It’s no wonder that some fathers resort to extreme behaviour

June 18, 2013

Where do I start.. My ex-parnter and I split in 2009..With a beautiful 2 year old son..

I made the stupid mistake of trusting her to keep to a private agreement that we had to pay her £130 per month…

She recived from me regular payments until the December 2011.. I will admit to one instance when the payment was up to two weeks late, but then still made.. She then made the decison to contact the CSA, and advise I had made no payments whatsoever over this period.. Through my own stupidity of not making sure I kept a record of these payments, I was then made to pay back over £4800 over the course of 2012.. This I accepted, as there was no way I could disprove her..

I stuggled along with my new partner ( not wife ) to make sure all these payments were met. All arrears, even though totally unjustified are now clear. I have always paid for my son each month, £130 per month from 2009 untill Dec 2011, and then all the said arrears, and £157 per month since Dec 2011.

My second point would be, I have had shared care for my son since we split.. I calculate that he stays with me over 120 days throughout each year, every year since 2009. I informed CSA that I had an extra dependant as in my stepson since July 2011. This was not noted on there system, and means I was paying the incorrect ammount based on my extra dependant since 2011, and even though I can prove this is the case, they are not willing to accept this, and I calculate I was overpaying from July 2011 untill april 2013. CSA advise I cannot do anything even though I can prove my circumstances changed over this period, and I informed them over the phone in Dec 2011.

Finally, on top of this, I have just had a beautiful baby daughter in March of this year with my new wife. I contacted CSA to review my scheduled payments. They have advised that, even though my son may stay with me upto 120 days per year, and I pick him up from school every single friday, and keep him all weekend, because my ex parnter has said that I do not share his care, then they cannot accept this. They will only do so with a court order. So Im now paying based on the fact that I do not have any shared care with my son what so ever.

I would like to make this clear that Im not interest in any back payments to myself, and its not at all about any extra mony I may gain from this, It come’s down to the simple matter of principle..I am making payments based on the fact I do not see my son at all. They were quick enough to demad arrears from me when I could not provide any proof, but when I can provide full proof of change of circumstances, and shared care they simply do not want to know. The way the advisor spoke to me on the phone was absolutly disgusting. Its almost as if she was enjoyong the confrontation her agency was creating by failing to listen to my version of events. I simply think its just astonishing how no matter what i say or do counts for nothing. My ex-partner’s word means more than any proof that I can provide. I just have to accept the fact that she can lie to them, and her word is more important than mine. I love my son dearly and go out of my way to make his life as amasing as possible, but its no wonder to me that fathers resort to extreme behaviour when faced with a similar set of circumstances.


  • Carrie says:

    Yes,that is exactly how they treated us!! I’m an nrpp Long story but very similar situation to yours.We paid pwc direct -she wont admit it ,we have every statement but they wont acknowledge we have paid because they prefer to believe the pwc. Where’s the justice in that ? We said we wanted a tribunal because we didn’t claim for the children that lived with us because we didn’t know there was a problem pwc had never told us she contacted the CSA behind my husbands back -she was still taking the monthly CM!! Because CSA took so long to act on it (14 months !)it left us open to keep paying her all this time NONE of which counts!!! They gave us a consolatory payment of £50 because it took them so long ..big deal we paid her CSA should believe us! They said we count have a tribunal,said it wasn’t possible but we insisted- we were indignant that we were being treated like this.My husband has always looked after his children(all 4 of them!)and certainly didn’t deserve to be treated like a dead beat dad.We finally got a tribunal just to have the children that lived with us taken off the arrears ,the CSA didn’t even bring any paperwork ! The judge granted it us because the CSA could tell we were receiving Ch/ben for them during the relevant time of the ‘so called arrears’ calculation. It meant about 1500 could come of the thousands we were supposed to owe,We didn’t rush home to celebrate (after all WE know we haven’t got any arrears really) but it was a step in the right direction!!
    We must stop this injustice happening to nrp’s ,its just not fair !

  • Lisa says:

    We are all having problems with these wankers, its about time we had our voice heard, lets all get our small groups together as one big one and let them know were not being pushed around anymore,

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