My family struggles while husband’s ex gets all of our money

January 2, 2011

Where do i start? Well im married with 2 children and a child on the way i have been with my husband for 8 years.

We had a brief break up few years ago which resulted in him getting an ex so say pregnant with his child who is now 4. I didnt have a clue about the child or that he had even been with his ex untill my now 2 year old was 4 months old, yes was indeed heartbroken, but the ex in question is extremly bitter about there break up previous to being with me, and of course went to the csa again which i didnt find out till last year when it was far to late to get the csa to do a dna test.

She blackmailed and used her son against my husband to get money from him yet she allows no contact what so ever , i still believe to this day that the child is not my husbands, so we are now going through solicitors because csa cant be botherd to help as the claim has already been worked out. I just find it unfair my children are suffering because of the amount the csa take from us every month, and wont even help us get a dna test they just say we will send you a leaflet on how to get one done

I guess thats ok if you have contact with the woman but we dont she just enjoys our money and she doesnt even work, claims disabilty and been given a car she cant even drive, while me an my husband work hard to give our children we have together the best. I live in a poxy 2 bed council flat while she lives in a 3 bed bought property, ok for some ay. We cant even buy a house because of the CSA and there ridiculous payments.

Everyone makes mistakes, we’re not perfect, but the csa seem to just take one side of the story. Sorry but useually the mothers side, id never go to the csa even if i had to id support my own children as i always have done and still do as csa take so much off my husband. It’s all wrong and should be abolished or many of there rules should be changed.

As in circumstance of the mother, why should a woman who has a one night stand and gets pregnant be allowed to claim csa and isnt even sure that the person shes claiming csa off is really the farther?

As to those who have been in relationships/marraiges for a number of years. CSA its just wrong end of. They would only care about my children if my husband left me, they only think of the pound signs, if women truely believe they are getting all the money the absent parent is paying your very very wrong !

Hence why the goverment keep the csa going as they make so much money from people and make up ridiculous debts and no one can fight them they get away with it !

Comments

  • Brokenfather says:

    Have a read of this leaflet.

    http://www.csa.gov.uk/en/PDF/leaflets/new/CSL304.pdf

    Although the CSA have the right to collect CM because it has been assessed (guilty until proved innocent) assuming he is not named as the father on the childs birth certificate they do not have the right to refuse a DNA test.

    If they continue to do so make a formal complaint and write to your MP for assistance.

  • Richard Murray says:

    boring ?? same story every day !!

  • Dolphin Keeley says:

    Good luck…Some nasty women on here will have a right go at you. I feel for you I really do…My hubbys ex gets all our 480 per mth and her benifits….I had two kids to ex. Never claimed a penny. My children. It was up to me tp pay for them. Women like that are just gold diggers. They can't move on in life that is the whole point She has two cars and 1,700 + per month…..

  • Jem Pogue says:

    Unhappy with the csa???????????????????????????come and join our protest on the 28th Feb and show your feelings to the actual child abusers !

  • Michelle Gibbard says:

    i know through my case csa have a protocol to follow on dna testing i recieved the forms a week before christmas as my daughters father isnt on the birth certificate they cant automaticly assume parentage so after 14 yrs of payments this could go ahead as he never went for the test years ago,i've been lucky i ahve a very nice woman dealing with my case who is sympathetic towards my case but also following protocol she even said she felt bad leaving this dna testing over the xmas and new yr,what u need to do is get your husband to ring csa and tell them he doesnt believe he is the father of the child they then have to inform him of the routes to take to get this done.

  • Jem Pogue says:

    Also DO NOT use the csa dna company they cannot be trusted, use one of your own that is recognised by the courts !

  • Dolphin Keeley says:

    Michelle sorry they do not want to know. It has took us years to prove my husband is not the 16 year olds father. They don't help you at all. They make my family me husband and children pay for this child that is not my husbands. We are at court again in Jan. And we have the DNA test proff this time.

  • Karl Shaw says:

    Well im sorry but im paying for my ex and her husband to sit on there ass, while me and my son suffer with no money, she has one child n i got the other n ive got to pay the most, n why can't you trust the csa dna?

  • Jem Pogue says:

    Because most of the major share holders in this company are GOVERNMENT MINISTERS check it out !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Karl Shaw says:

    ok Jem so what your saying is that a dna test that i have taken could be wrong, n if so Why would they lie on a dna test?

  • Dolphin Keeley says:

    They do lie. They are evil people putting children and even babys on the street. The give info to PWC so they can use it to batter you with….Never trust the CSA get everything in writeing. And never lose your paper work.

  • Jem Pogue says:

    Karl because the very people who make money out of this sham own the company ! Wouldn't it be in there interests to ensure most tests are positive ?

