Lost my wife, children, job and now my will to live

July 5, 2012

My ex and i were together for 23 years. 15 of them we lived as man&wife. After i got made redundant my wife said she wanted to work full time. This we did and i looked after our 3 children. About a year later she told me she was haveing an affair and was moving 200 miles away with our children and her boyfriend. I was devestated but accepted it and made the 200 mile round trip to see our children once a month. After a year she told me she was moveing 120 miles further away. I still saw our children monthly.

During a phone call to my son her boyfriend came on the phone and told me not to ring them again as they were his children now. I found a job and payed £300 per mth to the csa. I recieved a letter from my children saying that they had a new life now and i should do the same. I was destroyed and attempted to end my life. I lost my job after beeing on the sick for 7 mths with depresion. I now work part time and take home £700 and the csa take £180 leaving me next to nothing to live on. I am now eating jam sandwiches every other day and biscuits in between.

I am in very low mood again and dont know what the future holds for me. It is bad enough trying to cope with losing my family but now i live in poverty.

How is this fair?


  • Alice says:

    One day when the children are old enough they WILL come looking for you.At the moment the PWC and the boyfriend will be making it very hard for the children to see you.Because of the distance involved your children will most probably have to wait till their old enough to make up their own minds.I dont think for one moment that your children do not think about you daily.It is a hard time you are going through but it will get better ,what goes around comes around and hopefully when the children do get in touch you might find that the letter you received wasnt actually wrote by them .CM finishes at 19 or when they have full time work ,so depending on the age of your children it might not be to long in the future before you start seeing them again.I have now stopped CM after 22 years (2 families) and I am finally seeing a light at the end of a very long tunnel.

  • chall says:


    How old are your children?

    Is your case on current rules for the CSA ie 25% of your income for 3 children?

    Based on your income at around £162 pw, you should be paying a reduced amount as your income isn’t over £200 pw , of approx £33 pw.
    Are there arrears on your case?

    It may be worth checking to see if you qualify for any help/benefits, follow the link http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

    chall ~ afairercsaforall

  • KMcQ80 says:

    Martin, what an appalling situation you find yourself in and none of it of your making.
    I agree with the previous post that when your children get older and have minds of their own they will want a relationship with their real Dad and will see their mother’s relationship (if it lasts that long) in a different light.

    Meanwhile I suggest you make contacted with like minded fathers in the similar situation to yourself.
    This will help to put your satiation is prospective and give you the help and support you deserve
    Don’t suffer this injustice alone!.

    Anyone know of any such groups for fathers?

  • Anthony Tovey says:

    This is to the Father who lost everything ;or so he seems. Sir, I have witnessed this sort of thing many times and I do feel sorry for the men who have their kids taken away from them.Your ex is using your kids as a weapon and one day they will look for you and hopefully you’ll be strong and alive to see them. Once they really find out hat happened who do you think they will reject even after so many years. They will possibly be lied to, and other matters by her present partner. On the “safe side” of things, you cannot be blamed for hitting your kids, so social services can’t accuse you of anything but while i’m talking about social services, perhaps it might pay you to contact them to find out how your kids are coping then boot yourself back into ACTION (overdrive) to try and get your kids back. don’t blame yourself for what she and he has done. There are of course groups such as MANKIND, DADS AFTER DIVORCE, FAMILIES NEEDS FATHERS -F.N.F. and if they are still operating the United Kingdom Men’s Movement -U.K.M.M. I despise any parent who uses their kids as an “emotional punchbag” to get to the other parent. It is CHILD ABUSE ! I don’t see my Daughter but this of my personal choice but i’m also not the one who has possibly been hitting her, and mistreating her over her lifetime. One day she might read my comments and realize I wanted to see her when she has had enough of me being slagged down, threatened with knives and windows smashed etc. I pay C.S.A., and I’ve done a DNA for an “entrapment case” neither wants to see ;or know of each other and it is no great loss to either.

  • KMcQ80 says:

    I hope the media pick up on this sad story.
    I, for one am, sick and tired of the way fathers are portrayed in the media and how mothers are victims.

    God bless you Martin and be lucky – you deserve it.

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