I’ve never missed a payment but my money just won’t stretch anymore

March 14, 2013

My story is rather complex, but I had a one night stand around 5 years ago and bingo we have a lovely little girl. I have always supported the mother with cash, but she was boardline stalking me and begging me to love her. When I had rejected her she created false profiles on FB just to talk to me and other the 5 years of knowing her I have had to change my number twice.

Since our little girl was born in 2008, I offered to pay £150 a month and have never missed a payment, I’ve even offered more money and have paid for care for the mother before now.

She lives in Gloucester and I live near watford and for a whole year I paid, looked after my daughter every 2 weeks and all on my own with zero support. Then one day she decided the travelling was too much for our daughter and stopped access, with only offering me visits at her house (which were very uncomfortable, often her trying to lead me upstairs and playing happy families). In this time I was in a relationship for 2 years and she even threatened my then girlfriend on FB. I have offered mediation twice (officially) and she has rejected twice.

Now the CSA… About this time last year I put a foot down about the harassing and said that if she continued to harass me I would go to the police (now I have always paid for my child and have never missed a payment). After I had threatened her with the police I thought great, as she had stopped harassing me. Then I get a letter from the CSA, now I have to pay £270 a month, with limited access, even though she says I could have her now again after reintegrating. (I went round at xmas time and from this woman having a decent enough lifestyles as she has kids benefits as it is, she now has iPhone 5, loads of drinks, xbox and I heard arranging messy nights out, when my budget is limited).

The real problem I have (well there are several lol) is that I take home 1900, I pay 270 for her good lifestyle (probably about a 3rd goes for my daughter) I pay 300 on petrol a month (I live 25 miles away from my work) I pay 500 rent (not including bills food etc), 100 a month car insurance (took up driving when my daughter was born), I pay 60 for my mobile, in about 2000 debt, I live in a shared house (cannot afford a flat), my daughter lives 100 miles away (so if I’m to have her that would be a 400 mile round trip), I’m just unsure of how I can afford to be a realistic father to my daughter?

If I did manage to afford a flat or a flatshare, I would be driving close to 2000 miles a month, paying 270 ‘CSA’ a month and then god knows what I would be spending on petrol, treats and days out for my daughter?

I’m in a tight spot with absolutely zero support from anyone?


  • lisa says:

    The best thing you can do is ask your ex for directly paying her, from next year the csa are changing again and both parents are going to have to pay for the service which doesn’t help, I can totally understand where your coming from, its hard having no money left, the best thing I can suugest is going through your mp and asking if they can lower the amount to something that’s affordable do you can still have regular contact with your daughter, also contact the csa and ask them to send you a statement showing all payments and ask them how they have come to the conclusion its so much a month, good luck

  • Alice says:

    on an income of £1900 per month (I assume that this is net as you ave not stated otherwise) – your average weekly income is £438.46 – a basic calculation for 1 child is 15% of your net income (rounded up or down to the nearest £1 – so that makes your weekly liability for your daughter to be £66 pw or £286 per cal month. This figure is not negotiable as it is calculated as per the formula laid down in the current CM legislation. As you no longer have overnight care of your daughter you are unable to apply for a shared care reduction. You can however apply for a variation on the grounds of contact costs – if this application was successful you would be awarded a amount towards the travel costs incurred in order to maintain a relationship with your daughter. If you require to stay overnight (ie if it is outwith reasonable distance for you to return home same day or if you have day time access 2 or more days in a row) then you can ask for this to be considered also. You will need to provide evidence (petrol receipts, receipts for accommodation etc) with your application.

    The only alternative is if the PWC agrees to revert back to a private agreement.

  • wilf says:

    Alice:- Are Scottish? Your persistent use of the word outwith certainly suggests you are.

  • wilf says:

    Alice:- Are you Scottish? Your persistent use of the word outwith certainly suggests you are.

  • Sally says:

    Sally on March 15th, 2013 4:33 am
    @ wilf .. Lol lol why would the use of the word ‘out with’ indicate that Alice was Scottish??

  • stuart says:

    So Alice an NRP has to supply evidence he visits his children but the CSA do not check if the PWC is entitled to the money? In reciept of chil;d benefit and child living there? Just take the PWC’s word and an NRP has to evidence it all, is that fair Alice?

    About 5th thread i have asked you this and you do not manage to reply.

  • wilf says:

    Stuart:- Once the initial assessment is completed the PWC is entitled to child maintenance until the case is closed.
    The CSA will check with the child benefit agency if child benefit is in payment when requested and also ask the PWC if the child is in their household in full time non advanced education, anything else is outside their remit.
    If child benefit is in place that overrides other information, other than from the PWC, so if you dispute it you need to inform the child benefit agency.
    The CSA have no reason to concern themselves with visits but will take shared care into account and ask for evidence from both parties.

