Living in poverty because ex refuses to pay CSA

44 thoughts on “Living in poverty because ex refuses to pay CSA”

1. More like you are living in poverty because the CSA has failed in it's task..yet again.

2. Yet another bitter and twisted PWC. Ho Ho Ho. LOL.

3. Unfortunately it's because it's easier than doing their job properly. I mean chasing, investigating and tracking down parents who have never paid a penny in support would be "work" and that would just be too hard!

4. The very fathers the Csa was set up to go after it has completely chosen to ignore. It only goes after and persecutes the fathers who do care for their children and provide for them. Net result they are unable to provide for them, and the Csa keeps the money denying the very children it's supposed to be supporting. As this is an 8 year old case, have you been on benefit during this time or have you been working? And, have you lodged complaints, or been to see your MP? If not, do it now! I'm sure your MP would appreciate a visit from you during the Christmas/New Year period. If you can't get an appointment, do a letter, as you've done above, and hand deliver to his constituency office. Margaret Thatcher created it, Blair just played with and pretended he was doing changes, and maybe, just maybe, the Coalition will shut it down.

5. Bitter and twisted?? Are u for real!! This woman has brought these children up with no physical, emotional or financial support from the man that fathered them. She has every right to want his balls on a plate.

6. Mark, cut it. Yes we all hate it! And we've suffered, but so have many of the mothers. And why, because the Csa are so incompetent, or the more I find out, the more I believe the staff have deliberately left the cases that look a bit difficult and have falsely upped the amount due in order to increase their pay and bonuses.

7. I am in the same situation…my son who is 9 just after Xmas hasn't recieved a penny of his fatherr and doesnt even see him….he thinks he shouldn't have to pay for him along with his 5 other kids he dont see by other women too!!! The BASTARD should be castrated!!

8. Well csa put me outa work as i couldnt manage that with other debts i just managed to meet. Firstly u hav to be there for your kids, and pay only wat u can afford. But csa tak so much that u cant afford to treat them ect when its your time with them. Not payin anything and havin nothing to do with 3 kids to same mother is shocking to say the least. Csa needs to change n so does rest of britain.

9. Peter,As you are a senior member on here with all due respect i am sorry ok !!! My point is that nearly ALL men are tared with the same brush and i get sick to the back teeth of reading stories about " the opposite sex who have been hard done by " when i have gone tooth and nail for my boys only to get have been kicked in the nuts for the last 10 years. Yes she is an evil bitch, but that i just my side. I respect the fact that there are two sides to every story and i havn't even told mine yet !!!

10. No need to tar this PWC with the same brush then is there Mark? believe me, I see both sides as a PWC and an NRPW..NRPs like in the posters case are getting away with it because the CSA allow it..many more would do it if they could too, wouldn't they?My guess is that the git is probably self employed..plus I have no compassion for anyone who chooses not to be in their child/rens lives. End of.

11. Well said Lorraine ;0)

12. The problem is where the PWC gets twisted up about the NRP, all issues about the childrens emotional needs seem to disappear…The children will notice this… let the children decide when they are old enough… It doesnt help when twisted up with revenge upon the absent irresponsible parent who doesnt want to acknowledge the child/children…..Just focus on the raising of the children as the CSA are way too incompetent… Is he even still alive or in the ountry??? Do you know where he is?????Have the CSA even located him????

13. Quite agree, many of them do do it deliberately, the spiteful ones! But there's also the mothers out there who want the fathers to see their children but they have chosen to go and do a disappearing trick. With the current legal system and the Csa in this country, I would advise any father with prospects to go get on a plane and start a new life. But I couldn't do that to my own children. And there's also the fathers who just go round screwing getting many different girls pregnant, just as there are mothers who have many children by any man that just happens to be passing. And, there are some mothers who just didn't realise that as they were on benefit going to the Csa was just making their children worse off. Because, not going to the Csa meant they would have kept both the maintenance and their benefit.

14. Well said Allan. AGAIN !!!

15. Well said Peter. AGAIN !!!

16. Do you work?

    Do you support your children?

17. I agree, private agreement with such "fathers" does not work simply because they do their very best to avoid payments, they are even willing to undertake illegal cash-in-hand jobs. Shame on them! They know how to have sex and create children but when the woman gets pregnant, they buggar off.And I know the poverty side of the story very well.

