroying society of this country,They have and are still doing,The destuction of the childrens minds, Of the way society is to be when they are older.Boys not wanting to get married and have children.Girls not wanting to have children.And then what

  • D_London says:


    I have my daughter for around 70 nights, so yes this does include the shared care reduction,

    I totatlly understand that i have to pay towards my child and so on, however when your child is not in cloths that fit her or the cheapest of the cheap then i feel i have every right to ask.

    I took my daughter shopping and spent £120 on her, we got 5 new outfits, a pair of trainers and her school uniform. So what my point is, that if she spend a qauter of my monthly money of simple thing like cloths that at least fit her and look decent i wouldnt be angry.

  • chall says:


    I completely agree, if your unhappy you should ask.
    Just not sure how privy your friend is likely to be with your ex’s catalogue arrangements or what else they may or may not spend on your daughter the rest of the month or indeed the income/expenditure of other members in the household.

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

  • Leanne jones says:

    Well you did well getting all them items for 120 pounds does sound like you are bitter I am married my husband pays for his child and we buy clothes to it is not cheap little woods is expensive for clothes if that’s the only way she can buy so be it the cost of bringing up a child is more expensive these days does your child starve sleep in a cold house and look neglected I think deep down you re grudge paying

  • D_London says:


    People like you make me sick, saying I sound bitter and I grudge paying? Can you read? I spend over £4000 in lawyers and court fees just to make sure I could see my daughter which the mum still breaks, at the moment I am going though mediation as this is cheaper but still sets me back £100 per hour, bought a holiday home by the sea costing me 17k so I could take my child out of London as she don’t really do much unless I take her anywhere. So maybe you need to think before making comments like the ones you did in your above post

    Why would you say I’m bitter? Bitter at what?

    I just want my money spent on my child; it’s not much to ask really is it? I understand that the mum needs to pay bills and so on for my Childs daily upbringing, but when my child is in cloths that don’t fit and she only has about 2 decent outfits that I have not brought, I have every right to be a little upset in the fact that my money is maybe being spent on the latest phone bill a night out, or the latest deal on a crate of Fosters.

    I don’t mind buying cloths but the fact that the Money I pay to my Child is though an agency called “THE CHILD SUPPORT AGENCY” I expect that the money should be spend on Supporting that Child, and as far as I’m concerned making sure your child is in cloths that fit should be No.1, if not then something is going on as you know yourself Leanne being a mother and all that, Cloths these days for children don’t cost the earth, we have shops like Primark and Asda that sell good children cloths at a decent cost.

  • excityboy says:

    Well said!! D_London.

    Very few people appreciate how much cost is involved in dealing with an awkward ex. £4000+ is a fortune to have to spend to get your parental rights and I commend you.

    Its about time the CSA were disbanded and a department was formed that didn’t put child care down to just pounds, shillings and pence.

    I think you’re right to be concerned and that you should ask where the money is going.

  • ruben says:

    Well said!! D_London i know exctally wha u saying going thro the same i even told her ill have my son she dont have to pay me a penny ill take full custody but no because for some women children are an income and a very profitable one i pay 52.50 a week and my son has no decent clothes all is clothe are dirty or stained but she has money to go out every weekend all he tells me he eats is mcdonalds rang csa and they told me i dont pay ill go jail i dont grudge paying i pay exactly the same for my daughter different women but she gets that money spend on her not got a problem with cause my daughter is getting her stuff with the money i give but my son is being neglected by all the services that are in place to protect our children i didnt see my boy for a year never fought for something that much in the end contact center was approved it lasted one visit cause the mum of my son couldnt be arssed going there every week wha does that show you she is evil and its all about the money she has two kids one mine one someone elses i pay for mine the other doesnt she is on benefits no rent no council tax just gas and eletricity she is on nearly 300 a week more that i get or many people in uk

  • Caring_father says:

