Me and my partner are paying for our ex’s lifestyles

July 15, 2009

My situation is a bit different. First of all I’m an American woman about 30 who came to England 7 years ago with my husband who is English. He’s always been one of those ppl who likes to sponge off others and avoid working. So I gave him a year here to turn it around or I would leave him and I did. I left with nearly no money, stayed in a pub and worked there for about 6 mths until I saved enough to move into a better place. Our original agreement was to share custody once I was settled. HOWEVER, oh wait I have to explin one more thing. Ok so this is a bit strange but we had a friend, CJ, from school who I met up with again and we ended up getting together while I was separated and still are together. CJ had a baby (he’s 10 now)with my ex’s girlfriend from school, Jenny, but they were never really a couple. THEN about 9 months after I left my exhusband, my exhusband gets with Jenny. SO My ex and Jenny have custody of both of our boys. got it?

So anyways when I’m finally settled my exhusband gets really angry about CJ and me being together and refuses to share custody. We both get solicitors and since it’s been 8 months since I left my exhusband, he declares that I abandoned my son even though we had an agreement! So I have to fight for visitation (we now only see the boys 2 weekends a month) AND we both have to pay them child support which amounts to nearly £400.

I think this is a bit excessive. In my opinion I think if you decide to have custody, and give the other parent no option, then you should take the responsilibility yourself (and the other parent can contribute as they like). Also if you remarry, is it not a bit undignified to be expecting money? I know if I married CJ and we had custody of the boys I wouldn’t expect my exhusband or Jenny to contribute. We are adults and can take care of our own kids. Anything they want to give would be fine or they could set up an account for when they go to Uni but I wouldn’t demand child support. AND I would think way less of CJ if expected it from Jenny.

This is the part that I really hate though… my exhusband and Jenny collect benefits for all 3 children they now have. My exhusband DOESN’T work at all, he collects on the dole, and she has a part-time job. They live in a REALLY NICE BIG council house outside town, beautiful house, and they pay like £350 in rent + NO COUNCIL TAX! Plus tax credits! They always take 2-3 holidays in the summer (France, Italy, Centerparcs, festivals etc WITH the kids) For eg. this summer they took the kids to Download, that’s £450 just in tickets alone! They have everything they want, 4 computers, 2 xbox, playstation 3, Wii, tons of games and now they are thinking of getting an Audi sportscar 😛

CJ and me struggle to make ends meet. We have about £3000 in loan debt, the payments are low. We live in a small 2-bedroom but still pay about £650. Have one car to share. Pay insurance and council tax. Have jobs so no claiming dole payments. We go out about once a month. OH yes and I’m also paying $400 a month in credit card debt that my exhusband racked up in the States behind my back. He wll never go back to the States so he doesn’t care if his credit gets ruined so I have to pay since the cards our in both our names, and no court in this country or in the States can make him pay now that he lives here.

So basically I left my husband because I was tired of supporting him and now that I left, I still have support him!

I wish I had known what I know now. Would have divorced him in the States so I would have parental rights.

Seriously though, I was too young to give it consideration before I left my husband. But now I’m in this mess I know what you guys are feelin. Yes I think you should WANT to support your kids, they are your kids after all and you love them. But I do think if a mother claims sole custody and gives their father no chance to share custody then they should be fair in what they need and they should have jobs themselves! And if they remarry they should say, my new husband is man enough to take care of us and any money that my child’s father wants to provide is fine but maybe use that money to make the kids happy when they visit him or save it for when they grow up.

But women (and men) get away with collecting benefits, living in council houses and getting out of paying taxes while their ex’s are obligated to still pay them their hard earned money. And when you work hard at work and get a raise, guess who also gets a raise? 🙂

For a lot of women child support is a big bonus every month which they got for doing nothing. THAT is just not right.


3 Responses to “Me and my partner are paying for our ex’s lifestyles”

  1. kerry on February 25th, 2010 11:45 am

    I truely agree with you. x

  2. ali on March 18th, 2010 7:41 pm

    i have one for you i left my ex over 9 years ago.didnt get any money off him untill he got a job yeah you say thats good thats what i thought.untill i read the letter that i see he lives with his new girlfriend and there 3 kids (yes the kids are his) .on the letter it said that i would be getting £20 aweek as he had other children to pay i thought oh they must have split up..but then i found out that they were still very much together his girlfriend was exspection there 3th child…i could not believe it she was claiming for kids that he lived with
    i had never stopped him seening our daughter he just stopped id never asked him for a thing im a single mam with 2 daughters and i now work 30hours aweek i did work 16 hours but just couldnt manage on that
    it just makes me so angree that ppl would do something like that now i know how they can have a holiday every year because they get everything given to them
    a holiday whats one of them me and my daughters have had to holidays in the past 9years i dont even have a car and i live in a 2 bedhouse my ex has a car and a 3 bedhouse

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