  • Dolphin Keeley says:

    If you are not sure the test is right. Get your own on line 15 pounds it is. The courts will not except it. But then if that comes back as NOT CHILD. Then you can go to cellmark. Courts do except that one. And never ring them. They lie and then say you never rang…I will not allow them to have our number now. They have to write to us. Or it is tuff…

  • Jem Pogue says:

    ALL correspondance with me has to be in writing and has been that way for the last 10 years because they are liars.

  • Karl Shaw says:

    thank you very much for that jem n dolphin

  • Vic says:

    The injustice you feel is valid. Don’t forget that you will be paying for her disability benefits on top of your CSA payments through Tax and NI and supporting the benefits of both the Parent With Care and the Non Resident Parent who both live on benefits via Income Tax as well. It is so unjust it beggars belief. You and your hubby MUST join the CSAHell facebook campaign and encourage others to as well. Attend protests, complain to your MP, make a fuss. It is a disgusting agency that behaves like a police state.

  • Michelle Gibbard says:

    thanks for the responses,i know for a fact my childs his just he decides he wants to play games and hold back on the assessment being done,the csa have been trying to contact him recently to sort this matter out and low and behold he wont reply and be helpful he's just trying to be ignorant.I would love to know how someone can leave having a dna test done for 14 yrs get into major arrears by running from job to job then pay up and pay his debt and monthly maintenance then decide just because its been forced to the new system he doesnt think hes the father,how does he think it feels telling a 14 yr old oh btw you might have to have a dna test 5 days before xmas day goes beyond me he knows im not a liar and not a money grabber

  • Pauline Brown says:

    Sorry to hear of your situation but the CSA would of offered your husband a test at the intial opening of your case? So the fact your husband kept it a secret can you really trust your husband to tell you the truth or is it better to paint the other woman as a monster, to appease you? Us women require some common sense when it comes to a man covering his tracks. Maybe she is bitter because he denied his son by not co-operating with the CSA as he had everything to lose in his family and you. Just a different perspective x

  • Pauline Brown says:

    Based on his secrecy, the CSA have presumed your husband as the father and incited his ex to more anger( sorry), but obviously she is hurt at his conduct, maybe she did not even know about you when they got together long ago and she has been kept in the dark just like you? A one night stand? i find that hard to believe if he told you that, then you are gullible and are allowing this. Your husband had a relationship not a one night stand and did not tell her about you or if he did, he lied to her as well setting you both against each other so in case you are still fighting and he gets away clean as the focus of you will always be on her and not on the real culprit HIM. Let him deal with the CSA as he put his family ( you and your children) in this mess inthe first place. If he was preapred to have unprotected sex and a relationship with her, then he has made his bed and now you share it with him. Deal with it!

  • Pauline Brown says:

    One more question, why are you on CSA.HELL and not your husband asking for advice? Hmmmmm Boy oh boy there is a book called WHY DOES HE DO THAT? Look it up on Amazon and as a relate counseller your husband sounds like a classic case and Michelle, yours too, what an asshole! Michelle, do what you have too and to the men who complain, what happened to a condom and sex education? Do you always leave the women that you are with to take responsibilty for YOUR ACTIONS? Are you not men? Or are you still a bunch of boys still not out of the diaper stage? Are you victims of your own INaction to take control over your lives. Their are gullible women out there who will buy this as they believe they have to fight to keep their men and who will buy anything that is said to win. Men like these ones tap into womens psychi and we fall for it. lllllllllllllllllllllllllllmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooooooooooo

  • Karen B says:

    I have a lot of sympathy for you, as I dont like these type of ‘mothers’ who I call Benefit Baby Makers – have kids to stay on benefits and not work. As Im currently having to support one of these ‘things’ through my taxes, whilst I was a PWC single mother, working to support my two children whilst my ex (their father NRP) has and always has led a great lifestyle, whilst lying and committing fraud, yes he is self employed in the building trade – so that he doesnt have to support his children. Its people like him and people like the BBM Im supporting – who my ex isnt with anymore – was only for a short time after I left him – that make me so sick.

    We need to join together all the parents who have been wronged, whether mother/father/pwc/nrp to stop this and get justice for our children, who are the ultimate losers in all this.

  • Dolphin Keeley says:

    If you want to know how to get your payments dropped inbox me…Our friend has got his dropped from 389 per month to 60 pounds per month..Takes time but it can be done….

  • Michelle Gibbard says:

    well my childs father has been given a second chance but on the new rules,they offered the dna test in the very begining he couldnt be bothered then he's been advised to have it done and i'm not holding my breath he will do it,come on 14 yrs down the line paying a load of money to a child that you think isnt yours he must have a screw lose cos i sure wouldnt have

  • Pauline Brown says:

    Exactly Michelle, he will pay the money as he knows. His INaction has caused the mighty hole he dug for himself! One word EMU for your ex and he would rather pay the money than be there for his son. Foolish

  • Craig Bulman says:

    @ Pauline regarding your comment"" what happened to a condom and sex education? Do you always leave the women that you are with to take responsibilty for YOUR ACTIONS? Are you not men? Or are you still a bunch of boys still not out of the diaper stage?""I was married to this bitch who asked if we could have children – I said NO – very clearly and very easy to understand – it was a very positive NO.A few months later she comes trotting down the stairs all smiles and tells me that she was pregnant. She wondered why I called her a fucking arshole. In a marriage it is all about trust yes??? and when you have had a discussion and made an agreement you do not expect this sort of thing to happen do you again it is that thing called trust!!!. Bearing in mind she was on the pill and had come off it without me knowing otherwise I would have worn a condom failing that up the backeye

  • Pauline Brown says:

    But in your case Craig, i can understand as a man it would be expected for your ex to be honest and take care of the stuff that is not really mens stuff anyway.Yes Craig but pills are not fulll proof and are only 90% or something like that effective, so a condom if YOU did not want children was a must to be fair. You are still responsible Craig to do your research and find these things out. WWW ( WORLD WIDE WEB OR EVEN YOUR DOCTOR COULD TELL YOU THAT) Men must educate themselves as well in some aspect of this. What happened out of curiousity? Do you see the child after all of this? If i am being too intrusive by all means please tell me so. Thanks for sharing

  • Craig Bulman says:

    Hi Pauline – I know that the pill is not 100% I am very aware of that and at the time the tinternet had not been out that long. She actually stopped taking contraception without telling me even though I made it very very very clear that I did not want a child – but yet she still went a head. Once my daughter came a long she neglected her it is a very very long story. she had me arrested for assault when It was me being assaulted by her then when we split she made a false rape allegation which dated back to a date when I was arrested for assault. I have not seen my daughter since 2001 she has made it very clear that she will not let me see my daughter. And has tried to have her adopted without my consent – this can be done if she tells the authorities that I was violent, so I am in the process of finding this out. she really is a nasty and vile piece of work. As I have mentioned I do not mind paying for my children but it has to be a sensible amount so I can have a life too. I may have to give up my job because the CSA are going to set up a DEO and take £816 per month even though I have been paying every month and never missed a payment, My daughter would never see a penny of this money as the lunatic would spend it on cigarettes and drugs.

  • Dolphin Keeley says:

    Pauline can I just ask nicely. How can the father paid CSA when after his out goings he has no money…This is why fathers kill themselfs. They have no money left after paying the CSA. It should be they look at the fathers out goings and see what he has left and take a little of that to go to the first child. Why put a father out on the streets and sometimes new family too…They have all taken away. Also they the CSA allow 7 pounds a week leave from payments for a few children. Why does the 2nd child or 3rd ect cost less then child one?

  • Craig Bulman says:

    The pill works better when taking it than not taking it

  • Dolphin Keeley says:

    My niece got preg on the pill with her last twins…Silly girl has 5 kids now…She is wed..But never wanted anymore..After 3….

  • Craig Bulman says:

    still best to take than to stop – my ex did it on purpose evil bitch. She neglected my daughter and broke her arm and now uses the poor child to extract money from the benefit system – the child should be taken from her as she was an incompetent parent and still is. It would seem that the CSA do not care about the child it is just about taking money so it pays their bonus – if the CSA was actually about ensuring the child was provided for then the PWC should be given a coupon book that way they would not be spending the money on themselves the coupons would ensure that the child got fed and clothed. the amount the CSA take is un realistic as if the both parents were still together the money would still not come to the amount that they take.

  • Dolphin Keeley says:

    Craig that is well said. And a coupon book is a very good ida….Then the PWC have to use this on the child….And not just feather their banks…

  • Pauline Brown says:

    Craig, that sounds awful and i am so sorry you and your precious little girl is experiencing this and i almost cried reading this, bad parents full stop sicken me. If she does not want your daughter, give you the child and at least the love can come from the other half of this precious little girl………….YOU, will pray and send plenty of light and love your way! So sorry

  • Pauline Brown says:

    Dolphin i see your point, the CSA has to work for all involved, crippling a man and his new family defeats the purpose. Every1 involved must have a decent quality of life. Something to reflect on and brain storm on and many thanks:)

  • Craig Bulman says:

    Hi Pauline, thank you for your concern – oh she does want my daughter but only as leverage and a cash cow. Considering she wanted to have the child she did not want to take care of her she was too damn lazy – I would come in from work for breakfast and change her and feed her – come lunch time the lazy bitch was still in bed and Poppy was in her cot still as I said she uses the child to get benefits and to ensure I get crippled financially. I am a big believer in Karma and what goes around comes around – I would not like to be Tammy Carlson when she has to pay all of that bad energy back

  • Craig Bulman says:

    If there is anyone who works for the CSA on here reading this post how can you possibly say that you are there for the child when you let a PWC behave in this way??? you encourage this sort of grotesque behavior and give scum like Tammy Carlson Dean money when she should have the child taken from her. How can you animals sleep at night!!!

  • Craig Bulman says:

    Time to name and shame these grotesque women who pull stunts like this – I have had enough of the system working in their favor

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