  • stuart says:

    So Wilf the CSA have no accountability or procedure to check that the person claiming is entitled to claim during the history of a case? why would that be you have to prove you are not working to obtain benefit do you not every time you sign on. and prove you have a child to get child benefit? Why would the agency allow no checks on a PWC claim? why would that be do you think?

    Money collected by them when a parent was not in reciept of child benefit and the child did not live with them is fraud? Failure to check this is gross maladministration and failing to inform the NRP paying for this amount of time is covering up fraud. Either way you gloss over it and Alice not being able to respond says so much about this agency.

    The onus at every turn is for the NRP to prove everything but a PWC can just say it’s so and sit back and collect the cash, Then when the truth comes out it is a 3 years and counting battle to get redress.

    Love your feedback Alice but know you can not comment as truth and procedures are not in unison in your land.

  • wilf says:

    Stuart:- I can only talk about the general run of things.
    I have no knowledge of your particular difficulties, if they are unusual and you think the PWC has perpetrated a fraud by not keeping the CSA informed then it is up to you to update them.
    If you feel they have not taken the correct action you have the right to appeal.
    They are accountable to the secretary of state and as such are obliged to follow the law.
    If there are mistakes or errors they must be rectified and the injured party compensated.
    Job centre + is run on different lines, it is not a collection agency.
    Do not forget all the CSA is geared for is collecting money on behalf of PWCs.
    They will always take the word of the PWC if they can obtain no contradictory information.

  • lisa says:

    Alice wont reply to questions she cant answer, only the simple ones where the answers aer freely avalable online, To say she claims to work for the CSA she doesnt seem to know an awful lot about things she should know within her daily job, makes me wonder if she isnt just a troll, people have asked her questions before that are quite difficult and never had an answer

  • stuart says:


    Fact a PWC has committed fraud by claiming for a child that no longer lived with her and unknowingly I was made to pay for 2 years, on discovering this the CSA took no action against her and did not inform myself of this untill I discovered it recently. They had not checked she was entitled to the money, Their official response is they do not view this as fraud!!!!! what law do they work too if this is the case? from 2008-2010 they did this and covered it up, Now how is that an honest and fair agency that follows British Law. My MP is aware and does not give a toss at the financial loss or problems this has caused, This is what we are up against and I will make sure the electorate are made aware when the next election comes around.

  • wilf says:

    Stuart:- In my opinion, which counts for little, you would be entitled to those payments made for the 2 years the PWC was not in receipt of child benefit.
    I assume you have followed all the complaints and appeal procedures.
    As said before they do not check until alerted to some change by either client and now at the age of 20, formerly 19.

  • stuart says:

    Yes have followed ALL complaints and procedures.

    Please all note The ICE DO NOT allow you to see the report placed in front of the examiner.

    The examiner is not independant nor are the case workers, they have your file for many months and can do what they want to it. Make sure you obtain a copy of this BEFORE you complain.

    Your MP will not become involved when it reaches a certain point, they will advise you to use the ICE and Ombudsman, If you can afford it use a legal team as the 2 routes of appeal currently used are flawed in favour of the agency and are not in tune with British law.

    Do not expect the CSA to inform you of anything, when you pick up on information that contradicts, they say the letter was sent in error, Yet the ICE Will use any CSA letters they claim to have sent as gospel, without first checking with you that it was recieved, Judging the issues without taking sides is his mission statement, Yet it is so far removed from truth it is a very poor tasting joke.

    Be warned Folks the corruption goes right to the top.

  • carol says:

    Stuart, you are bang on…the corruption IS the top. It filters down into the dreggs such as the CSA.

  • lisa says:

    The big thing here is the fact that so many men have overpaid for whatever reason, ie not being the father or CB isnt in force and they never get a penny back which is bloody wrong,

  • Dave says:

    Hi Im the OP of this article and I do thank ‘some’ of your comments on this article 😉 lol

    I just fail to see how I have to pay ful rates when I have been taken to hell and back with this woman, been refused access countless times and have been taken to the cleaners very ironically through a papertight system which has been set up to catch up moraless fathers, but opening treats all men with the same brush.

    280 a month for a 3 year old? Its so obvious that a huge percentage of this is pocket money for the mother. In the western world (sorry I may get ridiculed for this) but its a womans world these days and clean living single men have no rights whatsoever nowadays, let alone fathers who have children.

    She earns easy 1500 a month with her other children’s benefits and other fathers paying CSA and I can barely afford a room and have only had one year out of work in 15 years! Very laughable isnt it, what a corrupt sysem we have!

    I will be able to sort something out eventually, but why should it be all pressure on me when I have done nothing wrong whatsoever against anyone or anything?

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