18. Such male individuals are just sperm donors in my eye, they do not deserve to be called a "father".

19. And in many cases, those fathers don't even know that they are a father because the mother never even bothered to tell them she was pregnant. The first they know is years later when contact is made by their son/daughter or the Csa. My friend Brian found he had a daughter he didn't know about in his 60's. And she discovered then that she had two sisters. And my step-son found he had a son when saw the picture of mother and son in the local paper in the baby of the year competition and realised he'd been going out with 9 months before the birth. Now my grandson is round here most weekends.

20. This is indeed is a sad story IF TRUE ??? However my question is if its been so long waiting for the csa and the father why hasnt the PWC got a good job and worked out of poverty. Its easy to blame others for your misfortune but sooner or later you will have to focus on your children and what you will do to improve your family life. Rather than rely on a handout. Get a grip and focus on the real issue your children.

21. Allan, its a mothers and fathers natural maternal instinct to love and protect their child, for most of us anyway. When a father, or mother, abandons that child it is very hard not to feel bitter towards them, the PWC is the one left having to deal with the emotional backlash from the child, has to answer the questions and has to deal with the childs hurt and anger, and when I look at my beautiful little girl I ask myself how he could not want to be part of her life, I couldn't imagine a day without her never mind forever. Its not about them leaving the marriage, I'm quite sure that when we all look back we thank the lord we are no longer in that relationship, its about them turning their backs on their children, children we love so passionately we cannot comprehend how they can act as though they never existed. We can all go off and have more husbands, wives and children but the children left behind will only ever have one mother and one father. And what about these NRPs provision for their childrens emotional needs? Are they not equally guilty of dismissing these?? I know you see your children and provide for them so these comments are not aimed at you directly but a response to your post in general.And to Bish, again, what about the father focusing on the real issue?? They are his children as well. The cost of living has increased so much over the past few years it is almost impossible to get out of the poverty trap, regardless of how hard you work. And why shouldn't she blame him?? If he made a contribution to the childrens upbringing in any way it would take the pressure off. Allan has his children on a shared care basis and provides them with clothing etc, he doesn't feel it appropriate to directly hand cash over to his ex but still contributes to his childrens needs. Both parents were equally involved in the creation of these lives, if you don't want the emotional, physical or financial responsibility of children, don't put yourself in a position where you might end up with one. If you have unprotected sex then be prepared to face the 18 years of consequences!!

22. Bish, how do you know the poster doesn't have a job? are you assuming she is on benefits? because believe me, I know many a PWC who struggle just as much (if not more) when they do have a job.I think the biggest issue here is the fact that t…he CSA haven't done their job, yet again at taxpayers expense..and the fact that the father is a real deadbeat dad..the ONE CASE the CSA should be bloody dealing with..not folk like Allan, my husband, and countless others who constantly provide.I have no doubt this story is true. And neither does Lisa Hunter, I bet 😉

23. there are PWC's who are prepared after the split to inform the NRP that the child is not his…. months down the road and suddenly bang,, CSA comment … you owe..£***,** arrears etc…. but the NRP was informed the child was not theirs….. that is where I comment about twisted veangfull PWC's…… twisted enough to confuse and aggravate the NRP…. I dont see my other 3 children….. 1 I have no idea of the whereabouts and 2 who I manage to send B/day & Xmas presents and cards, the presents are always vouchers for either Toys R Us or ELC. My eldest I have shared care and luckily the PWC is getting to be more reasonable… there are other issues behind this and relating to issues of history where assumption was I would return but certain issues in life have taken control….. but luckily there isnt the same problem that existed within the past 6 years anymore, just the CSA epecting me to make overpayments, that is being dealt with…There is no point in keeping personal problems or issues involved as the children are likely to be affected… this is where I comment that there are personal vendettas by PWC to NRP that should not exist or should ever have been thought of…Again there are issues where NRP never knew about the child being a result of the interaction between BOTH parents that result in pregnancy, the fault is usually considered by the PWC as the NRP's fault for getting them pregnant… the PWC often tends to treat the child as a possession instead of allowing the child to have the parents as their possessions…. the PWC should allow the child to have the NRP in their lives…I personally wish that PWC's could find a way to not allow the seperation to affect the children's contact with NRP and allow NRP to continue their responsibilities as a Parent… however! often the PWC is focused on revenge and in no way is this good for the emotional and financial welfare of the child…

24. lorraine thanks for your comment, but if you read the posters comments carefully, she blames others for the mis-fortune she has, which may be true. What she has to realise and my point is for her to move on and be self reliant and focus on what really mattters in her life.We all know that the csa hasnt worked for either the pwc or nrp.

