My CSA files are higher than my ironing pile!

I divorced in 2006. My ex was a very controlling man to such an extent that there was a crown court trial at the end of the marriage after his last assault on me. He was found found not guilty through lack of evidence but he and I both know the truth!.

His last promise to me was that if I went through with leaving him he would have both the children and do everything in his power to destroy the business I had started in 2001. Well he was true to his word. The divorce almost wiped out the business which went into a CVA . I went into an IVA after the court decided I should pay off the loans which were in his name but I do concede we both had the benefit of them.I also had to pay him 10k and the house was ordered to be sold.

Thye said it was because I appeared to be more resourceful. I did get a clean break so I didn’t think it was too bad. I worked to turn the business around and I’m no Alan Sugar but it made a livable wage. My ex began a character assassination on the me to the poor children, moved back to the village were we lived even renting a property that backed on to the house where I lived so I moved out. The joint residence order in respect of the children broke down due to my ex convincing them that it wasn’t good for them and manipulated them into living with him. It worked with my oldest son and I ended up with regular contact only.

The younger one was affected so badly by his father’s behaviour that I took him to child couselling. I was advised to let them find their own way back to me and they would in time come to realise what their dad was. At no point have I ever discredired their father to them so all the things he told them about me went undefended.

My youngest son is now very close to me and he has a very clear understanding now that his Father is not a good man. He always wanted to live with me but every time he did his dad would harrass and pressurise him even refusing to give him his belongings and making him feel so guilty he would go back to him.

I was so distraught about the damage being done to him that I contacted social services. There has been a marked improvement thanks to my son being brave enough to speak up at the CAF meeting in front of his dad. We now have shared access and with the continued support of SS my ex won’t dare to mess about with it. He has all the usual traits of a control freak and cowardly is one of them. He has made untold amounts of calls to the CSA to extract money from me despite the fact that I have given the boys everything they need over the years from music lessons to holidays. I have had to make CSA payments in addition as they take none of the unofficial stuff into account.

I have told them that I am still paying off the joint debt at £350 per month but that doesent count either. I have offered him a private arrangement but he refused as he chooses to use the CSA as a means of revenge. My youngest has on average lived with me for aroung half the time from the date we split up but he has the child benefit book (back to the original court order )so I’m told I’m liable for the lot. I had a call from them the other day saying I owe £15.000. This was the first I had heard from the CSA since last summer.

How can these people be allowed to conduct themdselves like this ? They sterotype everyone as unwilling and uncaring parents.He contacts the CSA if he gets the slightest hint I’m spending anything. I have just shelled out to take the boys to Tenerife next week with a little help from my Mum and sister and here we go again ! Who suffers when I have to tell them I can’t get them extra’s because this person is alowed to use an authority as a means of revenge ?

I applied for my files last year from the CSA and it’s higher than my ironing pile. So much confusion and figures being plucked from the air. I don’t owe anything, not a penny. I’ve met all my responsibilities to my kids and some, so where is the authority that seeks fairness for those being harrassed and driven to all sorts. There are always two sides and it’s about time the government recognised this and created a body for fair and proper appeal that does take into account individual cases.

Thanks for reading this, it does help to get the sheer frustration and anger out there.