I’ve tried everything and I still can’t get anywhere
November 27, 2013
I have spend approximately eleven years dealing with the csa for money from the father of my two older children. During this time I have been lied to goodness knows how many times about payment amounts and dates. I have found myself in tears and humiliated by having to put shopping back in stores when I was promised a payment would be in my account on a given date.
I have begged for help from them and still only receive the odd payment never the same amount.All im ever told is theres a change of circumstances and nobody can tell me why I wish I could tell the children sorry no dinner tonight kids theres a change of circumstances!.
I have recently started a complaint im stuck on stage one and was told that someone has to contact me after 15 days of coarse it didn’t happen I have spent time phoning only to go round in circles being passed to everyone and anyone!I have always worked up until three months ago when I became mentally ill and now have to see a phycologist because of the struggle with all this ,the father of my youngest child took his own life two years ago so I really need this money to help with my older children who deserve to at least have a hot meal ,I am owed
somebody help me ive tried everything and still cant get anywhere.
shame, get a life
I don’t no how it’s a shame ^ u clearly don’t have a clue what it’s like to rise children then. I have the same proplem been going on.for 4 years x
I have been providing for OUR little girl on my own for the last 3 years with NO help from my ex husband.. Not a penny from him.. Do I care NO.. the reason why.. Cos I’ve done a damn good job.. Yes I do struggle at times, I worry but I get through those times..
Iv paid for my kids through csa private arrangments plus hols etc they never went without. However my kids now 20 off hand and 17 I have not seen for nearly s yr cos ex has taken money but poisen kids from me. My 20 yr old daughter has been told wat did ur dad ever do for you. And if you have contact with ur dad il disown u and u can leave. My daughter still has my birthday and fathers day gifts but is too scared to see me. My 17 yr old son who I have offered to help learn to drive etc has not made contact with me and ignores my calls since last yr. Iv been there more n above for my kids I have gone without at times and I was getting on well with ex up until last yr. The csa are usless trouble makers and to be honest 11yrs its tsken you to get payment why have you let it go on so long and do u let him see kids. Dont blame the dad if u wont allow contact and the usless csa have let you down its hardley his fault however if its him that has refused to see kids or help them then he is part of blame. My ex tells kids iv done everything for you kids wat has he done. That is a common poisening method pwc uses wen she has stopped contact so y shud a mum stop contact and still take from the dad. It works both ways. Like him or hste him dont stop the kids relationship with the dad and expect paying u cant have ur cake n eat it. And dads shud not refuse some sort of help or refuse to have contact. Both parents shud be there financially emotionally and physically for the kids.
The CSA are a complete waste of time. Designed to catch up with alleged errant fathers who did not support their children, some of whom were or switched to self employed to make it difficult. The CSA have been found to avoid the difficult cases and instead target easy ones who have been blocked by seeing their kids by a few ‘mums’ suffering with BDM or similar. Not all money collected goes to the children
and so therefore alienators CSA use children to extort money. In an ideal world CSA should never have to exist if both parents during and after separation put their children first but sadly this is increasingly not the case. Surely there should be other routes such as discussions, mediation or attending family groups before this abusive “organisation” are even considered?! One final thought…two parents currently have 2 of their 4 children each. One of the parents earns less than £10000 pa but works and the other is glued to a sofa. One pays CSA £200 a month and the other pays £20 a month . Guess which one is male!
Id like to say im sorry for your struggles and agree yes the father should pay for his children but only if you allow him to have contact. However for you to say ypu can’t afford to feed your kids I find that hard to swallow.. I’m sure you receive child tax credits and child benefits for your children so why are you not using that to feed them.Im also thinking you have other income be it from benefits whete you will have rent n council tax paid for you or be it from working which im sure you will perhaps also get working tax n maybe some help towards rent n council tax. As a mother you make sure your kids are fed, you have gas electric n water n anything else on top of that is a luxury. A s a mother we make sacrifices and go without!! You also can’t have been that desperate if its taken you 11 whole years to try sort this out!!
Trouble with csa is that they take the percentage off the nrp normally the dad then they add made up arrears they can never and will not ever prove then add that to the percentage. Then any tax credits u get for ur new family which are calculated by the government to help u live are then deducted by the csa. If you have more kids ur csa goes down but they take ur family tax credits and make u worse off even more so ur ex gets her FULL benifits or wages or in some cases both plus ur csa payment plus so called arrears plus Your new family tax credits/benifits and you end up struggling y she can get by then moans dads aint done nothing something needs to change. Wat about wen a dad meets some one new starts a family again and that new partner and her kids have to go without cos ex gets all hers and you n ur new partners benifits????