25. To be fair the same could be said for some NRPs, Allan.A lot of the time they don't wish to see the children in order to keep their finances intact, or even worse..because they don't want a relationship with the childs mother.It's a lose/lose situation.

26. As for Lisa, well we all know her thoughts and responses to my opinions and comments, oddly enough Lisa still has never produced evidence in support of her accusations she directed to myself personally in reference to my efforts and responsibilities towards the financial and emotional welfare of my children with heraccusations in reference to my activities with my ex where she alleges that I cheated on my partner while my child was 4 weeks old…In reference to that issue….. she is not entitled to make comment or pass judgement as she is not an ex.. although it appears she may wish I was so that she could continue her own personal vendettas with NRP issues…However! none of her comments have been supportive to NRP but appear within personal issues of greed, selfishness and vengeance against NRP's aswell as her own NRP!!!! this is probably why she felt the need to enter conflict with myself on numerous occasions, I have had the pleasure of her blocking me though. I wonder why……. ROFLMAO!!!!!

27. I have read it carefully Bish.Nowhere does she mention she doesn't work (she may not, but I'm not assuming) all she is saying that the father hasn't done is rightful duty in caring for their children either financially or emotionally.Plus, …the CSA haven't done their job in at least making the guy step up to at least one of those commitments.Nowhere does it state that she isn't self reliant..that certainly doesn't mean she isn't struggling!I don't see what is wrong in her complaints at all.

28. Maybe she was cheated on by her ex… but there was no need for her to take her level of making allegations, she is the type who will tell everyone and anyone that she is the victim…. really if there is a victim in these cases…. surely it would be the child????

29. I don't see her saying she is a victim either..she states ''My children have been living in partial poverty''With only one parent doing all the providing, it isn't surprising either.I have stated many a time, I am for the children. Not the NRP, PWC or NRPP. ALL children. I won't be led into an anti-PWC rant which seems to surface every time a PWC comes and states they have received no money.I find that strange, considering the amount of NRPs on here who are being fleeced left, right & centre. it doesn't add up does it?

30. the truth is that it doesent really matter if ur a PWC or aNRP..i pay my CSA every month RELIGIOUSLY and have done for the past ten yrs only to get persicuted by them cause of the knobs heads that dont pay..which brings me to my partner..she placed a claim ten yrs ago only to find out that he had evaided them (i think he went to ireland)..however we seen him when we took her special needs daughter to a friends birthday party at a local wacky warehouse last yr so my partner contacted the csa and informed them he was back in the country only to learn they had REMOVED her case from the system and he has been paying for 2 YRS for another child..i mean what the hell! isnt that the fundamental foundation of the csa system? however we are trying to fight for the outstanding financial support he owes and also we are still waiting for financial support even now..i mean how bloody long does it take..they are a pack of in-apt fools and if i were that bad at my job i would be sacked no two ways about it..my point is that everyone gets shafted by the csa and all it does is keeps idiots in a job at our exspense..how the bloody hell have they supported my children i cant even see mine because i cant afford to go to court to activate my FOURTH court order..and then on the other hand my partners case they have him and hes not paying..i know every one has a story and just about everyone has been screwed by the csa but it is pointless ppl on here having a pop at each other the only way to make the CSA work is if we all unite instead of arguing with each other..were stronger a s a group please every one unite so we can sort these thieving Bast@!ds out and then we can truly support our children!..

31. Pete, you have paid the CSA religiously. But has your ex or your children ever actually received any money from the CSA?

