Mothers pay the Child Support Agency too

October 28, 2011

I split from my husband over 3 years ago and for a time the children lived with me. I never asked for any money from him as he was still living in the house and as far as I knew (he had told me) he was paying the mortgage. He continued to tell me how skint he was and couldn’t afford this and that. He insisted that I didn’t move out of the village we livid in as he wanted to see as much of the children as he could. Fair enough I thought as he is the father and loves them just as much as I do. My daughter ended up moving in with her dad as we had an argument and I called her bluff after her threatening to move back in with her dad. This is where things started to go wrong. I had to down size as I could not get the help for the house I was staying in and my wage would not cover what was the short fall. (I did everything the government expected me to.

I was a working mum and declared everything they asked of me). In the end I moved to a smaller place with my son. My daughter decided that she wanted to spend more time with us again and she did. This did not go down well with her dad and again I continued to support her with my wage and benefits that I was getting for my son and I. Her dad didn’t offer any support towards this. He started to get more abusive towards me and making my life very difficult again. He was doing this in front of my son but not my daughter as she would have seen his true colours. I started a new relationship and I was given the chance to move to another village not so far away but far enough.

My son said he wanted to stay with his dad as all his friends lived in that area and he a tended school there. My husband took this opportunity to to tell the children that I had abandoned them and kicked them out and that I was a very bad person/mother. As soon as the children were both with him on a perm ant basis he made it impossible for me to have contact with the children as he totally convinced them that I did not love them or want anything to do with them. He then almost immediately contacted the CSA who I was very co-operative with, giving them all information that they required and need to work out his claim.

It came to light this year that for almost 3 years on and off he hasn’t been paying the mortgage and we now have a shared debt of over £15000 arrears. He has played me for a first class fool and I believed him for the sake of my children. One thing that has come to light with me is that the CSA do not care about the NRP and they don’t care if you are not allowed access or are unable to see the children due to the RP’s behaviour. It all needs re-looking at and sorting, I am so surprised there isn’t more deaths due to the way NRP’s are treated I have felt so low and my life has got to the point where my debt from when I was him and other debt that I have gained from the situation he left me in makes me wonder if life is worth living.

I am barley getting by and now my relationship with my present partner is on the rocks due to all the stress that I am under with it all.

If nothing else please remember that mums suffer what a lot of dads do to and we are not all money grabbing selfish people just as lots of dads aren’t either but it does happen xx


  • Mick says:

    Your story isnt too disimilar to my own. Your ex is spiting you because you dared to move on with your life just like mine did. I felt exactly the same as you do now, only it was 6 years ago it happened to me. No matter how despondent you may feel. Keep living your life. I know its hard. Its either that or go under. Even now i could quite happily go and throttle my ex with my bare hands for the damage she has caused along with the heart break and pain she has caused me. I have lost my only child for good, such was the poison my ex fed my daughter about me. Obviously i havent done it, but i do understand how you feel, believe me. NRPs do sadly get the shit end of the stick in this country, especially the law abiding hard working ones. All i will say is, it will get easier one day. Chin up ok. If you got a good man with you now, dont let whats happening outside your relationship ruin what you have now. If you do, you will truly have nothing then. Dont give your ex the satisfaction of letting him ruin your relationship on top of everything else he has done to you. At least you got someone in your life to be your rock who you can share your burden with. Better than nothing!

  • zeta says:

    Thanks Mick that really helped. i am so sorry you have been through similar. It helps to know I am not the only one. Thank you.

  • sean armishaw says:

    Dont believe all you read, think you may find this situation is quite different than its been told, yes i got behind on a joint mortgage that only i was paying when legally we should have been paying half each, both my children live with me and even though there mum only lives 5 miles away she doesnt see or speak to either of them, says a lot to me

  • zip says:

    Yeah it is funny how you can’t admit to the truth. think back to what you did? funny how all the agencies that I have sort to help me see my children you have suddenly stopped the children seeing them.
    I am not getting into an argument on here you can do that to my face.
    Your a nasty vile man.

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