That is exactly my situation Chris. I’m the 2nd family. Before CSA involvement we always paid for his son always bought him clothes and put money in her account. She got jealous coz he moved on after she left him whilst pregnant. My husband had to pay hundreds of pounds for a court order and represent himself just to even see his son after she kept denying access this is his 2nd court order because she broke the 1st.. Meanwhile we have 2 children of which 1 is 12 week old. That was our only change of circumstance. What did CSA do.. Increase his CSA payments because I now receive more child tax credits
N to top that ofg when we have my husbands son he always in designer names like bench and gap whilst im having to ask friends n family for hand downs from their children. I bloody work n can only stretch to clothes from asda or tesco whilst she sits on her fat lazy azz claiming benefits n dresses her kids in designer lables thanks toy childrens child tax credits!!
Ellie Ellie Sellars I agree maintenence shud be paid but fairly and not at the cost of s new family. So many ppl dont understand this and say u shud support ur kids. I live in my dads shitty little 2 bed flat my partner lives in her parents house she has a son of 12. Her ex pays 5er a wk. I met her 2 yrs ago. I slit with my ex wife over 10 yrs ago met a new gf and ex wife caused a lot of probs we split over 2yrs ago and im now with current partner but live apart cos of csa n ex wife.. ex wife lives in a 1000 a month house. She works part time. This is an example of how bad csa are and shud be stopped
Chris its just so wrong that the CSA put parents with care in a position of having all the power and living decent life styles and the NRP and their 2nd families if they have 1 into poverty. Something needs to be done to chanhe the system. I tried to drum up support for a petition on direct gov n hardly anyone has signed. Its all well and good people complaining but things won’t ever change if we don’t pull together and speak out. We should try to organise something that people will be willing to take part in.. I say don’t just complain do something about it so that the government have to sit up and take note!!
Yes the father should help towards his children but I’m sure you receive child tax credit and child benefit so why are you not using that to feed your children???
Which mother relies that much on CSA money that she can’t afford to feed her kids? Maybe your priorities are so wrong, the CSA should have told you never rely on it because it’s never garunteed, if you can’t afford them with all the child benefit and tax credits etc hand them over to dad because he obviously could and most certainly would, what’s betting he wouldn’t use CSA to chase you though
Now who is acting like a troll instead of being supportive Lisa?
Kristina,
– Keep al your CSA paperwork in a well organised file for future reference.
– log and date all communications with the CSA on a notepad. Ask who you are speaking to every time and write it down. They will only give you their first name unless they are a manager. They will now be a bit more careful with you hopefully. If it still goes wrong then….
– Use their on-line complaint form. You will get an email with a summary of your complaint for filing https://www2.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/complaint.asp
I find they usually are quite good in responding within 15 days. If they don’t complain about not receiving a response to your previous complaint.
– if no access to internet try sending complaints by registered post
– if you talk to morons, insist you speak to their manager. Just keep repeating ‘i wish to speak to your managager’ until they put you through. Don’t call them names, they will just hang up and it gets you nowhere.
– Just be strong and fight for your rights.
Do mothers want kids coz they want kids as they kids? or do mothers want kids to use as an atm when the fathers gone. It takes two to make a baby. It takes two to bring them up. The kids need a father and mother for support in life. So how come when the mothers dont want to fathers to have contact with the kids then they need the fathers money…. Mmm even when the mothers finds a partner and they still have csa payments.. Do they realy need the csa payment when they have a partner. The answer is no. Im with a partner now and im a father of 3. Im living with a girl and helping to bring a child of hers up to. We never asked the csa for jack. Coz we dont realy need it as we got the father to have the kid when we want him to. In your case tho do you let the father see the kid/s?? If so then he should help you out. If you dont let the father see the kids then y should he pay… Ok you might not of wanted to be single but we as fathers never wanted to be without our kids too. Funny that .. You wanted kids but yet you cant bring them up but the fathers wanted kids but we cant see our kids and have to pay for some other man to bring them up as if they are belong to them and he dont need to get money in to help out. The csa should he closed down so the mothers cant pop a kid out and use as an atm when the fathers gone. People that use the csa should be named and shamed. If you cant look after your kids then you should have them taken off you. But in your case im sorry your a single mum and this countey should do better to look after you and help you get on your feet . Not take it out on the fathers… Goodluck and hope you find a job soon…
How about writing to the father directly, and try to come to an arrangement financially he CAN afford himself…..the %’s the CSA take bear no meaning on the cost of living of the NRP. For all you know the NRP keeps getting a ‘change of circumstance’ because he can’t afford the % the CSA say he has to pay.
I am sure if he knew his kids REALLY were as destitute and you were as hard up as you say (and I am NOT judging you or disputing what you say) he WOULD NOT want that! If he has the chance to come to a financial agreement he CAN afford then everyone’s a winner aren’t they. A private arrangement could be the answer.
If the NRP really doesn’t care if his kids don’t have enough food/clothes then I am afraid you will have to move on and accept he’s a nasty piece of work who won’t even agree to pay ANYTHING – even with the promise you will close the CSA in favour of a more affordable private agreement.
Either way you must try not to let it get to you and break you. You are stronger and more capable than you think you are! ALWAYS remember that. As Marcus has already stated be strong 🙂