32. to be honest Peter im not sure..all i know is that my partner and i really are very close to the "Breadline" and my Ex lives in a house 3 times the value of mine and they can also afford to run two cars..oh and neither of them have a steady job..i dont begrudge them these nice things as my children must some how be surly be benifiting from this however i find it pretty unfair when we cant even afford to buy my children or our children at home now(my partners special needs daughter and our beautiful new baby boy)any presents for christmas..if the CSA did there job(which is all i ask them to do)we would be obviously be in a better position to just live.we have been waiting for over a yr for the CSA to Activate my partners claim..i read in one of the other post that the CSA jumped on someone straight away when they were informed of a change in his circumstances and the same applied for me also..yet its took over a yr for them to sort my partners claim out and it still not sorted..i earn around £20k a year and run a house and support my family and my two other gems on this yet her ex who earns £50k a yr and has been in the system for two yrs doesent financialy support his child..i am and also supporting my own..it stinks and running the risk of sounding like a child myself.."its Not Fair"

33. Why is it so hard for some of you to believe that deadbeat dads DO EXIST ????? You guys think every single father is happy and willing to contribute towards their kids' upbringing emotionally, financially and in every way. But the sad truth and reality is that there are many many many men (especially young boys, teenage dads etc or immature guys in their 20's ) who do NOT wish to see their children, do NOT wish to have any sort of conctact OR they wanna see the kid once in 6months or once a year then they disappear for months again and they dont want to pay a single penny. It's easy to sex a woman and disappear when she tells the man she got knocked up….

34. In today's world there are no morals, many people lie, cheat and use partners for money etc. People go out, get drunk, go party etc…. Even men and women in their 40's. Why are we so surprised that more people get divorced, less people get married, more children are born into broken families??? Shame on those women who get pregnant by many men and then rely on welfare to raise their 4-5-6 kids and shame on all men who get 3-4-5 women pregnant and then they dont step up as a father and dont care about the children.

35. we all know that there are farthers and mothers out there that dont want to contribute to the upkeep of there children and i know first hand that there are parents that dont want contact with there children..i dont think this is the issue thou..the bigger picture is i think is the finacial support that SHOULD be implimented either by mutual agreement or via the csa which i think is the whole point of this site..to try and get the CSA just to work..if parents dont want contact with there children well shame on them and may they get a horrible diesese in there genatailia area..but there is no exscuse wot so ever why these people shouldnt contribute to there children wheather they were planed or not..

36. When i say the CSA to "just work" i mean to really support the children involed..i mean if a NRP wants to have contact with there children then surley this would be more important for the child/ren involved to have just that instead of them just wanting the NRP just to pay!..and maybe the CSA could assist in that..if a parent wants contact with there children then why dont the Child SUPPORT Agency SUPPORT them children with helping achieve access..i know not all cases are the same as mine but i know for a stone cold fact there are thousands of NRPs that would love contact with there kids but are hindered by the CSA because its all about the money!..My Ex terminated my contact cause i requested Shared care however she would lose money if this happened so she stopped me seeing them compleatly..i could rant for hours on this..i think the foundations of the CSA are absoulutly Bang on..it just doesent work!!

37. Agree with Pete.

38. @ Brokenfather: I doubt it… “there” father might! LOL
    I know that’s cruel, and I’m normally not a cruel person but to be honest, a normal parent that has nothing to offer to their child but love, first and foremost thinks of “What do I do if it comes to me having to bring up this little soul on my own? Could I do it? Or not?” And if the answer is no, then you bloody need to do some prep work before spreading legs wide open! My opinion! That is what I did when I had my child! His father doesn’t pay even though I have a court order that says he should and I don’t even care! I work and care for my child!
    And if I can’t provide for him, quite honestly, how could I expect anyone else to?
    A lot of silly minds out there…

39. get a job for starters it not just his responabilty to pay .does he not see he kids because you refuse to let him or he just does not want to

40. A mediation prossess to meet a compromise would be a good start… it should be like a councelling department to meet compromise and to forget the histories…. instead of the enforcements of PAYE DEO's by a Reproduction Tax Collection Agency incorrectly named as the Child Support Agency!!!

41. This post could have been written by me! It isn't.The one off payments, the consoltary payments the inactivity on my case the appeals to prove my case is correct, the opportunities my ex has had to prove he can't pay and refuses, the ICE reports that state and prove maladministration WHAT A WASTE OF TIME!But then being Self Employed to avoid paying is the way forward even though self assessing a return salary of £14k living in a £200k property CLEARLY shows the figures don't add up!

42. Women died in the name of equality. Women like this makes that all seem futile.

43. Unfortunately I had one similar to that, had to be forced to support his children and never paid the amount he should or oculd have paid. What have you done ie. have you complained in writing, gone to the ICE, etc.?

44. NRP`S use their children as pawns as well, works both ways