    D_london, I wouldn’t take to heart what Leanne wrote. Some people just can’t see past their own situation. They apply what they’ve gone through, or going through, to other people’s situation. We can make the same assumption- leanne obviously spends her money on fags and beer, leaving the kids looking ragged so the caring father feels he has to buy clothes on top of CSA payments. Thus, more money.
    Went through exactly that myself. Unfortunately, my punishment from my ex extended to kids going to school with no breakfast, packed lunch or no one there for them when they got home. I tried for years to explain to the CSA that my kids were being negleted and I had no chioce but to make sure my children were fed and clothed. But to no avail. As has been said so many times on here- the CSA only extact money from one party and give to the other. Child welfare does not come into it.
    Eventually, I stopped buying and spending on my kids- like you, I knew I was only subsidising her and her boyfriends drink and drug addictions and habits. I threatened her with the social services. Her reply was: “bring it on” with a big cheesy grin.
    I decide I was fighting a losing battle. So, as of a few months ago, I am unumployed. Sounds harsh but I’ve tried everything else. £5 a week, and no treats for the kids. but no beer or drug money for her. No CSA lies.
    D_london, I’m not advocating the same but until you get tough with the ex and stop buying she’ll take advantage and expliot your love for your child. Good luck, Also wish you well Leanne. Hope you sort out your issues 😉

  • fingas says:

    Hey guys don’t know where 2 start but ill try in a nutshell; had 3 boys in the space of a year (twin boys about 10 months later!) When I was 22. We broke up when the twins was about 6 months (her choice) I feel like I was used so she could get a council house, benefits etc… Anyway I tried having contact in a mutual way which was difficult as she always put obstacles in the way then the last straw was on my eldest boys birthday when she woulnt let me see them as agreed so went soliciters etc tried mediation as she agreed so then started seeing them again when she said I could. anything for a quick fix 2 c them again a! (So over the years I’ve had them but not 2 much :() also over the years its like she poisons the kids brains and says bad stuff in earshot of them to make me look bad as they can only hear her speaking. Even though I think kids shouldn’t have 2 hear that kind of adult stuff but she loved it! And now the last time I talked on the phone my kids don’t want to know me now as the poison has kicked in! (Brainwashed) she has also had another 2 kids with some1 else who she aint with now witch upsets me more cos that was at least a full time father figure their with them! Anyway now I’ve got a 2year old with a partner I’ve been with for 8 years (planned) but when my ex got told she put a claim in for CSA for my 3boys! Now don’t get me wrong I gave everything she asked for, for my boys bikes Wiis,xmas birthdays taking them out etc… I would love 2 pay for my boys but only what I can afford I mean me and my partner work so we get no benefits like my ex does! So we have 2 pay for everything! And we are in debt with it is council tax is always our problem every year so we don’t get a lot at all! So now my 2year old with my current partner has 2 suffer really cos I can’t take her on holidays like my ex does with her benefits and now she’s getting more from the csa (me) I mean its unjust there’s no means testing on this! I can go on! All I can think ov witch is so sad and demoralising is to quit work and go on benefits which is not the example I wanted 2 show my kids but it seems Ill be just in the same boat kind ov but at least I get 2 c my kids more A! I just don’t know what else to do! I tried arguing my human rights plus my daughters when a liability was given with out any question to the CSA this country really makes the rules up as they go it seems (UK) so they are robbing peter (my daughter) to pay paul (my boys) even though they have the money required to live by law ie benifits but yet if I carry on working I won’t, ill get in debt! What are we showing future generations plus this could break up my current family with all the pressures and a change in the outlook ov our future! It needs changing if she’s working and struggling then yes have CSA which is assesed fairly on a means test of some sort! But if she’s getting everything paid for then that’s her battle Halve done before she gets out of bed plus she gets all that spare time to be with the kids! I would give up my job for that?! U know what I mean! Where is the justice!? (Sorry about the nutshell)

  • Tina says:

    Got the same thing here. I pay csa for my kids which he spends on recording equipment for himself I know he does, coz he bragging about it on social network site that my kids are on n they show me the comments.. I’m always buying my kids clothes to take back to his as i don’t like to see then looking scruffy or in shoes with holes in the soles. They go to school with crisps for pack lunch with him and are always complaining they are hungry when they come to me. Seriously think something needs to be done, but csa don’t give a shit what the pwc spends the money on…..It’s all wrong.

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